How could she undergo a vigorous mating rite if she could not handle one session of intense Lupine sex? During the mating rite, they would lose their individual selves and merge completely until the bond was complete and they were emotionally tied together for life.
Fear tightened her stomach into a hard knot as she thought of losing control of her inhibitions and submitting to Darius. To Darius, the Lupine who’d promised to return and never had.
They were not the same people they’d been ten years ago. She could not see surrendering her very identity and merging with him so completely.
Sam touched her neck and shuddered, remembering the swift pain giving way to erotic, confusing pleasure when he’d given her his mating mark when she was sixteen. Back then, she had not understood what the bite signified.
And now she did. It was a sexual leash that tethered her to Darius, making her crave only his touch and taking away all choice.
All her free will.
Shivering at the thought, she stepped out onto the balcony. At first, she did not see him, but detected his scent. Her Lupine senses, it seemed, were much sharper now. Of course. Sex with him had unleashed her wolf.
Sam turned, and felt Darius touch her shoulder. She shuddered and moved away.
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I was too rough and lost control.” He drew in a shaky breath. “I’ve wanted you for so long, I fucked up. I’ve wanted you in my arms so badly. You’ve haunted my dreams, my thoughts. My every waking moment. I told myself I’d be gentle and tender with you and I wasn’t. I lost control and let my wolf dominate me when I turned feral.”
Sam hugged herself, needing distance, needing comfort but fearing it from him. “Feral?”
“Feral,” he repeated. “When a male Lupine turns savage during sex. Always with his mate, and seldom without consent. It usually happens when he loses control and his wolf takes over.”
“Like an animal.”
“Like a wolf,” he corrected.
“A savage wolf.”
Darius dragged a hand through his hair. “It is what I am, Sam. Like you. We are Lupines and sexual creatures.”
“And you’ll be this way—worse—during a mating rite.” She swallowed hard past the thick lump in her throat. “And so will I.”
“It’s in our nature, Sam.”
Gaze luminous in the moonlight, he went preternaturally still, like a predator studying his target. She could see the reflection of light in his eyes as a car pulled into the parking lot, shining its headlights in their direction. Animals did that, she thought dimly. Wolves did.
“Sam, can you forgive me?” He attempted to close the distance between them.
“No,” she whispered, inching further away. “Don’t touch me.”
“Sam, honey… I need you so much.”
“Need me,” she said slowly. “Is that what Lupine sex is? Such possessive and demanding need that I lose all sense and all I crave is you?”
Darius blinked. “It’s normal, the need for each other. That is the way when Lupines mate.”
Mate. Not make love. Not sex. She’d anticipated the overwhelming passion of regular, vanilla and very human sex. Not this terrifying frenzy of need.
She went to the end of the balcony. “I’m not a wolf. I’m not certain what I am anymore. I can’t be Lupine. I’ve been Skin too long to lose myself as a wolf.” Her voice cracked. “I don’t know who or what I am anymore.”
“You’re Sam. You are the most amazing female I’ve ever known, and the strongest. You’re Lupine, like me, and we’re destined to be together.”
His deep voice stroked over her exposed skin like velvet, rubbing against her sensitive nerves and making her crave him all over again. Sam hugged herself tight. She needed to center herself. Darius was powerful and overwhelming, wrapping her in a silken web of sensual need. She took in tiny, gasping breaths, struggling against his magnetic pull. It was like drowning in a sea of warm, soft fur.
Sam squeezed her hands tight, the nails digging little crescents into her flesh. The pain once more helped her focus.
“I wish we could go back to back to the days when it was you and me in the woods, reading and laughing and there was no sex, nothing but words and dreams and hopes. I wish…”
But wishes were childish, just as those wistful regrets were.
“Sam, don’t be scared of me. Don’t be scared of your wolf nature. I can help you through this. Trust me,” he said softly.
“I’m going back to Portland and after you sign the contract, I don’t think we should ever see each other again. This was a mistake.”
He gestured to the doors. “Inside. Now. You’re shivering.”
Domineering and demanding. The independent part of her resisted his command, but the sensible part knew she couldn’t stay outside and freeze. She sat at the table by the French doors and avoided looking at the bed with its rumbled sheets and the stains of her lost virginity.
Darius knelt at her feet and looked up at her, his gaze tormented.
The look reminded her of the old Darius, the Lupine who’d give blood and bone to keep her safe, who had brought her bouquets of flowers to make her smile. The Lupine who’d stroked her hair so gently when she rested against his thighs after he’d read to her in the woods. It hurt so badly to fear him, instead of hurling herself against his broad, muscled chest and letting him soothe away her fears.
She thought of the rabbit she’d kept as a secret pet in the woods. A cold shiver raced down her spine. The first time she’d shapeshifted into a wolf, Maxim had taken her on a pack run through the woods. The alpha had spotted her pet, and the rabbit had died beneath his snapping jaws. Her mother had soothed her later, telling her the rabbit was old and sick and the death was merciful, but Samantha had vowed never to hunt again.
“Once you were the one who swore to chase away my demons. Now you’ve become the very thing I fear, Darius. The beast who will turn me into a beast as well. I can’t live that life.”
“Sam, I promise…”
“Promise what?” Her voice came as a rasping whisper. “Swear you’ll never lose control again? Promise it won’t happen, that I can leave your bed with all my wits intact and my life will belong to me? Promise that I will be able to walk away and make my own decisions if we have sex again?”
Darius remained silent, only gazing at her with the same haunted look. Part of her longed to curl up against him, and try to recapture what they’d lost. If she surrendered to his pleading look it meant losing herself all over again. And she already felt lost enough.
“I won’t make any more promises, Sam,” he said quietly. “Not when you were left waiting for ten years after my first promise. But I will say this. I will never again turn feral on you unless you’re with me all the way. The choice is yours. Once you surrender to passion, you’ll find out the experience is not constricting. It’s extremely freeing to need each other, to touch, and bond together.”
She gave a little laugh that bordered on a sob. “Freeing as in the mating rite, when you’ll release all your inhibitions, because that is what the rite is about, and I’ll lose control as well?”
And she would be siphoned into his intense sexuality and never again be her own person.
“It’s about bonding two Lupines together for life, Sam.”
“I can’t bond with you. I can’t lose myself like that for my whole life. I’ve barely begun to live these past four years,” she whispered.
He shoved a hand through his thick curls. She remembered the touch and texture of his hair, thick, dark silk through her fingers, how it felt as he’d slid across her body and moaned in her ear…Sam squeezed her fists tighter.
“We can approach that later. Give me a chance. Give us a chance again. I will not lose control, no matter what.”
Give him a chance. She wanted to. But she remained afraid, because she wasn’t certain what she was. The Lupine life with its raw, savage sexuality scared her. She felt as if she didn’t
belong and would never fit into such a place.
Losing Darius scared her as well.
Everything inside her crumbled. She had only her career left, a job that had been her safe harbor and had given her purpose. She must focus on her career. The job grounded her.
Once Darius had given her purpose, but she’d forged on without him. Now he’d settled into her life and threatened to steal away her heart.
She’d guarded that particular organ far too long to lose it to him again.
Sam buried her face into her hands. “I’m going back to my room, Darius, before the others return. I’m going to sleep. I need to be alone.”
The despair on his face killed her as she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.
Chapter 10
Contrary to what she’d told Darius, Sam stayed up late, losing herself in work. She compiled statistics for the team to discuss for when Darius signed the contract back in Portland. Surely all her hard work on this trip would land her the promotion she deserved.
So it was with great dismay she learned that her colleague Sienna was arriving this morning to be introduced as Darius’ new account representative.
Samantha stared at Ken as he relayed the news over breakfast. They were leaving that afternoon to return to the city. A crisis had happened at the office, and the others had already departed. Only she, Ken, James and Darius remained at the house. Darius was still in his bedroom, and James had gone jogging on the beach.
A cool breeze whipped her hair as they sat on the deck overlooking the ocean. “You’re passing me over for Sienna? Sienna, who just started working here barely a month ago?”
Ken sipped his tea. “She came from one of the biggest manufacturers of solar panels and has handled multi-million dollar deals. You’re terrific in research, but too inexperienced for sales, Samantha. HG agrees.”
Then he drew his brows together. “And your behavior on this trip has been unprofessional. You did not return to join us at the bar last night, but remained with the client.”
Samantha sucked in a startled breath. “Are you accusing me of impropriety with Darius?”
“I’m simply stating it did not look good that you were alone with him last night. Perception is reality.” Ken sighed and set down his cup. “You’re very young, Samantha, too young to handle a major client. In a few years, perhaps, you’ll gain enough experience, and business wisdom, to handle your own accounts. I’m giving her Darius’ account to start with, and you’ll be her assistant.”
Anger simmered in the pit of her stomach. She had acted recklessly, and now paid the price. Damn Darius and his irresistible sensuality! Damn her for surrendering to it.
She set her coffee cup onto the glass tabletop, resisting the urge to slam it down. She caught a flicker in his eyes. And her animal instinct sensed his heart pounding hard, smelled the sweat on his brow.
Ken lied.
“You accuse me of acting unprofessionally, but it’s an excuse, Ken. Because you brought me all the way out here to get the account, knowing you had no intention of giving it to me. No matter what I did. I did all the work, and she’ll get all the credit. And the commissions, too.”
Ken looked slightly guilty. “It’s business, Samantha.”
Her miniscule salary barely covered expenses. Ken had promised she’d be making more money.
“Do I get a raise at least, for bringing in Mitchell Ranch?”
He avoided her gaze. “There are budget considerations. The new expansion of the office, equipment costs…”
She knew the ones he failed to mention. “And the expense of moving Sienna here from the East Coast, and giving her a bonus and a bigger draw than the other sales managers.”
A bonus that would pay two month’s rent on her apartment. She wagered Sienna didn’t have to cook on a miniscule stove and make her sofa bed every morning.
“Who’s been discussing salaries? That’s against company policy,” he retorted.
“And promising promotions and withdrawing them isn’t?”
Ken’s mouth thinned. “Samantha, we need the accounts Sienna will bring with her.”
“Including the Mitchell Ranch account, our new client? The account I worked on and she barely knows about?”
Smoothing back his hair, Ken did not meet her gaze. “Sienna is arriving around ten to meet with Darius. She was impressed with your proposal. It is excellent.”
Terrific. Excellent proposals that Sienna would use to gain new clients and gain fat commissions. Something warned her Ken had planned this all along. It was so sly, and deceptive.
Lupine instinct surged again. She thought of Ken and his habits, such as drinking green tea instead of coffee, dining on vegetables and never any meat.
Maybe Darius was correct. There were more OtherWorlders surrounding her than she realized. Ken might be one…
Nostrils flared, she leaned close, trying to catch his scent, smelling only salt air and overpowering cologne and underneath, the unpleasant odor of old sweat.
“Samantha? Are you sniffling? You’re not going to cry on me, are you?”
Sniffing. There’s a difference. You act like a snake, but you smell like old shoes.
She thought of the four years spent with Comairise Energy and all the nights working extra hours. She thought of her co-workers and how close-knit they were, how she’d substituted them for the pack she’d left. How she’d made them into her little family.
But they weren’t a family, weren’t her friends. Samantha laughed. Darius was right.
What a fool she’d been!
Mistaking her laugh for acquiescence, Ken gave a relieved smile. “I think you’ll enjoy working under Sienna. She’s fabulous. You can learn a lot from her. She’s very smart and you’re…”
“Not?” she offered.
Ken flushed. “I wasn’t going to say that.”
No, but you thought it. He suddenly had turned as transparent as glass.
Startled, she kept her own thoughts silent and guarded. Samantha picked up her coffee cup. She had a lot to consider.
Around ten, Sienna arrived. When introduced to Darius as his new account executive, he voiced a protest.
“I thought Samantha was managing my account.” Darius looked at her, his brows drawn together.
Sienna’s smile dropped. She turned to Ken. “You told me everything was all set to go. Did you not take the time to explain your decision to Mr. Bryant and Samantha?”
An awkward silence followed. Sam looked at Sienna, Ken and James and realized she could play this two ways.
Gracefully, with professionalism.
Or cutthroat and nasty. She looked to James, hoping he’d take her side.
“Perhaps it’s for the best. There is much you can learn from Sienna,” James told her.
So much for their friendship, and his support.
Sienna gave her a commiserating look. “Samantha, perhaps we should reconsider, seeing Mr. Bryant’s reluctance to change sales representatives. This is your baby, after all. You worked hard on this project.” She smiled at Darius. “And I don’t want to step on toes.”
A hollow ache filled her chest as she recalled Ken’s accusations. “No, I think it’s best if you take over, Sienna. You have more experience than I do.”
“Sam,” Darius began.
She held up a hand. “I’m best at research and writing proposals. Sienna is the right one for your account.”
They settled into the living room. In a few minutes, Sienna broke the tension by asking Darius questions about the Mitchell Ranch. The woman knew how to charm clients, Sam admitted to herself. In a tight gray T-shirt nicely displaying his tanned arms, Darius demonstrated how the cowboys wrangled cattle for a round-up. His biceps flexed smoothly with each exaggerated movement.
Blonde, slender and extremely pretty, Sienna was polished and sophisticated in a pink designer blouse and khaki shorts. Sienna put a hand on his arm.
“One must be very strong, like you, to rope c
attle,” she told him.
Unable to stand the jealousy spearing her, Samantha excused herself.
Darius looked up. “Where are you going?”
“To my room to pack. Sienna has everything covered here.” If the woman sat any closer to Darius, she’d be in his throat. Faking a smile to soften the bitchy remark, she started for the hall.
“Maybe when you finish, you can work on those spreadsheets of your cost analysis,” Ken told her.
Squeezing her fists, she did not answer. Sam hurried into her room. Then she went into the office the team had been using.
Ken’s laptop stood opened on the conference table, the screen dark. Sam hesitated, deeply curious to see what he’d been working on before the fabulous Sienna arrived.
Trust your instincts.
Powering on Ken’s computer, she typed in his password. That’s what you get for thinking I’m a dumb blonde, Ken. I memorized your password when you typed it in. Just in case I needed it, like now.
Samantha scrolled through his emails until seeing one from Jenner. As she read, her heart dropped to her stomach.
In the email, the company president gave Ken pointers into setting her up to secure the Mitchell Ranch account. Bryant had obvious sexual interest in Samantha, and Jenner wanted to capitalize on that to land the million-dollar account.
Make sure they have separate rooms on different floors so it doesn’t look as if she’s bait to get him to sign the contract. Why he’s interested in her, I don’t know. She’s as big as a cow. I don’t care if Bryant fucks her until the cows come home as long as he agrees to sign before the weekend is over. But if it goes badly, by all means hustle her out of there for damage control. Sienna will smooth things over. She’s much more attractive, anyway.
She’d been set up. Sam stared at the lazily blinking cursor.
Never had she felt so infuriated, powerless and demeaned.
Not even when she lived as a Lupine and Maxim had nearly raped her. Maxim at least was upfront. He wanted her fuck her to slake his lust.
The Mating Rite (Big, Beautiful Werewolf) (Werewolves of Montana) Page 15