by Ruby Kiss
Julian’s head snapped up and he looked…actually it wasn’t an expression I could describe. I suddenly realized I had just asked my professor out to the bar, while we were sitting in a café holding hands.
Omigod. Omigod. I pulled my hand out of his and stood as fast as I could. What the hell was I thinking? What happened to my plan to let him take the lead? Way to fuck things up Mackenzie.
I backed quickly away from the table. “I’m sorry, I’ve got to…” I didn’t even finish the sentence as I turned to dash for the door.
“Mackenzie, wait!” was the last thing I heard before the chime of the bell and the cold October air hit me in the face like the harsh slap of reality physically manifested.
Chapter 6
I slammed back a shot of whiskey while Lauren stood next to me, looking an interesting combination of confused and concerned, her own shot forgotten on the bar.
“Run me through this again, he held your hand and you asked him out and then you ran away? Before he could answer?”
“Yes,” I said, dropping the shot glass back onto the wooden countertop. “I’m a moron, and right now I don’t know if I’m mad at myself for asking or mad at myself for leaving. Possibly both.”
“Did he say no?” she asked, knocking back her own shot.
“He didn’t say anything! I ran away like a chicken before he could answer.” I leaned over the bar to get the waitresses attention and ordered a rye and coke—better not do more than one shot at a time.
“So, you’re crazy,” Lauren said deadpan, and then to the waitress, “make that two please.”
“Yes, we’ve established this,” I replied, hanging my head. “I don’t even know what happened man, I wasn’t going to say anything remember?”
“I remember,” she replied with a gentle smile. “I was there for the conversation we had just a few hours ago.”
“Ughhh.” I had lost the ability to articulate what I was feeling. I decided to head up to the DJ and put my name in for a song—I always felt better when I could sing out my feelings. Good timing on the karaoke night was so far the only silver lining I could see.
I put my name and song choice down on a slip of paper and slid it across the table. The female DJ nodded in acceptance, so I stepped to the side to wait my turn. Lauren joined me with both our drinks in her hand. I accepted mine with the dim realization that I had walked away before the waitress could finish pouring the drink I ordered.
“I owe you one,” I said to express my gratitude for her keeping track of me in my current state of emotional upheaval.
“Did you put your name in for a song?” she asked, head tilted to the side in curiosity.
“Yeah, I love karaoke,” I replied. “And singing actually helps me get my feelings out so it’s a win-win right now.”
It didn’t take long for the DJ to call my name—it was too early in the night for most people to have the bravery—or liquid courage—required for karaoke. I stepped up to the microphone and lifted it off the stand. I didn’t need to look at the screen. The song I chose was one I had done so many times at home—in the shower or my living room, as well as karaoke bars—that I knew it by heart.
The beat started and my eyes drifted closed, and I poured everything I was feeling into my voice as it rang out through the speakers around me.
When I reached the end of the first verse, I took a deep breath to ready myself for the chorus and opened my eyes. Julian’s were staring back at me. I blinked, I was thinking about him as I was singing and now, I was hallucinating him, great. It took me all the way to the end of the chorus to realize he was real. Standing at the back of the bar, staring at me with his mouth slightly agape. Not gawking or awkward but definitely in shock.
I couldn’t have broken the eye contact if I wanted to—the rest of the room melted away and I sang my heart out just to him. Every note pulled up from the depths of my soul, the confused feelings—new and exciting—that I had been wrestling with all day. Who was I kidding, they had been there from the first time he’d opened his mouth and told me he didn’t give private lessons.
The song came to an end and I realized belatedly that I was panting slightly from the exertion. The bar erupted into cheers and clapping around but it all sounded like it was coming from under water. The DJ thanked me for my song and I stumbled away from the mic stand. I headed straight for the door, past Laurens confused gaze that was yo-yoing between Julian and me, and straight past the object of my desire until I was back outside in the cold and running down the street.
I don’t know if I went ten feet or one hundred when I heard his voice echoing behind me.
“Mackenzie, wait please!”
I wanted with everything I had to stop, but also to keep running—it was like being torn in two. Who am I kidding? Of course, I have to stop. I jogged to a halt and spun around, quickly wiping away the hot tears that ran down my cheeks. He caught up to me and stopped so close I could feel his laboured breathing against my skin.
“Mackenzie I…” he began, “that was incredible.”
“Thank you,” I said, an embarrassed blush flooding my cheeks.
“That’s not why I chased you down the street,” he said, one hand gripping the back of his neck. He suddenly looked ten years younger.
“I didn’t think so.”
“Why did you run out of the café?” he asked, reaching for my hand. I pulled it back and looked around. There was an alley several feet away, so I quickly took his proffered hand and led him in there.
“Because I was embarrassed, obviously,” I said. I hadn’t let go of his hand and my own started to tremble—I wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or the contact with him.
“Yes, I gathered that,” he replied with a long-suffering smile. “Why were you embarrassed?”
“I…because you’re my prof and there’s all these feelings that shouldn’t be feelings and I had just decided I wasn’t going to say anything and then—” Julian cut me off with a firm hand on the back of my neck as he pulled me in for a deep kiss.
I wound my arms immediately around his neck and returned his kiss with all the pent-up emotions that had been running rampant through me all day. He stepped forward, lips still firmly attached to mine until I was backed gently into the wall. I held on for dear life as his tongue ghosted across my bottom lip, coaxing my mouth open. I moaned in response and obliged him. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, drinking each other in against the alley wall.
Eventually Julian broke away and we both took a deep breath of the cold October air.
“My apartment is about 2 blocks that way,” he said with a haphazard gesture towards the street.
I just nodded, not trusting myself to make words. He tugged my hand to pull me away from the wall and I followed him, drunk on lust and want.
We half-walked, half-stumbled down the street, stopping every few minutes to frantically run our hands over each others’ bodies. There were far too many clothes in the way. I was so lost in him that I wasn’t paying attention to where we were until he tugged on my hand to stop me from continuing down the sidewalk.
I watched as he fumbled the key in the lock a couple of times, giggling quietly and running my hand up his back under his jacket. He turned and smirked at me, the same sexy smirk from the day we met.
“Am I distracting you?” I asked, returning his smirk with a cheeky grin.
“You’ve been distracting me for weeks Mackenzie,” he replied as he turned the key, the lock clicking audibly in the quiet night.
He took my hand in his, and my arm tingled from my fingertips to my shoulder as he led me up the stairs to his apartment door. I had a second to compose myself, my heart pounding in my chest so hard I was sure he could hear it.
Am I really going to do this? Who am I kidding, of course I am. I shook my head gently, determined to stop over thinking what was happening and just let it happen.
When Julian put his hands on either side of my face and softly pressed his lips t
o mine, it felt like I was melting into the floor. I was eternally grateful for his hands holding me, otherwise I was sure I would have collapsed right there in the hallway.
He reached for the doorknob with one hand and pushed the door open without breaking the kiss. We shuffled awkwardly through the doorway, and as soon as we cleared the threshold, he kicked the door shut and we stepped back until I hit the door.
I slipped my hands up under his open jacket—I took a second to wonder when it got opened, but that thought quickly fled my brain as I slid my hands down his muscular arms, pushing the coat to the floor. I moaned against his mouth, and his hands on my hips gripped slightly harder in response. At least I hoped it was a response.
I pulled my head back and thumped the door with a light thud. “Ouch.”
“Are you ok?” He dipped his head to meet my eyes, concerned.
“There are far too many endorphins in my system to feel pain right now,” I replied with a brief smile before turning my attention to his shirt buttons. I made it halfway down before he pulled my shirt over my head and discarded it on the floor. I grinned and ducked my head so he couldn’t see my self-satisfied expression.
When I reached the last of the buttons, I took a moment to admire his bare chest now exposed by his open shirt. I planted my hands on his abs and pushed him backwards so we could finally make our way into his apartment, instead of having sex right there against the door. Not that I wouldn’t have been down for that.
He walked backwards as best he could, while running his hands up and down my bare back and planting wet open mouthed kisses on my neck. We made it as far as the couch where we tumbled down in a mess of half-naked limbs.
I ended up on top, placing one hand on either side of him to push myself up to prevent suffocation. We were both laughing, and my head swam with joy. We didn’t even have our pants off yet and I was already having the best sexual encounter I’d ever had.
I decided to take the reins, further than I had already, and stood up. I looked down at him with the sexiest look I could muster, hands planted on my hips. I slid them across the flat plain of my exposed stomach until I reached the clasp of my pants, slowly undoing one button at a time. Julian’s eyes flitted frantically back and forth between my face and hands.
I slipped my now open pants slowly down over my ass, and dropped them to the ground. I tried to shimmy out of them the way movie stars always seem to do so smoothly. But Julian must have lost all patience at this point because he sat up quickly, grabbed my pants with one hand and wrapped the other around my ass to hold me up. I lifted my legs to comply as he yanked my pants out of the way, leaving me standing in front of my professor clad in just my lace panties while he gazed up at me from the couch, mouth open, taking in the view.
“Oh wow,” he said, breathless, and the blush that flooded my cheeks was red hot. I grinned and ducked my head, embarrassed by his open admiration. I knew I was attractive, but I wasn’t used to such a blatant display of appreciation.
“You, sir, are wearing entirely too many clothes,” I said, attempting to diffuse the heaviness that had settled in the air and resisting the urge to cross my arms over my naked breasts.
In response to my pronouncement he shrugged out of his open shirt and slipped his belt out of its buckle. I dropped to my knees in front of him and watched as his eyes followed my movement and his hands froze in the act of undoing his slacks.
“Oh no,” I said, shaking my head lightly. “Don’t stop.”
I slid my hands up his calves and across his thighs to the waistband of his pants, gently easing his own out of the way since he seemed to have lost the use of them. He lifted his hips off the couch so I could tug his pants down out of the way, just like he had done for me. I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of his boxers in order to get them out of the way as well, revealing his impressive—and rock hard—length at the same time.
Sudden shyness rushed through me as I realized the position we were in, but I barely had a moment to process before Julian stood from the couch—in all his glorious nakedness—and grabbed my wrists, tugging me quickly up from where I knelt on the floor. He flipped us around and in the space of a heartbeat I was pressed against the rough fabric of the couch, his body covering mine instantly, and his soft lips left a warm trail up my neck until he found my mouth again.
He kissed me like he needed my lips to live. I had been kissed a lot over the course of my young adulthood, but never with this level of desperation. Never with this level of need. A deep resonating sense of reassurance settled deep inside me, knowing I wasn’t alone in the way I felt—he felt it too. I had known before that he did—I was sure of it—but there was quite a difference between knowing and feeling.
I tried as best I could to reciprocate, pouring everything that had been building inside of me for the past few weeks into the kiss, into him.
His hands roamed over my body, as if he were trying to touch me everywhere at once. I gripped his shoulders hard, just holding on and reveling in the feel of him pressed against me. When he reached between us to stroke my most intimate body part, he found me wet and wanting. I arched my hips into his touch, becoming increasingly desperate for something more.
Julian was clearly willing to oblige my unspoken request, using the hand already between our bodies to line himself up with my core. He stopped for a moment, long enough to lock eyes with me, waiting for my go ahead.
“Yes, please,” I moaned, my voice barely above a whisper.
He plunged inside me with a desperate gasp. White hot sparks exploded behind my eyes as our bodies came together. Finally, was the last coherent thought I had that night.
Chapter 7
I woke up the next morning with that groggy feeling you get when you don’t quite know where you are, you know? When it takes your brain a few minutes to catch up with your eyes. While I was still taking in the unfamiliar ceiling, somewhere in the depths of my consciousness I registered a large, warm hand splayed across my bare stomach. Before I had time to dwell on that, a sleepy “Hello,” came from the half under the pillow beside me.
“Hi,” I replied, suddenly sheepish in the harsh light of day—something to do with the nakedness of myself and my equally naked professor laying next to me.
Julian shifted his hand against my stomach, flooding my nerve endings with warmth beyond the comfortable feeling of waking up under a heavy blanket next to another body. Gooseflesh broke out across my skin and I squirmed in response.
I turned into him, pressing my body against his with a groan of pleasure as I trailed my lips up his neck, desperately seeking his mouth. Clearly, he was impatient, as he didn’t wait for me to get there, meeting my wet kisses with his own.
I wrapped my arms around his muscular back and pulled him even closer, and for a moment it was pure, unadulterated heaven. Until reality came crashing back in.
“Omigod!” I yelled, very unfortunately mostly right in Julian’s face as I didn’t take the time to pull my head and body properly away from his.
“What?” he asked, slightly frantic. “Are you okay? Did I…?” He didn’t finish his thought, but pushed me away until he held my arms tightly but far enough that he could look into my eyes, his own searching for the answer to my distress.
“We didn’t use a condom,” I said, heart pounding in my chest as memories of last night came pouring into my head.
“Oh,” he replied, somber but less panicked that I was. “And you’re not…?” He trailed off again, but the unspoken thought was obvious.
“No!” I was still freaking out, internally as well as externally it would seem. “I wasn’t planning on sleeping with anyone when I came here for one semester so I thought I’d give myself a break from hormone induced craziness, and besides why is it only my responsibility, I’m not the only one who—” As usual under pressure I began to ramble and Julian had found a rather effective method of calming me down: he pressed his lips to mine. Just for a moment, not like last night’s passion-filled ma
ke out session in the alleyway. It was enough to force me to take a breath when he pulled away.
“Of course, it’s not only your responsibility,” he said in the brief moment while I was forced to stop the verbal diarrhea. “And it’s okay, this is not the end of the world.”
“You’re right,” I replied, breathing deeply and trying to calm myself down.
“I can go…” he began, and then paused to look at me, “I can just go to the pharmacy and be back shortly with Plan B, I’ll even bring back breakfast.” He smiled an incredibly reassuring smile, the smile of an older man who isn’t freaked out by a quick trip to the pharmacy or the repercussions of a night of unprotected sex. It was the best thing I’d felt, since last night anyways.
“Would you?” I implored. “Like you wouldn’t mind? Cuz I’d really love to just lay in this bed and not deal with reality for a bit while I calm the fuck down.”
“Of course,” he replied, trailing his knuckles up and down my bare arm. “What kind of bagels should I get?”
An hour later, I was curled up on the couch, wearing a button down shirt and a pair of Julian’s boxers—he’d tossed them at me while he was getting dressed with explicit instructions to only put them on if I felt the urge to get out of bed.
“I’m perfectly happy to come back and find you still naked,” he’d said with his signature sexy smirk firmly in place.
After he left, however, I couldn’t stay in the bed much longer. My head spun, and not just because of the implications of what had happened the night before. Not just the potential physical implications to myself anyways. Also, the social fallout that was sure to follow our night of passion.
What was I thinking when I got into bed with my prof?! This couldn’t end well. The problem was, I didn’t want it to end. It had just started, and despite my reservations, I had every intention of seeing it through to wherever it would lead, social fallout be damned.