One and a Half Regrets: A Sweet, New Adult Romance (Love by the Numbers Book 1)

by J. A. Coffey

  “Sup?” I cough as Marco comes in wearing his summer suit and looking like he’s never taken a sick baby to the hospital in his life.

  DeSilva’s voice grates my ears. “We got trouble.”

  I scratch my head, struggling to come alert. “What kind of trouble.”

  “Finn and Trish are breaking up. For good.”

  “So the wedding’s…?”

  “Off.” He actually looks worried about it.

  “Oh.” Does that mean I can stay longer in Seattle or does that mean we have to leave immediately after the concert? “I don’t see how that’s trouble, but…okay.”

  “Finn took off to clear his head, but we’ve got commitments. Listen, our label has a contract to send a member of the band to that honeymoon resort and the other guys are…out of commission at the moment. I need someone I can rely on.” He shoots an angry look at Zane, sitting in withdrawn silence in the living room. Zane catches us looking at him and picks up his bass guitar as if nothing’s wrong. “I need you to head out to Mexico after the concert on Friday.”

  “Uhhh.” I drag my hand through my hair. “Hate to disappoint you, Marco…”

  DeSilva continues without acknowledging my reluctance. “Don’t worry. You won’t be alone. I’ll send someone to keep you company. Get some great party shots that the resort can use for PR. Nothing too dirty, but with the Wylde Ryder flair.”

  He’s not listening to me. I hate that.

  I wait until he finishes his litany of dates, times and activities for the paparazzi and cross my arms. “Sorry, Marco. That’s not gonna happen.”

  DeSilva frowns. “Why is that, exactly? Wait, let me guess. Is it this?”

  He flips the morning paper onto the counter and I see blurry black and white photos of me and Beth from the past few days. There’s us at the park, the day she told me about Cadence. Another holding hands in front of the movie theater. And a shot of her Ma’s pub with a banner proclaiming the reopening reunion party that Jovie is organizing. All there for the world to see.

  I stifle the wave of anger that courses through me and worry that everything I’ve tried to rebuild with Beth and my daughter will be ruined. “I’ve got other things going on.”

  “What things?”

  “Commitments.” I shrug.

  “Since when do you schedule your own time, Liam?” DeSilva sounds tense.

  He sounds like my father.

  “Since I was eighteen and left home.” My jaw clenches. After Dad’s abuse, no one is gonna tell me what to do without me having a major say in it. Before Seattle, Marco’s calendar worked for me. But now? It doesn’t. “If you’ve got problems with that…” I let my voice trail off ominously.

  DeSilva’s eyes cut from me to Zane who is practicing some bass licks in the living room. Zane’s expression is guarded, but the lines of tension in his forehead are gone. Maybe Finn’s blow up with Trish had something to do with it.

  “No…no problem,” DeSilva says. “I’ll get Finn to clear up his own mess.”

  “That’ll be a first.” Zane pushes past us to grab the coffee pot from the charger.

  Marco ignores him. “As long as Liam’s little trip down memory lane doesn’t interfere with our concert schedule, rehearsals, and public appearances…” He smiles at me. “You know, your other commitments. To the band. Your family.”

  He’s got no way of knowing that’s the wrong word to use with me. Especially now. But I’m torn. My strongest commitment is with my real family—Beth and Cadence—and not solely to the band of guys who happen to make Marco DeSilva money.

  “I’ve got things under control,” I reply.

  Marco doesn’t press it. “Sure thing, kid. Whatever you say.” He tosses one last dark look at Zane and stalks out, yammering on his cell phone.

  “Damage control.” Zane’s husky voice surprises me. I hadn’t thought he was listening in. “Don’t worry about it. He’ll get over it.” He sips his coffee. “They both will.”

  “Yeah.” I rub the back of my neck. “But will we?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, whatever’s going on with you and Finn. The band is in trouble.” I don’t need a newspaper to tell me that.

  Zane’s jaw tenses. “Let’s just say that Finn and I aren’t on the same page right now. Don’t worry, we’ll work it out.” He sounds determined, but I still wonder.

  “You okay?”

  “Me?” Zane seems surprised that I asked. “I’m great. You?”

  “Better than great.” I stand up. “Not going to Mexico for Marco, though.”

  “Me neither.” There’s a strange sadness playing in the corner of his eyes. “Couples only.”

  Though he’s never seemed bothered by it, I haven’t seen him hook up with anyone since before Finn and Trish got engaged. The news that the wedding is off doesn’t surprise me, but it seems to bother Zane more that I’d expect.

  For the umpteenth time, I’m glad to have my relationship with Beth renewed—and not just because of our baby. Because I love her.

  I head down the hall to shower, shave and text Beth that I’m dropping by later with food and a movie before her evening shift at the pub. She sends a grateful and enthusiastic response and heart and kiss emojees.

  I smile, wondering if she knows how many times I thought about her this morning. The phone buzzes before I can stuff it back in my pocket.

  I answer without looking. “Hello?”

  “Liam?” A voice asks. Male, harsh, threatening. My palms go slick.

  “How did you get this number?” In my head, I’m cursing six ways to Sunday. There isn’t enough money in the world to pay this creep to stay clear of me.

  “Told you I’d track you down.” Dad laughs. “You’re not the only one with connections. Grease the right wheels and people will do anything.”

  “Not me. Not anymore.” I hit the button to disconnect the call. My mind’s whirling with plans to keep Beth and my daughter safe and away from anyone who can hurt us. And I mean anyone.

  Chapter Nine

  Beth

  “Long day ahead?” I ask, as Liam gently tucks our daughter into her bouncy seat in the living room. It’s barely noon, and he’s already come over to my place. I’ve still got a few hours before I need to pack the diaper bag and drop Cadence off with Paige. Now that her fever is under control, the virus is no longer contagious. Her spots are starting to fade and she’s happy and content—just like Liam and me. We steal every possible moment we can together.

  “Always too long when I’m away from you.” He waggles his eyebrows and I laugh, which makes Cadence crack up.

  “Maybe you should do something about that,” I joke, not exactly sure what I expect him to say.

  “I’ve been thinking about that.” All his teasing disappears, and Liam grows serious. “What if we moved in together?”

  “What? Here?”

  “Or someplace new.” He ducks his head. “Someplace we pick out together.”

  “How would I afford that?” I scoff to cover my nervousness.

  “Most of my money’s tied up in investments, but I’ve got some set aside.” He nudges me meaningfully with his shoulder. “It could be a new start.”

  “Ma and Cormack would kill me.” I want more than shacking up when Liam blows through town, but the fact that he’s even considering it makes my head whirl. Outside of our romance, Liam’s never been tied to anyone or anything. “Besides, what about you and the band?”

  “Things are a little rocky. I’m not sure what’s going to happen when the contract with DeSilva comes up next month.” His eyes burn into mine. “Either way, I’d love to have a place to call home.”

  “A home, but not family?” I turn away to snag the diaper bag in one hand and a wad of clean burpees in the other.

  “Beth.” His eyes are sad. “It’s a start.”

  “I know, I know.” But what’s best for our daughter comes first.<
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  I love Liam, and the past few weeks have been amazing, but I’m still not sure if he’ll ever be the kind of family man that I need him to be. For Cadence’s sake, I can’t afford another mistake.

  Cadence squeals and spins the noisemaker on her bouncy seat.

  “Born to rock,” I say. We both laugh sheepishly.

  “Sounds like she’s down for some music,” Liam suggests.

  “Agreed.”

  Liam starts shifting the chairs so he can drag Cadence’s bouncy seat closer to us.

  “Will you play for me?” He jerks his chin towards my violin case propped in the corner near the giant giraffe. I can tell he’s a little wounded that I didn’t agree right off.

  “With you, maybe,” I counter, going to fetch the instrument that I somehow never stuffed back in the closet.

  “Cool.” He sets up his mock drums and pulls his sticks from his back pocket. His cell phone plops to the carpet with a soft thud.

  “Ooops, careful,” I caution, pulling my violin out of the case.

  Liam goes to shove his phone back in his jeans, then stops. “Hey, can I video this? Us jamming together?”

  My hands still. “What for? Posterity? Don’t be silly.”

  His eyes crinkle at me. “You know how much I love to hear you play. Just thought it would be nice to carry with me when I’m…”

  His words trail off. He means when he’s gone.

  “Sure,” I say with a fake casualness that I don’t feel. “Why not? Make sure you email me a copy.” Cormack, Paige and Lucy might get a kick out of it.

  He catches hold of my arm as I go to position my instrument. “I’m going to be on the road at times, Beth. There’s no way around it. It’s my job. But I’m hoping I’ll have somewhere to come home to. There’s no place for me without you and Cadence.”

  His words make my heart swell. Suddenly, I’m buoyant and there’s tears pricking at the backs of my eyelids. He’s trying to make this place a home—him, a guy who never wanted or needed one. But he’s still gotta ask me, if that’s what he truly wants. Because I want it all—for me and our baby.

  The sun is streaming through the windows while I tune my violin and he sets his phone to record. I play a few improvised melodies from Wylde Ryder. He laughs and roams the room—teasing and sweet-talking me while I warm up, the superstar cameraman trying to get me to smile or make a mistake. I don’t make a mistake, but I’m laughing at his antics. So is Cadence.

  Liam gets a flash of inspiration. “Let’s do the song we played the other day.”

  “Okay.” I wait for him to prop his phone camera on the couch cushions. He squats on the floor to my left near a stack of random noise-makers that serves as his percussion. We launch into “I Wanna Be Urs,” this time with me complicating the melody even more than before.

  I have no idea if the camera caught either one of us, but it was a great cover. I’m sweating a little, but proud of myself, by the time Liam clicks off the phone and Cadence needs her nap.

  He follows me into her nursery, easing the crib bar down while I rock her and feed her a bottle. He lowers the blinds and absently paces the room, his fingers tracing the shelves of toys, cardboard books, and stuffed animals as if he’s trying to commit each one to memory. At last, our baby’s drowsy and ready to go down.

  We lean over together, kissing our daughter’s sleepy cheek. I stand there, watching her long lashes drift close, as Cadence slips into dreamland with both of her parents smiling down at her. It couldn’t be more perfect, until it is.

  “I love you,” Liam whispers. His arm tightens around me as we stroll out of the nursery with her baby monitor set to low.

  “I never stopped loving you.” If you’d asked me last year if I thought Liam would ever be able to handle family life, I would have said no, definitely not.

  But it’s been almost two weeks of bliss. Working, laughing, loving. We get through each day, doing what we need to do, knowing that after hours will find us together in my townhouse—at least for the time being. I don’t want to think about what will happen when DeSilva finds out. Or the reporters. Or Liam’s father.

  Those dark thoughts are for another time and place.

  Right now, with the sun shining and our daughter sleeping peacefully in the next room, we’re lying on the couch, side-by-side, and I’m thinking the opposite of dark thoughts. Like, how warm he is next to me. How good it feels with him holding me in his arms. How much I love him.

  I let go of everything else, clinging in that one perfect moment to the man who makes everything right.

  “Do you…” He pauses and inhales slowly. “Do you think there’s a chance for us?”

  I tilt my head on his chest to stare up at him. “What kind of chance?”

  He smiles down at me. “The permanent kind?”

  The expression on his face steals my breath away, but I manage a response. “There could be, if you want it.”

  Liam pulls me towards him and kisses me with that same sweet passion that rouses an ache between my legs. “Oh, I want it.”

  We make love again, with exquisite tenderness. He’s definitely changed for the better. Still as passionate and intense, but there’s a mellower side to him now, one he reserves just for me. I’m not sure I’ll ever get enough of him.

  And afterwards, I lie in his arms staring out the window, watching the afternoon sun drift through the clouds and listening to the soft sound of his breathing. I’ve never felt so happy before. So…complete. And completely myself. Even the music is back.

  Liam did that. He brings out the best in me, just as I balance him. Can it really work this time? Can we grab hold of this second chance?

  Our hearts beat in perfect time, and I hold my breath for a moment, considering all the possibilities.

  If Liam is willing to settle down in Seattle, I could have the best of all worlds—my life, my love and my family. Who knows, maybe I’ll get to play again, too. Things could be so different and so much better.

  Musicians don’t have to travel all the time. So much recording is done digitally these days, it’s possible for him to maintain a life with us here and still play for the band—as long as both Liam and his agent are on board with the idea.

  But that also means his father might be in the picture.

  My stomach twists and I get up to empty my bladder and my worrisome thoughts. Would his dad treat him any differently, now that Liam has a child of his own? Or would it make things worse? By the time I return from the bathroom, Liam is getting dressed.

  “Another scheduled appearance?” I ask.

  “No,” he says with a smile, erasing my fears. “I’ve got some things I need to work out.”

  “What kind of things?”

  “Family things.” He bends down to cram his sneakers onto his feet. “I’ll be tied up the rest of tonight.”

  Family things? Since when?

  “Don’t worry.” Liam laughs at my expression. He wraps me in a hug, his breath sifting through the hair on top of my head. “I’ll be back tomorrow to spend time with you and Cadence.”

  “I work the evening shift at the Rogue. I won’t be home until after ten.”

  Liam halts tying his shoe laces. “Who’s watching Cadence?”

  “Paige, of course.”

  He rubs the back of his neck. “All night?”

  “It’s not that long. The usual six hours or so.” I wonder why he’s asking.

  “Let me watch her.” His eyes burn into mine. “The concert’s this weekend, but…” He trails off, probably not wanting to say that he doesn’t know how many more hours he can spend with Cadence—or me. We’re fighting against time.

  “Are you sure?” Watching the baby that long would be work, even with a sweet daughter like ours. “You’ll have to feed and burp and change her all on your own.” Sure, he’d pitched in plenty with me hovering, but he hadn’t been alone with our daughter for that length of time.

/>   “I’m positive.” He sounds determined. Responsible.

  Everything I hoped he would be.

  I’m helping Cormack sort through the mountain of final construction invoices, when he gives me the third degree. “Paige told me you cancelled on her for tonight.”

  “Liam asked to watch Cadence instead.” I nudge the stack of empty cases with my hip and sink into the tiny chair opposite him, grateful to be off my feet for a few minutes.

  “Is this a good thing?” My brother peers at me over the top of his invoice.

  “I don’t know, is it?”

  “Paige and I want you to be happy, as does Ma.”

  “I’m more than happy…I love him.” I sink back against the chair and sigh. “I never thought I could be this happy.”

  My brother smiles. “You’ve loved him since you guys were the Conservatory couple of the year. Why do you think Ma was so keen to let him crash at our place or on that cot in the back storeroom?” He frowns. “I still remember those days, Beth. How in love you were back then and how devastated you were when things didn’t work out.”

  “This time is different. He knows about Cadence and he loves us, too. He’s ready to be a family.”

  My brother looks cautiously optimistic. “Did he say that?”

  I pinch my calves, trying to massage feeling back into them. “He said there were some things he needed to work out. Family things. And he asked to watch Cadence during my shift tonight. Don’t you think that means he’s trying to figure a way for us to be together?”

  “Maybe.” Cormack shifts the papers on his desk. “Or it could mean his dad. I saw that mean sumbitch crossing at the corner yesterday.”

  “Oh?” My heart clenches. “You never said that.”

  He shrugs. “No reason. It’s a free country. Man can walk where he likes.”

  “As long as he keeps on walking,” I say fiercely. Away from me, Liam and our baby. I want no part of him. And neither does Liam.

  Cormack doesn’t answer, just places the invoice on top of the stack on his desk.