A Sense of Belonging

by Wendy Soliman

  Fascinated, she nodded. ‘I dare say they did.’

  ‘Needless to say, we got away with a great deal more than we should have. Perhaps if someone in authority had had the courage to stem our excesses, but Archie was a force to be reckoned with and even the dons were wary of getting on his wrong side.’ He splayed his legs, dropped his elbows on his thighs and lowered his head into his hands, focusing his gaze on the rug beneath his feet. ‘Anyway, we were invited to parties in all the best Oxford houses, and that is where we first met Magda Simpson. We’d been through our share of women,’ he said, clearly forgetting whom he was addressing as his mind took him back to a period in his life that he probably seldom visited. Flora was glad that he had decided to be candid. She might be a cleric’s daughter but was no prude, and found it easy enough to imagine the nature of their excesses. ‘She had only been married for two years, but Simpson was away with his regiment and Magda wasn’t occupying her time with embroidery whilst she awaited his return.’

  ‘I have seen her twice now, and don’t need to be convinced in that regard.’

  ‘Your premonitions,’ he said, lifting his head and treating her to a cynical smile that removed a wedge of the sympathy she had begun to feel for him as his tale unfolded.

  ‘And my eavesdropping,’ she added, meeting his gaze and finessing his cynicism with a sarcastic tone.

  ‘Quite.’ Flora felt as though she had won some minor battle when he was the first to drop his gaze. ‘Anyway, I will spare you the details. Suffice it to say that we were all intoxicated by Magda’s beauty, wit and…well, availability. Bear in mind that we had not reached the age of discretion at that point.’

  ‘Oh, I had not forgotten, believe me,’ she said whimsically. A brief smile troubled his lips in response, as though he couldn’t quite make her out, but quickly disappeared again. She considered telling him that he would not be the first person to be confused by her behaviour but decided against it. This was not about her, and despite the intimacy of their current situation she was still in his employ. They were not equals and never would be.

  ‘Archie had a presence about him. When he entered a room, all eyes were drawn towards him, almost as though no one else was in occupation of it. We lesser mortals always gave way to his whims. He was our leader and leaders are expected to…well, lead by example. The moment he set eyes on Magda I sensed something different about him and knew this would not be just another of our games.’ He spread his hands. ‘I don’t know how to explain it. It was as though he had never seen a beautiful woman before, and believe me,’ he added with a mirthless chuckle, ‘he had seen more than his fair share. We all thought Magda was something special, but Archie was mesmerised by her, so naturally we gave way to his claim upon her affections.’

  Luke stood and poured two glasses of water from a carafe on the sideboard. He took a healthy sip from one and handed the other to Flora. She thanked him and sipped at it before putting the glass aside.

  ‘Don’t stop now,’ she said softly, after he had resumed his seat and appeared to lose himself in thought.

  ‘The strangest thing happened. Magda enjoyed the sensation she created and flirted with us all, but despite Archie’s charm campaign, his good looks and magnetic personality, she seemed intent upon attracting my interest above all of us.’

  ‘That must have created a dilemma for you.’

  ‘Actually, it didn’t. I cannot claim that I behaved like a saint during those hedonistic days, but something about Magda’s character made me hold back. Not just in deference to Archie, but…I don’t know how to explain it.’ He sent her a wry smile. ‘I’m in danger of sounding as idiosyncratic as you, but I sensed something about her that made me wary of getting too close. A feeling that if she got her claws into me she would never let go.’

  ‘Hmm, a sense held you back,’ she contented herself with saying.

  ‘I admire your restraint,’ he said with a droll glance.

  ‘I reserve the right to return to the subject,’ she assured him, suppressing a grin. ‘For now, I am more anxious to hear the rest of your account. What happened? Presumably it didn’t end well.’

  ‘Not well at all. Magda didn’t like being rejected. She was not accustomed to it. However, she ran with the four of us, at least as wild as we were, encouraging us to greater feats of daring that almost saw us all arrested on more than one occasion. But it was Archie who took her home. The rest of us thought that his interest in her would wane, as his interests always did once he’d…’ He paused and delicately cleared his throat. ‘However, the more he saw of her, the more besotted he became, to the point where the rest of us grew increasingly concerned. It was supposed to be harmless fun. She was a married woman. The relationship couldn’t go anywhere. We pointed all those facts out to Archie, but he could be incredibly stubborn.’

  ‘You talk of him in the past tense,’ Flora gently prompted when Luke dropped his head, clasped his hands behind his neck and fell into a solitary reverie.

  ‘The storm clouds were gathering on those spring nights in our final year at Oxford, but of course we didn’t realise it at the time. Suffice it to say Magda’s husband, who was supposed to be safely away in India but had obviously been stationed much closer to home, returned unexpectedly. Archie escaped through a window by the skin of his teeth, thanks to a sturdy vine growing up the outside of the building, but Magda didn’t have time to disguise the fact that someone had been there with her. Simpson was a colonel from an influential family, and word had reached him in France about his wife’s less than discreet behaviour. Not best pleased to find himself so publicly cuckolded, he returned home and set enquiries in hand. It didn’t take him long to learn that his wife had been seen all over Oxford with the four of us, so he went to our college and demanded to know what the chancellor intended to do about it.’

  ‘You’d gone too far, so your exploits couldn’t be put down to youthful exuberance?’

  ‘Precisely. We knew the game was up and discussed it amongst ourselves before being carpeted. We knew that unless someone confessed we would all be sent down, such was the extent of Simpson’s authority. He had threatened to publicly accuse us if we didn’t give him the name of the culprit, and if he’d done that our families would have been brought into disrepute. Archie wanted to do the honourable thing and admit being the guilty party, but we knew that if he did he would be in very hot water with his father, who had bailed him out of trouble on more than one occasion and was rapidly losing patience with him. Paul insisted that he was the one with the least to lose and that he would pretend to be the offender.’ Luke drew a shuddering breath. ‘We argued back and forth all night, but in the end even Archie saw that would be the best, indeed the only way, to resolve the matter.’

  ‘The bonds of friendship between you…to do something like that. Ruin the rest of your life in order to save a friend.’ Dazed, Flora shook her head. ‘I cannot imagine anyone having the fortitude, the selflessness to make such a huge sacrifice.’

  ‘You just did something similar for me,’ he replied softly.

  ‘Not the same thing at all.’ She smiled at Luke. ‘You offered Mr Dalton a position here, where he is treated as a member of the family. That was very generous of you.’

  ‘It was the very least I could do. He would have been required to take paid employment once he graduated anyway.’

  ‘But would not have found any if he had been sent down.’

  ‘True, but as I say, his family is not that well situated, he is the youngest of four sons and so…well, I am pleased with the way things turned out, and I think he is too.’

  ‘What happened to Archie?’

  Luke’s expression darkened. ‘The idiot couldn’t leave Magda alone, even after everything Paul had done to save his sorry hide. That was the extent of her power over him and the witch knew it.’

  ‘Did she still try to…well, with you?’

  ‘Oh, her invitations were not exactly subtle, but when I saw the manner in which s
he continued to toy with Archie when she knew she was playing with fire, I felt vindicated for not trusting her.’ He threw back his head and closed his eyes. ‘History repeated itself. Archie and Magda were together when Simpson was supposed to be in London. He used the same escape route but was unaware that Simpson, furious when he failed to catch his wife’s escaping lover, had ordered the vine to be chopped away at its base. But the vine itself still clung to the upper part of the building. Needless to say, it gave way beneath Archie’s weight and he fell two stories to his death.’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ Flora reached forward and touched his forearm impulsively, feeling the same strong jolt of awareness as the one that had seized her on the first occasion they met. ‘He was a fool, but he was your friend. And Paul’s sacrifice was all for naught.’

  Luke sighed. ‘It was.’

  ‘I saw the way that Mrs Simpson looked at you in Swindon the other day. It was as though she wanted to eat you whole.’

  He shuddered. ‘I despise the woman.’

  ‘Which makes her all the more determined. It seems to me that she plans to revenge herself upon you somehow and is using Carlton to achieve that ambition.’ Flora wrinkled her brow. ‘But how?’

  ‘That is a question that I intend to put to Carlton in the morning,’ Luke said, his expression hardening. ‘I know just how determined Magda can be, and she will not leave the area unless I can find a way to drive her from it.’

  ‘Her ambitions here have failed, so I can’t see what good it will do for her to remain. Besides, she doesn’t have much money.’

  ‘Leave her to me.’

  ‘Before speaking with Carlton, there is more that you should know about him.’

  ‘You liked him, I know that already, and I am sorry that he has turned out to be so dissolute. You must be very upset.’

  ‘I must be no such thing!’ she cried impatiently. ‘You saw us together in the pavilion and came to entirely the wrong conclusion.’

  ‘I know what I saw.’ He drew a deep breath. ‘I admit that I was disappointed by your behaviour, but that does not mean—’

  ‘If you must know, I had just rescued your sister Mary from an unwanted proposal of marriage.’

  ‘What?’ He jumped to his feet and knocked over his glass without appearing to notice water trickling over his thighs and dripping onto the rug. ‘Why the devil didn’t someone tell me? Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we had agreed that you would.’

  ‘We had, but Mary asked me not to.’

  ‘You should not have listened to her. I am head of this household.’

  ‘You are indeed. And what would you have done had you known?’

  ‘Confronted Carlton, of course, and given him a piece of my mind, the damned fortune-hunter.’

  ‘Which is exactly what Mary hoped to avoid. Credit her with a little intelligence. She knew Carlton had tried to attract Emma’s interest first, unaware that her affections were already engaged elsewhere, so he turned his attention to Mary. She enjoyed it at first, she tells me, when Carlton attempted to flirt with her, but when he proposed just two days later, she recognised him for what he was. She said you had warned her to expect people like him but didn’t imagine they would be quite that blatant about it.’

  Luke expelled a long breath and slowly resumed his seat. ‘I’m glad you were there to help her, but she still should have come to me.’

  ‘She didn’t want to disrupt the party. She was fairly sure you didn’t intend to marry Miss Carlton because you had shown her so little interest, but Mary didn’t want your decision to be influenced by her cousin’s behaviour towards her.’

  Luke shook his head and ran the fingers of one hand through his hair. ‘Sometimes I wish I had been born a blacksmith.’

  ‘Have you seen how hard they have to work?’ she demanded. ‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself. No one, to the best of my knowledge, has ever pretended that being in a position of authority is easy.’

  He allowed himself a wry smile. ‘I stand corrected.’

  ‘Anyway, Mary thought—and I agreed with her—that it would be unkind to disrupt all of Emma’s carefully laid plans for the week.’

  ‘And what I saw? You dashing from that pavilion, looking…well, dishevelled.’

  ‘Oh, Carlton wasn’t best pleased when I intervened, and turned his attentions upon me.’

  ‘I’ll kill the bounder!’

  ‘No, you will not. I am perfectly capable of looking after myself and got away from him before any harm was done. I am more concerned about Miss Vaughn. You must have noticed that Carlton has transferred his affections to her now and for all we know they might already be secretly engaged.’

  ‘Carlton won’t be engaged to anyone by the time I have finished with him in the morning,’ Luke said fiercely. ‘I have misjudged you, haven’t I?’ he added reflectively.

  ‘You have, but don’t take it to heart. Most people reach assumptions about me without even knowing me, based on nothing more than my background. My father is an important clergyman so it follows that I must be dour, devout and joyless.’ She offered him a sunny smile. ‘Much to Papa’s frustration, I am none of those things, and your grandmother at least enjoys my company.’ She glanced down, gasped and felt tears flood her eyes.

  ‘What is it?’ he asked, kneeling in front of her, his expression full of concern. ‘Are you hurt?’

  ‘I’ve torn my lovely new gown,’ she said, and burst into tears.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Luke, guided by instinct and a profound sense of obligation, gathered her in his arms, soothing her with soft words as she sobbed on his shoulder—an outpouring of pent up emotions. Eventually her tears ran dry and the trembling subsided. Not for a moment did he believe in her supposed gift, but he knew that she did. She had probably fallen back upon it as an escape mechanism during the course of a cheerless childhood. Special gifts notwithstanding, he had grossly misjudged this complex, intelligent and most unconventional creature and owed her a huge debt of gratitude. If not for her, he would have fallen into Carlton’s clumsy trap and been forced into an engagement with a conniving female whom he actively disliked.

  Flora’s courage, her determination and insight, humbled him. He could use his responsibilities as an excuse for not paying sufficient attention to his family, but facts had to be faced. In the short time that she had been at Beranger Court, she had already become more attuned to his sisters’ aspirations than he himself had ever been, and certainly more so than Miss Haughton, who had been kept on as a companion and guiding hand once the girls’ education had been completed.

  Flora had noticed Emma’s interest in Alvin and encouraged her to pursue it. It had completely escaped Luke’s notice, and Miss Haughton’s too. Flora had confronted Carlton in order to extricate Mary from his tenacious clutches, and then faced her fear of spiders and murky tunnels—a situation that could have been avoided if he’d taken a minute to listen to her when she’d tried to warn him about Lily Carlton’s plot. She had done all of that with fortitude and courage, yet she was now reduced to floods of tears by a rip in her gown. He would get his grandmother to order her a dozen more and pay for them himself. It was less than she deserved for rescuing his family—rescuing him—from a disastrous fate.

  He reluctantly released her when the storm subsided, removed a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped away the residue of tears from her cheeks, taking with them smudges of dirt accumulated in the tunnel.

  ‘Sorry,’ she said sheepishly. ‘I cannot recall the last occasion upon which I cried. Papa does not approve of women who cry.’

  ‘Your papa doesn’t sound to me as though he approves of very much at all.’

  She managed a wan smile. ‘He does not.’

  Her ratty cloak had fallen from her shoulders. He picked it up and draped it back around them. ‘I was not aware that cloaks were fashionable anymore.’

  ‘Which explains why I, and all of my sisters, own one. Vanity is a sin, in case you were not aw
are. Cloaks are practical garments that protect the wearer from the elements. I brought it with me to remind me of what I had escaped from, never expecting to find a use for it.’

  ‘Come along.’ He held out a hand, wondering if he should offer her brandy to help her recover her composure but deciding against it. It was now four in the morning and she was dead on her feet. ‘I will take you back to your room.’

  ‘There’s no need.’

  ‘There is every need. For all we know, Carlton might still be lurking. He will be furious because his cousin failed and he will have to explain that failure to Magda, who will be even more furious and probably blame him. That being the case, he might be waiting for you to appear so that he can exact revenge. He is certainly vindictive enough. I have seen the way he looks at you and if he thinks that I have…well, suffice it to say that I am not prepared to risk your returning to your room alone. Allow me to do something right.’

  She smiled and nodded her capitulation. He opened the door that led from his sitting room to the corridor and peered around it. Dimmed lanterns lit the empty space, and no sound reached him other than the occasional snores coming from behind closed doors. As sure as he could be that no one loitered in the deserted passageway, he reached a hand behind him, Flora slipped hers into it and they left the room together. Her own chamber was just a few doors along, and they walked silently on the runner that muffled their footfalls until they reached it. Luke turned the handle and preceded her through it, motioning with his other hand for her to stay back.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she hissed, when he opened her armoire and checked behind her gowns, then looked beneath the bed.

  ‘Making sure no one is lying in wait for you.’ He got back to his feet, brushed off his knees and beckoned her into the room. ‘It’s all clear.’

  ‘Thank you. You can leave me now.’