Faded (Rock Star Trilogy)

by Mercy Amare

  “Is it that obvious?” I ask.

  “Yes. It's written all over your face. And his. I see it every time you walk into a room that he's in. Every time you touch each other, or kiss… It's sickening and sweet at the same time. Martin never looked at me like Stephan looks at you. I want to experience that kind of love.”

  I sigh, almost sadly. “I don't know that Stephan loves me. He's never told me.”

  “Sometimes words aren't necessary. But if you love him, you should tell him. Maybe he’s just too scared to say them.”

  She's right. But I still want to hear him tell me first. Maybe I’m too stubborn for my own good.

  “I'm not having sex with him until he tells me.”

  “Does he know that?” she questions.

  I shake my head. “Right, cause I'd tell a guy that… Guys will say anything for sex, Bridge. I want him to tell me because he feels it, not because he wants to fuck me.”

  “Every guy, except Martin.” She sighs sadly. “Am I just not sexually attractive to guys? I mean, why would he go for Mia and not me?”

  “Because he's a fucking moron.” It’s the truth. “Besides, have you not seen the way Alec looks at you? I'm about ready to castrate him.”

  She blushes. “I'm sure he's like that with every girl. He won’t be satisfied until he’s slept with every woman in the US, maybe Europe too.”

  “Not really,” I say. “He's picky. But still, Alec isn't a relationship kind of guy. He is only interested in sex. So don't let him break your heart.”

  “I won't,” she promises.

  1:33 PM

  We could totally drive to Europe.

  By 1:30, we are all in the private jet, waiting for takeoff. Stephan and Bridgett are both looking around, and they seem pretty excited. Alec and I are both pretty chill, because this is nothing new for us.

  “So, whose jet is this?” Stephan asks.

  “It's one of Scarlett’s record company's jets,” Alec answers. “We often have to fly to get to our performances in time, so our record companies let us use it.”

  I roll my eyes. “Please. Alec owns his own jet.”

  “No, I don't. My dad does,” he clarifies.

  “Your dad has two jets, and he never uses the second one,” I argue. “So it might as well be yours. He lets you take it any time you want.”

  “I'm an only child,” Alec tells them, like it’s an explanation.

  Alec's dad is Steven Torch. He was a rock star back in the day, and now he owns Ace Record Company, which used to be a sister company to mine. He is a very rich guy.

  And Alec is very spoiled. He has any and everything he wants, and he always has.

  “I need to document this for the documentary,” Alec says, pulling a camera out of his bag.

  I glare at him. “Seriously?”

  “What? They gave me a camera so I could record pre-show stuff. There is going to be thirteen hours of footage on TV. It's going to take a lot of recording to get that.”

  I roll my eyes as he turns the camera on me.

  “So, Scarlett, tell me, what are you feeling?”

  I flash him a fake smile. “I'm feeling like I want to shove this camera up your ass.”

  “Okay…” He turns the camera to Bridgett. “What about you, Bridgett? Are you excited about your first trip to Europe?”

  “I’m actually more nervous than anything.” She grins. “This is my fourth time on an airplane, and I still haven't gotten over my fear of flying.”

  “Don't worry, I'll protect you.” Alec puts his arm around her playfully.

  “Yeah, cause he could totally protect her if our airplane crashed,” Stephan whispers in my ear, and I can’t help but laugh at his sarcasm. He knows exactly how to distract me from… well, me.

  Alec turns the camera to Stephan. “What about you?”

  Stephan smiles, and then looks at me. “I think I need to go to the back when the plane takes off. Right, Scarlett?”

  I shake my head, and laugh.

  Alec turns the camera on himself. “Scarlett and Stephan are seriously gross. If they are what it's like to be in love, I hope I never am.” He fake gags, and turns off the camera.

  I wait for Stephan to tell him we're not in love. But he doesn't.

  “I can't wait to see you fall in love,” Stephan laughs. “When you do, I am going to torture you and your girl.”

  Once we take off, Alec falls asleep. I'm thankful, because it gives me time to think. I love him, but I seriously might go crazy living with him over the next few months.

  I think about my mom. I haven't seen her in almost ten months. It hurts to think of all the time that has gone by since I last spoke to her. I wonder if it's easy, since I'm not really her kid. Maybe she just never felt that mother-daughter connection with me.

  I think of Bridgett's mom. Sure, she's a psychotic bitch, but at least she loves Bridge. I'm lucky if I get an email from my mom once a month.

  Stephan is sitting beside me, and he sees my frown. “What's on your mind?” he asks.

  I sigh. “Family.” I know he doesn’t understand what I’m going through, because his mom adores him, and from what he has told me, so did his dad. But his family is pretty fucked up too.

  “Tell me about your mom.”

  So, I do. “My mom's name is Stephanie Ryan. She used to be beautiful, but she's had a lot of plastic surgery, so not so much anymore. Before I became a rock star, she was a teacher. She was always good with kids, but never with Stacy and me. Looking back, I wonder why they adopted me. It was always obvious that they didn't love either of us. But my parents had a pretty good marriage.

  “When we moved to LA, things took off pretty quickly for me. I had a ton of offers, first from the Disney Channel, but my parents wanted bigger. They said they wanted more than for me to be a child star. Luckily, when I was fourteen I looked older than I was. I got signed, went on tour and started recording my first album.

  “Soon after the money started rolling in, my parents started fighting. They couldn’t wait to spend all my money. Thankfully Alec’s dad suggested that we get a financial adviser. He convinced them to put fifty percent of my earnings into a trust fund; the remaining fifty percent would go to them.

  “The financial adviser must have known my parents were complete asses, because every property they bought automatically went in my name the day I turned eighteen. I hate to think that my parents would have gotten it all, especially considering how hard I worked.

  “I think my parents’ marriage started downhill when we first moved to LA, but they tolerated each other. It wasn't until I started making a lot of money that they finally separated. By then, it was almost a relief to have my mom out of the house. I couldn't handle being around the both of them anymore.”

  I shake my head, sad at the memory. “My parents didn't even care that Stacy ran away, of course now I know that they kicked her out. They didn't love either of us… I truly think if it wasn't for the money, they would have kicked me out a long time ago, too.”

  Stephan smiles sadly at me. “Do you have any happy memories with your parents?”

  I think for a minute, and then shake my head. “Not really. I mean I have good memories with Stacy, but not them. Maybe there were good times, but there were so many bad that it clouded any good ones.”

  “Do you remember your life before LA?”

  I think for a minute. “A little. Mostly I have memories of our old house, Stacy, and of course my friends from school.”

  “There has to be good memories though,” he says. “Maybe you should talk to Stacy. She was older, so I'm sure she remembers.”

  I shrug. “What good would it do anyway? I'm done with them, Stephan.”

  “Well, you will always have me.” He puts his arm around my shoulder, pulls me closer, and gently kisses my forehead.

  “Thank you.” There is so much truth in Stephan’s words. “I don't really know how to depend on other people, but I'm learning.”

  “I wi
ll just have to prove to you that I'm not going anywhere.” He smiles, and I know that he is going to do everything in his power to prove it to me. “Seriously, anything you ask me to do, I will.”

  “Good thing I'm not that high maintenance.”

  He laughs. “Yeah, right, Scar. A private jet! You don't get much more high maintenance than that. Seriously.”

  “You get used to it. Trust me, this isn't that exciting for me. It's just… another day. I really hate all the time I waste flying, but it's faster than driving.”

  “Yeah, cause we could totally drive to Europe.”

  I roll my eyes at his sarcastic remark. “You know what I mean.”

  “I'm sorry that you had such a sucky childhood. I wish I could make it up to you.”

  “It's not your fault.”

  He smirks. “I could take your mind off it.”

  “Oh yeah?” I ask. “How?”

  He leans closer and whispers in my ear. “I'm pretty sure we never finished our conversation about joining the mile high club.”

  I look over at Bridgett who is watching a movie on her iPhone. I then whisper in his ear. “Not going to happen.”

  He pouts.

  Damn, he's so cute when he pouts.

  It's his lips. It's got to be.

  “Why not?”

  I'm still staring at his lips.

  “I don't want to until we're in love,” I answer. I'm shocked that I actually told him.

  “Who says that we're not in love?” He looks shocked by my words.

  “You haven't told me yet,” I point out. “Which, I get. You're waiting to say it to your future wife. It's super romantic, and it will be totally special for her. But I'm done with having meaningless sex.”

  “Just because I haven't told you, doesn't mean I don't feel it. What I'm feeling for you is a lot more than lust, and sex with you would not be meaningless.”

  Wow.

  I think I just fell in love with him a little more.

  Saturday, October 17

  7:30 AM

  Her French is terrible.

  It's 7:30 in Paris when we land, and it's raining, which is normal for here. It's 1:30 am in Florida, so we are all pretty exhausted. It is definitely going to be a long day. A car is waiting for us when we get there, and we all pack inside. It's going to be another two-hour drive to my house.

  Bridgett and Alec fall right back asleep, but I'm too nervous to sleep. Stephan stays awake with me, because he's the sweetest boyfriend in the history of boyfriends.

  “How are you feeling?” Stephan asks.

  “Scared,” I answer truthfully.

  I hate that I have to confront my mother like this. More than anything, I wish I had normal parents who love me.

  He pushes my bangs away from my eyes and kisses my forehead. I lay my head on his chest. We lie there in silence for a while. The only thing I can hear is the steady beat of his heart, Alec's light snoring, and the sound of rain falling on the car. It's serene.

  And somehow, against all odds, I fall asleep against Stephan's chest.

  When I wake up, we are pulling into my beautiful home in Paris.

  The rain has cleared up, and the sun is shining now. Surrounding my home are beautiful, rolling hills. The grass is still green, but the leaves on the trees are starting to turn yellow, orange, and red. The view is absolutely breathtaking. How had I forgotten how beautiful it is here?

  The driver goes through the open gates and pulls to the front of the circle drive. He opens the door for us, and we all get out.

  “Wow,” Stephan and Bridgett both say.

  Alec has been to my home before, but it's really nothing compared to the home his dad owns in Italy.

  “This house is massive,” Bridgett says. “Seriously. It makes your house in Florida look like a shack.”

  I laugh. My home here is large. It's three stories and even has a tower, so it looks like a castle. I love it. “We can live here if you want. I can speak French.”

  Alec laughs at this. “She's lying. Her French is terrible.”

  I stick my tongue out at him. “I'm willing to learn.”

  “The French hate Americans, so I think I'm cool with staying in Florida.” Bridgett sighs happily. “But I'll vacation here anytime.”

  I open up the double doors that lead into the house, and my mother's maid, Agnes, lets out a frightened scream. She quickly calms down when she sees me, and then covers her heart with her hand.

  “Miss Ryan, you scared me. I don't think your mother is expecting you.” I love Agnes. She's one of the sweetest people I've ever met… Obviously, she has to be to put up with my evil mother.

  “It's a surprise visit.” I step out of the doorway, letting Alec, Stephan, and Bridgett step inside.

  Agnes's eyes get big as she looks between Bridgett and me.

  “This is my twin sister, Bridgett, and my boyfriend, Stephan,” I tell her. She already knows Alec. “We just decided to surprise mom. Is she here?”

  Agnes pulls me into a hug. After she pulls back she tells me, “Your mother went on a trip to Greece with Mr. Jack Michaud, but she is going to be back later today.”

  I want to sigh in relief. I'm glad I have a little time to prepare before my mom gets here.

  “Do you want me to help you carry your stuff upstairs?”

  I want to laugh at Agnes. She is one of the few people I've met that is actually shorter than me. She’s in her early sixties but works harder than most twenty year olds. I shake my head. “We've got it, but thanks.”

  “It's good to see you again, Mr. Torch. It's been far too long,” she tells Alec. “It’s good to see you two as well, Mr. Stephan, and Miss… Ryan?”

  “Evans,” she informs her. “I'm Bridgett Evans.”

  Agnes shakes her head and looks at me. “You two are identical. Except Miss Evans doesn't have that mischievous look in her eyes that you do.”

  Stephan laughs at that.

  “I'm going to show everybody to their rooms,” I tell Agnes, and then head up to the second floor.

  “I know where my room is,” Alec says, lugging his suitcase up the stairs. I'm surprised he doesn't complain about having to carry his own luggage.

  As we get upstairs, I put Bridgett in the first room on the right, and I put Stephan across the hall from me.

  “Would you be mad if I snuck into your room in the middle of the night?” Stephan flirts.

  I raise my eyebrows at his comment. “I guess you will just have to be sneaky and see.”

  8:21 AM

  Life is about to get crazy.

  We all unpack and head downstairs. Agnes is in the kitchen cooking us breakfast. She's made my favorite — French toast. There are also fresh strawberries and whipped topping. My mouth waters at the sight.

  “Your favorite.” Alec smiles, sitting down at the head of the table. He always sits there. He grabs a plate and starts digging in as the rest of us take a seat.

  “You have no table manners,” I tell him, and I grab a handful of strawberries for my French toast.

  “Me?” he asks with his mouth full.

  I roll my eyes and take a bite of my own food.

  “This is amazing.” Bridgett shovels a huge bite in her mouth. “Screw table manners.”

  “Agnes does make the best French toast ever,” Alec tells her. “One time Scarlett and I flew all the way here just to have breakfast.”

  “That's not true,” I argue. “We stayed two days.”

  Alec laughs. “Yeah, so we could have French toast two days in a row.”

  I can't help but smile at the memory. “We have had some good times.”

  Maybe having Alec around won't be so bad. He is my best friend. Everything that he is doing, he is doing for my career. He is looking out for me the only way he knows how to, and I love him for it. If it weren’t for him, I don’t think I would be the person I am today.

  “I've been thinking, Scar,” Alec starts out, and I know whatever he says is going to be bad.
He is using his soft don't be mad at me voice. “I know that this is a very personal matter for you, but I think you should let me record this for the documentary. It's important to your story…”

  I want to protest, but I decide hear him out.

  “Think about it. Bridgett came out of nowhere. Don't you think the audience wants to see you confront your mom? She lied to you for nineteen years. This is GOLD, and you have the opportunity to make millions.”

  “I don't care about money. I have more than I know what to do with as it is. I could retire and live comfortably for the rest of my life.” He knows this.

  “You do know you're not going to be the only one paid, right? Bridgett, Stephan, me, and everybody who agrees to be in the documentary. Depending on the person, they get paid X amount of royalty per episode they appear in.”

  If this were anybody other than Alec, I would worry that he only wanted me to do this to benefit himself, but I know he's not like that. He also knows I'm going to truly consider this, because it doesn't just benefit me. It benefits everybody I love.

  “Plus, this is your story. Don’t you want to tell it before your parents do?”

  Damn. This either benefits me, and everybody I love, or it benefits my parents. The story is going to get out one way or the other. I’d rather my version get out first.

  “Let's make a deal.” I fold my hands on the table, and consider what I'm about to say. It's life changing. “I will let you record me, but I get to choose what goes in and what doesn't. Some things are just personal and should stay between me and my family.”

  Alec grins. He's obviously satisfied with my conditions. “Deal.”

  Everything is feeling a bit overwhelming. Then, Stephan leans over and whispers in my ear, “Can we take this whipped topping back to your room?”

  I bust out laughing and just shake my head at him.

  I so needed that.

  After breakfast, Stephan and I go outside and lie on the hammock in the backyard. His arm is around me, and I am laying my head in the crook of his arm. I love how our bodies fit perfectly together. It's then that I realize this is our first time “lying down” together, and I like it.

  Our relationship is so easy and familiar. I don’t have to try to be with him, I just am. And I love that Stephan has never pressured me to do anything more than kiss. Sure, he jokes with me about it, but he's never pushed. It's like he's waiting for the perfect moment. I know that it wouldn't take much “pressure” to get me to cave. I want Stephan more than I've ever wanted any guy before. I swear, all he has to do it smile at me and I get turned on.