“Yes. I am. You’ve been getting my checks, too, haven’t you?”
“Sure have. As nice as that is, I’d trade ’em all for this visit. How long can you stay?”
“I’m competing in Jasper Gulch next weekend.” Although he’d had no intention of hanging around longer than a day or so, if that, his conscience insisted he linger, at least until he found out more about his mother’s problems.
“I saw you were ahead. They scrap those totals for the finals, though, don’t they?”
“Yes. We all start again on an equal footing next Friday night.”
“Well, never you mind. You’ll do fine. You were right about making rodeo a career. Most men, like your daddy, can only dream about living the life you do. I’m proud you’re such a success.”
“Dad was a rodeo rider? You never told me that before.”
“Because I didn’t want it to influence you,” Carla said. “You needed to find your own way, not try to follow in the footsteps of a man like him. I suspect he thought he could settle down and be a good husband and father, but it just wasn’t in him.”
“Where is he now?”
She shrugged. “Don’t know. Don’t really care. After he left, I poured all my love into you two boys until…”
Ryan was on the edge of losing control of his emotions. Nevertheless, he plunged ahead. “I’m so sorry. I should have told you Kirk was drinking and running around with a bad crowd. He made me promise I’d keep his secret, so I did. If I’d had any idea he was risking his life, I’d have told you anyway.”
“It’s not your fault, it’s mine.” She blotted a stray tear and tried to smile. “I should have kept better track of you boys. It was Kirk’s job to look after you, not the other way around, and it was my job to take care of you both. I failed.”
“But I thought…”
“What?” Sniffling, she gazed fondly at her youngest son.
“I thought you blamed me. I know I blamed myself.”
“For your older brother’s mistakes? Don’t be silly, Ryan. Kirk was the one who made the choice to drink and drive.”
“In that case, his death can’t be your fault, either,” he countered, watching to see if she agreed. “He and I had the same upbringing, and I don’t drink, so how can his poor choices be because of anything you did or didn’t do?”
Carla heaved a noisy sigh, then another, before she said, “You may be right. It sure felt like failure, though. You were so withdrawn afterward I figured you blamed me, too. When you went on the road full-time, I had terrible struggles coming to terms with it. At least at first.”
“You looked pretty upset when I got here,” Ryan told her. “What’s wrong? Why are you so sad? Is it because I’ve been neglecting you?”
Her light laugh was a surprise to him.
“Mercy, no. A dear friend of mine passed away recently and I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself when you knocked on my door.” She began to smile wistfully. “Maybe the good Lord sent you just when I most needed a lift. Who knows?”
Ryan leaned back and studied her. “I know somebody who would sure like to think I’m that close to God.”
“Really? Who?”
When he said, “Her name is Julie,” his mother grabbed his hand and held tight. The grin on her face was so wide and made her look so much like her old self again, he could hardly wait to tell her the whole story.
Chapter Sixteen
The four days between the time Ryan bid Julie goodbye at the church and the next rodeo were by far the longest in all of her twenty-four years.
She’d taken out her cell phone and stared at it repeatedly, knowing she could touch base with Ryan anytime with the push of a button, yet reluctant to disturb him.
“Besides, what would I say?” she muttered, disgusted at feeling unsettled. She’d known the handsome cowboy for less than a month, so why was he constantly on her mind and in her dreams?
Because we connected almost instantly, she answered without doubt. “I knew the minute I laid eyes on him that he was the one.”
Julie jumped when her sister spoke. “Good for you.”
She wheeled. “Whoa! I didn’t hear you come in.”
Faith merely smiled sweetly. “Probably because you were off in la-la land with a certain rodeo rider I could mention.”
“I do have it bad, don’t I?”
“Looks like it to me.” Faith patted her younger sister’s shoulder. “Hang in there. We know he’ll be back before tonight’s performance.”
“He said he would. It’s just been so long without hearing a peep out of him that I’m worried he’s changed his mind.”
“About romance, maybe,” Faith said wisely. “About winning the Jasper Gulch rodeo, no way. That guy is so focused it’s a wonder he made any time for you.”
“I suppose you’re right. I sure have missed seeing him.”
“You said he went to visit his mother, right?”
Julie nodded. “Uh-huh. She lives in Bozeman.”
“So that’s not far.” She gave Julie’s shoulder another soothing pat. “Simmer down, kid, or he’ll think you’re desperate.”
Rolling her eyes and blushing, Julie replied, “I’m afraid I am.”
Faith chuckled. “Well, see that you hide it unless you want to scare him off. Men don’t seem to fall in love as easily as women do.” She laughed again. “Except maybe poor Wilbur. He acts ready to propose to the first girl who smiles at him.”
“I know. I really hope he finds a nice wife and the happiness he deserves. I’m sure there must be a woman out there somewhere who’ll fit him.”
“I did hear he’s been looking on the internet,” Faith told her. “The pickings in Jasper Gulch are pretty slim.”
“For us, too,” Julie reminded her. “Until I met Ryan, I was positive I’d never find a man who appealed to me.”
“You’re sure he’s the right one?”
Julie felt her cheeks burning. She nodded. “I’m sure. Now all I have to do is convince Ryan. God must be sick of hearing me pray about it so often.”
“Uh-uh. Prayer is fine as long as you’re asking the right thing for the right reasons,” Faith reminded her.
“I know. It started with my wish that Ryan would find peace and healing after he told me about his brother’s accidental death. Then I started including a renewal of his faith. If—when—all that happens, I figure he and I will have a chance together.”
“If not?”
Sobering, Julie shrugged. “If not, then I guess I’ll have to rethink everything.”
“Or wait on the Lord.”
“Yeah. I sure wish I had more patience.”
“Oh, no. Don’t pray for that, whatever you do, unless you’re ready to be tested even more to improve it the hard way.”
“I know. That’s similar to what Pastor Ethan said when I talked to him recently. When Ryan asked me why I bothered praying since I claimed to trust God, I didn’t know how to answer him about that, either.”
“You could have said there’s a lot we have to accept by faith without totally understanding it. Until he comes to the Lord and turns over control of his life, he won’t have a clue. After that, it may not get much clearer for a while, but I can guarantee he’ll feel better about everything.”
“I know.” Julie sighed as she met her sister’s matching blue gaze. “It would probably be a lot easier for nonbelievers if Christians didn’t make so many mistakes.”
“I wonder,” Faith replied. “If we were too perfect, it might seem like an unattainable goal to an outsider.”
That irrefutable logic made Julie smile. “You’re right. And considering the way I seem to be floundering, I can promise you I will not handle my emotions with anything near perfection. I’ll be doing well to beh
ave even halfway normally when Ryan comes back and I see him again.”
Joining in the fun, Faith said, “Honey, I hate to be the one to break it to you. As far as I’m concerned, you’re not that normal on your best days!”
* * *
Before Ryan left Bozeman, he was regaled by many of his mother’s friends, most of whom also attended her church. That was how he learned more about the elderly gentleman Carla was currently mourning. She and the man had come to rely heavily on each other, so when he had died suddenly, his absence had left her despondent.
One element about the way she was dealing with that loss puzzled Ryan enough that he decided to ask, waiting until he was ready to head back to Jasper Gulch before broaching the tender subject. His mother was hugging him goodbye when he said, “There’s something that confuses me.”
She looked up. “About your brother?”
Ryan shook his head and pressed his lips into a thin line. “No. I understand about that now. As long as you and I don’t blame ourselves, or each other, for what happened to Kirk, we’ll both be fine.”
“I agree. So what’s troubling you?”
“The way you’re coping, I guess. I know you gave up on Dad long ago, but you had something special going with the friend who died recently. Right?”
“Yes. I miss him every minute of every day.”
“Then how can you smile so easily around your friends and seem to enjoy life the way you do? How did you get past your grief?”
Carla’s smile was wistful and gentle. She laid her hand on her son’s arm and he felt an instant connection.
“I’m not done grieving, honey. I don’t think I ever will be. Sadness comes and goes. Some days are better than others. I just have to keep living, for his sake as well as my own, and remind myself that we’ll meet again someday in heaven.”
“How can you possibly know that?”
“Because we shared our beliefs. We both had faith in God and Jesus Christ.” Her smile trembled; her eyes shone. “There are folks who claim to have all the answers. I’m not one of them. All I know is that the Lord has given me peace and is with me constantly. After all, He sent you here and brought us back together at just the right time, even though you had no idea how much I needed to reconnect.” She embraced him once more. “I love you, son. So does God.”
“I love you, too, Mom. If you change your mind and decide to come to Jasper Gulch for the finals, give me a call and I’ll meet you. I programmed my cell number into your phone.”
“I’d rather watch it on TV so I can get an instant replay,” she said with a grin. “Just take care of yourself. And tell that Julie girl your mama says hello.”
His mother’s parting words echoed in Ryan’s heart and mind as he followed the main highway back to Jasper Gulch. Learning that she, too, was a Bible-believing Christian had really shaken him. Religion was supposed to be complicated, wasn’t it? So how could it be as simple as she’d insisted?
Of course, he was glad she’d found peace. He’d never wish otherwise. He simply could not accept the concept that a person’s faith was a choice they made. It seemed to him that God was too far away to even notice, let alone care what happened to anybody here on Earth, so why was he having such a hard time letting go of the notion that he might actually be wrong about that?
“Beats me,” Ryan muttered.
With his mind on other things, he almost failed to see a semitruck ahead of him start to swerve. Pieces of steel-belted tire were flinging into the air at high speed. A blowout!
Ryan instinctively ducked. His hands gripped the wheel. Every muscle in his body clenched. He braced for impact. At these speeds he was going to be fortunate if he got out alive, let alone made it back to compete in the rodeo that evening.
All around him brakes and sliding tires squealed. Cars and trucks swerved, careened off the center divider and slammed into each other, making a horrendous racket.
Ryan’s next moments seemed to pass in slow motion. He steered left and right by impulse rather than skill, coming out on the far side of the accident without a scratch on himself or his truck.
Awed and in shock, he eased his vehicle over to the shoulder of the highway where it would be out of the way and jogged back to see if he could help those who might have been injured.
“How did I get through this?” he muttered, staring at the carnage and seeing no space to account for his escape.
In the back of his mind, something told him he already knew how, yet he continued to resist accepting the concept of divine intervention. That was what Julie—and Carla—would be insisting if either of them was here.
Going from car to wrecked car, Ryan paused long enough to make sure nobody was trapped before he moved on. Someone with a flare was already directing oncoming traffic and he could hear sirens in the distance. Help was close!
“Thank God,” he whispered, realizing belatedly that he had just said a real prayer. After that, it became easier.
“Father, thank You for bringing me through this,” he said quietly. “And help these others to make it, too. I know I haven’t been in church much for a while, but my mother believes You never gave up on me and I’d like to believe it, too.”
His path led him to a collapsed sedan with its windows smashed. Inside, he could see a child in a safety seat. She was whimpering but apparently unhurt. The car’s driver was trapped in front by the folded steel but also conscious and fairly alert.
“My little girl!” the woman gasped. “Is she all right?”
“Yes, ma’am. She looks fine.”
“Get her out. Please!”
“The firefighters are almost here,” Ryan told her. “It’s better if you don’t try to move, either. Let them do their jobs, okay?” He waved his arms to attract first responders’ attention to the car. “Here they come. You’ll be free in no time.”
“Don’t leave us!”
“I won’t. I promise. Just let me take a closer look in the back. Were there only two of you?”
“Yes. Yes…I…”
Ryan leaned through the shattered rear window to approach the frightened, towheaded child. “It’s going to be okay, honey. You and your mama will be out of this mess in no time.”
The tear-streaked face she lifted to look at him was more than hopeful. It was relieved and almost joyful. Ryan smiled at her.
“Promise?” she asked.
“I promise.”
“Are you Jesus?” the little girl asked innocently.
“Nope, just one of His helpers,” Ryan replied without hesitation.
In his heart he knew he had spoken the absolute truth. It wasn’t merely that he was thankful for having survived. It was more. Much more. Somehow, in the midst of all this turmoil, he had taken the final step of acceptance. He was home and forgiven, just like the prodigal son.
* * *
Julie paced the rodeo grounds, anxious about Ryan and mad at herself for trusting him in the first place. He’d given his word. He was supposed to be there. So why wasn’t he?
She spotted a red truck enter the fairgrounds, a cloud of reddish dust billowing behind it. Could that be him? Had he returned after all?
In spite of her prior determination to act nonchalant and try to make him believe she wasn’t crazy about him, she broke into a wide grin and jogged to where he was parking.
“You cut that really close,” she shouted. “Grab your gear. I hear the announcer. Bareback is about to start.”
Ryan had jumped down and was pulling his rigging out of the back of the truck. “I know. I was afraid I wouldn’t make it.”
She could tell by his appearance that something was wrong. “What happened? Is your mother all right?”
“She’s fine. There was a bad accident on the highway. I stopped to help out.”
“
You’re okay?”
“Yes. Just tired.” He swung his saddle over one shoulder and hoisted a crammed duffel bag. “I’m thankful nobody was killed.”
“So am I.” She gestured toward the arena. “You’d better run. Give me your keys and I’ll lock up for you.”
There was no hesitation on Ryan’s part, further convincing her that he trusted her. Of course he did. They were friends, right? And more than that, if anybody wanted her opinion.
She made sure the truck’s windows were rolled up and the doors locked, including the one on the matching camper shell, before she pocketed Ryan’s keys and started for the grandstand. Without checking the evening’s schedule, she couldn’t be certain of the lineup. As long as Ryan reported before the final ride in his division, he should be allowed to compete even if he missed the first call-up.
When Julie reached the stands, she found Faith and Hannah waiting for her at the fence closest to the chutes.
Faith waved an arm. “Over here. Did he make it?”
Julie nodded, knowing her ear-splitting grin was all the answer anyone would need.
“Great! You want to stand here or look for higher seats so we can see better?”
“Higher, I guess,” Julie said. Now that she’d seen Ryan again, there was absolutely no doubt in her mind that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. To her regret, she was also thinking about how she could hang on to her flock and still follow him from rodeo to rodeo. The logistics of it would be difficult, but she’d manage, even if she had to hire daily help and turn over the basic management of the operation to one of her brothers.
They wouldn’t like looking after sheep, but they’d do it for her. The Shaws always took care of one another no matter what.
“Dad is going to go ballistic,” she muttered, leading the way up the grandstand tiers. Jackson was already acting more upset every day that the time capsule remained unaccounted for. Add to that all his concerns about upcoming centennial events and she could see why he’d not want to deal with her attraction to any man who wasn’t from Jasper Gulch.
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