The Earth Is Full (Child of Deliverance Series Book 1)

by B. D. Riehl

  “Let’s talk in the car, okay?”

  Charlotte nodded, but once they were in the car, she could no longer keep her eyes open. When her mom pulled into the driveway, Charlotte fumbled for the door handle and was surprised when her dad came to help her inside.

  “Hey, Kiddo.”

  “Hi, Daddy.” She smiled at him as he led her inside and tucked her into the bed in the guest room. The feeling of being a kid in her parents’ home again amused her, but Noah’s face flashed before her eyes, piercing her heart. Fresh tears escaped through her closed lids as she fell into a pained sleep.

  It was dusk when she stirred in the bed, unsure at first of where she was. Settled into the crisp, clean sheets, her travel-worn body felt renewed. In contrast to the clean sheets, she smelled herself and was driven out of the bed and into the small bathroom next door.

  A hot shower worked wonders. Her skin tingled beneath the steamy flow, and she opened her mouth just because she could. She couldn’t believe she’d only had two showers since she was last home. She thought of the way Lydia was always put together and wondered how she was enduring hard labor coupled with limited showers.

  Charlotte hadn’t been able to speak with Lydia since she left with everyone else for Thailand and wondered if her parents had heard from her.

  Has she turned to You, Lord?

  When Charlotte was dried off and dressed, she ventured into the kitchen. Her stomach cramped when she saw an Idaho Pizza Company box on the counter.

  “BBQ chicken,” her dad spoke from the dining room, “your favorite.”

  Her mother sat with him and Charlotte noticed they had set a place for her in her old spot.

  “Wow, I feel like a kid again: picked up at the airport by my mom, tucked into bed by Dad, and now my favorite pizza.” She smiled and took a seat.

  “Well, we missed you. It’s still a week before Lydia is back, and we never get to spoil you this way anymore. Dig in,”

  Her mother said a quick prayer for Lydia, the work of Deliverance, and over Noah.

  “Amen,” Charlotte agreed, eyeing her mother suspiciously. It had been years since she’d heard her pray that way. She watched her parents dish out the pizza, noting that they were sitting awfully close, and that they shared private smiles back and forth.

  Interesting.

  Charlotte tucked into her food with relish. Her parents watched her carefully. She laughed at the looks on their faces.

  “Wow, guys. I’m fine. Just tired.” Even as she said it, she knew it wasn’t true. But she wanted to talk over the things in her heart with Sam for now and no one else.

  She spent the meal telling them of her time with Megan, how Lydia had been faring when she last saw her, and her experience at Angkor Wat.

  As the streetlights came on outside, she finished her pizza and helped to clear the table and wrap the leftovers.

  “Take that home to Sam,” her mother instructed. “He and the girls will be here soon. I figured it was too late to go to the park, so I told him to come after dinner.”

  Just then, a series of knocks: Sam’s strong and sure ones accompanied by the scattered staccatos of little ones rang through the house. Charlotte felt a thrill of excitement when the girls rushed in, expecting to find grandma and seeing her instead.

  Leah burst into tears, much as Charlotte had when she saw her own mother that morning, and rushed at Charlotte. Joanna squealed and hopped around her legs, stopping to squeeze her. Sam placed Joy in her arms and kissed her soundly on the mouth. Joy stared at her with round eyes and a straight mouth. The adults laughed when a grin of recognition finally split Joy’s face, and she leaned close to Charlotte’s neck. For the second time that day, Charlotte sank to the floor, overwhelmed with emotion. But this time her arms were around her girls and her Sam, and for just that moment, her pain was erased and her heart brimmed over with joy.

  When they finally headed home, Charlotte sat in the back of the van. She wanted to have each girl within reach so she could touch their soft hair, stroke a cheek, or kiss them. At home, she read them a dozen books, and after she cuddled in bed with the big girls for a few minutes, she quietly tiptoed out of their room and found a pajama clad Joy in Sam’s arms in the living room. Joy smiled at her as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. When Charlotte took Joy in her arms, she felt the baby kick her legs in excitement.

  Her heart fluttered nervously as she sat in her favorite chair to nurse Joy before bed. Would the baby still want to nurse after having bottles for so long? Would it be strange after Noah?

  Sam seemed to understand her trepidation, and sat on the floor near her feet, rubbing her leg. “It will be fine, Babe.”

  She took a deep breath and tucked Joy close to her. She wanted to weep at how familiar it was to be in her home, gazing at her youngest daughter with Sam’s comforting hand on her calf.

  Joy didn’t hesitate and Charlotte sighed in relief. “I missed you guys,” she whispered, rubbing one of Joy’s curls between two fingers.

  “Trust me,” Sam said, “we missed you more.”

  The two sat in silence while Joy nursed. She ate herself into a deep sleep, and Charlotte took Joy to her room and put her to bed. She stood in the dark room, the light from the hall spilling over Joy and just stared in awe of her blond baby, missing a dark-haired boy. Would it always be this way? Enjoying her daughters, missing the son she wouldn’t have?

  Sam was waiting in the hall and pulled her close after she shut the door.

  “Hello, Mrs. Branson,” he murmured as he kissed her lips, her ear, her hair, her chin.

  Charlotte sighed, happy. She knew talk of Noah and everything else could wait. For now, she needed the intimacy of her husband and the assurance of his kisses.

  And he was more than happy to comply.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Even though Charlotte came home early, Sam still had the week off. Charlotte declared that they should have a family outing every day while he was home. For their first full day together, the Bransons went to a local park for a picnic and watched the girls play.

  After lunch, Charlotte sprawled on their picnic blanket, spread beneath a large willow and watched Sam play with the girls while she nuzzled with baby Joy. She nibbled her little toes and laughed when Joy did. Joy became drowsy after a while, and Charlotte rocked her while Sam chased the girls around the playground.

  Charlotte watched when they called for her. She smiled and cheered quietly when they went down the tall slide or crossed the monkey bars with Sam’s help. As they played and she thought back on her time in Cambodia, a strange sense of calm and clarity washed over her. The current was so strong and sure, she felt dizzy with the reality of it.

  Sam came to the blanket to drop down next to her and asked if she wanted to switch. She nodded, but saw that the girls had found a few little friends to run around with and held back.

  “Sam, would you be okay if I just sat here and watched for a minute more?” she asked.

  “Mmmhmm.” Sam had spread onto his back and the afternoon rays painted his ruddy hair a sunset red. “I’ll get right up.”

  “No, Sam.” She hoped he would understand what her next words implied. “I think we can just sit here and let them play. I can see them from here, and they know better than to run off.” She held her breath.

  “Mmmhmm…” Sam became more relaxed, and she knew he didn’t understand.

  “Sam, I think maybe we should look into the school options around here for the kids.” She bit her lip when he opened one eye to peek at her, and then rose up on one elbow. He stared hard at her for a minute and nodded slowly, clearly unsure of what kind of test this was.

  When she watched the girls for a few minutes longer, without her usual fear, he rubbed her back tenderly. “Are you ready to talk about Noah?” he asked.

  Charlotte smiled. “I don’t know if I can ever talk about Noah in a way that’s worthy. But I can tell you what God showed me just now.”

  Sam sat up a
ll the way and crossed his ankles, clasping his arms around his thighs. “Okay.”

  “Sam, I don’t know how you or God or anyone has put up with me for this long. For years—five to be exact—I have tucked our children as close to me as I possibly could. I have controlled every little minute of their lives from their exchanges at the park to how they’re going to be schooled, without asking for any input from you on the subject. I have risen early most mornings to read my Bible and gone to studies and met with other women, always with the attitude that I was doing things just right, and that I had it all under control. And I did. I had you all scheduled and managed and organized.

  “Then I went to Cambodia and instead of being this hero, this knight in shining armor for my parents to guide Lydia along, this precious baby was placed in my arms, and I melted. I was completely out of control. I couldn’t even shower when I wanted. Then you called and told me we were going to adopt that baby and I marched on down to Megan’s office to let her know. Not to ask, but to tell her what our plans were. And instead of being in control of that, I learned that that sweet baby had somewhere else to go.”

  Her throat closed and hot tears formed in the corners of her eyes. She took a few breaths, drinking in the smell of earth and grass, feeling the shade of the willow and finding comfort that the same God that created these was with Noah right that moment.

  She continued. “The family that wanted him and had legal rights to him came for him. People that I wasn’t fond of, to be honest. I was completely helpless to do anything about it. I had no choice but to pray for that child and hand him over, knowing only God could be in control of what happens to him.”

  She continued to cry, but her voice never wavered, though her cheeks were stained with tears. She watched her girls run, the afternoon sun lighting upon their golden hair in a magical way. Their infectious giggles danced across the playground and tickled her heart.

  “He will not know this easy life. His life will be dirty. Poor. Hard. I don’t get to know if he’s okay. I have no control. My biggest fear: one of our kids being harmed or taken away came true in a way. I fell in love with Noah. I nursed him as my own and as soon as you said you wanted him, in my heart, he was ours. Our child. Our son.” She shook her head.

  “And in that moment, God saw fit to remind me, ‘No, Charlotte, he’s Mine.’ So, I gave him back. I cried, I prayed, and I’ve felt peace, but I’ve been wondering why. Why in the world did we have to go through that?”

  She looked at Sam, not expecting an answer. His face, open and strong, waited for her to continue. “God is good, Sam, to tell me so soon what that was all about. I don’t understand your dream, but I do understand the lessons.”

  Sam looked confused, but stayed silent.

  Charlotte searched for the right words and decided to just be honest. “Sam, I love our family. I love everything about being home with our girls. I’m living my dreams. But I’ve been so discontented, felt so worthless in the face of others that are working or serving on the mission field. Noah’s placement in my arms was the first lesson. My care of him was exciting because it was so needed. I was so important in Cambodia. Noah needed me, and God had chosen me.” She held up her hand when Sam opened his mouth to protest.

  “I see now that no matter how mundane my role as mother to Leah, Joanna, and Joy is no less heroic and important.”

  Sam nodded, satisfied. “Well, yeah, Babe. Of course.”

  “But more importantly, Sam, it’s important because God said so. And that leads me to the next lesson: They’re not mine to claim.”

  He tilted his head, reminding her of a confused Labrador.

  “I mean, these children are really His; that He’s allowed us to parent, right? So instead of holding them close and not letting them breathe, shouldn’t I—we—be praying over them and their lives as much as possible, ready to let go when God leads? Not to be hands off, but to be open-palmed before the Lord, in complete surrender of their lives to Him, just as much as we should be in surrender with our own lives.”

  Sam put his arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek. “That trip really changed you, didn’t it?”

  “No, Sam, God really changed me. As painful as it was to hand that baby over, it was the most I’ve ever felt in line with Jesus as Lord over me. Because it’s like I had to look past the scary and unknown, and know that Jesus loves that boy more than I do, and I can pray also that God who knows exactly where he is every minute, right?”

  Sam kissed her again. “Right.”

  Charlotte leaned her head against his shoulder and laughed as Leah and Joanna led the other kids in a train down the big slide, all of them tumbling into a pile at the bottom.

  Oh, Lord, You’re so good to us. Please never let me forget what You’ve shown me.

  “You know, the only thing I don’t get?” Sam asked her after they packed up their blanket, buckled the girls into their seats, and drove out of the park.

  “What’s that?” Charlotte asked, reaching across the van to rub the back of his neck.

  “I really want to know what that dream was about. The one about Noah being meant to be our son. It was so real and so similar to the others that have led us to make big decisions.”

  “I’ve wondered the same thing,” Charlotte answered. She watched neighborhoods whiz by outside her window. “That might not be something we ever know the answer to, but let’s pray that God would show us exactly what we need to know.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  “Kiet, what in the world?” Lydia asked as she and Michelle scurried to keep up with him while he dragged them away from the crowds.

  He didn’t answer her.

  Luke strode behind them, glancing back over his shoulder every few feet. When they broke through the multitude and were finally away from the market, Kiet slowed down slightly, and let go of the women. Both rubbed their arms where he had wrapped his hands like a vice to keep them from falling behind.

  Kiet saw and winced. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to hurt you ladies.” He looked over their heads to Luke; his eyes searched for understanding.

  “I just needed to get you out of there.”

  “Yeah, I think we got that,” Luke cleared his throat, but didn’t say more.

  The four walked on in uncomfortable silence, Michelle and Lydia glancing at one another questioningly. Luke and Kiet were bent on herding them along like helpless sheep, Kiet leading the way, Luke protecting from the rear.

  Lydia, her sassy spirit still very much alive, stopped abruptly when they reached Deliverance headquarters. “Okay, we’re here; we’re safe. I want to know what in the world that was all about.” She crossed her arms defiantly.

  “Lydia, I just want to get settled for the night. Let’s get our things and go, okay?” Michelle pleaded.

  Lydia tried to make eye contact with Kiet, but he looked uncomfortable. Embarrassed. Distressed.

  He looked at her ear, refusing to meet her gaze. “Lydia, it’s late. I just need to get you guys to the motel, and I can explain everything in the morning.” The team would be departing early for the next leg of their trip. “I’m riding with you guys to Chang Mai,” Kiet said, finally meeting her gaze. “We can talk on the bus.”

  Lydia’s want for answers that moment threatened to bring out the ugly side of her. She fingered the bracelet and tried to remember things Charlotte had said throughout the years about putting others first. She took a deep breath and clamped her lips together.

  The three entered the lobby and gathered their bags stashed behind a large desk, and waited in awkward silence while Kiet found a tuk tuk to take them to the motel.

  They climbed into the back of what looked like a truck bed attached to a moped, while Kiet spoke with the driver. It was clear they were familiar with one another, and Kiet smiled slightly before he clapped the driver on the back. Kiet nodded to Michelle and Luke, and finally locked eyes with Lydia.

  “It’s okay,” he called over the high-pitched roa
r of the bike, “we’ll talk tomorrow.”

  She shrugged and gave him a self-deprecating smile. She flashed the bracelet at him and hoped he understood that she was still learning. Christ was still fighting His way through her flesh.

  He nodded at her, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly. He understood.

  The tuk tuk pulled into the street and Lydia closed her eyes, relishing the feel of the open night air on her tired skin.

  None of them noticed the driver glancing back and typing a short message on his phone.

  At the motel, Luke waited with Lydia and Michelle while they checked in before he went to his own room that he would share with Mike.

  While Lydia waited for their room key, Luke and Michelle had a private conversation near the elevator.

  A man on his cell entered the lobby from the street and made his way to the elevators. Lydia didn’t think anything of him or the woman he walked in with. Until the young woman stopped at the counter and called out to him in a high voice, laced with a heavy accent:

  “Mistah, what our room number?”

  Lydia felt her body go cold then hot as she turned to see the source of that young voice. The “woman” was a girl of about eleven. Her breasts, in the beginning stages of puberty, were tiny nubs under a pink Hello Kitty shirt. She wore a short jean mini skirt and plastic platform heels that clunked as she walked toward him to the elevators.

  “One-Seventeen,” he answered. He mumbled something into his phone before he snapped it shut and glared at Lydia.

  She recognized him as one of the drunken men that had surrounded Kiet just an hour before. Had the young girl been with him, and they just didn’t notice? No, he must have picked her up in one of the shops along the way. Did the exchanges really happen so quickly?

  Lydia felt a jolt course through her as he stepped aside to follow the young girl onto the elevator. She stumbled in as he slapped her rear, then the man turned and gave a sarcastic little wave to Michelle, Luke, and Lydia.

  The doors swished shut, and the lobby fell silent.