Remember Me

by Moore, Heather

  “Ignore Guy, “Catlin said to the two couples. “He gets a commission each time he says that.” It was a remark made simply so Catlin could ease her own self-consciousness at being the centre of attention but the others found her joke funny.

  While they spoke a bit about themselves and passed comments on topics on which she had no knowledge or interest, Catlin took the chance to study her fellow guests in a more detail. It was difficult to put an age on Trent and Savannah. They were using any avenue available to them to defy the aging process and looked to be winning for the present in most areas, but based on a few clues they dropped while talking she put them to be in their late forties. Trent owned several large trading companied with huge international interests and Savannah did whatever it was that best suited her mood. They were nice enough, but a bit too superficial for Catlin’s tastes and she could tell Savannah was making a note of the less than designer dress the newcomer was wearing, not to mention its size. William and Maria were older by twenty odd years and though they had not gone down the cosmetic surgery route they looked far better than their younger counterparts for it. William was a producer and Maria had been a fairly successful actress in her day, but only took on theatre roles which really appealed to her now. Catlin liked them. They were easy going, genuine and as Guy began to prattle on about her work appeared to be interested in it. They were people she could come to be friends with.

  “To tell you the truth, I wasn’t sure whether this little star would come tonight or not,” he added in when, by some discreet manoeuvring Maria, who could see Catlin was getting uncomfortable with the praise Guy was heaping on her work, valiantly fought to change the subject. “It’s been next to impossible to get her away from that apartment of hers out in the back of beyond. I’ve told her it’s about time she moved closer to the hub of things.”

  “I’m quite content where I am, thanks Guy. I like being out near the hills and wildlife. I’m not one for massive crowds or excessive socialising, no offence to anyone here. I happen to like my own company.” Guy snorted into his drink.

  “That’s not what I’ve heard,” and he winked at her. He was expecting some kind of reaction from Catlin but none came and Guy guessed she had no idea what it was he was hinting at. “Come on. Did you think no-one would find out? There is no such thing as a secret out here.” Still Catlin gave no sign of understanding him. “Blimey, you’re in the wrong trade. This is an award winning performance and no mistake. I’m talking about your out of hours activities. You know, that man you’ve been spotted hanging around with here and there.”

  Wishing she had caught on sooner Catlin was unable to stop her cheeks going red as beetroot.

  “See? Ha ha, I knew it was true. If the rumours about how hot he is are true it’s no wonder you’ve been reluctant to leave your apartment. Better things to do of an evening, eh?” Now Catlin was sharing her embarrassment with Maria and William.

  “I apologise,” she stuttered to them, then added for Guy’s benefit, “I didn’t realise anyone had seen us.”

  “Been trying to keep it quiet, have we? You did better than most. Only one or two people have remarked on it. I don’t understand why you didn’t invite him along tonight.” Catlin did not want to say she it was because she had stuffed the whole relationship up, and did her best to hurry the subject on.

  “He’s like me. These dos are not his scene. Drop him in the middle of the wilderness with a tent and a pen knife and he’d be in bliss.”

  Maria smiled softly at Catlin’s description, and muttered to herself more than those she was with,

  “I used to know someone like that, a long time ago.” Catlin heard her and detected the tone of sorrowful regret that tinged the words. To confirm there was more to Maria’s musing, Catlin noticed William too had grown quiet and he placed a comforting hand on his wife’s arm. Maria tried to shake off her melancholy but it was with glazed eyes she focused on Catlin.

  “Take my advice sweetie – hang onto him by any means necessary. Men like that are a rare find and worth making sacrifices for.” Their roles were reversed in an instant and the older woman was quick to see that she had hit a sore spot with the younger, but before she could enquire further or apologise, Catlin, who did want a topic which was raw to the touch to be made the stuff of party gossip, excused herself from the group. Guy thought she was merely going off to circulate but the Goldburghs were wiser than he was.

  Catlin weaved her way through the throng saying ‘Hi’ and ‘How are you?’ or calling back ‘I’m great’ along the way until she reached to doors of the balcony which over looked the gardens. She went through them and out into the refreshing evening air. There were a number of people out in the grounds, but they were mainly on the other side of the house where the pool was, and once she shut the doors behind her Catlin was engulfed by a near perfect silence as she sought out the solitude she desperately craved and yearned for, and thought of the one person she longed to share both with. Standing there and thinking on the advice Maria had given, Catlin saw how much her meeting Ben had altered her life. Before she’d have bolted from a function such as the one she was stuck in, that or been unable to string together one single coherent sentence all night, but she had not only managed to make it in the door without someone to accompany her she had been able to hold a conversation and sell herself as Guy wanted her to do without sounding like an intellectually challenged cucumber.

  Gone were the days when she focused on the things she thought were weak, poor or plain wrong with her. She was a brighter, happier more complete person and he had given that to her and Catlin wished with her entire heart and soul that he could see his creation for himself. And after giving her all that how had she repaid him? She’d torn a strip off him for refusing to do something that went against the grain and he hated, a thing she hated too but whereas it was her job to attend them Ben had been under no such obligation. She had thrown away the very best thing in her whole life, probably the one truly good piece of luck to have come her way and for what? She didn’t deserve a decent guy like Ben.

  She sighed with resignation and rested her elbows on the stone ledge of the balcony rail, picking at the leaves of the plants which had grown up the trellis which was fixed to the wall.

  “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she muttered under breath.

  “Oi, Cate.” The call was hushed but she recognised its owner straight away.

  “Ben?” she called back, attempting to keep her voice as low as his but her excitement making more of a shout than a whisper. “Where are you?”

  “Down here, where else?” Catlin searched the dimly lit gardens beneath her until she found the rough location where the voice was emanating from. It was not too difficult – he was stood under one of the larger garden illuminations and as much as she had persuaded herself it was Ben she was speaking to, it wasn’t until Catlin actually saw him that she dared to believe he was more than a figment of her imagination.

  The grin she wore was a broad as a canyon as he gave her a wave.

  “Hi gorgeous.”

  “Hello handsome. What are you doing here?”

  “You invited me, remember?” Ben was his typical breezy self and one smile of his was all that was required to dispel the misery their week apart had conjured and it hit her heart with the same deadly accuracy it had done on their first meeting.

  “I did, but the idea was you walked in through the door beside me, not heckle me from a gooseberry bush. How did you come to be down there?”

  “I scaled the wall at the far side of the garden.”

  “It would have been easier to ring the bell. Come up to the door and I’ll get them to let you in.”

  “No, I’m not dressed for a soiree.” He was right. As ever Ben was in jeans and a shirt.

  “I’ll come down to you then.”

  “That’s right – tell the whole room there’s an intruder on the premises! If you go slinking off they’ll wonder where you’re going. Can you imagine the panic that wil
l descend if they find someone got past their security? Hang on, I’ll come up.”

  Before Catlin had the chance to object, Ben began to ascend the trellis, pulling himself up with the aid of handfuls of greenery.

  “Watch yourself,” Catlin urged in the middle of her laughter. “You’ll break your bloody neck Ben Ellison.”

  “Highly unlikely.” She leaned over to help up the last few inches, but he stopped short of climbing over onto the balcony. “I’ll stay here so they don’t see my less than legal arrival.” Catlin held onto him as best she could to provide additional support.

  “You’re mad.”

  “I’m beginning to come to that conclusion myself,” he whistled taking a swift look down. “It doesn’t look quite so high from the ground.” Catlin knelt down so she was on the same level he was.

  “You might be mad and have no sense of self-preservation, but I have missed you,” she said, brushing his hair back of his forehead and giving him a kiss.

  “With a welcome like that, I’ll have to go away more often.”

  “Don’t you dare consider it. I’m not letting you out of my sight ever again.”

  Catlin kissed Ben for the second time, this time he enveloped her in his arms and held her as closely and tightly as the balcony would permit. When they broke away from the embrace, he forgot he was standing in mid-air and almost plummeted down to the lawn below, but thanks to Catlin’s lightning quick grab and his own snatch at the plants he managed to barely hold on.

  “This is ridiculous,” Catlin grunted breathlessly. “People might say that love gives you wings, but that doesn’t mean you can fly! Get your body over here.”

  “Someone will see,” Ben objected verbally but offered no resistance to her efforts to haul him over.

  “They are too busy congratulating one another to pay any attention to us.”

  Back inside, Maria was going around the room, from crowd to crowd in the hope of finding Catlin. She had instinctively taken to the girl and when Guy’s lack of discretion upset her, she gave Catlin the few minutes she’d need to compose herself but after they had gone by and Catlin did not return, she decided to go and see if she was all right. With no sign of her anywhere inside, Maria wondered if she had sought sanctuary outside but away from the masses of people cluttering up the main garden. She had once had a friend who was exactly the same and who would creep off to some quiet corner at the first given opportunity. She finally tracked Catlin down, catching sight of her through the shut doors of the balcony windows. And, she was not alone. Maria paused, figuring from the comedy routine going on that Catlin’s no-so-secret crush had snuck into the party to see her. It brought back memories of happier days long since lost. She could not resist watching and remembering her own youth. Then she froze for an entirely different reason. Where her eyes playing tricks? Had the thoughts of the past become somehow mixed with the visions of the present? She saw what she saw, but it was not possible. There was no way it could be so.

  Maria continued to stare, refusing to accept the images they were showing her yet she could not deny it was happening. She looked on without blinking as Catlin and Ben talked, joked and kissed but her brain would not register it as real.

  “Are you okay honey?” William had joined his wife and was alarmed to see her skin such a ghostly shade of white. Maria’s stare was broken as she looked over at him but her voice had gone from her and she could not speak. She cast her eyes back to where Catlin and Ben had been standing but he was gone and Catlin was making her way back into the room. “Honey, what is it?” Maria did not permit her gaze to stray from Catlin for the minutest span of time as she made her excuses and left. “Maria? What is the matter? Are you feeling well?” Maria fell against William, her legs shaking uncontrollably from the shock.

  “That girl, Catlin was it?”

  “Yes. Is there something wrong? Did she say something to offend you?”

  “No, it’s…”

  “What on earth is it?”

  “I’ve just seen something that cannot be and yet it was right there in front of me.”

  “What?” William demanded impatiently. Maria fixed him with a haunted stare.

  “Ben. That’s what. I saw Ben.”

  Chapter Eight

  Catlin’s poise and graceful exit was thrown aside as she tore down the steps and back to her car, surprising the driver with her premature return.

  “Party not go to plan?” he enquired genially as she ordered him to drive her home as fast as was legally possible.

  “Quite the reverse. It was like a dream.” He dropped her outside the apartment building, amused to see her pull off the ridiculous shoes she was tottering about in as she tried to run with all speed through the entrance. During their conversation on the balcony, Catlin and Ben had agreed to meet up back at her place as soon as it was possible for Catlin to get away. She took her keys from her bag and told Ben to let himself in and wait for her – she’d follow on as quickly as good manners would allow. She lasted approximately a minute after he’d left her, scrambling back down the same way he came. She hoped to slink out of the door without being spotted, but Guy, who was doing everything but sell her address to people, saw her and beckoned her to join him. Catlin bit back the bile which rose at the delay, but she paused by the newest entourage he’d acquired. Try as he might Guy’s legendary powers of persuasion could not compete with her eagerness to be at Ben’s side and she was soon on her way.

  She flew up the stairs to the floor of her apartment and hurried along the hallway before skidding to a halt outside her own front door. With the aid of the compact mirror she had in her clutch bag, Catlin tidied her hair and checked her cosmetics were in their proper place. Having been so vile to him, she wanted to start to make amends by doing her best to look as good as nature permitted. With her breath calmer, she opened the door which Ben had said he’d leave unlocked. The room was illuminated by a solitary table lamp over by the window and in the chair beside it was Ben. He could have made it to the building barely minutes before Catlin’s own arrival, for she had left the party almost at the same time he had, but he appeared to have been settled there for a good while longer. The radio was playing quietly and he was pouring over her book of poems.

  “There have been a few new additions made since I last read this,” he said with bitterness, wondering privately if he had done the right thing in coming back into her life. “As much as I love them, I’d have been better pleased not to be the source of such bleak thoughts.”

  Catlin shut the door and edged over towards him.

  “Don’t trouble yourself on that score. I told you what goes in there relates and is personal to me and no-one else. They come from me, are a part of me. Don’t go taking responsibility for something you had no involvement in creating.” Ben snapped the book closed, put it on the table and stood up. He came up to Catlin, placing his hands around her waist, but could not bring himself to look at her directly.

  “But, you were left feeling like that because of me, and that I should have hurt you in anyway is something I will never be able to forgive myself for.” Catlin exhaled heavily, shuffling nearer to him until her forehead rested against his, took his hand and interlaced their fingers.

  “Whatever you think your going away took from me, the time we’ve had together has brought more happiness into my life than I’d have hoped for where I to live a hundred lifetimes. Those verses are not about your hurting me – they’re about what I’d realised I’d lost when I sent you away. A mistake I have no intention of repeating.” Ben played thoughtfully with the pendant she was wearing, wishing he could be sure which the best course of action was to take, and unconvinced as to the damage he’d done by coming to her.

  “Come on,” Catlin said in a brighter tone, determined not have their reunion spoiled. “This is my favourite song and though I’ve been out on the town, I am still waiting for someone to ask me to dance.” Ben was reluctant to let his self-imposed torment go but Catlin took the
initiative, repositioning his hold and setting their dance in motion. Ben took a while to warm up, struggling inwardly with the emotions that were stirred within him at having her so very close to him, but with Catlin humming along to the song, her delicate fingers stroking his hair as he held her securely in his arms, he soon found it impossible to resist her charms and his worries were obliterated by others of a more demanding nature. His mouth was dry and it was all he could do to prevent himself from throwing her onto the sofa and taking her there.

  The song ended, the next one played and they danced on, the silence between them saying more than words could manage to convey. Each touch betrayed a thousand illicit thoughts, a glance revealing the lustful yearnings they each fantasised about.

  “You know, when I saw you on the balcony this evening, I was blown away by how beautiful you looked,” Ben said, breaking the quiet only to ease the throbbing ache that was beginning to build at the base of his spine. Catlin managed to contain the hysterical laugh which seized her.

  “It wasn’t me – it was the moon. Everything looks beautiful in the moonlight.” Ben stopped swaying to the music and fixed his eyes onto Catlin’s.

  “No it wasn’t. It was you. You were, are, beautiful.” Catlin saw he was not teasing her, but was being quite serious.

  “Wow. I could almost actually believe you mean that.”

  “I do mean it. You are the most beautiful amazing and wonderful woman I’ve ever met.”

  Catlin’s pulse quickened. Ben’s hold on her had not altered in the slightest but there was something new in it suddenly, something she had not sensed before but which spoke volumes. She put up no resistance as he drew her into him, allowing him to position her as he wanted. His kiss was cautious to begin with, for Ben wanted to be certain he had not misread the signs Catlin had been giving out, but as she responded by teasingly searching out his tongue with hers, he allowed the restraints, which were barely able to hold back the passions this woman awoke in him, to break. His kisses grew harder, more demanding and Catlin matched them like for like. Caught up in the surge of overwhelming passions which took hold of him, Ben pressed her up against the wall in an attempt to get as close to her as he physically could. His lips sought out the delicate, sensitive curve of her throat, slowly working his lips down her neck and to her shoulders, pulling the thin straps of her dress away as he reached her chest. Catlin gasped for breath as the first waves of desire began to ripple through her. She had begun to open the buttons on his shirt, one by one, before he lowered her dress straps and she ran her finger tips over his chest, down to his waist and up his back. As near as he was it was not near enough for Catlin. She lifted her leg, hooking it around his, pulling him further into her, wondering how much longer she would be fight back the convulsion that was threatening to claim her.