Boyfriend Shopping: Shopping for My BoyfriendMy Only WishAll I Want for Christmas Is You

by Earl Sewell

  “Excuse you,” I snapped, clutching on to Jeremy tighter. There was no way that I was about to let him go.

  “Jeremy, we need to talk,” Bernita said as if there was some urgent matter she needed him to attend to. That was when I noticed it. Bernita had the audacity to purchase the exact same dress that I had. This chick has copied my style and wants to step into my shoes. I heard a thought come from somewhere deep within me.

  “He doesn’t want to talk to you. We’re a couple now and I’m not going anywhere, so you need to respect that and move on.” I shooed her away like a snotty-nosed brat. I positioned myself so that my back was to her and tried to recapture the euphoric moment that had been stolen from me.

  “Seriously, Anna.” Bernita smacked her lips as if I had wronged her.

  “Bernita, I don’t have time for you.” Jeremy finally spoke up, which made me happy that he had finally put her in her place.

  “See, he doesn’t want to talk to you.” I turned around and directly faced Bernita. I was ready to take off my shoes and remove my earrings and handle my business if she wanted to go there. Jeremy stood behind me with his hands resting on my hips. I could feel him tugging me closer to him.

  “Are you really sure that you want bones, Jeremy, when you can have something that’s more filling?” Bernita asked as she jutted her cleavage in his direction. Anger struck me like a thunderbolt and I began removing my star-shaped earrings.

  “I know I don’t want a control freak who stalks me.” Jeremy’s words rumbled like a shotgun blast, but Bernita fired back angry words of her own.

  “Oh, so she’s got your nose open like that?” Bernita looked past me as if I were invisible. I popped my fingers in front of her nose and caught her attention.

  “Excuse you! Can’t you see that he has better things to do than talk to you? I’m going to tell you one time and one time only. You’re not me and you never will be no matter how much you try to duplicate my style. I’m an original, and a substitute like you will never be good enough. He doesn’t want you. He chose me, so go bother someone else before you get dealt with.” I waited, prepared to go to whatever level Bernita wanted to take things to. Bernita’s girlfriend appeared from somewhere in the crowd and began to push her away from me.

  “Come on, a teacher is coming. She’s not worth it, Bernita,” her friend said as she pushed Bernita farther and farther away. I was thankful that nothing serious had happened because I really didn’t relish the idea of ruining my holiday spirit by getting into a shouting match or fistfight at a Christmas party.

  nine

  Paul, Maya, Viviana and I were in the family room watching reruns of a reality television show called Fear Factor. It was a show where people did outrageous stunts that were designed and supervised by professionals. We all liked it because we got a charge out of watching people who boasted about being tough and unshakable wail like the siren on an emergency vehicle or puke when they were asked to eat something really gross, like live scorpions. We had just watched a lady who had tried to eat African cave-dwelling spiders. The spiders were brown, had long legs and tiny claws. They were on a table and scurried around in search of someplace to hide.

  “Eww,” said Maya, who cringed at the sight of the insects rushing around. “Oh, God! I would never eat a spider for any amount of money.”

  “I would,” Paul said, who didn’t seem to be bothered by the grotesque spiders.

  “What about you, Viviana?” he asked.

  “Oh, no, I’m with Maya on this one. I couldn’t do it. What about you, Anna?” she asked me.

  “If my life depended on me eating one, I would,” I calmly answered.

  “Really?” Viviana was surprised by my answer.

  “I guess,” I said as I watched one of the contestants, a female, pick up one of the spiders by its hind legs.

  “Oh, God,” Maya said as she covered her face with her hands. She tried not to look, but curiosity got the better of her. The contestant pinched her nose just before she bit into the insect.

  “Eww.” Viviana cringed, then began sweeping her hands over her arms as if something creepy or slimy had just crawled on her.

  “Paul, would you kiss a girl who ate spiders?” I asked.

  “No. Eating spiders is right up there with eating boogers, in my book,” he said, then flinched as another contestant ate one of the spiders.

  The next challenge involved snakes. The contestants had to agree to be strapped to the inside of a coffin while two dozen snakes were poured over them. They had to sit still for three minutes. If they freaked out they would lose their chance at the prize money.

  “Now, that is something that I would refuse to do. I don’t like snakes,” Maya said. One of the contestants, a guy, got inside the coffin, wearing goggles. Once he was strapped in, he told everyone he was ready. A man came out with a black bucket filled with snakes and dumped them on the face of the guy in the coffin.

  “Oh God, oh God, oh God,” Viviana squealed, who was sitting on the sofa with her legs tucked under her.

  “Geez, Maya! There is a spider on your shoulder!” Paul, who sat next to Maya and liked to pull pranks, lightly touched the back of Maya’s neck with his fingertips. Maya leaped up, slapped the back of her neck and screamed. Paul began laughing hysterically.

  “That’s not funny, Paul.” Maya flung one of the sofa pillows at him. Viviana and I got a good laugh out of Paul’s prank, but warned him not to pull one on us because we’d beat him down together.

  The television program ended and Paul went upstairs to grab something to eat. Maya, Viviana and I continued to watch television. An automobile holiday commercial came on and reminded me that I still had shopping to do and time was running out. I knew what I was getting Maya and Viviana. Maya was into music, so I planned on getting her an iTunes gift card. Viviana was into clothes, so I had plans to get her a nice sweater. I knew that a gift card to Paul’s favorite sporting-goods store would satisfy him, and my parents’ gift would be coming from all of us. We’d decided to purchase them theater tickets to go see a play at the Goodman Theatre. I knew that Lauren wanted a pair of red, heart-shaped earrings from LuLu’s. The only person left on my list was Jeremy, and I had no idea what I was going to get for him.

  “Viviana,” I said.

  “Yeah,” she answered while clicking through channels with the remote.

  “What are you buying Red for Christmas?”

  “A video game,” she answered.

  “Maya, what are you getting Misalo?” I asked. Maya met my gaze and paused for a moment.

  “Misalo said he didn’t want anything, but I picked him up two new polo shirts,” she said. “What about you? What are you getting for Jeremy?”

  “I have no idea,” I admitted as I combed my fingers through my hair.

  “Has he mentioned anything to you?” asked Viviana.

  “No,” I said.

  “Have you been paying attention to him? What is he into?” Maya asked.

  “Basketball,” I said.

  “That’s simple enough. Just go and buy him his favorite team jersey,” Viviana suggested.

  “He loves the Chicago Bulls, but I want to give him something more than a team jersey.” I shifted my body on the La-Z-Boy chair.

  “Something like what?” Viviana asked.

  “I want to get him something very special, something different that he’ll always remember,” I said. At that moment, a commercial for the Chicago Bulls basketball team came on.

  “Get him tickets to the game.” Viviana pointed to the commercial.

  “That’s a great suggestion, but I don’t have that kind of money,” I said and searched my mind for possible ways to get more money. I thought about taking on a few babysitting jobs, but since time was short, I wasn’t sure I’d have the money in time for Chri
stmas.

  “You can buy cheap tickets for under fifty bucks,” Maya said.

  “Fifty bucks for two or fifty bucks each?” I asked.

  “Probably each,” Maya said.

  “Those seats are probably near the roof of the basketball stadium,” I complained. Although I cared about the location of the seats, I was certain that Jeremy probably wouldn’t. I wanted the best for him, but I couldn’t afford it and there was no way my parents were going to advance me several hundred dollars to buy tickets for good seats.

  “I would lend you some extra money, but I don’t have any,” Maya said. I looked at Viviana with hope-filled eyes.

  “Sorry. I can’t help you with that,” she responded and shrugged her shoulders.

  “I’ll figure out something,” I said, knowing that I would not be able to give the gift that I wanted to give.

  * * *

  Lauren, Sheldon, Jeremy and I had just arrived at the mall. We walked in through one of the main entrances near the area where toddlers could visit with Santa Claus. There was a long, snaking line of parents and excited children waiting to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what they wanted for Christmas.

  “I want to sit on Santa’s lap,” Lauren said jokingly.

  “Don’t you think you’re a little too big for that?” Sheldon commented and gave her an iffy glance. He was wearing blue jeans and a nice button-down shirt. Sheldon was tall, had cinnamon-shaded skin and a thin mustache.

  “No,” Lauren laughed.

  “Let’s head over to the food court. I want to get something to drink,” I suggested.

  “That sounds good to me because I’m actually hungry,” Jeremy said. He took my hand into his and we moved on. When we arrived at the food court, there were long lines at every restaurant counter and all of the seats were occupied.

  “I’ll try to find us a seat while you guys get your food,” Jeremy said before kissing me on the cheek and wandering off.

  “Cool,” Sheldon said. He had mentioned that he wanted a slice of deep-dish pizza. I headed toward the counter where smoothies were made and Lauren walked toward Cinnabon for a cinnamon roll. As I waited in line, I casually glanced around and noticed a woman standing on top of a chair. I studied her for a moment and realized that it was Bernita. She was wearing blue jeans with a red top and a thick black belt looped around her stomach.

  “What in the world is she doing?” I mumbled aloud.

  “Silver bells, silver bells. It’s Christmastime in the city.” Bernita began to sing above the noise of the shoppers. Several people turned in her direction to see who was singing so loudly.

  “Oh, my God! She has gone crazy,” I said as I watched her odd behavior. Somewhere I heard the sound of a bell tolling and then someone began singing loudly along with her. Gradually, more and more voices joined Bernita. In a short amount of time there were a number of people singing along with her.

  “It’s a flash mob,” I heard someone near me say. I moved toward Bernita so that I could see who else was singing with her. As I glanced around at the other faces, I realized that they were members of the high school choir.

  “Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say, throw cares away, Christmas is here, bringing good cheer.” The choir transitioned from singing “Silver Bells” to “Carol of the Bells.” Their voices filled the food court with a joyous melody. Shoppers stopped what they were doing to watch and listen. People started removing their cell phones to snap photos and shoot cell-phone videos of the impromptu concert. They sang for about ten minutes, and then just as suddenly as their singing began, they stopped and mingled in with the rest of the shoppers.

  I ordered my smoothie and found Jeremy, who had located a table. When I joined him, Lauren and Sheldon were already with him.

  “What did you guys think of our school choir conducting a flash mob? Didn’t they sound good?” Sheldon asked.

  “It was okay,” I said, not wanting to fully acknowledge how wonderful they sounded. I only felt that way because I didn’t care much for Bernita.

  “Well, I thought they were awesome.” Sheldon continued to give them praise.

  “I’m going to grab something to eat from Burger King,” Jeremy said as he stepped away. I took a sip of my smoothie and noticed that Bernita had reappeared and approached Jeremy.

  “Is she serious?” I grumbled as I plopped my smoothie back down on the table.

  “What?” Lauren asked, instantly picking up on my sudden mood shift.

  “Bernita just walked up to Jeremy. She just won’t give up.” I rose to my feet and headed over to where Jeremy and Bernita were standing.

  “Did I sound good to you?” I heard Bernita ask Jeremy as I approached.

  “Your voice cracked and your pitch was way off the mark,” I admonished her.

  “No one was talking to you.” I felt as if Bernita was throwing invisible furniture at me through the loudness of her voice.

  “Why are you talking to him?” I equaled her volume.

  “You don’t own him,” Bernita fired back.

  “He’s my boyfriend, not yours.” I couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t just let the idea of Jeremy being in her life go.

  “For now, anyway. I might be able to change his mind.” Bernita laughed sinisterly then winked at Jeremy before she got on her invisible broom and flew away.

  “What was that all about?” I asked as I faced Jeremy.

  “I have no idea. That girl has some serious issues.” He drew me close, hugged me and kissed my forehead before he placed his food order.

  “Well, what did she say to you before I came up?” I asked, wanting to know more details.

  “She mentioned something about a radio-station contest taking place here at the mall in a few days.”

  “What does that have to do with you?” I asked.

  “I have no idea. It seemed odd that she would even strike up a conversation after I blasted her at the dance,” Jeremy said.

  “Hmm,” I mumbled. A voice deep inside of me urged me to get to the bottom of what Bernita was up to.

  Later that evening I was in my bedroom wearing my Beats headphones and listening to music on my iPod while I wrote down some notes to study from for my upcoming final exams. My schoolbooks were spread out across my bed along with a few fashion catalogs I’d picked up earlier. Viviana wandered in and powered up the computer. I wasn’t paying her any attention until she came over and tapped me on my shoulder. I looked up at her and she made a gesture for me to remove my headphones.

  “What’s up?” I asked, looking at her face and noticing that she’d recently gotten her eyebrows arched.

  “Are you still trying to buy tickets to a Bulls game for Jeremy?” she asked.

  “Yeah, why? Do you know someone who’s selling some for cheap?” I perked up, believing that Viviana had somehow come through.

  “Well, I heard from Maya, who heard it from Keysha that the radio station that Keysha’s dad works for is doing a radio promotion of some type.”

  “So? Radio stations have promotions all of the time. What’s the big deal?” I asked.

  “Courtside seats to a Bulls game,” Viviana said. My eyes played tennis between the books on my bed and Viviana’s eyes as I processed what she’d just told me.

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  “I’ve got the website up so that you can find out for yourself,” Viviana said. I tossed my headphones on the bed and rushed over to the computer and took a seat.

  “‘Thank you for looking out for me, Viviana.’ ‘Oh, you’re so welcome, Anna.’” Viviana mocked me for not thanking her for the information.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized as I got out of the seat and gave her a thank-you hug.

  “I hope it’s something that works out in your favor,” Vi
viana said and then exited the room. I sat back down and reviewed the website of the radio station. Sure enough, there was a big promotion going on that would be taking place at the mall in a few days. Is this why Bernita mentioned a radio contest to Jeremy? I wondered.

  The following day I met up with Lauren, Viviana, Sheldon, Jeremy, Wesley, Red, Mike, Sabrina, Maya and Keysha in the lunchroom. We all sat down at the same table once we got our meals.

  “Say, have you guys heard about the big radio contest?” Red asked as he stuffed a slice of cheese pizza in his mouth.

  “Yeah, we all know about it,” Keysha answered just before she took a sip of her soda.

  “The station your dad works at is putting it on, right?” I asked, leaning toward Keysha.

  “Yep,” Keysha answered.

  “So what’s involved? What do you have to do to win?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. My dad doesn’t work in the promotions department,” Keysha answered.

  “Why do you want to know so much about it?” Jeremy asked after he had plucked a French fry from his boat tray and dipped it in ketchup.

  “I want to find out what I have to do to win the Bulls tickets. I want to get them for you as a Christmas gift,” I said. Jeremy glanced at me with an uncertain look.

  “Well, I heard through the grapevine that Bernita has been bragging about her plans to enter the contest and win. So, I’m assuming that there is some type of singing involved with winning,” said Sabrina.

  “No, it’s not that. The radio personality who’s running the contest is this crazy dude who’s gonna have people do weird stunts to win,” Mike chimed in.

  “Crazy stuff like what?” Wesley asked.

  “Like eat a rotten egg. You know, Fear Factor–type of stuff,” Mike answered.

  “I’m going to do it,” I said aloud to everyone.

  “You’ll never win, Anna, so you shouldn’t even bother,” said my doubtful sister, Maya.