Faded (Rock Star Trilogy)

by Mercy Amare

  4:21 PM

  Bowling.

  Stephan comes over after school, and I explain to him the details as best as I can. We obviously won’t know everything until I get the contract from Barry. Until then, I will be anxiously awaiting it.

  “I am having mixed feelings about it,” I tell him. I like talking to Stephan about this, because he isn’t just going to tell me what I want to hear. He will tell me what I need to hear.

  “Well, you obviously can’t make up your mind until you hear all of the details, so really there is no need to worry about it now.” He shrugs. “It is all going to come down to if the risk is worth it. I love your music and have no doubts, but my opinion doesn’t matter… Everybody else’s does though. I’m biased.”

  If only everybody likes me as much as Stephan does. “Bridgett thinks I need to do a Bieber and go to the Internet for help. YouTube, Twitter… You know, for insurance.”

  “That’s probably a good idea, honestly. I don’t think you need it, but it couldn’t hurt. It may take people a little while to get used to your new sound,” he says the same thing that Alec did.

  I need to talk about something else. I’ve had enough music industry talk for one day. I need Stephan to be my escape.

  “Let’s go bowling,” I blurt out.

  “Bowling?” he questions.

  “Yes. I’ve never been before, and I need to do something normal,” I explain.

  “You’ve never been bowling? Yes, we are definitely going to go now.” He looks down at my heels. “You will want to bring socks. But don’t change out of this dress. I like this dress.”

  “I was going to wear jeans…” I protest. “I’m going to be bending over, right?”

  “Exactly.” He pouts. “Please?”

  I laugh. “Fine. Look all you want, but you can’t touch.”

  “You will cave eventually,” he says, pulling me into his arms. “And when you do, it is going to be the best damn night of your life.”

  I shiver against him. How can just his words turn me on so much?

  “I have no doubt about that,” I agree, and back away. “But I told you, we have to be in love first.”

  Stephan looks a little hurt by my words. “Just go grab some socks, and we’ll get out of here.”

  Our bowling date turns into an outing for everybody. Stephan invites Alec, Bridgett, and Ethan. He says the more people there are, the more fun it is.

  I was feeling bad for my earlier comment. I shouldn’t keep bringing up the “love” thing. I know it bothers Stephan, and it really upset him. I’m such a terrible girlfriend. When we are getting our shoes, I decide to apologize to him.

  “I’m sorry about what I said earlier,” I say. “About the love thing. I know that it bothers you.”

  “What size?” the guy behind the counter asks.

  “Seven.”

  He hands me my shoes, and I take them. Stephan gets his, and we walk over to where everybody else is sitting. He remains silent. Maybe he’s not going to say anything? We sit down to put on our shoes.

  “It’s not love that bothers me, Scar.” He shakes his head. “That isn’t the part of what you said that hurt me.”

  “What was it?” I ask, feeling half an inch tall. I hurt Stephan, and I don’t even know how I hurt him.

  He shakes his head. “Let’s just drop it for now.”

  I hang my head. “Okay. But just so you know, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  He puts his finger under my chin, and pushes my face up so I’m looking at him. “It’s okay, Scarlett. I promise. Let’s have fun.”

  He leans in to kiss me, and I hear Alec clear his throat. We both pull back.

  “Don’t be gross, guys,” he says.

  I give him my best fuck off look.

  “Why did you invite Alec again?” I asked Stephan.

  “I actually didn’t. Alec invited himself,” he answers. “By the way, Peter and I had an interesting conversation earlier.”

  “What?” I question cautiously.

  “He says he wants a sexy scene of us.” Stephan shoots me one of his sexy, panty-droppingsmiles. “I have to admit, I like his idea…”

  I look over where Peter is standing. The cameras, as always, are on us. As much as I want to ignore them and have a normal night, I can’t. People in the bowling alley are staring at us, and a few are taking pictures. As I begin to think about it, I realize normal will never be an option for me, especially if I continue doing music.

  Stephan starts to get up to go pick out his ball, but I stop him. “Hey, Stephan… I was wondering what you would think if I chose to quit.”

  “Quit what?”

  “Music,” I answer quietly.

  He thinks for a moment before responding, and I’m scared of what his reaction will be.

  “I think that before you quit, you need to prove to yourself that you can do this with your music. After you prove it to yourself that you can, if you still want to quit, then I would be behind you one hundred percent.”

  “Okay, but what if after this I want to continue? Would you really be okay being in the spotlight with me?” I have to know.

  “Scar, if I couldn’t handle it, I never would’ve talked to you that first day in study hall.”

  “Right.” I cross my arms over my chest. “It’s not like you knew then that you’d fall in love with… I mean…” Crap. I said the word love again. “I’m sorry. I meant… Actually, never mind. Just forget I said that.”

  I start to walk to pick out my ball, but Stephan grabs my wrists and pulls me close to him. “Don’t ever be afraid to say what you’re feeling.”

  I’m feeling love.

  But I’m not going to say it and be rejected.

  “I won’t,” I say, but it’s a lie. I’m scared to death.

  We both go grab our bowling balls, and when we come back to the lane, Alec is putting everybody’s name in the computer.

  “Have room for one more?” I hear a voice behind us. I turn around to see Mona standing there, holding a lime green bowling ball.

  “Yes, we do,” Ethan quickly says, stepping between her and Stephan.

  I look at Ethan. “Can you and I talk? Privately…”

  Ethan nods and turns to Stephan and Mona. “Don’t kill each other while we’re gone.” Then he follows me away from the others.

  I stop suddenly once we’re out of earshot and turn toward him. “Mona? Really, Ethan? What the fuck were you thinking?”

  I’m desperately trying to ignore the cameras.

  “It wasn’t me,” he quickly denies. “I didn’t even tell her we were coming here.”

  I look over at Peter, who is looking anywhere besides me. It was him. It had to be.

  “But since she’s here, maybe you could convince her to tell Stephan,” he tells me. “I think it’s a great idea. It’s not really your place to tell him. It should definitely come from her.”

  “How am I supposed to convince her?”

  “I don’t know.” He pats me on the back. “But I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

  He walks away, and I lean up against the wall for support.

  How did I get myself into this situation?

  “Scarlett? Can I have your autograph?” I hear somebody ask.

  I’m about to tell the person to fuck off, but when I open my eyes I see a little girl about Anna’s age. She’s holding out a notebook toward me.

  “Sure.” I take the notebook and pen from her. “What’s your name?”

  “Hilary,” she answers.

  I sign her notebook and hand it back to her. “It’s very nice to meet you, Hilary.”

  “Thank you.” She grins and runs back towards her parents who are watching her from a couple lanes over.

  As I walk back toward my friends, Peter comes up beside me. “I really thought for a minute there you were going to tell that little girl to get lost.”

  I shrug. “Sometimes it would be nice to have a normal night out
, but I’m not going to take it out on her. She’s just a child.”

  “But you wanted this life.”

  “I guess,” I say, biting my lip. “I was fifteen when I got signed to a label, and my career took off so fast. My parents controlled my life, and at the time, I didn’t think I had a choice in the matter. Besides, what fifteen year old doesn’t want to be a rock star?”

  “Your life seems pretty great. You’re Scarlett Ryan. What more could you want?”

  I have to laugh at the irony of his statement. He’s right, really, what more do I want? What more is there? I now have family, friends, and the best boyfriend ever. On top of everything, I have a shot at doing my music my way. So what else could I possibly want?

  “I will let you know when I figure it out.”

  I am first up on the board, and I have no clue what I am doing. I was hoping that I would be last so I could watch everybody else. I pick up the ball and walk toward the pins.

  I hear Stephan laughing as he comes up behind me. “First of all, that’s the wrong lane,” he explains, and then points to the lane to the right of where I am standing.

  “Oh. Right.”

  “And you’re holding the ball wrong.” He explains how to hold the ball, and then he tries to explain how to roll the ball. I end up throwing it instead. It hits the hardwood floor with a crack and then slowly rolls into the gutter.

  “That was really bad.”

  Stephan nods his head in agreement. “Yes, that was pretty bad.”

  As we are waiting for my ball to come back up, I look back to see Alec laughing at me. I glare at him.

  My ball comes back up, and Stephan grabs it for me. “Let me help you.” He hands the ball to me, but holds onto my arm. His body is pressed up against my back, and all I can focus on is the fact that literally every inch of our bodies is touching. I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. I’m vaguely aware that he is saying something, but I’m not sure what. All I know is that I could listen to his voice forever. “Do you got that?”

  “Mmhmm,” I sigh.

  “Scarlett?”

  “Yeah?”

  He laughs, and it vibrates through my whole body. “Did you hear anything I said?”

  I shake my head. “Not a word.”

  “Just roll it this time,” he instructs, as he starts to back away.

  “I’ll do anything you want, as long as you never stop touching me.”

  “Promise?” he flirts.

  I take the ball and “roll” it down the lane. I don’t throw it this time, but it only goes a few feet before it goes into the gutter. I turn around to see Stephan checking out my butt.

  I raise my eyebrows at him. “It’s your turn, which means I get to ogle you from behind now.”

  He thinks about it for a second. “I’m definitely okay with you ogling me. In fact, feel free to touch.”

  And then Stephan smiles. It’s the kind of smile that could literally make any girl fall into bed with him. I’m praying that he tells me he loves me soon, because I don’t think I can tell Stephan no that many more times.

  Stephan is a much better bowler than me. He rolls the ball, and it goes perfectly down the middle of the lane. He gets a strike the first time.

  “That is how you do it,” he tells me, and then grabs my hand as we walk back to sit by everybody else.

  “You two are disgusting,” Mona says, crinkling her nose.

  Ethan agrees with her. “They are all over each other all the time. It’s absolutely disgusting.”

  “I think it’s sweet,” Bridgett defends me. “I wish I had a guy who loves me half as much as Stephan loves Scarlett.”

  Damn. We can’t get away from the L word tonight.

  “Maybe if you didn’t push people away, somebody could love you,” Alec tells Bridgett sharply. “It’s your turn.”

  Bridgett glares at him, as she storms past him to grab a ball.

  “Geez, Alec, think you could tone it down a little? Bridgett did just get out of a two-year relationship with a douche bag. Not to mention, she’s just getting over her eating disorder, and she just had a heart attack.” I scold him. Nobody can talk to my sister like that.

  “You’re right.” He sighs. “Sorry.”

  “What’s going on with the two of you?” I ask.

  “Nothing.” He turns his attention forward.

  It feels very awkward. Everybody is just sitting there, not looking at each other. I can tell Stephan is upset that Mona is here, and Mona is upset that Stephan is here. But now would be a perfect time to get them to talk.

  “So…” I start out, not sure what to say. “How was school today?”

  I don’t ask anybody in particular, but neither Mona nor Stephan acknowledges the question. Ethan tries to help.

  “It was good for me,” Ethan says a little too eager. “You know, there isn’t that much time left until Thanksgiving break.”

  Stephan turns to me. “That reminds me, Mom wanted me to invite you, Bridgett, and Alec over for Thanksgiving brunch and dinner.”

  “Definitely,” I agree. “Sounds good.”

  “So what are you doing for Halloween?” Mona asks me, refusing to look at Stephan.

  “I haven’t really thought about it,” I answer. “I may go trick or treat with my niece, Anna, but I’ll probably do whatever Stephan wants.”

  “Well, I was going to invite you to my annual Halloween party. I suppose you could bring him if he promises not to speak to me,” she says a little bitterly. “I really hope you dump him soon.”

  “Not going to happen.” I quickly respond.

  “What the fuck is your problem?” Stephan asks Mona. “I’ve never done anything to you!”

  She glares at him. “You exist. That’s my fucking problem.”

  “Maybe we could talk quieter,” I suggest.

  “That’s right. I do exist. And these are my friends. Why are you here?” He yells back, completely ignoring me.

  Great. I finally get them talking, and now I can’t get them to stop.

  “This is my town. I should be able to go to the bowling alley without seeing you!” Mona’s face is red as she yells at him.

  “Well, it’s my town too. Besides, I still don’t know what your problem is…” He pauses for half a second. “Actually, yes, I do know what your problem is. You’re a snobby bitch! That’s your problem!”

  “I am not a bitch! Take it back!”

  “Mona…” Ethan tries to calm her down, but she shrugs his hands off.

  “Never. I won’t take it back, because I would be lying if I did.”

  She gasps. “You’re a… a…” She searches for a word.

  “Can’t think of anything mean to say?” Stephan laughs.

  “You’re a jerk! I can’t believe I’m related to such a pigheaded, stuck up, asshole!” Mona starts to grab her purse, but Stephan rips it out of her hands.

  “What do you mean related? We are not related!”

  Oh, shit.

  “You’re my half-brother.” She grabs her purse away from him. “Now you know, so leave me the fuck alone. Seven months until we graduate, then I never have to see your fucking face again!”

  She stomps past us all and runs outside.

  I look at Stephan. “Go after her!”

  He looks at me for half a second, and then runs out after her. The cameras run after them. I sit down on the bench beside Ethan.

  “Do you think we should follow?” he asks me.

  I shake my head. “No, I think they need to talk without us. This conversation is about three years overdue.”

  “More like eighteen years overdue,” Ethan counters.

  “Well, what are we going to do now?” Alec asks us. “It’s Mona’s turn.”

  Bridgett punches his forearm. “You’re so insensitive.”

  Alec rubs his arm. “Ow. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a bruise.”

  Ethan rolls his eyes at them. “You two should just kiss and get it over with.”
r />   “That would require Bridgett touching me, and unless it’s to hurt me with physical violence, she has a no touching policy,” Alec tells Ethan.

  Bridgett storms away, soon followed by Alec. Ethan and I are the only ones left there.

  “Wow. Bowling sure brings out the violent side of people,” I say, half laughing.

  Ethan shakes his head, and I’m wondering if he is as confused as I am. “You want to play a game of pool instead?”

  “Yes.”

  10:53 PM

  I’m waiting on you.

  Ethan and I play pool for three hours before Stephan comes looking for us. Mona isn’t with him, but he doesn’t look angry so that has to be a good sign. But I’m still worried. What if Mona told him that I knew the truth? Will he be mad at me for not telling him sooner? And if she didn’t tell him I knew, then should I tell him? I mean, I should,definitely… He will find out eventually, right? Certainly they would put the conversation I had with Ethan on the show. But maybe they won’t. The documentary is about me, not them. But if that were the case, the cameras wouldn’t have followed the two of them outside.

  Maybe I’m just over-thinking this.

  “You ready to go home?” Stephan asks me. I wait for him to say something else, but he doesn’t. So I just nod, and follow him outside to his car. He opens my door for me as usual, and I’m thinking this is a good sign.

  “So…” I say once he gets in and starts the car.

  He looks at me and waits for me to continue.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened?” I ask.

  “Mona is my half-sister,” he says the obvious. “We decided to not tell anybody. Mona’s dad doesn’t know, and she doesn’t want him to until after she leaves for college. Besides, people knowing wouldn’t change anything.”

  “And what about the two of you?” I ask.

  Stephan shrugs. “It doesn’t really change our feelings towards each other, Scar. We will just go back to ignoring each other at school. It’s for the best. I really don’t want Mom to know. It would break her heart.”

  “They’re both going to find out once the documentary airs,” I half-shout. “The whole world will know. I think you should tell them now.”

  Stephan puts the car in reverse. “Well, it’s not up to you. And I think you should stay out of it.”