Cedarwood Cowboy

by Megan Slayer

  The camera crew left en mass and the reporter followed. Evan joined Mick on the porch. “How’d it go?” Mick asked.

  “I wasn’t this cool during my career. I couldn’t buy this kind of publicity,” Evan said. “And it’s biting me in the ass because people think I came out as a stunt. Who I am isn’t a stunt.”

  “No one seems to care that your grandmother just passed away from cancer and she never smoked, that you’re having to switch careers. They don’t care that you’re hurting.” Mick threaded his arms around Evan. “People see what they want to. All we can do is be true to ourselves and be honest.”

  “Agreed.” Evan rested his forehead against Mick’s. “Where’d Jimmy go?”

  “He quit.” Why did such a short sentence have to hurt so much?

  “Because I’m gay?” Evan let go of Mick and threaded his fingers in his hair.

  “Yeah.” He hated having to admit that. “His mother didn’t like that he was working for a gay man. She said you’d be a poor influence.” He grasped Evan’s hand. “Cedarwood has changed so much since we were in school. It’s more tolerant, but it’s not perfect.”

  “This town was full of hate when Edwin was alive, too,” Evan said. “He got called a freak and a flake for being gay.”

  “I know,” Mick said. “I did make some headway with the information on Edwin. Are you done with the news outlets for the day?”

  “The local paper wanted to interview me tonight at the diner. I don’t have to go,” Evan said. “I’m actually happy to stay here instead.”

  “Which reporter?”

  “Remy someone.” Evan shrugged. “I don’t know him.”

  “He’s a good man. He’ll be sympathetic.” Mick squeezed Evan’s fingers. “Of the media, he’ll do the most to help your situation. Colt will be helpful, too. You might even get free food.”

  “You’re twisting my arm.” Evan scrubbed the heel of his hand across his forehead. “The reporters asked about my music and if the people I mention in my songs are guys. I told them the truth. Some were and others were whoever the songwriter meant. I didn’t write everything I recorded. The big machine in the music business doesn’t work that way and I don’t write that fast.”

  “Right now, it’s novelty.” Mick shrugged. “They want an angle. If you wrote them about guys all along and you featured chicks in the videos, then it won’t look authentic.”

  “Oh well.” Evan leaned against the railing. “What about Edwin? What’d you find out?”

  “I got papers and emails on him. We’ll read them together tonight when you get back.” He nestled between Evan’s knees and slid his palms along Evan’s chest. “I told Jimmy he could come back after he graduated. He wants to work and likes working here.”

  “He can.”

  “You don’t think it was too forward of me to tell him that?” He wasn’t sure what to think. Evan could tell him to fuck off for pushing.

  Evan shrugged. “I’ve had handlers and managers do shit for me. It’s not a big deal and I will let him come back. I hope he does. He’s a good worker and responsible.”

  “His mom is intolerant. She might make trouble,” Mick said. “Keep that in mind.”

  “Once you said she pulled him from the program, I figured she might. She called me earlier to ensure I wasn’t convincing her boy to be gay.” Evan tucked his fingers into Mick’s front pockets. “So? What’d you find out? I don’t want to wait until later. My uncle is dead. I want to know what happened.”

  “Come with me.” Mick tugged Evan into the house, to the family room, and picked up his tablet. “The emails are from the police department. Your uncle was charged with lewd behavior.”

  “Translation—he was gay.” Evan grunted.

  “Yes.” Mick sank onto the sofa. “He was gay in public multiple times. Most likely, he was out with a boyfriend and holding hands or something.”

  “Arrested for being himself,” Evan muttered. “Jesus.”

  “It gets better,” Mick said. “Your uncle and Neil were at the Stonewall Riots. According to the police reports, Edwin and his friend, later identified as Neil, were arrested for protesting and lived to argue with the police. At the riots, your uncle and Neil were separated. Neil was hit with a rock and hurt, but your uncle was shot. He died at the scene.”

  “Shit.” Evan sank back on the sofa. “My uncle was a protester.”

  “Seems like he was.” Mick picked up the envelope. “This is part of the police report. All it says is that Edwin Michaels was at the riots and attacked with a brick. He had his skull crushed and was shot twice. He bled to death, according to this. I’d think the whole package was what killed him, but I’m not a coroner.” He slipped Evan’s hand into his. “From what I’ve gathered, Martha had Edwin cremated and the ashes were divided up. She scattered some in the Bay, brought some home and left some with Neil.”

  “Wow.” Evan blew out a long breath. “Well, okay. So he went to the riots and died. I’d like to think he was fighting for our right to be free from persecution.”

  “I’m sure. Everything I’ve gathered says your uncle wanted to be respected and accepted for being gay.” His hands shook. The information wasn’t easy to explain and was heavy for Evan to accept.

  “He was a hero,” Evan whispered. “Why would my grandmother not speak of him? Seems like he was a decent man.”

  Mick had considered that very question. A thought occurred to him. “How’d your parents feel about being gay? You, in particular, being gay? Did they know?”

  “They found out because they caught me with a magazine filled with naked men.” Evan stared at him. “They hated my being gay. If they knew I’d come out, in such a spectacular way, they’d be livid. Jimmy’s mother’s reaction wouldn’t compare.”

  “Your grandmother encouraged you to be yourself, didn’t she?” He knew the answer to that, but wanted to hear it from Evan once more.

  “She knew and she didn’t mind.” Evan scratched his belly. “My great-grandmother and great-grandfather would’ve had a fit if they knew I was gay. My grandfather would’ve been cool with it. Martha and Edwin’s parents would’ve buried the fact Edwin was gay, so I’m guessing Martha did, too.”

  Mick considered the situation before answering. “Your grandmother could’ve gotten rid of those letters and photos, but she didn’t. I think she left them for you because she knew you’d understand. She knew you’d let him have a proper send-off.” At least he wanted to think that was the case.

  “You might be right.” Evan kissed Mick hard on the lips. “I have to ask—you figured all of that out because you’re my lawyer?”

  “Sort of. I got the access because I’m in the legal field, but I followed the leads because of you. I wanted you to know what was going on and who this man was. I wanted to get answers for you.” He wanted to make Evan happy and give him some peace.

  “Then thank you. I appreciate it.” Evan cuddled up to Mick. “I’ll go to this interview, but I’d rather stay here.”

  “What time do you need to be there?”

  “Eight,” Evan said. “I still need to do the evening chores, too.”

  “And Jimmy’s gone.” He wasn’t good at chores, but if Evan needed help, he’d give it his best. He’d mess things up, but at least he’d try.

  “He is,” Evan said. “I’ll manage.” He paused. “So Cedarwood is still the same as it was before, but not as intolerant.”

  “It can be. I’m out and a lot of my friends are, but there are still people who think gays don’t belong here. There was a group of residents against the LGBTQ community. They were super active for a while. They’ve gone quiet, but I’m sure they’re still around.” Mick toyed with the rhinestones on Evan’s thigh. “Hate doesn’t die.”

  “Nope,” Evan said. “Someone’s always upset with someone else.”

  “We need to rise above.” Mick tucked his hand under Evan’s shirt. “We show the best of who we are so no one can say anything negative.”

&
nbsp; “That’s right.” Evan kissed him. “I’ll get the chores done so I can get to the interview on time, then I’m yours for the rest of the evening.”

  “I should get work done while you’re gone.” He didn’t want to, but he’d never get caught back up if he didn’t try.

  “Work here.”

  “You don’t mind?” Mick asked. He refused to assume he could use the house as a temporary office.

  “Why not? We’re together. You’d do work at my place if I had an apartment or whatever.”

  “True.” He wanted to keep Evan close. Evan might not see it, but farming was in his blood. Mick grinned and massaged Evan’s abs. He’d fallen hard and fast for Evan—not that his crush on Evan had ever faded. He’d never thought he’d fall for a singer, much less Evan, but he wouldn’t question his heart. Evan made him happy.

  Mick Ryan was in love.

  * * * *

  Evan finished the chores and made it to the interview in plenty of time. He suffered through Remy’s questions, but at least Remy was nicer about asking. The previous reporters had wanted to run with the gay angle and make a big deal about his coming out being a publicity stunt.

  Remy closed the notebook. “I’m not into country music, but Bobby is. He loves your stuff.”

  “Thanks.” He hadn’t brought a marker to sign anything. He should get back into that habit.

  “I haven’t asked this yet and it’s horrible of me, but how are you holding up?” Remy asked. “Your grandmother seemed like a great woman.”

  “She was.” Evan sighed and a wave of exhaustion hit. Maybe he’d been through too much and he wasn’t sleeping enough, but damn, he was tired. “I’m not great, but I’m okay. It’s not a good time, but I’ve got Mick and I’ve got things to do. If I didn’t have the farm to keep me occupied, I could be in trouble.”

  “Makes sense.” Remy nodded and toyed with the spiral wire on his notebook. “On top of everything else you’re dealing with, I know it’s tough to be gay in Cedarwood. We’ve all dealt with shit because we’re gay,” Remy said. “It does get better.”

  “Does it?” He had Mick, so yeah, things were better.

  “Have you been targeted?” Remy asked. “Has anyone done shit to you?”

  “No, not that I know of. I had one of my farmhands quit because his mother realized I’m gay.” He shifted in his seat. “My boyfriend’s co-worker made the big deal with the media or no one would be the wiser about my sexuality.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s no one else’s business to make a big deal about anyone coming out.” Remy shook his head.

  The frustration he’d held back came forth and threatened to overwhelm him. “I don’t get it. Jesus. My grandmother just died. I’m dealing with the guilt of being gone, not taking care of her and that I’m alone, but all anyone cares about is that I’m a former country musician who is gay. I’m a human being.” He should’ve kept his mouth shut, but the words bubbled out.

  Remy nodded. “And I’m no better. I’m sorry. I should’ve been more thoughtful. Are you okay?”

  “No. One day I feel sort of normal and human. The next, I’m lonely. One day, it’s not hard to face the farm and my life. The next day, I want to hide and forget I ever played music.” Evan shook his head. “It’s crazy.”

  “But you can’t forget music.” Remy nodded again and tucked the notebook away. “I wanted to quit writing because I got depressed. I’m glad I found Bobby and he helped me turn everything around. He kept me going. I probably would’ve found my way back to writing, but it wouldn’t have felt right.”

  “Yeah.” Remy sort of understood. “I’m not on that road yet.”

  “Mick isn’t encouraging you?”

  “He is, but I’m still raw.” Music was in his soul, but he’d work on it later. Right now, he had to get himself straightened out.

  “It’ll get better. Think of your grandmother, how she made you happy and feel protected. She loved you, so merge those thoughts with how you feel about Mick,” Remy said. “It’ll help.”

  “We’re just dating.” He wanted more from Mick, but he wasn’t sure Mick wouldn’t get tired of him and the attention he brought.

  “Your eyes glitter when you talk about him.” Remy’s grin spread across his face. “He’s more than a date.”

  “Yeah, he is.” He needed to confide in someone. “Do you know Mick?”

  “He’s been in town as long as I have and had always been a stand-up guy.” Remy cocked his head. “Why?”

  “We didn’t hit it off right away. He thought I was a jerk and I thought he hated me.” He laughed. “I thought he was bossy.”

  “That tends to happen.” Remy sipped his coffee. “What happened next?”

  “My grandmother, that’s what,” Evan said. “She told him to go after me.”

  “Matchmaking Memaw. I had one of those. If she’d have met Bobby, she would’ve pushed us together,” Remy said. “But she never met him.”

  “You get what I mean,” Evan said. “Then she died and he’s been there when I needed someone. At first, her pushing us together annoyed me, but now…it’s different.”

  “Did you feel like he’d taken your place?”

  “A little. I know she was close to Mick. He knew her so well and I’d been gone,” Evan said. “I called her every Friday, but he was there when I wasn’t.”

  “You were living your life.”

  “It’s made me feel guilty.” Did Remy care to hear his story? Would he add these details to his article? Evan hoped not.

  “I know how you mean. It’s like you moved on and left that part of your life behind.”

  “Yes.”

  “I felt like that with my best friend, Darian. He wrote me saying he’d contracted AIDS. I never knew he was gay, but we stopped talking in college,” Remy said. “We just lost touch.”

  “Yeah. It’s sort of like that. Mick was with my grandmother when she needed help and the cancer spiraled out of control.” The guilt threatened to overwhelm him. “Then when she died, I was there, but so was Mick. He’s been right beside me. He seems to care and understand.”

  “Sounds great.”

  “Mick handled her will and the terms of her trust,” Evan said.

  “Ah.” Remy fiddled with his coffee cup. “What’s your concern? You sure sound like you’re trying to talk yourself out of the relationship or you’re trying to find a way to sabotage it.”

  “I should be guarded around him and around you. I’m pouring my heart out without a filter,” Evan said. “That’s nuts.”

  “Bobby would be proud. I’m the talker of our relationship.” Remy pushed the cup away. “So what are you worried about?”

  “It’s not love, but I’m trying to shoehorn it. It feels like I’m pushing him into something he isn’t ready for—something he can’t give. I’m scared we’ll fall apart in a month when he has a new client.” That he doesn’t love me, too. “Or maybe I’m afraid it’ll be the love I need and I’m sure I don’t deserve.”

  Remy leaned back in his seat. “Well, everything you’ve mentioned is possible. We don’t know what tomorrow might bring. We don’t know if our relationships will last because shit can hit the fan at any time. It’s possible we could all be alone.”

  “You’re so helpful.” His heart sank. He should channel his feelings into a song. Maybe that would help.

  “I’m trying to give you assistance.” Remy chuckled. “Here’s the thing. What you’re worried about might all come true, but it might not, also. This situation, crappy as it is, brought you together. It could be the glue that holds you close and keeps you going. I’ve never known Mick to be a cheater. In my line of work, I hear gossip. I’ve never heard anything about him that was negative. He’s a stand-up guy and I’m glad you’re together. He does make you happy.”

  “You can tell that from the glint in my eye?” He doubted everything Remy said was possible.

  “That and the way you’re worried. If Mick wasn’t important, you wouldn’t
be freaked out. We get crazier over the ones we love the most,” Remy said.

  True enough. He exhaled. The weight on his shoulders wasn’t so heavy now that he could tell someone about his issues. “Thanks.”

  “Anytime. We’ve got to stick together and support everyone in the community.” Remy left the booth and stood. “You’re a good man and I’m honored to know you.”

  “Thanks. You are, too.” Evan hugged Remy. “We should get together.”

  “Double date? I’d love that.” This time, Remy’s eyes lit up. “We haven’t had a night out in forever. Chris has gone to college and our daughter’s just learning to drive. She’ll be loose in no time.”

  “Chris?”

  “Our son—Bobby’s son, but I adopted him.” Remy beamed. “Freshman in college.”

  “Great. Congrats.” He didn’t see himself as the dad type. Kudos to those who were.

  “Oh. You don’t know. Bobby’s been a mess since Chris left. He worries a lot.” Remy chuckled. “I understand. Chris is in a different part of the state and he’s on his own. Until recently, he was home. Bobby had some control. Don’t get me wrong. Bobby’s not a control freak, but it’s a dad thing. You want to keep your kids safe. When you can’t see them or have close access, it’s scary.”

  “It’s tough. They grow up fast and we just get old.”

  “Yes.” Remy hugged Evan. “I’ll tell Bobby and we’ll have a night together. Thanks for the interview.”

  “Welcome,” Evan said. “Keep in touch.”

  “Will do.” Remy waved, then walked Evan to the doors.

  Evan made his way to the truck. All he wanted to do was go home. He had no idea if Mick was still there, but Evan was more confident about his feelings. Mick was special and he was happy.

  Fifteen minutes later, Evan pulled into the lane. He drove up to the shed and parked in the slot for the truck. The lights blazed in the house, but the media seemed to be gone. He didn’t see any of their vehicles. Mick’s car remained in its spot near the walkway. Evan hurried up to the porch, then into his home.