Star-Spangled Secret

by Caroline Lee

  In the years which had passed, she had become stronger, more sure of herself. It was impossible to forget she’s been forced to do that because he’d abandoned her, but at least there was some good in the outcome. She’d always had a great sense of humor, but now she wasn’t shy about it. And she teased him mercilessly.

  Tripp didn’t think he had ever laughed so hard in his life.

  Of course, he was different too, and he suspected that had a lot to do with it. His memories of past, secret dates with her were a little clouded, and he suspected that was because most of his thinking had been clouded back then. His inability to control himself and his anger meant many things had happened without him being aware.

  So yeah, dating Alyssa this time around was even better. Not only that, but neither of them even considered trying to keep this a secret.

  They were holding hands, strolling down Main Street, when Tripp brought it up.

  “You don’t mind this?” He lifted their clasped hands, loving the way their fingers were entwined as they strolled.

  She frowned in confusion. “Holding hands?”

  “Holding hands with me. In public.”

  She flushed slightly, as if she’d forgotten either what they were doing, or her earlier feelings.

  “No, I—” She squeezed his fingers tightly. “I’m sorry.”

  “Aha! How does it feel, huh?”

  As always, she knew exactly what he meant. “To apologize to you for a change?” She stuck her tongue out at him. “I figure I only have a hundred thousand more apologies to go before I catch up with you!”

  He winced theatrically. “Sorry for that too.”

  They both chuckled as they continued their stroll, glancing in the windows of the various shops.

  “When we were younger, I’m sorry I wasn’t more open about our relationship.”

  “Don’t be.” He shrugged. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and trust me when I say, if I’d been in your shoes I would have made the same decision.”

  She frowned as she glanced at him. “Really?”

  “Sure. I couldn’t seem to stay out of trouble. I’d been in jail, for crying out loud. I really wasn’t hurt by the fact you didn’t tell your family we were dating, even back then. I knew I wasn’t a good guy, and frankly, I was just grateful you were willing to love me.”

  “It wasn’t a hardship, Tripp,” she whispered. Then, “Wil? Sorry. I keep forgetting—”

  “Nah,” he interrupted. “I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and I think, no matter how hard I try, I’m not going to be able to get away from being Tripp. I used to be Tripp. I was a bad boy, everybody knew that.” He scrubbed his hand across his short hair. “And I think I’ve become a new person, yeah, but I also don’t think it’s fair to completely do away with the person I used to be. I need to acknowledge that I was Tripp, and I still am. I might have my life together now, but I can’t sweep all of—all of everything—under the rug.”

  She pulled him to a stop, and right there, in the center of town, she placed her palm against his cheek.

  “Even back then, I could see what other people couldn’t see, Tripp. You were a kind and passionate friend. I know my parents and everyone else in this town didn’t see that in you, but it’s the truth.” When she smiled, thin wrinkles appeared at the corner of her eyes. “Back then, I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to them, to tell them the truth. But I am now.”

  She leaned forward on her tiptoes and brushed a kiss across his opposite cheek. Tripp briefly closed his eyes on a slight shudder, cherishing the feel of her breath against his skin once more.

  Almost seven years, in and out of danger, and he’d never forgotten that divine feeling.

  When she pulled back, her eyes were twinkling. “And the man you’ve become? I absolutely do not mind being seen in public with him. I’m proud of you, Tripp. I’m proud of everything you’ve accomplished, and I’m proud of everything you’ve overcome.”

  His heart lurched at her declaration, as he understood what she was saying. They couldn’t change the past, but here and now, they were both happy.

  He also knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, he still loved Alyssa McIver.

  Alyssa smiled up at him and removed her hand from his cheek. “I have to admit, it’d be a lot less confusing for me if I could just call you Tripp!”

  “Oh yeah?” he teased with a smile. “Your memory’s that bad, is it?”

  She nodded solemnly and, using their joined hands, tugged him towards the new park across the street. “Have you heard of Mommy Brain? It’s this fog all mothers seem to live with. Rather debilitating, honestly. I can remember my kid’s birthday, shoe size, that he needs to wear an orange shirt to school next Thursday, and that I have to pick up some sprinkles for the patriotic cupcakes I have to make. But important stuff like changing the laundry or remembering to take the oatmeal off the stove or what your name is? Nope. Can’t remember that.”

  “July fourth,” he blurted out.

  “What?” she asked as they stepped up onto the curb of the opposite street.

  “July fourth,” he repeated with a smile. “That’s Jeremiah’s birthday.”

  Over the last few weeks, since he returned to town, since he’d met Jeremiah outside the pub with Dusty, they’d spoken about their son often. Tripp was full of questions, and while at first she hesitated to answer them, she soon saw how hungry he was for a glimpse into Jeremiah’s life.

  Her family had always been her biggest support, and they were all more than happy to listen to her brag about her son. But here... here was a man who wanted to know absolutely everything.

  She smiled at him. “Yep, and I have to admit that makes celebrations easy. We never have to plan a separate party, because we’re always hanging out with my family at the big picnic.”

  He hummed thoughtfully as they made their way towards the hanging swing she always liked to sit on when she took Jeremiah to this park. She wondered what Tripp was thinking.

  “Tell me more about the school he’s going to in the autumn, please?”

  They sat down, and she happily obliged. She’d done a lot of research into Saint Agnes’s inclusive program, and was pleased with what she’d found. The private school had programs in place for students with behavioral issues like Jeremiah.

  “I’ve never had him diagnosed with anything, and if I did that, I might be able to get better support. But honestly, it just didn’t feel right.”

  Tripp was shaking his head. “Heck no! I don’t want him— I mean...” He shrugged a little sheepishly. “I mean, it doesn’t seem right to pump the kid full of medication just because he can’t control his temper.”

  She hid her smile, knowing the old Tripp wouldn’t have been able to contain his response like that. Also, she didn’t miss the fact he was still deferring to her on Jeremiah’s future, even though he obviously was thinking of himself as part of the picture.

  “The diagnosis doesn’t automatically mean medication. It would be really helpful to have some supports in the classroom, like someone to work with him and model good behavior, or remind him to use his calm down strategies when he gets upset.” They were still holding hands, but she nudged him with her shoulder. “Like whatever’s happened to you. Your change has been really impressive, and it would be great if someone could help him like that.”

  He was frowning again, the way he did whenever he was deep in thought, as he watched two kids playing on the swings nearby. “Has he always been like that? Angry?”

  She pursed her lips as she considered. “Basically. At first, we all assumed it was just him throwing toddler temper tantrums. But he didn’t outgrow them, and his reactions were way overblown for the situations. Besides...” She squeezed his fingers to show she was teasing. “I always knew his dad had anger issues, so I didn’t think much of it.”

  “Yeah.” Tripp grinned sheepishly. “But you think Saint Agnes will help him?”

  “Yes!” she answered without hesitatio
n. “Everything I’ve read says he’ll do really well in the one-on-one environment they have there.”

  “It’s not cheap though, right?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “In fact, I didn’t think he’d be able to attend, until…” She realized what she’d been about to say, and bit down hard on her lip to keep the words from spilling out.

  But he noticed, of course.

  “What?” He turned his too-sharp gaze towards her, and when he saw her expression, he shifted around on the swing. “What is it, Lyssa?”

  She sighed, knowing she couldn’t avoid his question.

  “At Easter time, Katie made some kind of deal with your brother Kenneth. I don’t know the details, and I’m not sure I want to know, but it ended up with them being married—very much in love—and Kenneth paying for Jeremiah’s schooling. They enrolled him and paid for his kindergarten year without telling me. Probably smart, because I would have put up a fight.”

  She remembered how shocked she’d been by Katie’s announcement. Alyssa had tried to fight them on it, to explain she wanted to pay for her son’s education by herself. But Katie pointed out, thanks to Kenneth, she could do whatever she wanted money-wise, and she wanted to spoil Jeremiah.

  Knowing how much good it would do for Jeremiah, Alyssa gave in, and even made sure to hug her new brother-in-law. It had been hard for her to acknowledge all the good Kenneth did, because she’d always thought of him as the one who’d helped drive Tripp away. Even now, she was sorry she’d brought up his name.

  Beside her, Tripp inhaled deeply, held it, then blew out a heavy breath. She peeked up at him between her lashes and saw him gazing over her shoulder, his eyes unfocused. He took a few more breaths, then shook himself slightly.

  “Well then,” he said a little gruffly. “I guess I owe him a thank you.”

  She winced, imagining how awkward that would be for him. “I know how you remember him, but I think he’s changed. At least just a little, since he’s met Katie. They get along really well.”

  That was an understatement. Both of them were over the moon about the baby Katie was carrying, and whatever Kenneth used to be, he was now a devoted husband and soon-to-be father.

  “Will you tell me what happened?” she asked softly.

  “The night I left?”

  At her nod, Tripp’s tongue darted out across his lower lip. She suspected it was a sign of nervousness, but she couldn’t help remembering how it felt to taste those lips.

  And although it had been seven years since she’d last done it, parts of her positively ached to taste them again.

  “It was more of the same. Dumb stuff. At the time, I thought it was the most important thing in the world, but looking back…” He shook his head. “I was just a dumb kid, angry about things I should have brushed off.”

  “Like what?”

  He shrugged. “When I went home that day, after being with you, Dad started giving me a hard time. Remember I was working at the gas station?”

  Alyssa remembered. She remembered being nervous about the other people who worked there with him, and how many times the police had made drug busts there. Although she knew he wasn’t into that kind of stuff, she’d worried about him being exposed to it.

  When she nodded, he continued.

  “So, Dad lit into me about getting a better job. Something steady, he said. I tried to tell him I wasn’t steady, so why should my job be. But he interrupted me and told me I was being an idiot. Then Mom started in on how come I didn’t go to school. And how since I was out of juvie, I could go to college, and really amount to something, like Kenneth.”

  Beneath the sing-song tone of his voice as he mocked his parents’ words, Alyssa heard the bitterness. She squeezed his fingers once, but didn’t interrupt him.

  He took a deep breath. “And there was Kenneth, the whole time, agreeing with Mom. Telling me I could really make something of my life.” He winced. “Dad told me I was never, ever going to amount to anything the way things were going. Mom said she was worried I’d start dealing meth or crack or something, if I stayed where I was. And the whole time, there was Kenneth, absolutely perfect and in control.”

  He shook his head and exhaled mightily. “I guess...I guess that was it for me. They told me so many times I wasn’t going to amount to anything. Now, looking back, I see it was their way of motivating me to get off my butt and do something worthwhile. But back then, all I was focused on was the fact my parents didn’t believe I was worth anything, just because I wasn’t like Kenneth.”

  “Cooper isn’t like Kenneth,” she offered with a whisper.

  “Yeah,” he chuckled mirthlessly. “And if he’d been there that night, maybe I wouldn’t have run off like an idiot. But all I could think of was the fact they considered me worthless, and if I was worthless, I shouldn’t have been dating someone as wonderful as you.” He shifted in the seat again to meet her eyes. “If I wasn’t going to amount to anything, I didn’t want to drag you down with me. So I left. And for seven years, I thought I’d done the right thing. I’m sorry.”

  Attempting to make light of the situation, she smiled. “Excellent! That means one hundred thousand and five apologies before we’re even!”

  He chuckled and shook his head ruefully, lifting their joined hands. Carefully, he placed a kiss on the back of her fingers as he gazed into her eyes.

  “Thank you for loving me back then, Lyssa. Thank you for being my friend. And thank you so, so much for being as kindhearted and loving as you are to forgive me for everything I’ve done.”

  I did it because still I love you! she wanted to blurt out, but something held her back.

  The last few weeks with him had been wonderful, but she wasn’t sure what the future held. She loved the fact he wanted to be part of Jeremiah’s life, but Jeremiah was her life. Her entire life. If Tripp was just a part of his life, what would that mean for her? She still wasn’t sure.

  Still, she smiled at him. “I thank God every night He brought you back to Quinn Valley. To your family. To me and Jeremiah. I’m not sure what will happen, Tripp, but I’m so glad all of us have a second chance.”

  When he brushed his lips across the back of her fingers again, she shuddered.

  “If we’re thanking God for things,” he admitted, “I feel like I should mention the hours I spent cursing him through basic training.”

  She giggled as she shook her head. “He knew that, and knew you didn’t mean it. He was the one who gave you the perseverance and the strength you didn’t know you had. I would have never expected you to make it through basic training, Tripp. You chafed under rules and command so much. How did you do it?”

  He grinned wryly. “I reminded myself what my parents thought. No matter how miserable I got, or how angry I was to be there, I reminded myself of the satisfaction I would feel when I came back home and proved to my father I’d made something of my life. If they thought I was worthless, I would show them!” He chuckled and shook his head. “But by the time I graduated, I discovered I was good at it! And then I found out there was an entire division devoted to blowing stuff up!”

  She giggled at the excitement in his voice. “That does seem pretty perfect for you!”

  “So I decided to hold off on my grand homecoming a little bit longer, and imagined what they would think if I came home from the EOD. That’s a whole year’s worth of training, you know. The tests busted my rear, but I did it.”

  When he lifted his chin and stared across the park, Alyssa smiled to hear the pride in his voice. She covered their clasped hands with her free one.

  “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered.

  He shrugged modestly. “So the training turned into a tour of duty, then another one. Each time I thought I’d reached the pinnacle of what I could be, I decided to wait a little bit longer. To really show them.” A little snort of pained laughter escaped him as he shook his head. “I guess I waited too long.”

  His mother’s death. She tightened her hold on
his hands. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

  “Aha! Now we’re back down to one hundred thousand and four!”

  She chuckled and rolled her eyes. “You’ve accomplished everything you wanted, and more. I’m happy for you, and I’m proud to know you. In fact…”

  He lifted one brow in question.

  She took a deep breath and nodded firmly. This was it. She was sure of her decision.

  “If you’d like, I’m ready for you to meet Jeremiah.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  “Forty-eight! Forty-nine! Fifty!”

  Marybeth and Jackie broke into cheers and excited screams as Tripp and Coop reached their push-up goal and collapsed on the floor.

  Well, actually, Cooper collapsed, puffing theatrically and moaning. Tripp, just to show off, lifted his left arm and did another ten with his wrist at the small of his back, then popped to his knees.

  “You alright over there, old man?” he teased. “I know basic first aid too, if you need some.”

  “Nah,” Coop drawled as he reached out and wrapped his fingers around his wife’s ankle. “If anyone around here is going to give me CPR, I know who I want it to be.”

  Jackie groaned as she crouched down to help her husband up. “If I didn’t know better, Cooper Weston, I would think you’re just trying to get me to kiss you—Eeee!”

  She screamed as he yanked her forward. She toppled down on top of Coop’s chest, and soon, they were both laughing.

  Tripp smiled, watching them. He was really happy his family had found such an obvious love. Seven years ago, he’d never noticed his siblings’ happiness, much less relationships—he’d been too self-centered. But now, seeing Coop tease his wife, seeing Mack’s arm possessively around Marybeth, made Tripp’s heart glow.