by Sarah Bailey
“Jonah, what—”
“Don’t speak.”
“What?”
“I said don’t speak. I don’t want to talk.”
“Then what—”
He kissed me again to stop me from asking. I groaned as he dug a hand between us and stroked my cock. Jonah didn’t want to talk, but he certainly wanted something else. He wanted me. I didn’t know if this was a good idea or not but my body was on board with his desire.
“Remind me of how we were,” he whispered against my mouth. “I need it, Raphi. Please.”
“You need me to do what?”
He knew this game. How we worked. I didn’t give him things unless he asked for them. This time it was imperative I had his words. So we both knew who’d initiated this. Who’d asked for it.
“Take me to your bed, strip me down, kiss me, touch me and… and… fuck me like you used to. I need it. I need you to remind me of what we were to each other.”
Whilst I had no real fucking clue why he needed this, I couldn’t deny him. Instead of talking like we really should, I took his hand and led him upstairs. His breathing was heavy as if this scared and excited him at the same time. Hell, I was scared and excited too. Scared of what this meant. What if this was his way of being able to let go? I didn’t want him to let go of me. I wanted him to stay forever and for us to work things out.
When we reached my bedroom, I took my glasses off and set them on the bedside table. Jonah curled himself around my back and kissed my neck, running his hands down my stomach. I turned in his arms, wrapping my hand around the back of his neck and kissing him again. His fingers explored the contours of my body as mine did so to his. It’d been such a long time. Whilst I’d memorised every inch of him, this felt different. It felt better.
He went willingly when I pressed him down on my bed. I shoved his coat off his shoulders and threw it away. My hands went to his jumper next, pushing it up his chest along with his t-shirt. He’d got more toned. It only made my mouth water.
“Still hot as fuck,” I murmured.
Seeing him blush made it completely worth it. I leant down and ran my tongue along his collarbone. He panted, his hands coming up to fist in my hair. I moved lower, circling his nipple which made him moan and buck underneath me.
“Raphi,” he whimpered. “Please.”
“A little impatient, are we?”
His light green eyes were on me, begging me to keep going.
“I’ve been too scared to ask anyone else to give me what you do.”
I didn’t want to think of Jonah with anyone else when we were about to have sex but knowing I was the only one who’d ever given him what he truly needed made my chest swell.
“I see.” My hands went to his belt, tugging it open and unbuttoning his fly. “So, you’re saying you need to be pinned down and made to take it without mercy, hmm? Have you missed it? The way I take and you give?”
He moaned as my hand ran down his hard cock. There was no doubt he’d missed it. He craved it.
“Yes, I have. I need it.”
I tugged off the rest of his clothes, stopping to untie his trainers on the way. Reaching over, I ripped my bedside drawer open and pulled out the lube. I sat up on my knees, proceeding to coat my fingers. He watched me, his hands fisted at his sides as if his patience had worn thin. I leant over Jonah, reaching between us as he shifted, bending his legs at the knees to give me better access. My lips brushed against his, taking in every one of his tiny reactions to my touch.
“Do you want me to take you here, J?” I brushed my fingers over him. “Do you want me to pound your tight little hole with my cock, huh? Make you cry out and beg me not to stop?”
I slid my first finger inside him, trying not to groan at how hot he was.
“Please, fuck me.”
“Tell me how you want it.”
“Rough, I want it fucking rough, Raphi. I don’t care if it hurts. Just give it to me.”
It’s not like I was going to tell him no. Every part of me had missed Jonah. Missed the way we were together. It’s not like I’d been this way with anyone else either. It hadn’t occurred to me. This was me and him. I’d wanted to keep it that way. I felt like I’d be tarnishing our memory otherwise.
“You’re going to get it rough and without mercy. Even if you want me to stop, I won’t.”
He moaned as I worked my finger inside him before inserting another.
“I don’t want you to stop.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that. You have no idea what I’m about to do to you.”
He shivered and I kissed him. I wasn’t going to be all talk and no action. He had told me to remind him of how we were. I was going to go one step further. Give him an experience he’d likely never forget. I wanted to brand myself on him the way he had me.
I took my time working him up, getting him ready for me. He whined and begged me to give it to him, but I had more patience than he did. When I was sure he could take it, I pulled my fingers from him.
“I want you to bend over the bed and put your hands behind your back.”
I shifted off him so he could obey my command, standing up and wiping my fingers down with a tissue. Jonah did as I asked whilst I tugged my t-shirt off. He looked back at me, his eyes roaming across my bare chest. I smiled as I pulled the rest of my clothes off. Jonah could barely keep his eyes off me and it made me feel good. Like he needed to see me to feel alive.
I might not have let my true self out with anyone else, but I’d learnt a few things, regardless. Things I liked in the bedroom. I pulled a length of silk rope from the bedside and wrapped it around his wrists, tying them together. He didn’t object or tell me no. I took the next thing out. Jonah let out a little pant as I wrapped a length of silk around his eyes and tied it behind his head, depriving him of his sight.
“Now you won’t see me coming,” I whispered in his ear before pressing a kiss to his cheek.
“Raphi…”
I stroked my hand down his back.
“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you. You don’t need to be scared.”
“I’m not. I need this… I need you.”
My heart hurt at his words. The desperation in his voice. I didn’t know how he could place so much trust in me after all this time. I wouldn’t question it when he was being honest with me.
I shifted lower, pressing soft kisses down the column of his spine, my fingers stroking along his skin. He whimpered, the most beautiful sound imaginable. I hadn’t heard it in what felt like forever.
“More,” he panted. “Please, fuck, please.”
“Needy and begging,” I whispered. “Could you be more perfect right now?”
He struggled against his bound wrists.
“Please, I want you to fuck me.”
I dug my fingers into his hair and pulled his head back. The way his neck stretched made my cock throb.
“No patience. That’s not being good, J. Don’t you want to be good for me?”
“I do, please, Raphi. I’ll do anything.”
I placed a kiss between his shoulder blades.
“Spread your legs wider.”
He widened his stance without objection or hesitation.
“All you need to do is make all those beautiful sounds whilst I fuck this tight hole of yours.” To make my point, I pressed a finger inside him again. “Do you hear me? Moan, pant, mewl and beg. Fucking beg me.”
He tried to press himself back on my finger, making me smile.
“Please fuck me.”
“Are you hard for me? Are you fucking throbbing for my touch? If I wrap my hand around your dick, will it be leaking for me?”
I pressed my finger deeper, making him arch his back.
“Yes, fuck. I’m so hard for you.”
“Good.”
I released him then, allowing his head to flop back on the bed. His breathing was erratic, his chest heaving. He trembled all ov
er with want and need. Fuck. I made him like this. Only me.
I straightened and reached for a condom. I might love teasing him, but I was fucking hard and aching to be inside him. Rolling it on after I ripped the foil open, I coated myself to make sure I didn’t hurt him. No matter how hard I wanted to fuck Jonah, I wanted him to enjoy it too.
Placing my hand on his hip, I lined myself up, rubbing my cock against him. He shifted, letting out these harsh breaths as if he was too desperate to even moan. I didn’t deny him. My hips shunted forward, my cock sliding inside him with little resistance.
“Oh fuck,” he cried out.
I stopped, wanting to give him time since I had no idea when he’d last done this. His hands moved on his back, his wrists rubbing together under the bonds.
“Raphi.”
“Yes, J?”
“Can… can you go slow for me, please? Just at first.”
My hand tightened around his hip.
“As you wish.”
That told me one thing. He hadn’t slept with anyone in a long time. It had been a good long while for me too. I hadn’t been ready for a relationship whilst I was being treated. Not to say I didn’t date, but it never got serious. The only person I’d ever wanted to be this way with was Jonah. I wanted the whole fucking shebang with him, including marriage, but I especially wanted forever. If he’d let me. I wanted it to be on his terms this time. I would do whatever it took to get him back.
I did exactly as Jonah asked. I went slow, giving him a little more at a time until I was pressed right up against him. He groaned and I let out a harsh breath. He was so fucking hot and I struggled to hold back.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“For what?”
“Giving me what I need.”
I leant over and kissed his cheek.
“Anything for you, J. Anything at all.”
I meant those words in every way he could think of.
“Kiss me?”
I smiled, moving my head lower and capturing his lips. Whilst I kissed him, I gave him deep and gentle thrusts, opening him up further to me. He moaned in my mouth, his hands shifting on his back again. Jonah clearly wanted to touch me but he wasn’t allowed. Not yet.
“Are you ready for me? Ready for the way I’m going to fuck you,” I hissed against his mouth.
“Yes, fuck, please.”
I pushed off the bed and straightened. Gripping both his hips, I pulled out almost all the way before thrusting back in. He yelped but there were no other sounds of complaint. I gave it to him again and again, getting harder and deeper each time. And he gave me those noises. Those moans of pleasure which had always intoxicated me.
“That’s it,” I ground out through gritted teeth as sweat beaded on the back of my neck. “Take it. Fucking take it.”
“Fuck. Raphi. Fuck. Me.” The way he panted out his words as if forcing them from his lungs turned me on further.
No matter how many times I’d given it to Jonah before, I don’t think I’d ever fucked him as hard as I did now. My hips slammed against him over and over. He just took it. Every thrust. Every inch.
“Don’t stop, please, fuck.”
No, Jonah was begging for more. Begging me to never let up. To show him how good we’d been together. How right we were.
I was so lost in giving it to him, my orgasm crept up on me. It came without warning, slamming into me as I grunted and moaned his name. My body shuddered, my cock pulsing inside him as pleasure washed over me.
“Fuck!”
“Raphi!”
I felt him clench hard around me with his own release. The two of us had been so worked up, it wasn’t surprising it had come on fast.
When we’d both stopped shaking, I pulled out of him, tying off the condom and throwing it away. Then I collapsed next to him, knowing now we’d fucked, we needed to talk. I was too wrung out to move right then. And by the looks of it, Jonah was too. He lay there panting, looking like he’d been thoroughly ravaged.
God, J, you’re fucking beautiful. I adore you. I love you so much. I don’t want to let you go.
Chapter Forty Six
When I came over to see Raphi, it had not been my intention to kiss him and tell him to take me to bed. I swore to myself I only wanted to talk to him. It had taken me almost a week to find the courage to visit him. When he’d opened his front door, all I could think was how perfect he looked. And how much I wanted him. My need had overridden my common sense. The need to be reminded of what we were to each other.
The way he’d taken care of me had my heart in knots. He’d done everything I asked. Went slow when I needed it then fucked me so hard I thought I was going to pass out from the pleasure. I’d even come without him touching my dick, not something that happened often but he kept hitting just the right spot. It had been a long time since I’d been with anyone intimately. He reminded me of exactly what I’d been missing with everyone else.
Passion. Fire. Desire.
Raphi untied my hands first before removing the blindfold he’d put on me. He had a tired but happy smile on his face. His perfect face I’d longed to see again.
Fuck, I’m still so in love with you.
It seemed strange to me I could have such intense feelings for someone I’d not seen in six and a half years. Perhaps what they say about first loves is true. You never forget them. Considering Raphi was my first and only love, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to me. I’d never tried to get over him or let go.
“Hey,” he murmured, stroking my cheek.
I flexed my fingers, resting my arms by my sides.
“I’m not sure I can move.”
He smiled wider.
“Mmm, then I need to take care of you.”
He kissed my cheek before getting up. I heard his footsteps retreating from the room and wondered where he was going. I somehow got on the bed properly, laying there feeling as though my world just got rocked.
“J, do you drink wine?” I heard his voice calling from somewhere.
“Um, on occasion,” I called back.
“Red or white?”
“Red, please.”
Then there was silence apart from the sound of running water. I should get up and go find him, but my legs felt like jelly. Raphi had learnt some new tricks in the bedroom. Being tied up wasn’t something I’d considered. Him doing it had been hot. The whole thing had been incredible. I knew sex between us could be like that, but this was on a whole other level.
When Raphi returned, he grinned at me before helping me up off the bed. He frowned down at the covers, realising we’d made a bit of a mess. It was lucky it was only on the blanket covering his bed.
“One sec.”
He tugged it off the bed and took it out of the room. I heard his footsteps going downstairs. I waited a few minutes until he came back. Raphi grabbed my hand and gave me a smile.
“Where are we going?” I asked as he pulled me out of the room.
“You’ll see.”
He took me into a bathroom. I stood on the threshold, staring at the huge claw-footed bathtub which looked like the one at his parents’ house. It was filled with hot water and the room smelt of citrus. The lighting was turned down low and two filled wine glasses sat on a low small side table next to the bath.
“What’s this?”
“I told you, I’m taking care of you,” Raphi replied as if it was obvious.
He tugged on my hand, leading me over to the bath and encouraging me to step in. What I wasn’t counting on was for him to get in with me. He sat back against one end and made me sit between his legs. I felt weird about it considering I’d never done this before. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my shoulder.
“Isn’t this something straight couples do in romance books and films?”
He snorted and rubbed my chest.
“And?”
“I forgot, you date girls too.”
“Woul
d you have preferred it if we’d showered together? Is that the more manly thing to do?”
“Shut up, that’s not what I meant.”
“You have a problem with me being bi, J?”
I laid my hand against his where it was resting on my chest.
“No. I never have. So, you’ve accepted it now then.”
“Yeah, it is what it is. I don’t run away from who I am any longer. I told you, I’m better.”
I had believed him when he said it but hearing it and seeing it in evidence were two very different things.
“I know.”
This wasn’t how I meant for any of this to go. For us to be intimate with each other again, like no time at all had passed.
Raphi reached over to the table and handed me a glass of wine. I took it and sipped at it, trying to work out what I should say to him now.
“Why did you come here?” he asked me, his fingers dancing over my shoulder.
“To talk to you.”
“So the fucking part was just spontaneous, was it?”
“You could say that.”
He leant his head against mine.
“Then talk, J, because you told me we shouldn’t see each other.”
I sighed and stared down at our legs. Mine sat between his. It was a huge bath. We fit in it together without any issues.
“Why do you have such a big bath?”
I hadn’t meant to ask the question but my thoughts were scattered after the sex we’d had. I didn’t know where to begin.
“When my parents bought me this place as a graduation gift, they had the whole thing gutted and redone. I wanted a similar bath to the one at home. It was my favourite place to be. I could forget the world for a while whilst I was in there.”
“They bought you a house for finishing university?”
Raphi rubbed his head against mine.
“You do remember they’re loaded, right? They were proud of me for getting my act together. I was going to counselling every week and improving. Dad knew I didn’t want to live at home so they did this for me. It gave me the independence I’d always craved. I still go back to theirs like at least once a week for dinner. It makes Mum happy and, well, I need my family.”