by Sarah Bailey
“Why don’t I believe that?”
“You’re a nosey bastard that’s why,” Damien muttered.
Robin gave Damien a dirty look before turning back to me.
“Well?”
My phone started ringing in my hand. I bit my lip as I stared down at the screen.
“I have to take this, sorry.”
I jumped up and hurried out of the room before either of them could say a word, shoving my phone to my ear.
“Hey.”
“I’m not disturbing your reunion with your housemates, am I?”
I shook my head as I took the stairs two by two. I could hear the disdain in his voice but it wasn’t directed at me. No, it was for Robin who I was pretty sure my boyfriend hated if his reaction to what I’d told him last night was anything to go by. I’d known I should have told him weeks ago about Robin and me. It wasn’t my proudest moment. Raphi had every right to be pissed at me for it.
“Of course not.”
Raphi knew I’d always make time for him.
“I haven’t finished packing yet. Still trying to decide what to take and what to leave. Not like I’ll be far away from home so it’s not that important.”
I reached my bedroom and shut myself in, taking a seat at my desk
“You want to be comfortable though.”
“I’ll be fine. I have your train selfie if I get sad.”
I snorted.
“You have way better pictures of me than that.”
“There’s a certain charm about this one. You look like you want to be anywhere else than in that seat.”
The train ride up here had been boring as hell. I’d listened to music and read a book, but my mind kept wandering back to Raphi. How I wanted things to work out. And how I regretted ever mentioning the fact he hadn’t told anyone except Duke about us yet. I’d met his parents on several occasions now. Hell, they probably suspected there was more to us than friendship.
The strange thing about meeting them had been the realisation they were just normal people. They might have done a lot of fucked up shit in the past, but it was clear to see they loved their kids and would do anything for them and each other. It made me regret my objections to Cole and Meredith’s relationship even more.
“I was bored.”
“Poor thing, wish I’d have been there to entertain you.”
“Not sure your form of entertainment is allowed on public transport.”
He laughed. The rich sound of it made my heart melt. Hell, did I adore everything about him. How on earth would I survive until half-term without Raphi?
“That wasn’t what I had in mind. Didn’t I satisfy you enough earlier?”
My face grew hot thinking about the way he’d pinned me down on his bed with his hand over my mouth, stopping me from making too much noise. The absolute brutal pounding he’d given me. How I’d ended up coming not once, but twice because of it.
“You did.”
“You don’t sound very convinced.”
“I’m just remembering it.”
One of the many things I’d miss whilst I was up here. We weren’t sex-mad for each other or anything, we just had a healthy amount of it. It was the intimacy I’d miss the most. Being close to him. Sleeping next to him. Talking to him about everything and nothing.
“Oh yeah? You not walking funny or anything?”
I could hear the amusement in his voice.
“Oh my god, no, I’m fine.”
It’s not like he’d hurt me or been too rough. Raphi knew what I could take and never went too far.
“You’re definitely fine.”
I put my fingers to my lips, feeling how wide my smile was. He knew I blushed when he complimented me. I hadn’t got used to it. I wasn’t sure I ever would.
“Flatterer.”
“Just a boy waiting patiently until your fine arse comes back home.”
There were too many weeks until then. Far too many.
“You’ll survive. You’ve got freshers to look forward to.”
“I know. I’m just feeling sad right now. I’m leaving home and you’re not here. Feels like so much has changed in the last couple of months. I’m trying to cope with it all, but it’s hard.”
If I was with him, I’d hold him tight and tell him it would be okay. He had me. I’d help him cope. What good was I hundreds of miles away?
“Change is hard, so it’s normal to feel overwhelmed by it. If it gets too much, I’m only a phone call away, okay? I promise I’ll be here whenever you need me.”
“I miss you and you’ve only been gone hours. It doesn’t feel real that I won’t get to see you for weeks.”
My heart was in a vice. What I wouldn’t do to be there with him. He revealed a lot about himself in those few words. He wasn’t coping very well. Raphi hid a lot of his true feelings deep inside of him. The way he could never see himself in a positive light. How he blamed himself for everything bad in his life. He lived with too much pain inside. I tried to help him but there was only so much I could do. Being there for him didn’t feel like enough. Especially not at times like this. When he sounded like he might break apart inside.
“I know we never talked about it, but I can come down and see you before half-term.”
“You’d do that?”
“Yeah… need to check on my sister too, you know.”
He laughed a little.
“Your troublesome sister.”
Meredith had been better over the summer now she wasn’t seeing Cole all the time at school. She was happy to be at university. I’d helped her move into halls a couple of days ago. There was no way she wanted to stay with Mum and Grandma. I couldn’t blame her, what with the way they treated my sister. I wasn’t looking forward to moving back home when I’d finished up with university, but I could deal with them more than Meredith ever could. Probably since I didn’t care what they thought of me any longer. Not when Mum had admitted she didn’t want us. It made it easy to stop giving a shit. I’d grown a lot over the past couple of years whilst I’d been at university. Learnt how to survive on my own. I had a thicker skin. There were only two things in my life which made me vulnerable. My two weaknesses.
Firstly, my sister. And secondly, the boy I was talking to right now. The one who held my heart tight in his fist. He had the power to break me. I’d given that to him. When it came to love, you had to take the risk. Had to be willing to give up everything to be with the person you wanted more than life itself.
That was Raphi for me. I didn’t doubt he would always be that person for me. Giving him up wasn’t an option now he’d let me in. Now he’d shown me what true passion and a bond between two people felt like. How could I ever go back?
“She’ll be fine without me. Besides, she has you.”
“She’s already been texting me, asking to meet up. Says I’m a dick for blowing her off most of the summer.”
Meredith had no idea I was the reason he’d not seen much of her. We’d taken up most of each other’s time knowing we had to be apart when university started. My sister didn’t suspect a thing. She was happy I was getting out more and being sociable. I’d always been a loner on the whole considering crowds bothered me. Not to mention the multitude of emotions coming off all those people. That was the worst. I just about handled dealing with the emotional turmoil of those close to me.
“She just misses you is all.”
“I’ve already arranged to meet her at the weekend. Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on her for you even if you don’t really need me to.”
He knew how much I worried about her. The whole thing between me, him, Cole and Meredith was water under the bridge. It happened. I couldn’t take it back. Perhaps one day those two could work it out, but the last time I’d talked to Meredith, she’d been pretty determined to forget Cole Carter ever existed.
“Thank you, it means a lot.”
It had surprised me she’d remaine
d friends with Raphi after her breakup with his brother. Meredith had never been the type to take sides, only placing blame on the person who’d actually done wrong. I hadn’t told her what Raphi had done to me three years ago. I hadn’t wanted to ruin their friendship. Even when I’d been mad at him, I’d still appreciated the way he’d been there for my sister, especially after Celia turned on her. I couldn’t say I was sorry they weren’t friends any longer. That girl was cruel to people for the fun of it.
“You’re welcome. I should go, this packing isn’t going to do itself and my parents will be back from their meeting soon. I promised I’d help Dad with dinner, plus my parents are all like, you have to spend your last night with us. Going to be busy for the rest of the day.”
“Okay. Text me before you go to sleep, yeah?”
“Will do, bye, J.”
“Bye.”
I love you.
It kept getting harder and harder to stop myself from saying those words to him. Raphi wasn’t ready to hear them. Plus, I’d promised myself I wouldn’t say them until he could be open about our relationship. The fact he’d even said yes to me telling Damien and Robin was a big step for him.
I stuffed my phone in my pocket and went downstairs again, dropping into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. My two housemates were still watching TV when I sat down on the sofa again.
“Important phone call?” Robin asked.
I had a feeling he wouldn’t drop it until I told him what I’d done over the summer.
“It was my boyfriend.”
Both Damien and Robin stared at me. The entire time they’d known me, I’d never expressed interest in anyone. I hadn’t even told Robin about Raphi when the whole topic of sex had come up that night. It didn’t feel right.
“You got a boyfriend whilst you were back home?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, fuck me.”
“Congrats, J. Does he have a name?” Damien asked, giving Robin a scathing look.
I rubbed my chest before sipping my coffee.
“Raphi… I’ve known him for a long time. Guess we got closer over the summer.”
It was the safest explanation. I didn’t feel like getting into it with anyone about what had really gone down between me and Raphi.
“So it’ll be long distance whilst you’re up here?”
I nodded, hating the reminder.
“Well, I hope it all works out for you.”
“He good in bed?” Robin asked.
Damien glared at him and I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, I’m definitely not telling you that.”
“Of course, that’s all you care about,” Damien muttered. “It’s all sex, sex, sex with you.”
“No point dating someone if they’re shit in bed,” Robin said, “A mundane sex life is the worst thing I could think of.”
Robin let Damien’s barbs roll off him all the time. The guy was way too laid back about everything in life. Probably why he was coasting through university, not really giving a shit about his grades and only caring about having fun.
“There’s more to life than sex, Robin. Jonah knows that, but you don’t seem to want to get it into your thick skull.”
“Whatever, virgin boy. Sex is what gives us life.”
“Fuck you, I’m not a virgin.”
“No? How come in the two years I’ve known you, you’ve never brought a girl around?”
“As if I’d bring a girl anywhere near you. You’d be trying to get between her legs within two minutes of meeting her.”
I sipped my coffee, ignoring their argument because it would no doubt escalate further. For once, I didn’t feel like intervening. How they’d survived without me here as a buffer was beyond me, but they could fight it out all they wanted. It was all futile considering in less than a year, we’d all be finished with university and going our separate ways. No way in hell I was staying here any longer than I needed to. Not when I wanted to be back home with my sister. And not when I had Raphi.
I’d fight for what I had with him even if it broke me. I’d meant what I said to him weeks ago. He was worth all the pain. All of it. Every last second. I wouldn’t let him go for anything.
Chapter Thirty Four
It took three weeks. Just three weeks for me to break. I had a lot of shit to get on with now I was back at university, but it didn’t matter. I missed Raphi so much, it fucking hurt. Didn’t help I’d had to listen about all the crazy shit he’d got up to during freshers. The parties. The drinking. All of it. I wasn’t insecure and I didn’t think he would do anything with another person, but I hated I wasn’t having those experiences with him.
I stepped off the train at St Pancras into the late Friday afternoon rush hour. The sheer amount of people made my skin itch, but I followed the crowd on the platform towards the barriers. The journey down here had been long and boring. It would be worth it to see him for the weekend. I hadn’t told my sister I was here, which was kind of shitty of me, but all I cared about was being with my boyfriend. Reminding myself we were okay. We had each other.
I swiped my card over the barriers and walked through into the station. What I was met with had me stopping in my tracks and someone almost bumped into the back of me. I heard some grumbling but I honestly didn’t care. Standing several feet away by one of the big departure boards was my boyfriend. He had his hands in his coat pockets, his hair all windswept and the biggest smile on his face. I’d told Raphi what train I was getting, but I hadn’t expected him to be here to meet me. I thought he had a lecture, so I was going to make my way to his halls and wait for him.
My feet carried me through the crowd to him. My hands itched to touch him. Every inch of me needed the man in front of me. When I reached him, I didn’t know what to do. We were in public. It wasn’t like I could grab him and kiss him.
Fuck, I’ve missed you so much.
“You’re here,” I said, all other words disappearing from my mind.
“You had the long journey down here, the least I could do was show up.”
He shrugged and smiled wider. I could hardly breathe. Being close to him had me struggling not to melt into a puddle of goo. He looked good.
“You didn’t skip your lecture, did you?”
He shook his head.
“No, I ran out the moment it was over so I could get the tube here. It’s lucky your train was delayed by five minutes or I’d have been late and might have missed you.”
The thought of him making the trip to meet me at the station had my heart racing in my chest. If I ever doubted his feelings for me, I had no reason to now.
“You should have texted me or something. I would have waited.”
“And ruin the surprise?” Raphi reached out and took my hand, his green eyes twinkling. “Come on, let’s go get dinner before we head to my halls.”
I followed him through the crowd down to the tube. We were squished up together in the carriage after we got on, but it was okay. I was with Raphi. He kept me grounded. We didn’t talk much during the journey, but he kept a tight hold of my hand. Raphi hadn’t been particularly touchy-feely with me in public before. Made me wonder if he was finally coming around to the idea of being open about our relationship. It could be wishful thinking on my part. I wasn’t going to get my hopes up.
When we got out of the underground up onto the street, I sucked in the cool air, finally able to breathe after being stuck in the stuffy atmosphere of the tube.
“You okay?” Raphi asked, squeezing my hand as he pulled me away from the entrance.
“Yeah. I don’t miss rush hour.”
He grinned and knocked my shoulder with his.
“Did you miss me?”
“Like you wouldn’t know.”
He bit his lip, making me wish I could kiss him. I’d not felt this man’s hands and lips on me for three weeks. My skin craved his touch. I ached for him all over.
“I knew that already, consid
ering you’re here now. I distinctly remember you telling me two days ago you couldn’t wait any longer.”
“Shut up.”
“You all shy today, J?”
I swear to god he loved to wind me up. And I did too because it was us. Raphi and me. That easiness between us when we weren’t having emotionally charged conversations. When he didn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulders and could just be with me.
“Maybe.”
“I can tell, you’re blushing.”
I rolled my eyes, hating how hot my face felt.
“Totally your fault.”
He leant closer, his breath dusting across my ear. I shivered. It didn’t take much for me to get aroused when Raphi was near me. He knew exactly what he was doing as well.
“I’ll take it. Your blushes are the most adorable thing in the world, especially when you’re all hot and bothered from my words.”
“You aren’t playing fair.”
“Have I ever?”
“Playing fair is boring.”
He squeezed my hand, making me attempt to hide my smile, but I was completely unable to. Being with him again was the happiest I’d been since I’d left for Durham. Knowing I had almost two days of uninterrupted time with this man was like being brought back to life after my world went dark.
“How mad do you reckon Mer will be if she finds out you came down here and didn’t see her?”
“I dread to even think about it. I reckon I’d be given the bollocking of the century.”
Raphi snorted. My sister had one hell of a temper when she lost it. It was usually accompanied by tears of frustration, which she hated. It always made me feel shit when I made her cry. It broke my fucking heart to see her in pain, upset or angry.
Raphi pulled me into a little Vietnamese place. The wait staff seemed to recognise him as they seated us.
“You come here often?” I asked as I looked over the menu.
“Probably too much for only being here for three weeks. These girls on my floor suggested it and now you can’t keep us away.”