The Memory of Us: A Standalone Soulmate Romance

by Claire Raye

“I’m sorry,” I whisper into her hair, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. I’m not sure what more I can say. I can only show her now that I want to be here, I want to be with her.

  She moves away from me, and I can’t tell how she feels, if she’s hurt by my lack of effort or embarrassed by her intensity. None of what she did or does makes me think any less of her. If anything it makes me feel inferior. It makes me regret all those years that passed when I didn’t try harder.

  It’s getting late now, it’s been a few hours since we met on the street and Nora rises from the couch. I think she’s going to ask me to leave and as much as I don’t want to, I have to respect her. The situation has been overwhelming and emotionally draining, and we haven’t even scratched the surface.

  “I’m tired,” she says, but extends her hand out to me. “But I want you to stay. That is if you want to?” Her last part comes out as a question and she nervously pulls her hand back as I watch her chew her bottom lip, waiting for a response.

  I reach for her hand, smiling at her, weaving her fingers in mine and I see her relax at my touch. “Absolutely,” I say. “Whatever you want, Nora.”

  She shows me to her extra bedroom where she pulls an extra blanket, a towel and a toothbrush from a small closet just outside the room. The room is simple and clean, and like the rest of her apartment, it’s small. I never expected her to ask me to sleep in her room, but a part of me is disappointed in that teenage boy way and I almost laugh out loud at my stupidity.

  “Feel free to take a shower or whatever else you would like,” Nora says gesturing toward the small bathroom at the end of the narrow hallway.

  “Thank you,” I respond, nodding my head and leaning in to give her a kiss on her forehead. “Good night, Nora.”

  “Good night, Elliot.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight: Nora

  I leave Elliot in my extra bedroom and retreat to mine. I didn’t know if I should ask him to stay with me, as in sleep in my bed, or if that would’ve come across far too forward. But now it feels awkward and even a little bit lonely.

  I hear the rumble of the pipes as the shower starts up and I immediately think of Alice. How she used to shower late at night and how the groan of the old pipes would wake me out of sleep, annoying me, but now I find comfort in the sound, like it gives me hope I won’t be alone forever.

  I should text Alice and tell her what’s going on, but a part of me wants to keep this to myself even if it’s just for a short while. I want to remember what it felt like to be with Elliot, to have him to myself without any outside pressures or opinions, to have it just be us.

  I fall back on my bed and stare up at the ceiling as the ceiling fan spins round, the sound as soothing as the sound of the shower. I watch it spin, sinking into the softness of my white down duvet and I’m overcome with a strange sense of calm, something I haven’t felt in forever. Something I haven’t felt since that night on the beach with Elliot. I close my eyes and let the feeling linger, the feeling that I’m finally not plagued with the need to find someone, the need to keep searching and the constant feeling of anxiety. It’s finally over.

  I don’t know how much time has passed, but the shower is off and my house is quiet once again. I stand taking off my jeans and shirt, leaving just a tank top and my underwear on as I walk toward the door. I haven’t washed my face or brushed my teeth, but I pause at the door listening for the sound of Elliot moving. Hearing nothing I open the door just as he’s leaving the bathroom.

  I stop dead in the doorway, not even aware of my attire considering he’s standing only a few feet away from me, shirtless with a towel wrapped around his waist. He looks amazing, better than I could’ve ever imagined and he makes me weak. I’m pretty sure I’ve stopped breathing as I watch Elliot look me up and down and then swallow hard. He quickly looks away and apologizes, yet neither one of us moves. We’re standing motionless, but then he looks back at me and I see in his eyes all the desire and need I saw all those years ago on the beach.

  For a few seconds we’re suspended in the silence of the room, and then he’s the first to step toward me, but he stops. The tension fills the room, exuding from each of us, waiting for someone to make the first move.

  My heart is racing, my body aches for him to touch me, and I long to run my fingers down his chest, to feel every part of him. My hand grips the doorway as my legs feel like they’ll no longer hold me up, and that’s when Elliot murmurs my name and walks toward me.

  Stopping in front of me his breathing is labored as I watch his chest rise and fall quickly. Neither of us is composed and right now, something needs to happen because the room feels like it might explode.

  There’s a second of breathlessness between us and without hesitation my lips crash into his, our mouths colliding in desperation and hunger. I moan against his lips and his tongue slips gently along mine, and I can’t help but press my body closer to his. I feel Elliot’s hands gripping my hips and they begin to run up the sides of my body taking the hem of my tank with them. I pull back, my arms above my head as Elliot pulls my tank off and tosses it aside. Immediately my hands are back on his body, running down the length of his warm muscular chest. The warmth spreads through me making my body feel like it’s on fire, like every single nerve is responding, screaming with need in ways I never imagined. I’ve never felt this way with anyone—anyone other than Elliot.

  I feel his lips on my neck and down to my collarbone as his tongue glides gently over my skin. It’s warm everywhere his mouth touches and I moan out loud as his hand cups my breast. Elliot reaches behind me, undoing my bra and it falls between us as it slips off my arms, and my hands tug at his towel. With my arms around his waist, I pull him toward my bed, both of us stumbling in an attempt to get there without taking our hands off each other.

  The back of my legs bump the bed and I sit down, Elliot’s hands leaving my body as he stands over me. I feel his eyes on me and I look up at him. He watches me, his eyes never leaving my face and I can see all the desire in his eyes.

  “Nora,” Elliot murmurs, “I thought I wanted you back that night on the beach but nothing compares to this moment right now.”

  My heart begins to flutter in my chest at his words and once again, just like when we first met, I’m overcome by the situation, totally affected by him. Elliot’s body covers mine and I tangle my hands in his hair, pulling him closer, showing him I feel the same way.

  My body melts into his, as his hips press against mine, feeling exactly how he feels about this moment as I slide my underwear down. His lips are everywhere, leaving my skin hot and wanting more, and without stopping him, I reach for a condom in my nightstand.

  I hear the foil being ripped open, my eyes are closed and when he enters me, I let out a soft moan. It’s a moment I’ve longed for, that I’ve waited for, and it couldn’t be more perfect.

  The room is shrouded in darkness and again the only sound filling it is the sound of the ceiling fan spinning above, matched with our calm, slow breaths. My body is curled around Elliot’s and the warmth and smell of his skin comforts me. Elliot runs his fingers softly up and down my back. There’s so much simplicity in his gesture, yet so much comfort.

  I had no idea something so pure and perfect could exist with someone I hardly know. The ease of being with him and the level of comfort I have is something I’ve worked toward with other people, but with Elliot, it’s natural. While this is what I’ve wanted for so long, I can’t even begin to fathom how we will make this work. What if it fails? What if I lose him all over again?

  “Go to sleep, Nora,” he whispers in my ear, his voice like a melody that replays in my head. “This time we’ll be together when you wake up.”

  My thoughts fade as I feel Elliot trace my tattoo with his finger and as he whispers, “Write what you love,” I fall asleep in Elliot’s arms.

  The next morning, I wake up with Elliot next to me and I smile. He’s awake, just lying there watching me sleep. It’s still early, but I don’t
care. I want to spend as much time with him as I can. We both know eventually he’s going to have to leave.

  “How long have you been up?” I ask, my voice hoarse with sleep and still tired from the events of last night. The light from the sun is beaming through the windows, basking the room in warmth, but it doesn’t compare to the feeling of Elliot’s body next to mine.

  “Maybe an hour,” he says shrugging his shoulders slightly before leaning over and kissing me softly.

  “My day doesn’t get much better than this,” I murmur against his lips and I feel him smile. “Can we stay here forever?”

  Elliot laughs and pulls me on top of him and now I’m laughing too. Straddling his hips, I press my lips to his with a smile still plastered on my face. As much as I’ve wanted this, dreamed about it, searched for Elliot, this isn’t real life. We have lives that exist without each other. He lives in Chicago and I live in New York. I finally have the career I’ve longed for all my life and judging by the way he speaks, the way he’s dressed, he’s become successful in what he does. It all brings me back to not knowing anything about each other.

  “Can we really do this?” I ask and he furrows his brow at me, his hands resting on my hips. He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds and I can see him processing what we’re doing here and if it will even work.

  He smiles at me, a genuine honest smile and says, “Of course we can.” He’s completely confident in his answer as if this is the answer to everything his life has been missing. That I’m the reason he was put on this Earth. I want to have his confidence, I want to want things the way he does, but growing up, I know happiness can be taken from you and life and relationships take work and effort and more than anything…time. And right now, time isn’t something that we have. We have more obstacles than open space.

  “Forever the optimist,” I say, my fingers running up the length of his body, starting at his hips and letting my fingers linger along his ribs. I don’t want him to know I’m second-guessing this. It’s just me being negative and after all my searches and all my time spent never finding him, I feel like this must be a dream. That at some point it will all disappear.

  “It’s easy, Nora,” Elliot says, simply and confidently, his hand cupping the back of my neck. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I’ll do whatever we need to make this work.”

  He sits up and my legs wrap around his waist. His confidence is infectious and I have to have faith that what I felt for him all those years ago and what I still feel now is true and real, and deep inside I know I love him.

  It doesn’t stop me from thinking this entire thing is damn crazy. I’m still running through a whole series of emotions, but right now I’m feeling euphoric and excited and strangely free.

  “I have someone I want you to meet,” I tell him, kissing the tip of his nose and he smiles at me.

  An hour later we are standing outside the door to Alice and James’ apartment, hitting the buzzer several times but still getting no response. I sent Alice a text before we left my house, and she sent an indignant response about it being too fucking early. I didn’t tell her why I was coming over and I’m not sure why, I guess I wanted it to be as much of a surprise to her as it was to me. She’s lived through it with me and has helped me cope all this time.

  I give her a few more minutes before I use my key to enter her building and Elliot and I climb the stairs to her third floor walk-up. We’re standing at the door to her unit as I raise my hand to knock, Elliot takes hold of my elbow stopping me.

  “Who lives here?” he asks, an indecisive look on his face as if I’m about to barge into someone’s apartment I don’t know.

  “You’ll see,” I respond, giving him a wink. “She’ll be pissed, but she’ll get over it. She owes me anyway after dealing with years of her bullshit.”

  “Nora,” he says, this time firmly, like the tone in his voice might make me rethink my idea of waking someone up and it makes me laugh. “It’s only eight-thirty and obviously this person isn’t interested in getting up right now. We can come back later.”

  “Relax,” I tell him, letting out an annoyed huff at his insistence. And this time I pound my closed fist against the black lacquer door with Elliot standing behind me.

  When Alice doesn’t answer, I hit the door again and call her name. The black door stands out among a series of neutrally painted doors in her hallway and I shake my head a little, thinking the door fits Alice perfectly.

  “Alice, open the damn door or I’m going to let myself in,” I practically yell, but still attempt to keep my voice down out of respect for her neighbors.

  A few seconds later I hear movement in the apartment followed by feet shuffling along the floor, and I turn and give Elliot a quick grin.

  The lock on the door clicks and that’s when Alice begins muttering and swearing at me under her breath as she flings the door open. She doesn’t even look up as she stands there with sheet marks on her face and her hair a mess, wearing an oversized t-shirt and her underwear.

  “What the fuck, Nora?” she hisses and begins to storm back to her bedroom, stomping her bare feet on the wood floor.

  “Hey Alice,” I call after her, but she barely pauses until I say, “I want you to meet Elliot.” She stops in her tracks and whips around to see Elliot and me standing in her hallway. I’m smiling at her as I turn back and say to Elliot, “Elliot, this is my sister, Alice. She’s the reason I was at that party in the first place.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine: Elliot

  Nora’s sister shrieks out loud, almost ear-piercing and then runs to Nora, embracing her in a hug that looks more painful than loving.

  “Seriously?” Alice yells, now clutching Nora by her shoulders as she looks at me with a huge smile on her face.

  She looks like Nora but messier, not in a bad way though and I shouldn’t hold it against her given we’ve obviously woken her up.

  After finally letting go of Nora she walks over and gives me a hug. It’s something I didn’t entirely see coming since we’ve just met, but I guess she’s probably had her fair share of conversations with Nora about me. I’m not sure Matt would respond this way and I’ve talked extensively about the whole situation with him.

  When she pulls back she says, “Fuck, do you know how long we’ve been looking for you?”

  Nora lets out a long sigh and before I can speak she adds, “Yeah, Alice, he’s aware.” It makes me laugh and I give Nora a wink, making her cheeks flush just a little. Each time I look at her she grows even more beautiful than the day I met her. Maybe it’s the passage of time or all the time I spent searching for her, but I realize there’s no one else in the world I would rather be with right now than her.

  Alice grabs a bottle of champagne and some orange juice along with three glasses and sets them down on a small table just outside the kitchen. We all sit down and Alice opens the champagne, the cork letting off a loud popping noise causing both Alice and Nora to let out a laugh.

  “Glad you happen to have the makings for mimosas just sitting around in your fridge,” Nora says, and Alice rolls her eyes.

  “Of course I do. I’ve been waiting to celebrate this moment and I thought it would be wise to just have it on hand,” Alice replies, but I can tell by Nora’s expression she knows Alice is full of shit.

  “I think we both know that this is a staple in your house, Alice, but if you want to act like it isn’t, that’s cool,” Nora quips back and Alice laughs a little.

  Their relationship is very natural and fun, and reminds me of Matt’s and mine. I’m glad all this time Nora has had Alice to lean on. I smile at Nora when she looks over at me, my hand sliding over to rest on her thigh and I watch her cheeks flush again. I love that she’s surprised by my feelings and my affection toward her.

  “You both seem to get along well,” I say, interrupting the playful banter between the two of them.

  They glance quickly at each other, the laughter returning as Nora says, “We hated each other up until about a
year ago.”

  “I wouldn’t say we hated each other,” Alice adds. “It was more that we didn’t understand each other.” She looks at me and shrugs her shoulders. “We had a lot of issues…” Alice trails off and then adds, “You were one of them.”

  “Alice!” Nora practically shouts as she turns to me and shakes her head. “You were not an issue, I promise.” She leans closer to me and I can feel the warmth from her body as her hand slides into mine, her fingers weaving through and holding tightly. As her hand tightens in mine, she gives me a smile and I know this is where I’ve always needed to be.

  Alice and Nora begin to fill me in on their relationship prior to their road trip to find me, and I can’t help but smile when I think about how much this has changed more than just my life.

  “Everything was an issue to Alice at that time,” Nora adds, but I can hear the humor in her voice. “Our mom had just died and I guess in hindsight we were both kind of a mess.” Any trace of humor is gone now.

  I look at Nora and then at Alice who nods her head, giving Nora a sad but reassuring look. My hand tightens in Nora’s and I wonder why she didn’t share this with me when we met all those years back. I want to ask her about it and I want her to tell me about it, but I don’t think now is the time to have that conversation with her.

  Alice quickly changes the subject and begins sharing how she and Nora managed to mend their relationship, and interestingly enough it had to do with me. She tells me how she traveled around with Nora while she was looking for me last year.

  “Alice is the reason I wrote my book,” Nora says, smiling at Alice. “I love to write and Alice loves to take pictures. She documented our entire trip, taking notes and pictures. She reminded me I should write what I love.”

  Nora pauses and looks at me, her eyes are sparkling and a small shade of pink crosses over her cheeks as I feel her grow slightly nervous.

  “I’ll show you when we get home,” she adds quietly. Her cheeks are still flushed, but her eyes are firmly locked on mine.