Our Darkest Scar

by Sarah Bailey

  I stared up at him. I had no idea he’d felt that way the first day we’d talked. It was such a long time ago and we’d been through so many things since then.

  “This was my friend’s brother and I shouldn’t be taking up his time, but in a lot of ways, I’m glad we did talk that day. I’m glad he gave me his number and told me I could talk to him if I needed to. It was the first time I had someone offering me something without asking for anything in return.”

  He looked down at me.

  “It’s one of the things I love the most about you, J. All you want to do in life is to help other people. You helped me that day. You were just what I needed only I didn’t realise it until much later on. I wanted to say thank you for talking to me because if you hadn’t, we might not be here today.”

  I took his hand again and brought it to my lips, kissing his knuckles. Raphi smiled at me in that beautiful way of his, letting me know how much he adored me.

  “It wasn’t out of the kindness of my heart,” I said, giving him a shake of the head.

  “No?”

  “Well, maybe a little, but there was just something about you. I wanted to help you. And I guess I kind of liked you too.”

  His eyebrow curved upwards.

  “Kind of?”

  “Yeah, just a little.”

  His smile told me he was messing with me. I batted his arm.

  “All right, lovebirds, get on with it,” Duke said.

  Raphi smacked his brother around the back of the head which earned him a scowl.

  “Okay, okay… I’ll try and wrap this up.” Raphi shook his paper out. “I’d like you all to raise your glasses to my wonderful, kind, caring and incredibly handsome husband here who is my entire world and I couldn’t do without him.”

  He picked up his champagne glass and raised it.

  “To Jonah.”

  Our guests echoed his sentiments as Raphi peered over his glass at me whilst he took a sip. Those green eyes were full of affection. Then he sat down and rested his head on my shoulder. I placed a kiss on top of his head.

  “I love you,” I whispered.

  “Love you too, cuore mio.”

  Duke stood up and Raphi tensed.

  “Since my brother is refusing to let me do a speech… I’d like you to all raise your glasses again to the happy couple. To Raphi and Jonah.”

  There were cheers and whoops as everyone raised their glasses and toasted us. My heart was full. This had to be the happiest day of my life. How could any other day match this? I’d married the man I’d loved and wanted forever with. It meant everything to me.

  “I loved your speech,” I told him a while later when we were dancing together.

  “You did?”

  “Yes, especially the part where you admitted to having a crush on me.”

  He smiled and I rested my head on his shoulder.

  “How could I not? You’re hot as hell.”

  “So are you.”

  “I’m counting down the minutes until we can leave. I swear you in a suit does things to me.”

  I laughed. I didn’t wear them all that often but every time I did, it drove my husband crazy. He looked just as good in my eyes. I couldn’t wait until we could be alone too. And tomorrow, we’d have three whole weeks to ourselves in the sun when we jetted off to the Caribbean. Raphi’s parents had insisted on paying for our honeymoon. I’d learnt not to object to their generosity in the time Raphi and I had been back together. It never ended well when anyone did.

  “And here I thought I was the one with no patience.”

  “You telling me you’re not already thinking about what I have planned for you?”

  “You know very well I am since you refuse to tell me.”

  “Anticipation always makes it sweeter, J. Haven’t you learnt that yet?”

  Raphi made me wait for a lot of things in the bedroom, which had done little to prevent my impatience when it came to him. He kept saying I was still just as needy as ever. Lucky for me, it made him want me all the more.

  “No, I’m never going to like your insistence on taking everything at a snail’s pace when all I want you to do is fuck me.”

  He laughed and I adored the rich sound of it.

  “I always reward you when you’re good for me.”

  I stroked his nape with my fingers.

  “I’m going to be very good for you later.”

  “I’m counting on it.”

  The thought of it excited me no end, but I kept a lid on it.

  “Thank you for giving me the perfect wedding,” I whispered into his neck. “And thank you for loving me. You’re the best person in my life.”

  “I thought that was Meredith.”

  “Don’t be smart right now when I’m trying to tell you how much I appreciate you.”

  He held me closer and kissed my hair.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Mmm, you will be.”

  He chuckled.

  “Is it time for us to leave yet?”

  I lifted my head from his shoulder. We were staying at the hotel we were having the reception in so we could sneak away if we wanted.

  “You think anyone will notice?”

  “They will, but I no longer care since it’s our day.”

  I grinned and took his hand. Raphi eyed me for a moment. Then the two of us snuck off the dancefloor together and hot-footed it towards the doors to the room. We glanced back before we left. All of Raphi’s parents were huddled in a corner talking. His siblings were on the dancefloor with their partners. Meredith spied me and Raphi from over Cole’s shoulder, her eyes widening.

  “We’ve been spotted,” I hissed at Raphi.

  He gave Meredith a wave and a wink. She shooed away us with a flick of her wrist, essentially giving us the go-ahead to get out of here for the night. We’d see everyone in the morning when we came down for breakfast. Then it’d be home to get our suitcases and off to the airport. I really couldn’t wait.

  I smiled at my sister and tugged my husband from the room. The two of us were laughing all the way up to our suite. And when we got in the room, we only had eyes for each other.

  My beautiful man and I were going to make it this time. We had forever ahead of us and nothing would come between us again.

  Epilogue

  Lots of people say your wedding is the best day of your life. I would have agreed a few days ago. That was before I got to see the beautiful sight in front of me. The most picture-perfect moment of my life. I wondered if anything could ever top this feeling I had right then.

  I leant my head against the doorframe, watching my husband with our baby girl resting on his shoulder whilst he hummed a little lullaby and rocked her. We’d brought Elodie home two days ago. My parents were coming over later to meet her but she needed a nap. Jonah volunteered to put her down for a couple of hours.

  It had taken us a year and a half to through the adoption process and be matched with a child. Jonah had become frustrated at times but when they’d placed Elodie in his arms, all the stress of the process melted away. She was only two months old and had lived with a foster family before she came to us. We were told her birth parents had died in a tragic accident. Elodie needed a family. Jonah and I were it.

  “Your dad and I are going to give you the whole world,” Jonah murmured as he continued to rock her to sleep.

  I swear my heart hurt at his words.

  “We are?” I asked, keeping my voice low.

  Jonah looked over at me, his light green eyes full of happiness.

  “You hear that, Lo-Lo? Daddy doesn’t think we can give you the world.”

  I shook my head. For all the shit I gave Jonah, he gave it right back.

  “Don’t be making our daughter think I’m the bad dad here already.”

  He kissed the small tuft of light brown hair on her head.

  “Your dad has clearly forgotten how much I love him and he could n
ever be bad in my eyes.”

  I approached them with a smile.

  “Is that so?”

  I wrapped an arm around Jonah’s waist and stroked Elodie’s head.

  “Mmm, yes it is.”

  “Good thing I love your daddy too, isn’t it, baby girl?”

  Elodie closed her eyes, her little fist gripping Jonah’s t-shirt. Fuck, she was beautiful and perfect in every single way. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. It was the same for my husband.

  I leant closer to Jonah and kissed his cheek. He turned his face into mine to catch my lips. When I pulled back, he was smiling softly.

  “Mum is going to lose her mind over her,” I murmured, staring down at our sleeping daughter.

  “Oh, I’m sure. Our girl is going to get so spoilt by your parents.”

  I was in absolutely no doubt of that. When I told Dad about the adoption, he got teary-eyed and told me how much he was looking forward to meeting his granddaughter. The way my parents had not only accepted Jonah into our family but hadn’t batted an eyelid about us adopting made my heart ache. They were the most supporting and loving parents anyone could ever have. Whilst some people would never understand their relationship, I wouldn’t change having Dad, Mum, Xav, Quinn and Rory as my parents for anything.

  “I bet Mum has filled the car with gifts and my dads are totally complaining about it.”

  Jonah laughed quietly so as not to wake our daughter. I let him go and he placed her down in her bassinet. He tucked a blanket around her and wrapped his arm around me this time. I leant my head on his shoulder as the two of us stared down at Elodie.

  “I can’t get over how perfect she is,” he whispered.

  “Neither can I.”

  “Can we just stay here and watch her for a while?”

  “If you want.”

  He kissed the top of my head, making me sigh with contentment.

  There was nowhere else on earth I would rather be but right here with my husband and my baby girl. Life had thrown a lot my way. I’d had a lot of ups and downs. Been through so many hardships. And coming out the other side of all of it had been a blessing. I couldn’t ask for more now I was with the love of my life.

  “Jonah.”

  “Mmm?”

  “We’re parents. How fucking crazy is that?”

  “Batshit.”

  It might be crazy but I had this guy to keep me steady. There were days I still struggled and Jonah was there to pick me up. He never made me feel as though I was any less because of my battles with mental health. He was the one person I could rely on every day to help see me through. And I’d be forever grateful I’d found my way back to the man who had always been there for me even when we’d been apart.

  “We’ll be okay though because I’m doing it with you, cuore mio. You make everything easier.”

  “Don’t make me cry,” he muttered.

  I lifted my head from his shoulder and turned to him, framing his face with both my hands.

  “Will you cry if I tell you I’m going to love you forever?”

  He shook his head even as tears welled in his eyes.

  “No… because I’ll love you forever too.”

  I rested my forehead against his knowing this was all I ever needed to get me through the rest of my life.

  Just him.

  Just Jonah Ethan Nelson-Pope.

  My beautiful, perfectly handsome husband.

  I needed him.

  Always.

  Read the next book in the series…

  His Spite. My Derision. Our Manipulation.

  If I could describe Logan Benson in two words, they would be heartless and callous.

  From the moment we met, we were thrown into a maze of our own making full of lies, hatred and lust. One neither of us knew how to navigate.

  Perhaps it was the way we never backed down from a fight which proved to be our undoing.

  Or maybe I had been fooling myself into thinking he could change.

  A man like him would never see me as anything other than a toy.

  I was a game to him.

  One I refused to play.

  Logan left me with one harsh and unforgiving lesson. He showed me love was meaningless. It only hurt and destroyed those stupid enough to fall into its pit of deceit. When he walked away from the mess that was us, I vowed one thing and one thing alone. I would make him rue the day he ruined me.

  A coming of age, second chance MF romance. This is not just a love story, it’s a journey with high steam, angst and pain. But as with all love stories, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and a HEA waiting for you.

  Author Note: I recommend reading The Devil’s Syndicate series if you want to see Aurora’s parents’ journey to their happy ever after. And reading the Benson Siblings if you want to see Logan’s parents’ story.

  Get Here

  I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading this book as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you did, I would greatly appreciate a short review on Amazon or your favourite book website. Reviews are crucial for any author, and even just a line or two can make a huge difference.

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  Sarah’s Sinners

  Music is one of my biggest inspirations for when I’m writing my books. If you’re curious about what songs inspired me, have a listen to the playlist.

  Our Darkest Scar Playlist

  Titles by Sarah Bailey

  Dark Romance

  Corrupt Empire

  Betrayal

  Sacrifice

  Revenge

  Benson Siblings

  Provoked

  Promises

  Prohibit

  Protect

  The Devil’s Syndicate

  Deceived

  Defied

  Derailed

  Debauched

  Depraved

  Our Darkest Series

  Our Darkest Hour

  Our Darkest Path

  Our Darkest Scar

  Our Darkest Maze

  Our Darkest Dare

  Paranormal Romance

  After Dark

  Demon’s Destiny

  Vampire’s Kiss

  Witching Night

  Cursed Heart

  Death’s Angel

  Lucifer’s Cage

  Blood Magic

  Erotic Romance

  Dirty series

  Dirty Dom

  Dirty Cop

  Dirty Chef

  Dirty Judge

  Dirty Author

  Acknowledgements

  Thank you so much for taking the time to read this book. I really appreciate all of my readers and hope this book gave you as much joy reading it as I did writing it.

  The only thanks I have to give for this book is to Raphi and Jonah.

  Thank you for letting me tell this story. For giving me the opportunity to dig deep into my soul and drag this out into the open. To let me speak of something I’ve personally kept hidden for a long time.

  I’m not ashamed of my history of mental illness. It’s been a long and arduous journey to find myself in a position today where I’m good. Where I don’t wake up every morning hating my existence. Suffering from depression is no walk in the park. There’s no quick fix or way out for most. But I can say I’m okay. I manage. I cope. Every day is a new one and in a lot of ways, creating helps keep me sane.

  Writing a story from the perspective of a person suffering with depression forced me to relive experiences probably best left in the past. I was able to give Raphi’s struggle that much more because of it. And as for Jonah, well, he was just as hard on me. He’s an introvert and shares the part of me which suffers in silence so I can help those I love. For me, this book was a double whammy in terms of emotional taxation
. Yet, it was worth every moment. Every tear I shed in process. Their journey wouldn’t be what it is without the pain I went through to give them a voice.

  I want to thank them for who they are as characters. They taught me a lot of lessons during the process of bringing their story to fruition. Ones I will carry with me along my path as a person and as a writer. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

  About The Author

  Sarah writes dark, contemporary, erotic and paranormal romances. She adores all forms of steamy romance and can always be found with a book or ten on her Kindle. She loves anti-heroes, alpha males and flawed characters with a little bit of darkness lurking within. Her writing buddies nicknamed her ‘The Queen of Steam’ for her pulse racing sex scenes which will leave you a little hot under the collar.

  Born and raised in Sussex, UK near the Ashdown Forest where she grew up climbing trees and building Lego towns with her younger brother. Sarah fell in love with novels when she was a teenager reading her aunt’s historical regency romances. She has always loved the supernatural and exploring the darker side of romance and fantasy novels.

  Sarah currently resides in the Scottish Highlands with her husband. Music is one of her biggest inspirations and she always has something on in the background whilst writing. She is an avid gamer and is often found hogging her husband’s Xbox.

  You can find more about Sarah Bailey in the following ways:

  Sarah’s Website

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