The Cosmic Logos

by Traci Harding

  ‘Yes,’ Avery queried warily.

  They’re looking pretty cosy now.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Really what?’ Bast interjected, as all she heard from the beast was grunts and moans. ‘What’s it saying?’

  ‘I need to nick off for a bit.’ Avery backed away. ‘I’ll be back before long, but you can will yourselves home at any time.’

  ‘I’ll wait,’ Fallon responded … a little too quickly she decided in retrospect.

  ‘Is there any more like him lurking about?’ Bast inquired, pointing to the huge rock creature as it curled back into the boulder from which it had appeared.

  ‘Everywhere!’ Avery grinned as he began to fade away. ‘But not to worry, I would never leave you two unsupervised in my realm … that would be an accident waiting to happen.’ He chuckled at the thought.

  As Avery vanished, so did the breathtaking Otherworldly surroundings and Bast threw her hands up, most put out to find herself back on the earth plane.

  As they strolled through Central Park on the final leg home, Sparrowhawk and Lirathea’s pace had practically come to a stop, as they laughed and joked about their unseemly state.

  ‘I don’t want to leave,’ Sparrowhawk protested, and suddenly losing his good cheer, he came to a complete standstill. ‘Why don’t you come with me to Tarazean?’ he asked, knowing it was an impossible suggestion.

  Lirathea gave him that ‘good sense’ expression of hers. ‘I am currently working through the energies of a site on Kila. You know I can’t leave here now, as I truly feel I’m on the verge of a breakthrough in communications with Devachan!’ She announced her results with great excitement, although Sparrowhawk only managed to force a smile at her news. ‘Spiritually speaking, this is a very big deal,’ she added, hoping to stir up some sort of enthusiasm in him.

  ‘I know … your research is the most important thing,’ he agreed, although his tone was that of a man rejected.

  Lirathea folded her arms, annoyed by his self-indulgent attitude. ‘I support you in your endeavours, Sparrow, I thought you might have been happy for me.’

  ‘I am,’ he admitted, albeit grudgingly. ‘I just wish —’

  ‘I know what you wish,’ she injected, her tone soft and heartfelt. ‘And we both know it can never be.’

  ‘Only me, Thea?’ he asked, unable to keep the desperation from his voice.

  Lirathea took a deep breath. Every time they spoke in this way, she felt herself on shaky ground, and having had a glass of Bahula, she was not thinking as clearly as usual. ‘I cannot bring myself to pour energy into something that can never be.’ She backed away from him a couple of steps.

  ‘What kind of an answer is that?’ Sparrowhawk was offended by her cool indifference. ‘Are you afraid to just tell me plainly how you feel? Or do you think you are protecting me from myself by refraining?’

  Tears were welling in her eyes. Lirathea had wondered if this subject, which they’d been evading all their lives, would come to a head this evening. Perhaps she’d even willed it; in fact, she must have desired it for it to be happening at all. ‘If I could fall in love with you, I would.’ Her voice quivered as her emotions surged forth and she struggled to repress them. ‘But earthly love is not on my agenda.’ Her resolve hardened once more, and Lirathea held out a hand to keep her brother at bay. ‘My life’s ambition is a solitary one and must be so to be achievable. I am entirely devoted to the service of the Allied Logoi.’

  ‘I understand that,’ he confirmed, frustrated with his lot. ‘But surely one kiss would not ruin your standing with the powers that be?’

  ‘No … no it wouldn’t,’ she admitted, exhausted by the situation. ‘But it would be the beginning of the end of sanity, for the both of us,’ she concluded soberly, before turning and walking on.

  ‘My sanity left me years ago,’ Sparrowhawk muttered under his breath.

  The sincerity of the statement took some of the wind out of Lirathea’s sails and she stopped dead in her tracks. After a long pause she finally spoke. ‘Mine too.’ She turned slowly around to face him, ashamed to be admitting her secret when she’d sworn to herself that she would remain strong and pretend not to feel the electricity that danced between herself and her half-brother.

  Up until this moment, Sparrowhawk had never in his wildest dreams suspected his sister of lusting after anyone, and his heart soared with pride and joy to think that he held the affection of such a blessed creature. ‘We are in so much trouble,’ he uttered, straining to keep the smile from his face as they closed the distance between them.

  Lirathea held his face in both her hands. ‘I am going to miss you terribly.’ Her announcement was accompanied by a flood of tears, but she kissed him anyway, swept away by emotion.

  They endeavoured to express a whole lifetime of forbidden affection in that one kiss, both knowing the memory would have to last a lifetime.

  ‘Is this one of my delusions then, dear sister?’

  The sound of Avery’s voice brought the heartstopping encounter to a grinding halt.

  ‘You’re a sick bird, Sparrow.’ Avery approached to pry them apart. ‘She’s your sister!’

  ‘Half-sister,’ Sparrow corrected, evading Avery’s attempt to strike him by backing away. ‘In ancient times on Gaia it was the done thing.’

  ‘But we have supposedly progressed since then.’ Avery chased his brother further away from his twin.

  ‘We were just saying goodbye, Avery,’ Lirathea stated quietly, in the hope of getting him to lower his voice.

  Avery got her message and walked back to her to quietly advise: ‘I saw you kissing him, and the general vibe was not goodbye.’

  ‘But that’s what it was … okay?’ she appealed with a sniffle. ‘So, if you’ve quite finished proving your superiority and making us feel guilty, we’ll just leave it at that, shall we?’

  The hurt in her voice persuaded him to back off. ‘I won’t tell anyone,’ he vowed.

  ‘Much appreciated.’ She forced a smile and moved to catch up to Sparrowhawk.

  ‘This time,’ Avery added in caution.

  Lirathea paused in her advance a second, but did not look back at Avery. She wanted to suggest that he get a life and stop interfering in everybody else’s, but she knew that would simply be taking out her frustration on her brother for her mistake. As infuriating as it was to admit, Avery was right — that kiss should never have happened and it must never happen again.

  Much to Fallon’s delight, Bast got fed up with having no male to impress and so was threatening to head home.

  ‘If I know Avery, and I do, he’s not coming back,’ she advised her love-struck sibling. ‘Don’t embarrass yourself by waiting too long.’

  ‘I’m still enjoying the show.’ Fallon looked at the sky, attempting to hide her contempt for her sister’s thoughts. ‘But you run along home. I know you have an early flight to catch.’

  ‘Yes,’ sneered Bast, folding her arms, ‘and you wouldn’t want me to miss it.’

  ‘Well, destiny waits for no woman.’ Fallon looked back to her half-sister and forced a smile.

  ‘Oh, fear not, mine will wait for me.’

  Fallon was glad when Bast disappeared; she lay down, stretched out and enjoyed the peace and quiet.

  ‘I thought she’d never leave.’

  Startled, Fallon turned her head to find Avery lying on his side next to her. ‘I was under the impression you and Bast were chums?’ she commented, proud of how calmly the words slipped from her mouth in the presence of her sweetest dream come true.

  ‘Three’s a crowd, don’t you find?’

  As he leaned closer, Fallon’s heart began thumping in her chest, inducing a mild panic; this was too good to be true. She leaned aside to avoid the kiss and quickly raised herself to kneeling. ‘You’ve never thought so before.’

  ‘Of course I have.’ He sat up to confront her. ‘I just never said so.’

  ‘Why not?’ Fallon persisted, loving every minute of
the attention.

  ‘I wanted to get graduation out of the way before distracting you with more compelling issues.’ His voice dropped to a whisper, his lips poised close to hers.

  His explanation was not really convincing, but in Avery’s case Fallon wasn’t going to query her luck twice. She closed the gap between her lips and his and, once engaged, their kiss was far more passionate than she’d imagined. Before she’d even realised they’d moved the ground was at her back. She felt Avery’s hand pass over her right breast trapped beneath the shimmering black material that hindered their delight. But in a daring move, he slipped the strap from her shoulder to expose her breast and her nipple hardened in the cool night air, and again when encompassed by the warmth of his hand. Only as a moan slipped from her lips did Fallon realise they were no longer being kissed. Avery’s attentions were moving downward. As his tongue toyed with her nipple, he was already reaching a hand up under her skirts. Although her head was swimming in a sensual delirium and she wanted nothing more than to oblige him further, this encounter was moving way too fast.

  ‘Avery!’ She gently pushed him off of her and replaced the strap on her shoulder. ‘Perhaps we should both take some time to sober up and then reconsider our position?’

  ‘You think I’m drunk?’ Avery began to chuckle, but suppressed his amusement to explain: ‘One does not need booze to seduce a beautiful woman.’

  Fallon was stunned. ‘You think I’m beautiful?’

  ‘No,’ he replied. ‘I know that you are more comely and radiant than even the glamour of the enchantress sirens of the Otherworld.’

  Fallon suppressed the urge to gasp at his flattery, as she had always feared comparisons to the waifs of the kingdom Avery was to rule.

  ‘I don’t want an illusion, I don’t want a planetary ruler, I want a woman of flesh and blood, who loves me for who I am and not what I represent.’

  He has to be drunk. Fallon couldn’t think of any other explanation for the sudden swing in his attitude towards her. ‘If what you say is true…’ Fallon rose to standing, ‘…then surely you would be willing to formally court the woman you want so badly.’

  ‘If I must.’ He rose and was overpowered by a hug.

  ‘Oh Avery … do you really mean it?’ She held him at bay to look into his eyes as she received the answer, but the coloured light in the sky ebbed at that moment.

  ‘It’s destiny,’ he replied.

  Avery thought he’d best make an appearance at the spaceport this morning. His mother would be furious if he was not there to bid his little brother all the best for his Governorship before he left for Tarazean. He also wanted to catch up with Bast before she left for Nugia and apologise for not making it back to them last night. He expected both Bast and Fallon were probably furious with him for just abandoning them like that, but after his run-in with Lirathea and Sparrowhawk he’d needed to seek some Otherworldly repose.

  When he spotted his mother hugging Sparrowhawk, Avery made his way over to the family gathering. He was surprised not to find Lirathea present and equally surprised to get a smile instead of a frown from Fallon. Bast looked pretty annoyed at him though.

  ‘I know,’ he stressed, as he approached the Leonine female. ‘I’m so sorry I never made it back to you last night, but I had to take care of some rather pressing affairs.’ His attention shifted to Sparrowhawk, who glared back at him, then to Fallon who winked at him, and, not knowing what to make of her resolve, Avery looked back to Bast.

  ‘Goddess, how I pity the woman who marries you.’ Bast gave him a squeeze, suddenly realising how much she was going to miss him. ‘I expect you to visit after your appointment, you hear?’ She pulled away and slapped his chest hard. ‘Don’t disappoint me, Pan man.’

  ‘I wouldn’t dream of it,’ he replied, winded. Bast was quite the warrior woman — she was very much her father’s daughter.

  It was her father, Brian Alexander, who came forward and took his daughter under his arm. ‘Come, Bast. If we don’t get on that flight we’ll never get off Kila.’

  ‘Bye everybody.’ The young ruler-to-be waved as she was lead away. ‘See you all in the senate.’

  Avery turned about, figuring he’d better say something to his brother before his parents got suspicious. ‘Haven’t you gone yet?’ he jested, moving over to ruffle the quills on Sparrowhawk’s head as he knew nothing would annoy Sparrowhawk more. ‘Geez … what have I got to do to get rid of you?’

  Sparrowhawk brushed off his brother’s annoying intent and forced himself to smile — when all he really wanted to do was smack Avery in the head. ‘I won’t miss you either.’ He held his hand out and shook Avery’s — they even came at a hug for the sake of appearances. ‘I’ll see you in the senate.’ Sparrow echoed Bast’s sentiment, unable to think of any other kind words.

  ‘Not if I see you first,’ Avery joked as their mother tapped his little brother’s shoulder to let Sparrowhawk know it was time he got moving. She served Avery a look of scorn, but said nothing as she accompanied Sparrowhawk to his transport.

  ‘Hey, remember me?’ Fallon waved a hand in front of Avery’s face to get his attention.

  ‘Oh … hey, Fallon, what’s up?’ he queried, looking back towards his parents as they saw his brother onto his flight.

  ‘Nothing much.’ She played along and in the spirit of the game she dropped her voice to a whisper. ‘I was just wondering when you were planning to tell everyone?’

  ‘Tell everyone what?’

  ‘About us, of course.’

  ‘About us!’ Now Fallon had his attention. ‘What about us?’

  ‘What about us?’ The joy fell from her voice and Fallon realised that what had happened last night had been as she feared. ‘Then it was just the drink and you didn’t really mean it?’

  Avery pressed all ten of his fingertips into his skull. ‘Fallon, did I miss something?’

  Fallon took a breath to refrain from slapping his face. ‘Deny that you desired me last night?’

  Avery’s jaw swung open at the question, dumbfounded by her presumption. Sure, he’d thought she looked a bit of all right, but a thought didn’t constitute an affair and certainly not a commitment! And unless her psychic aptitude had improved somewhat of late, how could Fallon have known what he was thinking anyway? ‘I do most certainly deny it,’ he retorted and realised he wasn’t telling the whole truth. ‘Beware when your words conflict with what is in your heart.’ En Noah’s warning ran through his mind and he cringed. This was not what he meant, he assured himself on the quiet, when a stinging sharp slap to his left cheek brought him back to reality. ‘Hey, wait a minute,’ he called after Fallon as she stormed off. ‘What the hell was that for?’

  ‘I wish you could remember,’ Fallon called back to him. ‘It was really beautiful.’ On the verge of tears, she buried her face in her hands and hurried away.

  ‘What the …?’ Avery, who was never lost for words, held his cheek, amazed. Fallon seemed genuinely upset, so he thought he’d best wait before attempting to extract an explanation from her.

  ‘What was that all about?’

  Avery turned to find his mother, arms folded and glaring at him. ‘I have no idea.’ He pleaded ignorance. ‘The girl has gone insane!’ He appealed to his father, Maelgwn, knowing he’d have a better chance of getting him on side.

  ‘Has she now?’ His mother wasn’t convinced. ‘Have Sparrowhawk and Lirathea gone insane, too?’ Tory queried him further, and he looked a little stumped by the question.

  ‘I don’t know what you mean?’

  ‘I mean … you don’t seem to have many friends this morning.’

  ‘Is that why Lirathea isn’t here, because she doesn’t want to see me?’ Avery assumed that saying goodbye to Sparrowhawk in public would prove too difficult for their sister and that she was using him as an excuse not to be here.

  ‘Now why would you wonder that, if you’ve done naught to offend anyone?’ Tory proffered.

  ‘Perhaps they of
fended me?’ Avery was rather disturbed at always being the first one accused whenever there was trouble.

  Maelgwn kissed his wife’s cheek to distract her from the interrogation and save his boy. ‘Why don’t you go home and see if you can’t cheer Lirathea up?’ he suggested, moving to take a firm hold of his son around the back of the neck. ‘I’ll take Avery to lunch and we’ll have a little chat.’

  ‘Ah! Good plan, father,’ Avery squeaked, pained by his father’s grip, which made it obvious how annoyed he was with Avery. ‘I’m sorry I snapped at you, mother,’ he stated, hoping to appease his father, who released him. Avery braved planting a kiss on Tory’s cheek.

  Her look implied that she hoped he was telling the truth, but she was far from believing him.

  Praise the Logos for dear old dad, Avery decided as he sidestepped his mother’s wrath to go to lunch.

  It had taken some time to convince his father that he hadn’t done anything to warrant Fallon’s outburst at the airport this morning.

  Fortunately for Avery, his parents were souls of high spiritual morals, for they could read the thoughts of whomever they chose, but refrained to engender trust and encourage those in question to offer up the truth for themselves. None of the fourteen blessed guardians of the Logoi ever abused their additional psychic talents; these gifts were reserved for times of crisis and were used only to serve the higher purpose of the Cosmic Logos.

  Avery had nothing to fear for himself, of course. He was more concerned about giving away Lirathea’s secret. He had kept the conversation over lunch way off the subject of his falling out with his sister. His father didn’t mention it either.

  However, Avery had vowed to Maelgwn that he would head straight over to see Fallon and get to the bottom of her strange behaviour.

  Fallon seemed to have mixed feelings about Avery’s visit. ‘Have you come to apologise or get hit again?’ she asked as she settled on a chair in the lounge room, having shown him in.

  Avery remained standing. ‘I’m still not too sure what I was hit for,’ he ventured to explain politely, but the look Fallon gave him told him this was not the response she’d been hoping for.