by V. Vaughn
It’s been a long time since I was half-naked and sweaty with Ian, and my orgasm blasts through me as if it were released from a cage. I cry out as my channel flexes around him, and even though I’m coming down, I keep moving to bring Ian the same release.
He shudders beneath me as his ecstasy courses through him, and when he’s spent, he holds my face in his hands. His eyes are full of adoration when he says, “I love you, Elise.”
My heart nearly bursts with the emotions his words bring, and it’s easy to say, “I love you too, Ian.”
He drags a strand of my hair off my face with his finger. “I’m always going to love you. Please tell me you’re here for good this time.”
I think about why I left and stayed away for the last five years, and guilt tears at me. Oh god. What have I done? Am I destined to continue to make the same impulsive decisions like the night we changed our lives forever? I can’t believe I slept with Ian before telling him he’s a father. I swallow down the bile in the back of my throat.
Ian frowns at me. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing,” I say as I climb off him and begin to button up my shirt. I feel vulnerable and tell myself once I’m dressed I’ll tell Ian what he needs to know.
“Oh god, you regret what we just did, don’t you?” he asks.
I turn to him, and the look on his face makes me never want to let him down. I place my hand on his cheek. “No. I’m the one who is sorry for making you feel as if I didn’t want this. I really did.”
“Okay.” He takes my hand and puts it back on my lap. “But I know it was too fast. I tend to lose control around you.”
I chuckle, because we’ve both lost control with each other too many times to count. I let out a sigh, because it’s time to stop stalling. “We do lose control with each other, and that’s why I need to tell you something.”
“Don’t say it, Elise.” Ian lets go of me and climbs to the front of the truck. “It’ll feel too much like rejection,” he says as he starts the engine. I’m not sure what he thinks I’m going to say, but I bet a million dollars it’s not that he’s a father.
“I’m not rejecting you,” I say as I scramble back into the passenger seat.
Ian’s face clouds over with pain when he glances at me. “I can’t do this again.” He backs out of our parking spot.
“Do what?” I ask. “Us?”
He doesn’t answer or look at me, but as we approach the highway, Ian presses on the gas hard enough the engine revs as if he’s trying to peel out.
“Ian?” I know I hurt him by not returning to Maine as I said I would, and I wish I could take away his pain.
“A phone call would have been nice. But you couldn’t even be bothered with a text,” he says as he continues to avoid looking at me.
I recall how he called and texted me for months, but I was afraid if I spoke to him I’d break down and tell him about his children. I thought I was doing what was best for him, but now I’m not so sure. I say, “I couldn’t.”
“You mean you wouldn’t.” He sighs and finally glances over at me. “Look. This is my fault. I just showed up and put you on the spot. It won’t happen again.”
“Don’t say that. I’m glad you did, Ian. I wanted to be with you tonight.”
We’re in Kimi’s neighborhood now, and neither of us speaks until he pulls to a stop in front of her house.
I turn to him, and every logical cell in my body is screaming at me to tell him why I stayed away, but I realize that I can’t tell him about the girls when he’s already upset. If he’s harboring anger about me leaving, finding out he’s a father is not going to go well. I think he needs to calm down so he can be rational about the news. So I ask, “Can I kiss you good night?”
Ian answers by grabbing me and bruising me with a kiss. I feel desperate too as I savor it for what might be the last time. Sadness fills me, and I don’t want him to let me go. But he does, and I don’t make things harder by refusing to accept it.
Instead, I say, “Good night, Ian,” and get out of the truck.
As I walk toward Kimi’s door, tears burn in my eyes. I never considered how much I’d hurt Ian by not returning his calls. While I still think I did the right thing not telling him about his daughters back then, I should have found a way tonight. Somehow, I keep making this worse.
Chapter 6
When I push my way inside the house, I’m met with a scene that makes me forget all about Ian. Kimi is sitting under the table with Sadie and Sophie, and the girls are in bear form. They all look up at me.
“What are you two doing up?” I ask my daughters.
Kimi breaks into a grin as she lifts up a mug. “Having a snack. You know how bears like their honey.”
I shake my head as I smile back. “What happened?”
“I think they were missing you,” says Kimi. She pauses to frown at me, and I quickly swipe my hand across my cheeks to make sure tears didn’t escape. She adds, “I woke up and heard them rooting around in the kitchen as cubs looking for something to eat.”
“I’m sorry about that.” I give her a sheepish grin. “The truth is I haven’t left them alone very much, and definitely not since they started shifting over a year ago.”
“I figured as much,” says Kimi. “But we’re getting along just fine. They’ll get used to you having a life soon enough.” Kimi groans as she climbs out from under the table.
I look at my darling children and say, “Bear time is over, girls.” In an instant, both of my daughters return to their human form, and Sophie rubs her eyes as Sadie yawns. I reach out my hands. “C’mon. I’ll put you back to bed.”
“Will you stay this time, Mommy?” asks Sadie.
Considering I don’t want to face Kimi and have to tell her that Ian still doesn’t know he’s a father, I say, “I sure will. Mommy’s tired too.” I look at Kimi. “Thank you. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She raises her eyebrows at me, but I suppose she thinks I need time to process what happened with Ian tonight, because she says, “Good night, ladies,” before she makes her way to her room.
After I brush my teeth and get into pajamas, I climb in the bed and cuddle between my daughters. Sadie is already asleep, but Sophie asks, “Mommy? Kimi said you got ice cream with a friend that is a boy.”
“I did. We had a nice time.”
“Are we going to get a daddy?”
My heart stops for a moment before I recall one of the children I took care of had a single mother who had been dating and recently got married. The little boy talked about how he got a daddy, and I think that is what made Sophie go there. I sigh, because I’m not sure what Ian’s going to want in terms of involvement with his kids. To be truthful, I haven’t even considered it yet. I say, “Maybe you will someday, sweetie. But now it’s time to go to sleep.” I turn to tuck her into my body and kiss her head as she snuggles me. Closing my eyes, I reach for the spirits to ask them to make sure no matter how much Ian hates me when he finds out about his twins, he’ll be able to see past it and become a significant part of my daughters’ lives. Because no matter how painful Ian’s rejection will be, Sophie and Sadie matter more than my soon-to-be-broken heart.
Kimi is the kind of person who is up with the sun, so when the girls and I make our way to the kitchen in the morning, she’s already back from her walk. I notice her neon-pink sneakers poking out from the bottom of her black yoga pants as she bustles about the kitchen.
She turns to us with a spatula in her hand. “Scrambled eggs, anyone?”
“Yes, please,” say my girls, almost in unison.
“Strong tea for me.” I stretch in an effort to wake up. I spent most of last night tossing and turning as I worried about Ian.
“Guilty consciences don’t sleep,” says Kimi.
Of course Kimi knows I didn’t tell Ian. I sigh. “So I’m a coward.” I grab a mug from the cupboard, and a burner ticks as I light it to heat up water. “I did try.”
“Hmpf,” says Kim
i. “Today we go see Carly.”
“Carly LeRoux?” I ask with a note of panic in my voice. She’s one of the two clan alphas, and once I tell her I have shifting LeRoux children, she’s bound to ask me who the father is. Damn it. I won’t reveal Ian until he knows first, and this puts me in a tough spot. I glare at the back of Kimi’s head, because I bet that’s exactly what she wants. I ask, “You sure you didn’t use to work for the FBI as an interrogator?”
Kimi turns to me with a grin. “I’d be good, wouldn’t I?”
Now it’s my turn to say, “Hmpf.” I take the two plates of eggs she prepares and bring them over to the twins.
While they eat, I make my tea, and Kimi sits down at the table. She says, “Today, we’re going to go meet one of the alphas of your clan.”
“That’s the boss lady,” says Sophie to me as I join them.
“Oh.” I grin, knowing Kimi must have taught Sophie that term. “She’s important, then.”
“Uh-huh,” says Sadie as she talks with food in her mouth. “Kimi says we have to be best behavior.”
“On our best behavior,” I say. “And please don’t talk with your mouth full.”
“But we get to play the bear game,” says Sophie, and she smiles.
I smile back. “You do. I think Mrs. LeRoux likes it.”
I imagine for a moment what it would be like to be a bear too, and it occurs to me that my children definitely need to grow up around werebear. Since I can’t shift, there are things I’m never going to truly understand. I lean in close and ask, “Did you know Mrs. LeRoux can play the bear game too?”
“Maybe she can teach you!” exclaims Sadie.
“I wish, sweetie,” I say. “But Mommy doesn’t have the special gift you girls do.”
“Kimi doesn’t either,” says Sophie. “But she’s got magic.”
“She sure does.” I glance at Kimi over my tea. My girls know about my powers and that I can do things that other mothers can’t, but I never told them one day they would too. Now that we’re in a safe place to talk about such things, I think it’s time they know about their dormant powers. “You know what else?” I ask. I glance at both girls to make sure I have their attention. “You girls have magic hiding inside you too.”
Sadie lifts her finger, and her face scrunches up as she focuses on it. “Come out, magic,” she says.
I chuckle when nothing happens.
Sophie says, “You’re doing it wrong.” She creates a fist then opens her hand up quickly to splay her fingers. A small spark flies from her palm. All of us gasp.
“Nice job!” exclaims Kimi. “Have you done that before?”
Sophie shakes her head. “That’s what Mommy does to hide us.”
Another spark flashes as Sadie mimics Sophie, and she lets out a squeal. “I did it too!”
“Well,” I say as I look at Kimi, “I think you’ve got your hands full with three witches to train now.”
Kimi gives me a big smile. “There’s nothing I’d like better. But…” Her expression turns serious. “We need Carly’s permission for you three to rejoin the clan and…” She tilts her head toward the girls, who are both tossing sparks at each other and laughing at their new game.
I know she’s referring to the fact my kids can shift. We’re charting new territory since werebear usually start shifting after puberty. And I can’t help but be nervous considering it wasn’t very long ago they’d be considered something to be hidden. I imagine clan laws to deal with my girls are going to have to be put into place. I ask, “Do you think Carly and Brady are going to be okay with this?”
“Yes. Carly is one of the few werebear who has magic too, and while her children have some powers, they’re nothing like what your children should have. This is something clans want to happen now because it creates powerful members for the next generation.”
I let out a breath of air in relief. My children are special, and I’m glad the clan can see that. I ask, “When do we go?”
Kimi glances over at the stove. “In an hour. I thought you’d be prepared.”
I close my eyes and let out a small groan, because I really should have told Ian the truth last night, and now it’s too late to talk to him before we go see Carly. I say, “I guess I’d better get ready,” and I stand up to begin to clean the kitchen.
Once we’re all set to go, I suggest I drive since I have the girls’ car seats buckled into my back seat. The trip is a short one. When we arrive, I notice the LeRoux’s home is more of a compound, because as we make our way up the winding driveway, Kimi shows me a building that used to house a polar bear clan called the DeRoziers.
She says, “They came to Maine when the melting ice in their arctic world threatened them with extinction, and the LeRoux took them in. They’ve since relocated to their own territory, and now the dorm is used as a training facility for warriors.”
I’m so distracted by the fortress of a home that Carly and Brady live in, I don’t register Kimi’s words. The place is gorgeous in a mountain-log-home way, and I see sprawling gardens that aren’t manicured to perfection, although I have no doubt a lot of work goes into tending them. As I slow to a stop, I process what Kimi said and immediately look over at the training center to search for Ian’s truck. When I see it, my heart stops.
Chapter 7
I glance over at Kimi in terror. If someone could say “I told you so with a look,” then that’s what she does. But I take a deep breath and tell myself Ian wouldn’t have a reason to come over to the LeRoux home and I’m worried about nothing.
Birds chirp in the stately pine trees that line the edge of the lawn as all of us get out of the car and walk to the door. I’m a little surprised when Carly greets us. I expected an alpha to have an assistant or someone to answer the door, but she’s not the least bit full of herself, because after Carly shakes my hand, she squats down to say hello to Sophie and Sadie.
Carly has blue eyes that are vivid like most werebear, but hers are not quite the same color as my daughters’. She says to my girls, “I have three kids a few years older than you are. They’re in a workout class right now, so they can’t play, but wait until you see the swing set out back.”
We step inside to the largest great room I’ve ever been in. The ceiling must be about three stories high, and the fireplace is so big that I feel like I’m unusually small. I gaze down a short hallway and notice it leads to a clear glass door, behind which is likely where Carly’s kids are training because it looks like a home gym.
As we walk by, Carly says, “Elise, if you want to see how we train children in this clan, you can go watch while I get your girls settled outside.”
I am curious, so I say, “I’d like that. Thanks.”
“Do you guys like climbing walls?” asks Carly as she walks off with Kimi and my daughters, and I make my way toward the gym. When I get there, I discover the whole wall is clear glass I can see through. And I see Ian.
Oh god. It’s as if the spirits are taunting me for not telling him he’s a father. Either that, or they want to give me a heart attack. I blow out the breath I was holding and slink back where I’m not so noticeable. Three kids who look to be about ten are in shorts and T-shirts, and they’re running around a circuit-training course. But it’s fun. I watch a girl jump on a mini-tramp, and when she’s in the air, Ian tosses her a ball to catch. When she hits the ground, she drops, rolls off to the side, and tosses it back.
“Nice, Audrey!” Ian calls out to her. As the kids go by him, he continues to give them praise. I smile as I imagine him doing this with Sophie and Sadie. It makes me think that no matter what happens with Ian and me, he’s going to find a way to be in our daughters’ lives. After a few minutes he claps his hands, and the children stop for a water break. My heart pounds as I duck back before he sees me.
I make my way toward the room where Carly took the girls, and as I walk through the great room, I glance up to talk to the spirits and tell them I swear as soon as I can, I’ll tell Ian what he need
s to know. When I hear Kimi’s laughter, I take a deep, calming breath and go toward it. I find myself in a kitchen. Kimi and Carly are sitting at a granite island in another space that could be photographed for a home-decorating magazine.
“Your house is beautiful,” I say.
“Thanks,” says Carly. “Your girls are sweet. Such good manners.”
I smile. “Thank you. I loved watching your kids with Ian. Triplets? It looked like they were having a lot of fun.”
She nods. “He does make their fight training fun. I insisted on it, since being the alphas’ children shouldn’t be a punishment.”
Kimi says, “Most kids don’t train to fight, but Carly and Brady’s children will always need to know how to defend themselves, considering they’re all in line to be the next alpha.”
“I see. That could be quite a burden to bear.”
“You have a similar one,” says Carly. “Kimi said you understand the value your girls have.”
“Yes. And I’d like that to be an asset for your clan. If you’ll have us.”
“That’s what we need to determine, but we’re going to have to work out some logistics. Do you agree to become the next medicine woman when Kimi is ready to retire?”
Kimi snorts. “You think I’m going to retire?”
Carly grins. “Fine. When Kimi dies.”
“Much better,” says Kimi as she smiles too.
“Yes,” I say. “I would be honored to become the next medicine woman.” I look at Kimi. “In thirty or so years when you die.”
“Excellent,” says Carly. “Before we discuss your girls, I need to know if their father is a LeRoux.”