I nod in acknowledgment, but make no effort to get up. I’m just staring at Jaxon’s lifeless body.
“C’mon, Tessa,” Ryan says from beside Piper. “Take a quick shower. We don’t want Jaxon to have to smell your stinky ass when he wakes up. It might blow your chances at having him forgive you.”
I have no desire to get up and shower, but I don’t feel like protesting. It might be nice to wash days worth of grime off my body. I get up from the chair besides Jaxon’s bed and kiss him briefly on the forehead.
“I’ll be right back," I whisper, turning around to walk into the bathroom.
I close the door behind me and strip, turning the shower on and waiting for the water to warm up. I step in and let the hard water assault my body. It feels better than I expected, so I stay in for longer than I originally planned, washing my body with the products Piper provided for me in the duffle bag.
When I’m finished, dried off and changed, I step back into Jaxon’s room and I’m shocked at what I see. A nurse is standing over him taking his vitals and he’s awake.
Jaxon’s awake.
I watch him as the nurse finishes checking on him. He looks tired, groggy, and in pain, but he’s alive and awake. This is all that matters.
His eyes move around the room until he spots me. He doesn’t move, doesn’t say a thing, but he doesn’t move his eyes away from me. I stare back at him; grateful I can see his beautiful eyes again.
“How are you feeling,” I say hesitantly. Ryan and Piper turn to face me when they hear the sound of my voice.
“I’ve been better.” He sounds distant and his voice is almost cold.
I hear a screech from the legs of the chairs as Piper and Ryan stand up.
“We’ll give you two a few minutes.” Ryan looks sympathetic and takes Piper’s hand before leaving Jaxon and me alone.
I walk over to the vacant chair at the side of Jaxon’s hospital bed and sit down. His eyes follow every move I make, but he still doesn’t say anything.
“What did the nurse say?"
“My vitals look good, I guess that means I’ll live.”
“Are you in a lot of pain?”
I watch him shift a little, almost as if he’s testing his body before he answers me.
“A little, the nurse said she’d be back with medicine to put in my IV, so I’ll be fine soon.”
He’s no longer looking at me and I don’t know what to conclude from this. I thought he’d be happy I was here.
“Jaxon?”
He turns to face me, but stays silent.
“Jaxon, I’m so sorry. I should have listen to you, heard you out. I thought the worst of you and didn’t give you a chance to explain. I’m so sorry.”
I wait for him to comfort me. I wait for him to tell me it’ll be okay, he understands, he loves me. I get none of that, just a cold stare from the man I love. When he finally does answer, I almost wish he didn’t say anything at all.
“It’s fine, Tessa. You did what you had to do… maybe we’re just better off this way-”
“No!” I shout, cutting him off. “We’re not, Jaxon. We’re not better off this way. I missed you… so much. It was hard for me to function because I love you more than anything, and I thought you betrayed me. I know better now and I promise to make it up to you, I promise to make it better. Just don’t think that way, we aren’t better off.”
I see a flash of the Jaxon I know take over his face before it turns back to the cold Jaxon I’ve recently been acquainted with.
“We’re done, Tessa. You decided this, you made this decision, and it took me getting shot to realize it. This relationship will never work. You can’t make a life with someone you don’t trust. Trust is the most crucial ingredient in a successful relationship and the past few weeks have shown me we’re missing that ingredient. You didn’t trust me enough to hear me out, to believe that I wouldn’t hurt you like that.”
“I know, I was foolish and selfish, I’ve just been hurt so many times and you’re the first relationship I’ve ever had, and… I love you, Jaxon. I love you with everything I have, with all my heart and I do trust you, I do. You have to believe me.”
I’m frantic now. Tears start to fall down my face. I grasp Jaxon's hand in mine and start kissing it, over and over again. I want to show him how much I love him.
“Jaxon, I trust you, I love you. I promise to never hurt you again, please, believe me… I trust you.”
I look up at him with tear filled eyes. His eyes have softened towards me and I want to smile in relief.
My Jaxon is back.
His hand moves up to caress the side of my head as he looks at me, pain now taking over his expression.
“I believe you trust me, Tessa, but I don’t trust you.”
His words crush me and I can feel them in the depths of my soul. He lowers his hand from my face and looks away from me.
“I think you should go now.”
I can’t control the sob that comes from my throat. It’s really over. I need to make him understand. I need to make him see it from my point of view.
“Jaxon, I-” but it’s too late. The nurse walks back into the room with a syringe of medicine in her hand.
“Mr. Wyatt, here is your pain medicine. I’m going to put it directly into the IV so you should be feeling better in a few minutes.”
I watch as the kind nurse injects the fluid from the syringe into Jaxon's IV. I’m waiting for her to leave so I can speak to him some more. When the nurse moves to the doorway I think I’m going to get my chance, but Jaxon changes that.
“Can you escort my friend, Tessa, out so she doesn’t get lost? I want to be left alone.”
He doesn’t even look at me as he says this. His eyes are on the nurse and never shifting. My tears won’t stop flowing as I feel the woman gently place her hand on the small of my back as she escorts me out of his hospital room.
My mind is in a daze, filled with fog and uncertainty. I’m not completely sure what happened in there, but I know it’s over. He made that much clear.
I don’t remember leaving the hospital or getting in a taxi to go home. I don’t remember much from that evening except for my heart being broken and ripped in two.
When I walk into the house, I’m struck with memories. Nothing has changed since the last time I was here. The house is quite, but my parent’s cars are in the driveway, so I know they’re home.
I drop my bag at the back door and make my way through the home before entering my bedroom. It’s pitch black, but I don’t need lights. My room hasn’t changed since I was thirteen. I move to the bed and throw myself onto it face first. The dust on the bed spread filling my nostrils. I curl my body into a fetal position before I sob uncontrollably into my pillow. The tears don’t stop until I fall fast asleep.
Chapter Sixteen
Beg and Plead
The rest of my Thanksgiving break was a bust. I stayed at my parent’s house for a few days, but their lack of acknowledging I was in the room wore on me, so I went back to Eastern.
Piper was still in Chicago with Ryan, so I spent the next few days eating as much vanilla ice cream as my body would allow me to consume, and drinking a few pots of coffee a day. You’d think the coffee would get me energized and motivated, but unfortunately it did not. I lounged on the couch, watching lifetime movie marathons, which didn’t help with the depression.
When Piper got back from Chicago, we had two more weeks of school before our month long winter break. I was dreading winter break. Jaxon and I had originally talked about staying at Eastern for winter break. We would have our own little Christmas in our apartment. Plus, Ryder was here and Jaxon wanted to celebrate with his brother.
Now I was forced to go back home. To suburban hell where I’ll be ignored for a month and forced to watch my parents' sad existence. Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad for them; I just don’t know how to change it. After years of trying I’ve just decided to give up.
So when the two weeks go by
in a blur, I find myself packing a suitcase in preparation for my trip home in the morning. I had my last class of the semester this morning and Piper and I planned on going out tonight before we go our separate ways for break.
She’s been trying to get me to go out with her the past two weeks, but I haven’t left the apartment unless it was for school or work. I thought it would be hard to see Ryder, but it’s been oddly comforting. He gives me updates on Jaxon, even though I don’t ask. I’ve been too embarrassed to ask Piper to give me updates, so Ryder is giving me exactly what I need.
Jaxon left the hospital last week. He’s doing well and expected to make a full recovery; he just has to take it easy the next few weeks. Ryder says Jaxon’s lucky he doesn’t have to do physical therapy or any long-term recovery.
The only thing I could focus on is that he stayed in Chicago.
I’ve wanted to call him a million times, even if only to hear his voice, but I hurt him. I saw it in his eyes that day at the hospital and even though I want to be selfish, I can’t do that to him.
“Can I come in?” Piper asks from my doorway. She’s dressed and ready to go out.
“Yeah, sure.”
I finish zipping up my suitcase, moving it to the floor as Piper spreads out on my bed.
“What’s the plan for tonight? We hitting up a house party or going to a club?” My lack of enthusiasm is evident when I spread out next to her instead of getting ready to go.
“God, I miss the old Tessa,” she says shoving me gently. “Get your ass up and hop in the shower.”
“I wasn’t going to shower.”
“Like hell you aren’t. Your hair is greasy, your skin is shiny, and not in the good way, and you’re starting to smell. I swear if you don’t shower tonight, flies will start swarming the apartment tomorrow. You do not want to see me if I have to start sharing the fruit in my kitchen with a family of flies.”
“Alright, alright, I’ll shower, you hag.”
I start to get up from the bed when Piper stops me by grabbing my arm.
“I miss you, Tessa.”
Her statement confuses me.
“I’m right here, Pipe.”
“No you're not. I miss my wild and free friend who would party with me regularly, drink like a fish, and talk shit. She didn’t care who was listening. You gave the best advice and you knew exactly what crazy antics we needed to bring us closer. That Tessa is gone. The shell of you is here, but it’s filled with one of those pathetic girls who needs a man to be happy.
“You lay around here, eating ice cream, drowning your sorrows in lifetime movies that are depressing as hell. Do you want Jaxon?”
I stare at her, unwilling to move my mouth. I don’t know how to answer that question without confirming what she just said. I’m pathetic.
“Do you want Jaxon back, Tessa?”
I swallow hard before I verify every thought she’s thinking.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“What was that?” She says, cupping her ear.
“Yes,” I say loudly, more firmly.
“Good. Then let’s get him back for you.”
“What are you talking about, Piper? He doesn’t want to see me and I’m not traveling to Chicago to be rejected.”
“He’s not in Chicago, Tessa. Ryder spilled the beans to me this morning. He’s been here, in his apartment, the entire time. He just didn’t want you to know so he had Ryan lie to me. I guess he needed help the first week he was home, so Ryder brought him back down here so he could help him as much as he could. He’s staying through Christmas before going back home for the New Year.”
I can’t believe what she is saying. Jaxon has been a half-mile down the street from me this entire time.
“If he’s been this close and hasn’t made contact, then he doesn’t want to see me. I have to let it be, Piper. I won’t hurt him again.”
“He’s hurting without you, Tessa. Ryder told me he’s miserable. He wants you back; he’s just too proud to do anything about it. You need to make the move.”
“And what do you suggest I do?” I’m curious to see what my friend will suggest. I hate to admit it, but I’m starting to feel hopeful. Maybe I can figure out a way to get Jaxon back.
“First, you’re going to hop your bootylicious ass in the shower and wash the stank off you. He’ll never take you back smelling the way you do. Then, you’re going to march your ass over to his apartment and beg, plead, chain yourself to the fucking fridge if you have to. Get his attention and make him see reason, so you both can move on and get out of your misery.”
I think over what she’s said and while her suggestions sound ridiculous and unlike me, she gives me an idea.
“You’re right, Pipe. I’m going to get him back, tonight. Let me shower and get ready, but will you run a quick errand for me?”
“Sure, Tess, what do you need?”
I tell her my plan and she smiles deviously at me.
“I take back what I said, the old Tessa is back. If he doesn’t take you back after this, I might switch teams and ask you out.”
We laugh and it’s the first genuine laugh I’ve had in weeks. I just hope everything goes according to plan tonight.
Chapter Seventeen
Claim me
I hear the front door to his apartment open and my heart starts racing with anticipation. I’ve been in his room for the last twenty minutes waiting for him to return. When I came up with my plan, I had to call Ryder so he would get Jaxon out of the apartment for a little while. I don’t know what excuse Ryder used, but it worked. Jaxon was gone when I got here.
I feel goose bumps cover my body and the adrenaline kick in. There is a split second where I start to second-guess my plan, but I realize there is nothing I can do. I couldn’t get out of this now even if I wanted to.
I hear noise coming from the other side of his bedroom door. It’s hard to make out, but I think I hear movement in the living room. After a few minutes go by and he still hasn’t made his way to his bedroom, I contemplate yelling his name out. This would ruin the plan, but I don’t know how long it will take him to come in here. It dawns on me that he might not come in here at all tonight. Men are known for crashing on the couch.
I decide to wait a few more minutes and I’m glad I did. I hear footsteps in the hallway and then the doorknob turns and the bedroom door opens. I see his silhouette in the dark hallway. He steps inside the room and shock is all over his face as he takes in his surroundings.
The room is dim, lit only by the fifty or so candles I have surrounding the room. I’m laying on his bed with my arms above my head, handcuffed to the bed with sexy chains Piper picked up for me at our local lover’s boutique.
I watch as his eyes travel down my body. He’s trying to hide his lust filled eyes, but I see the change the second it happens. His eyes grow wider, his lids hooded, as he takes in my barely covered body. I’m wearing a black bra with a sheer material covering my nipples. The edges and straps of my bra are decorated with a beautiful lace. The bra supports my breasts, but still shows him everything.
I’m wearing a matching thong with sheer material as well. I covered my body lightly in oil, making sure to spend extra attention on the top of my breasts. My hair is down and covering my shoulders and I have just enough make-up on to accentuate my features, but not be overdone. This is the most effort I have ever gone through for a man, but I need to be irresistible to him. I need him to forgive me.
His eyes haven’t left my body as he does another sweep up and down, lingering a little longer on my tits. When his eyes meet mine, I see the conflicting emotions in them. He swallows hard before speaking.
“What are you doing here, Tessa?”
I had an entire speech planned in my head, but his presence has made me forget it all, so I decide to speak from the heart.
“I want you back, Jaxon. I’ve been miserable without you these past weeks. It’s been hell. Every moment of every day I want to be with you. I want to hear your voi
ce and see your face. I’m having a hard time functioning without you.”
“It’ll get easier,” he mumbles, his eyes moving discreetly to my tits again.
Well, I guess not too discreetly because I noticed it.
“Is it easy for you?”
My words cause his head to snap up from my tits and he looks me in the eyes again.
“No, it’s not easy for me. I miss you, Tessa. I’m not going to lie and say I don’t, but you hurt me. You wouldn’t even hear me out. I thought we had something special. I know we had only been together for a few months, but you were the one for me, Tessa. I knew it from the first moment we kissed, and you blew that.”
“I may have broken the trust, but you lied to me, Jaxon. Our entire relationship you lied to me.”
“I had to!” He shouts back. “You think I liked lying to you? I hated it, but it was my job. I was going to tell you as soon as the job was over, but it didn’t happen that way, did it?”
He sounds so angry and I want to cry, but I refuse to. I need to look desirable, not like a blubbering mess.
“How old are you, Jaxon?”
“What?”
“How old are you? You’re not in college like I thought, so how old are you?”
“Twenty-four. How is this relevant?”
“It’s not. I was just curious.”
He drags his hand through his hair as his eyes trail down my body again. I try not to, but my eyes are drawn to the top of his jeans where I see that I still affect him in one way.
“You need to leave, Tessa. Go home.”
“I can’t,” I say teasingly. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m chained to the bed. Remember the first morning I was here? You handcuffed me to your bed and then your mouth devoured my pussy like it was your last meal.”
My eyes try and stay focused on his, but I can’t help it and take another glance at his dick. He’s hard as a rock.
“You remember, right, Jaxon?”
“I know what you’re trying to do and it’s not going to work, we’re over Tessa. Now leave.”
“We’re perfect together and you know it. I’m so sorry, Jaxon, but if you give me another chance I’ll prove to you how great we are. I want to be with you forever. Let me love you tonight and show you that.”
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