Shatter Me Whole (Shattered Lives Book 3)

by Barb Shuler

  Shayna fluffed my hair one last time and spun me around to the mirror. I just blinked. My long mess of hair had been cut, shaped and looked healthy for the first time ever. It was still long, like I wanted, but it wasn’t ratty looking. I brushed a few stray tears away before running my hand through the tresses. My hair was soft, and smelled so damn good.

  I closed my eyes to hide the tears. When arms wrapped around me I shook with a small sob. Happy tears, I swear. I was so overwhelmed with emotion at that moment. When I pulled back Shayna wiped my tears away and I glanced up in the mirror. Everyone was gathered around me with big smiles on their faces.

  “Damn, girl, you are gonna have to beat that man off ya later,” Stella said, with an evil grin on her face. I rolled my eyes and laughed softly.

  “Stella Grace,” someone called out. Stella’s face puckered up, obviously recognizing the woman’s voice. I wiped my face clean of any stray tears, still laughing to myself. I caught a glimpse of the women behind her in the mirror. They must have come in while I was in my bubble of tears. “A lady should not speak of such things,” the lady continued. I saw that everyone was trying to not laugh, so I straightened myself and helped Shayna pull the smock off of me. I stood up and grinned at my red toes and fingers. I truly felt like a new woman.

  I brushed my fingers through my hair, turning when I heard a giggle shriek from behind me. “Ma Ma Ma,” Ryan bellowed, patting her head. She had a ponytail on the top with a bow in it. Her hair was short enough that the ponytail was sorta spiked up. She was flipping adorable. I grinned and squatted down, my arms opening to give her a big hug.

  “Look at that pretty bow,” I said kissing her cheeks. “Did LaLa put that in there for ya?” she nodded and made a few unintelligible babbles, patting her head again. “Did you say thank you?” Her little face scrunched up and I laughed. “Say thank you,” I encouraged her. She was still trying to form words and it was again, so frigging adorable.

  “Tay shu,” she giggled. I shook my head as a few people laughed at her cheesy little grin. I gave her a smacking kiss on her cheek.

  “Good job, Ryan,” I made sure I had a good hold on her and clapped my hands. She clapped hers and bounced in my arms.

  “Excuse me, honey, is that your little sister?” one of the ladies asked. I raised a brow and shook my head.

  “No, ma’am. She-” I was cut off by my name being bellowed.

  “Mooooommy!” Taylor ran in, and I grabbed him quickly before he could touch me or anything else in here. He was covered in muck. I made a face.

  “Taylor James, what it the name of gravy is all over you?” I squeaked. Lana ran in behind him, wide eyed, with her face flushed.

  “So, um.. They found a muddy spot in the back… sorry. I only left them long enough to bring Ryan back in the door.…” she said before looking at Dani Lynn.

  “It’s a good thing I brought extra clothes,” Dani Lynn laughed.

  “I didn’t-” I was cut off by Lana and her big grin.

  “You did. I fixed their diaper bag while you and Dani Lynn chatted this morning.”

  “Ah, thank you. I wasn’t thinking he’d play in the mud. He knows better,” I said, looking down at my son.

  “Mommy, I not does it’s. Tylers… her pushes me in it,” he said in a little voice.

  “Tyler Katherine,” Dani Lynn barked out. The little girl came running in and skidded to a stop at the tone of her mama’s voice.

  “It’s a assidents!” she said holding up her hands, the look of innocence written on her face.

  “Nice try, kid. Come on, let’s go clean up,” Dani Lynn said snorting out a laugh. Lana came over and took Taylor’s hand.

  “I’ll get him cleaned up.”

  “I can do it, Lana,” I said, but she shook her head. “Okay, thank you,” I said, smiling. My attention was once again pulled from my kid to the ladies that had come in.

  “Honey, aren’t you kind of young to have so many kids?” said the lady who had asked me if Ryan was my sister. I stiffened my spine. Yeah, I was, but she had no right to question me or the number of children I had.

  “Excuse me, but how is that any of your business?” I said, my tone dry.

  “Such a pretty girl, you should be studying, going to school, not out having babies. Did your mother not teach you to have values?” she snapped. I bristled, turning to face her and the band of biddies behind her. I was not going to have them looking down at me or my kids.

  “That is none of your fucking business. Now, I’m trying to be nice here, so butt out,” I said. Anna came in from the back with an arm full of babies. She gave me a worried look as she moved to put Robbie and Elijah in their carseats.

  “Kris, you okay, doll?”

  “Fricking peachy,” I said, turning to set Ryan down. She did her little waddle-run-walk thing to the babies and started her babbling again. God, I loved that kid. I looked back at the woman, who had moved closer.

  “How can a young girl like you afford to take care of so many children?”

  “Welfare, probably, the more they have, the more they get. We work ourselves into the ground and they sit around all day with nothing to do but breed,” another old bitch said. I gasped. What the actual fuck was these people's issue? I could feel the tears burning my eyes.

  “She probably doesn’t know who their father is,” one said.

  “Does it matter anyhow? He’s probably as unfit as she is.”

  “Maybe she’s using some poor schmuck in town to be her sugar daddy.”

  My head swam with hurt and anger as they chattered about me like I was some common whore. I felt an arm come around me.

  “You should all be frigging ashamed of yourselves. You seriously attack a young woman because she is a young mother? I’m a young mother, you want to have a go at me too? Or at Dani Lynn?” Anna snapped. “You all call yourselves Christian women. I think y’all need to go have a talk with Jesus, you hateful old biddies.”

  “How dare you, Anna Malone? How dare you?”

  “Anna, you have a job and a husband. What does she have? There’s no ring on her finger.”

  “How dare I? Are you fucking kidding me?” Anna’s voice rose. She was mad to have cursed, she was always getting on everyone about that. Especially around the kids.

  I heard a few new voices come in behind me but I didn’t move. My heart was racing, my palms itched. This, this was why I didn’t want to come out of the house. People were always judging you. It’s why I work at night. You didn’t have to see the judgey kind of people at night. I was shaking by the time I heard Stella’s voice ring out.

  “Well, if it’s not the old fuddy duddies of Burke county. Here to get more gossip? I got some for ya. Mrs. Abernathy, how’s that grandson of yours? Melvin, is it? Oh.. wait, you wouldn’t know, cause his ass is in jail. Again,” Stella said as she put her hands on her hips.

  “Stella Grace, watch your tone,” one of the women said. Stella fixed her gaze on her and sneered.

  “Well, if it’s not Mrs. High and Mighty herself. You still giving lessons at your house? Or have the wrinkles finally made the young men in town stop coming to your back room for a little game of slap and tickle?” She paused as a few of the others turned to look at the lady Stella was still glaring at.

  “Oh, and Mrs. Linda, how’s the boarding house? You still visiting the single businessmen that come through with a late night glass of tea and a shag?” Stella shook her head and looked at me with a wink. “Nah, I guess not, your tits hitting the floor before your feet probably isn’t that attractive is it?”

  “Why I never-”

  “Oh, the hell you didn’t. Need I remind you people talk… especially Daddy’s business partners,” Stella grinned. “Y’all may have been gossip central at one time, but you’ve been replaced. Now, be gone with you before someone drops a house on ya,” she said waving a hand at them in dismissal. She wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into a tight hug.

  “Ignore those bitches. They th
ink they still run this town. If they only knew everyone despised them they’d stay locked up in their dungeons where they belong.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out. I felt like I was going to be sick. I sat back in the chair I was closest to and buried my face in my hands. It took me a few minutes to get myself back together. I sat up to meet the gazes around me. I sighed.

  “I’m okay, just not a fan of people thinking I’m a goddam gold digging baby factory.”

  “Oh, I’m so using that someday,” Stella said. I slapped her arm playfully.

  “Shut up,” I said, laughing despite what just happened.

  The tightness in my chest started to ease, fading when Ryan and Taylor toddled in with Tyler hot on their heels. I stood up and scooped up my princess with a loud kiss to her cheek. They all had a piece of cheese in their hands.

  “Oh, is it snack time?” I said as Ryan shoved her hand towards my face. “No, princess, you have it. Mommy’s full.”

  “Ma Ma Ma,” she babbled. I kissed her cheek, sat in the chair and let her curl into me. A few minutes later Dani Lynn got up when her cell rang. The color drained from her face and as her gaze met mine and I knew something was wrong. I got up and carried Ryan over to her. Anna was at her side in a moment.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “Daddy, where are they?” there were tears in her eyes as she took my hand.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Okay, Daddy. No, I’m on my way. Yes, I will bring her with me. Yes, Daddy. I love you, too,” she hung up and looked at me. “There was an accident. The boys have been hurt.. we need to get to the hospital.”

  Dani Lynn, myself and the kids climbed into her SUV. Stella, Anna and Lana followed us out and climbed into Anna’s car. My heart was beyond racing. I was seriously panicking right now. I had to get to Jackson and make sure he was okay.

  23

  Heads will Roll

  Dani Lynn

  The drive to the hospital took forever. My heart raced just as fast as the car did down the road. Parking and making our way in was the easy part. When we walked into the emergency room, that was when things went wild. I told the lady at the desk what we were here for and we were ushered into the back. There were people everywhere. Some were in cuffs, some walking but not all that quickly and then I saw Daddy standing outside of a door with a pained look on his face.

  “Daddy!” I took Kristol’s hand in mine and took a deep breath. Stella, Lana and Anna had waited out in the main room with the kids so we could come back. Well, all but Ryan. She was being clingy and instead of fighting it Kristol just kept her on her hip. Honestly, I was surprised Tyler hadn’t done the same thing. If she knew her daddy was back here she would have. I moved to hug Daddy and stepped back.

  “What happened? Where are Drew and Jacks? You said they were hurt?” I was rambling but my heart was racing again. The walls were closing in around me. It was Kristol’s calm words that brought me back.

  “Dani Lynn, there’s Drew,” I looked up seeing him moving our way. I ran to him. He grunted as I wrapped my arms around him.

  “Oh my God. Are you okay? What happened? Why are you bleeding? What the fuck, Andrew?” I swatted his arm as the worry and relief battled inside me.

  “Hey, stop, I’m okay, baby, just a few bruises. I promise,” Drew said, pulling me into his chest. I wrapped my arms around him and sighed.

  “Hey, any word on Jacks and Derek… oh shit…” my head popped up and I went wide eyed at Charlie. I looked back at Drew. His face paled when he looked behind me. I pushed against his chest, hearing a gasp from behind me. I turned to see Kristol’s face go slack. He then turned to glare at Daddy.

  “What happened to Derek!?” I hissed, my anger spiking.

  “What? What happened to Jackson?” Kristol whispered, tears filling her eyes. Ryan let out a small cry as Kristol started to slump over.

  “Daddy, catch her,” I said, moving back to her. I knelt on the floor with her. I cupped her face, pushing my own fear behind me. God, please let them be okay. “Hey, look at me, baby girl. Don’t freak out yet, these boys are big babies. It’s probably just a scratch. Okay?” she nodded with me and I got her to her feet. I hugged her and Ryan to me.

  “Dani Lynn,” Drew said from behind me. I swallowed hard and turned to glare at him.

  “What?”

  “Baby, you need to understand-”

  “Just tell me,” I snapped, cutting him off. I was getting a bad feeling in my gut and the look of worry and dread on Drew’s face was making it worse.

  “Princess, the raid was today-” as Daddy spoke a man come barreling out of a room, a bedpan in one hand and a bedrail in the other. He saw Kristol and came at her. I jumped in front of her and Ryan as Charlie and Drew took him down.

  “This is your fault, you filthy little whore!” The man’s words brought a sob from deep inside Kristol and she started to shake behind me. I turned back to her and wrapped an arm around her.

  “Ignore him, honey. Ignore him,” I whispered as I kissed her head. “None of this is your fault.”

  “Get off of me! Let me at the bitch!”

  I whispered to her as I cupped her face tighter, making her look at me. “Don't listen to him,” I said. “Focus, babe. Look at Ryan, look at that pretty face. She's worth it. Taylor's worth it. You're worth it. You did not deserve any of the bad things that happened to you.” My voice broke. She nodded and I hugged her again.

  I turned to look at Daddy and Drew as they walked back towards us. The side door opened, and my eyes darted over to it. All I saw was Derek on a gurney. Blinking back tears I moved forward to him, still holding Kristol’s hand.

  “It's not as bad as it looks,” Derek floundered. He sat up slightly as they pushed him into a room. I was shaking now. Mad, no, I was fucking furious. What happened to my kid? I slowly turned around and glared daggers at Daddy and Drew. They both looked down at the floor before Daddy came over to me.

  “Princess, I'm sorry. He wasn't supposed to be in the line of fire-”

  “Line of fire? Have you lost your fucking mind, old man? He’s in the goddamn hospital!” I shouted. I got a few narrowed eyed looks from the nursing staff, but I ignored them.

  “Dani Lynn,” I ignored Derek, staring at my father. I poked a finger into his chest.

  “You put my kid in danger?! He's barely eighteen!” my voice rose and I saw Drew out of the corner of my eye. I spun and pointed a finger at him.

  “You let this happen?!” I accused. When Daddy called my name again I spun back around at him.

  “Drew didn’t know, Dani Lynn. Derek had agents with him. He was supposed to be pulled back if-’

  “NO! There was no reason for him being in the line of fucking fire! He’s not a fucking cop, Gabriel!” I growled my words as my tears rolled down my face. “It’s bad enough you and my husband put yourself in danger everyday... now.. now, you put Derek in danger!” I poked him again and he moved to wrap me in a big bear hug. I shoved at his chest and tried to get out of his grip.

  “Stop. Princess, take a deep breath,” Daddy’s words were soft as he held me.

  I wasn't mad at him. Well, I mean, I was, but that wasn't my issue. What if Derek wasn’t okay? I knew the raid was coming out at the Jacobs’ place, but why in the hell was Derek a part of it? I'd definitely be having a chat with my therapist, Dr. Crandall tomorrow about this breakdown.

  My fear for my family was sending me over the edge. Last time I'd seen Derek in a hospital bed had been after I was kidnapped. Stephen, Drew and Jacks’ father, had tried to kill me that day. Derek had saved me then and had gotten hurt in the process. He needed me now. I had to be strong. I stepped back and took a deep breath, wiping the tears from my face on my shirt.

  “Ma. Ma, I’m okay,” my heart leapt when I heard Derek call out to me again. He'd taken to calling me Ma when Tyler was around, as to not confuse her, but this time it was unprovoked. I went into the room and hugged him so tight he grunted.


  “Can’t.. Breathe…”

  “Baby, let him go. He’s turning colors,” Drew said, chuckling slightly as he gave my arm a slight tug. I pushed him away and I grabbed Derek’s chin, making him look at me.

  “I’m gonna beat your ass. What happened, and don’t you leave one fucking detail out, kid.”

  “Ma, I had no choice,” he sighed. “I wasn’t in the danger zone, we were using the drones to survey the property. Agent Monroe was shot, and things went south fast. I couldn’t let them hurt that girl,” he said, taking my hand. His eyes said it all. I felt the tears stinging my eyes before they fell. I’d seen that determined look in his eyes before. The day he’d fought off Stephen to save me. I broke down as I wrapped my arms around him again and kissed his head.

  “I’m.. still gonna.. beat your ass…” I said, sniffling. “Now, where in the fuck is Jacks?” I turned to look at Drew who let out a long breath.

  “He needed a CT. He took a bullet in the upper arm, maybe the shoulder. I couldn’t tell… too much blood,” I swallowed hard and wrapped my arms around him.

  “Jackson…” I heard the muffled sob behind me and turned to see Kristol hurrying out of the door. I cursed and moved to follow her out.

  * * *

  Kristol

  * * *

  My mind was racing as we waited to find the boys. God only knew what had happened. My gut fought me as I tried to keep my breakfast down. When Sheriff Cartwright told Dani Lynn the raid was today it all started to make sense. The note Jacks left, the girls keeping me company all day. They wanted to make sure I didn’t know about it and worry. That made me mad, but it also made me feel loved. They were trying to make this all right for me. But I was slowly starting to unravel. Dani Lynn was flipping out and it was going to take all my strength to not follow her lead. We knew Drew was okay, he was here. I’d seen Charlie when Abraham tried to attack me. Where was Jacks?