by Sarah Bailey
“So fucking needy.”
“Please!”
He gripped my hip with one hand whilst he pressed himself against me with the other. My body relaxed into his, knowing he’d take care of me. He’d give it to me just the way I wanted. We both groaned when he pressed his way inside me, filling me up with his beautiful cock. He kissed his way down my jaw as he thrust deeper. When his lips met mine, I kissed him, pouring out all of my need into this moment whilst keeping my hands firmly on the wall.
He rewarded me for being good by giving me his cock. The moment he pulled back and thrust inside me again, making me feel alive, I couldn’t fucking take it.
“Raphi,” I cried into his mouth. “Please.”
He pressed one of his hands over mine whilst he continued to use the other as an anchor, holding my hip in a vice.
“You want it hard, cuore mio?”
“What does that mean?”
“Answer the question.”
It sounded Italian. In my research, I’d discovered his mother’s stepfather had Italian roots. It might be why Raphi had said it. I made a mental note to look it up.
“I want it hard, please.”
Raphi pulled back and thrust in again, this time with more force. I whimpered. It felt fucking good. I wanted to fall into oblivion with him forever. I revelled in each stroke, listening to the way he grunted in my ear each time I clenched around his cock. Driving him crazy was such a fucking high. Knowing I brought this out in him. This passion and fire. The possessiveness in his voice which made me feel needed and wanted. I felt safe with him. So fucking safe to let go.
“Jonah, fuck, you feel good,” he groaned, his pace increasing as if he was getting closer to the edge.
“I want you to come in me.”
“Oh yeah? You want to feel that, do you?”
“Yes… so much.”
I’d felt it last time. Each pulse and twitch. It had triggered my own orgasm. The way he had me pinned prevented me from touching myself. Raphi shifted his angle. I moaned when he thrust against my prostate.
“Mmm, I think you like it when I hit you there.”
“Yes, don’t stop, fuck, don’t stop.”
He chuckled like the idea of stopping amused him since it wasn’t going to happen. Not with the way he was pounding into me with such force, it almost knocked the breath from my lungs. And I loved it. Every fucking second of it. The way he felt inside me. The hardness of his body pressed to mine. All of it.
“Fuck,” he grunted. “Going to come, J. Come all the way up inside you. Fuck.”
Next thing I knew, he’d bitten down on the side of my neck, making me cry out as I felt him thrust as deep as he could go. His body shuddered as he climaxed. A moment later, he let go of my neck and my hip, his hand curling around my body and gripping my cock. He jacked me hard and fast, making me moan and buck into him. He continued to give me these shallow thrusts even though he’d come until I couldn’t take it any longer.
“Fuck, Raphi,” I cried into the wall as it hit. The waves of my orgasm washed over me, my cock spurting over his hand.
Both of us were panting messes as we came down. Him still pressed against my back, with his face digging into my shoulder and me just there trying to hold myself up.
A few minutes later, he pulled away from me. He tugged me from the wall and the two of us somehow stumbled towards his bed and collapsed on it. He rid himself of the condom and cleaned up his hand then lay back, staring up at the ceiling. I couldn’t move any longer. The way he’d fucked me had been intense and I needed a moment. Being with Raphi like this was something else. I never expected any of it. But I adored it. Every single second. And I wanted more. I wanted it again. I wanted it forever.
Chapter Twenty Five
I didn’t know what to do with myself as I stared up at the ceiling above us. The intensity of my feelings when it came to Jonah overwhelmed me. Especially since I’d called him cuore mio during sex. I almost wanted to smack my hand against my head. Smart idea to voice my feelings aloud in such a way. I didn’t doubt Jonah’s curiosity would get the better of him and then he’d discover I’d referred to him as my heart. Didn’t matter if it was the truth. I wasn’t ready for him to know. Fuck, I didn’t even know what I wanted with him.
It should be simple. All of it should be easy, but for me, it wasn’t. It just fucking well wasn’t. I was too fucked up to be in a relationship with him even if it was the right thing to do here. The thought of us just sleeping together didn’t sit well with me. Not when I had feelings for Jonah.
I sat up and grabbed my glasses off the bedside table, along with a few wet wipes. I shoved my glasses on and glanced to my side. Jonah was laying there, his breathing heavy as if he’d run a marathon. He watched me wipe him clean and tug his boxers back up. I chucked the wipes away before lying on my side next to him and stroking a hand down his arm. I wanted to take care of him after the way I’d fucked him. This man was precious to me. He deserved more than I could give him. Reaching up, I stroked his hair back from his face, watching him let out a long breath at my touch.
“Okay?” I asked, my voice quiet in the silent room.
“Yes.”
“I wasn’t too rough with you or anything, was I?”
He shook his head and gave me a slight smile.
“No… I… liked it.”
I leant closer and brushed my nose against his.
“I liked it too.”
He captured my mouth and his hand came up, cupping the back of my neck to keep me there. I melted. His touch just did something to me. He did something to me. There was a certain vulnerability between us because we’d shown each other our darkest parts three years ago. Our scars. Except mine ran deeper now. My self-hatred and loathing hadn’t disappeared even though the bullies had been dealt with. It’s as if they were cemented in my psyche and I couldn’t do a thing about it.
“Will you stay?” I whispered when I pulled back.
“What… the night?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know.”
I didn’t blame him for being cautious. It’s not something I should have asked of him. Hell, getting him to come over so I could fuck him the way I had was a bad idea in the first place. I didn’t want him to go. His presence calmed me. Gave me a small pocket of peace from the internal war being waged inside me.
“I would like it if you did, but I understand if you can’t.”
“You really want me to?”
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”
Please stay, Jonah. Please don’t leave me alone right now.
His lips curved up.
“I don’t have work tomorrow. I’ll stay as long as you want me here.”
My heart thumped hard in my chest. My hand curled around his face, my thumb stroking down his jaw. I kissed him again for a brief moment before I pulled away. Jonah watched me sit up and drop to my knees off the end of the bed. He raised up on his elbows in time to see me unlacing his trainers and tugging them off. I could see him biting his lip as I helped him out of his socks and jeans. He probably wasn’t used to anyone taking care of him. He was always taking care of others, especially Meredith.
It wasn’t particularly late, but I got up off the floor and pulled back the covers. I encouraged Jonah to get beneath them and kissed his forehead.
“Just going to get some water, do you want some?”
He nodded and I smiled. Then I straightened, adjusted my clothes, walked over to the door before unlocking it and slipping out. The house was quiet. My parents were upstairs and who knew what my siblings were up to. I padded out to the kitchen, washing my hands in the sink before I grabbed the Brita filter from the fridge. I poured two glasses of water after getting them out of the cupboard.
I felt someone behind me. I looked around finding Rory leaning up against the doorway.
“Sometimes I think you deliberately sneak up on people,” I
muttered.
He smiled wide at my words.
“Sometimes.”
“You’re admitting you do it on purpose now?”
He shrugged, so I rolled my eyes.
“You have a guest?”
He nodded at the glasses on the counter. I fidgeted, not wanting to admit it but out of all my dads, Rory was the one you couldn’t get anything by.
“Yes.”
“A friend or…?”
I felt my face heat up. Jonah was not exactly my friend but he wasn’t my boyfriend either.
Boyfriend? That word doesn’t feel… right.
“Just… someone.”
Rory raised an eyebrow. I picked up the glasses, not wanting to talk about this any further. I wasn’t ashamed to have Jonah here, but I didn’t know how to explain what we were to each other.
“You don’t want to talk about it.”
“No… just don’t tell Mum, okay? She’ll get all weird because Lana and I only just broke up.”
Mum had been more than a little angry when I came home from my last day of school and told them I’d been dumped. She tended to get overprotective of us kids, but with me, it was worse. Any time she thought I was in trouble or danger, her hackles would rise and she’d be out there defending me to her last breath. I found it frustrating since I wanted to live my life without her worrying about me every five minutes.
Rory nodded slowly as I walked towards him on my way out of the kitchen.
“She’s with Xav and E, but I won’t tell her.”
“Thank you.”
I stopped next to him in the doorway.
“It’s not someone you’re ashamed of, is it?”
“What? No.” How does he always bloody know what we’re thinking? “It’s… complicated.”
“Everything always is with this family.”
Didn’t I know it. My family had so many secrets they were hiding from the world, not to mention we were about as unorthodox as they come.
“I’m just not ready to tell anyone yet.”
He reached out and squeezed my arm.
“It’s okay, monkey. Just be safe, yeah?”
It took me a second to understand what he meant. I scrunched up my face.
“God, you’re as bad as Xav and Dad with their sex talk.”
He grinned.
“I heard about that.”
I shuddered. Even though it had happened years ago, I still remembered the horror I felt at the two of them sitting me down and talking to me about sex. Xav went into far too much graphic detail. Dad had to tell him to cut it out.
“I’d rather not be reminded of it ever again.”
“My lips are sealed.”
I gave him a nod as he dropped his hand and I walked away back down the hallway. When I got in my room, Jonah was sitting up in my bed on his phone. I took a second to watch him from my doorway. His hair was mussed and he had this little line of concentration between his blonde brows. My chest tightened. He was absolutely beautiful. And if I could be brave enough… Jonah would be mine. The thought of anyone else touching him sent a hot wave of jealousy rushing down my spine.
I don’t want anyone else to touch you but me.
This possessiveness had come out of nowhere. I wasn’t like this normally, or at least, I hadn’t been until a few days ago when this man had awakened it in me.
“Are you watching me?”
I jolted, almost spilling the water in my hands.
“Um… yes.”
Jonah’s eyes flicked up and he smiled.
“Should I be flattered?”
I left the doorway, pushing the door shut with my hip.
“Absolutely. I mean, I don’t know if anyone has told you how hot you are.”
His cheeks heated, but he smiled wider.
“No, only you.”
I walked further into the room and popped the glasses of water down on the bedside table, flipping on the lamp whilst I was there. Retreating to the door, I locked it and turned out the main light.
“Well, you are in my eyes.”
“Did you get waylaid?”
“Huh?”
I walked back over to the bed and slid in next to him, popping my glasses down on the table.
“You took longer than I expected.”
“Oh.” I rubbed my face. “Rory came into the kitchen and made some enquiries as to what I was doing.”
Jonah’s eyebrow raised.
“Enquiries?”
“Here’s the thing about Rory… nothing, and I mean nothing, gets by him. He has eyes like a hawk and ears like a bat. He sees and hears everything.”
“You told him I was here?”
I looked away.
“I didn’t tell him it’s you, just that I had a guest.” I didn’t know how he’d react to it so I couldn’t meet his eyes. “Lana and I just broke up and I don’t know what we are… yet.”
His fingers curled under my chin and he turned my face to his. Those light green eyes were full of compassion, it almost broke me clean in two.
“It’s okay, Raphi, you don’t have to explain. I’m here and I’m not going to push you. I want you to decide on your own terms and in your own time.”
“Why are you so nice to me? Like you’re the kindest, most understanding person I’ve ever met. I don’t know how you can forgive me for being such a dick to you.”
The words fell out of my mouth without me thinking about them. They made his eyes soften further.
“It’s simple. To me, you’re worth the pain.”
I swallowed hard.
Cuore mio, I don’t deserve you.
There was that fucking phrase again. I knew why it resonated with me. Mum called Xav her treasure in Italian. Tesoro mio. When I was small, I kept trying to pronounce it but couldn’t do it quite right. She taught me it and several other Italian phrases she learnt when she was a kid. Mum might not be a Russo any longer but she hadn’t forgotten the culture she was raised in. She kept the parts important to her. Italian was something only the two of us shared as Aurora, Duke and Cole had never been interested.
“Jonah…”
His fingers slid around my jaw, pulling me closer as he dumped his phone on the bed.
“I never stopped caring about you even after you said all those things. You have always meant something to me. I don’t want to hold grudges or live with hate. I only ever wanted to help set you free.”
He kissed me then, perhaps knowing I couldn’t speak. My emotions clogged my throat. He saw me. Jonah was so fucking good, he wouldn’t hurt a fly.
“Just don’t push me away again,” he whispered against my lips. “Even if you don’t want to be with me, don’t leave. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give.”
I didn’t want to leave him.
I wanted him to be mine.
No one else could have him because he was the person I needed. And I had to let myself feel what I did towards him or things would fall apart. Whether or not I was capable of it was a question I had no answer to.
“I’m right here,” I murmured against his mouth before I pulled him down under the covers. He lay back and I curled myself around him, my head resting on his chest. “I just don’t know how to accept myself the way you do.”
He stroked my hair, wrapping his other arm around me.
“Let me help you.”
If anyone could, it was him. Jonah wanted to be a psychologist. He would make an amazing one. His kindness and compassion were some of his biggest assets.
“I’ll try.”
He kissed the top of my head.
“That’s all I ask.”
Except it wasn’t and we both knew it. The unspoken words still hung in the air.
Let me be with you because I want you to be mine.
I didn’t say them and neither did he. Instead, I lay there feeling content for the first time in a long time. No matter the problems between
us, being with him made me feel safe.
I couldn’t let him go. Because… I loved him.
Chapter Twenty Six
A loud banging dragged me from the depths of a deep, peaceful sleep. I cracked my eyes open, finding myself wrapped around a solid body. He was warm and I didn’t want to leave.
“Raphi, why is your door locked?” came a muffled voice which sounded like my mother.
Oh, Jesus Christ, really? I can have my door locked. The rest of them do.
The banging came again. I knew why she was worried. Mum was overprotective of me.
“Raphael!”
I carefully extracted myself from around Jonah’s back, not wanting to wake him. He was still dead to the world. I smiled and kissed his shoulder. Dragging myself out of bed, I pulled a t-shirt and shorts on, which I’d discarded before we fell asleep and shoved my glasses on my face.
I walked over to the door, unlocked it and stepped out, pulling it closed behind me. There stood my mother with her arms crossed over her chest. She did not look happy at all.
“What do you want, Mum? I was asleep.”
“It’s breakfast time.”
I rubbed my face and yawned.
“And?”
Her frown deepened.
“And you promised your dad you would go shopping with him for Xav’s birthday. Or did you forget?”
I hadn’t, but clearly, Mum was stressing since she wanted to make sure Xav’s birthday celebrations next week went off without a hitch. She was like this every time one of us had a birthday.
“I remember, but we’re not leaving until twelve.”
I planned to spend the morning with the man in my bed. Wrapped up in his warmth and calming presence before reality intruded on me again.
“Well, come and have breakfast anyway.”
I gave her a look. Being babied by her was a regular occurrence even if Cole got it way worse than I did.
“I’m eighteen, Mum. I can do it myself. Besides, I’m kind of busy.”
“Busy? You just told me you were asleep.”
“Yeah, but I’m not alone.”
Her blonde eyebrows shot up. I knew right then in my sleep-addled state, I’d fucked up. I hadn’t meant to tell her I had a guest.