The Naive Bumblebee

by Holly Smith

  “Auntie, what’s the matter? What the heck are you ordering beer for?”

  “I don’t know if you drink, but I need one and if you don’t, I’ll drink yours too,” Gertie said, her eyes becoming red and watery. “I’m not sure about what you saw but I may know what it was about. God help her, I wish she would have come to me sooner!”

  “Why, Auntie?” Nelise asked anxiously. Good grief, she wondered, was it a mistake for me to open my mouth after all these years?

  The waitress brought the beers and Gertie drank a half bottle right down.

  “Nelise, dear, you know we all make mistakes, right? Some more serious than others, but who are any of us to judge?”

  “Mistakes? What are you talking about?” Nelise asked, feeling her stomach harden as if she’d just swallowed a bowling ball.

  “Nelise, I’m thinking that is the day your mom had a miscarriage.”

  “What? She was pregnant? She never told me. And how was that a mistake?”

  “That wasn’t the mistake. The mistake was never telling your father that she was pregnant again. After you were born, he told her he did not want any more children under any circumstances and that if she allowed herself to get pregnant again, he would leave her.”

  “What a lowdown scoundrel! He always was! Why did she stay with him? I never understood it, Auntie Gertie, never!” Nelise exclaimed taking the other bottle of beer and taking some gulps. “I’m so furious; I don’t know what to do with myself!”

  “Shhhh, Nelise, you’re getting too loud. Anyway, it’s not going to do you any good to get upset now, it’s over and done with. I wish she had told him though; maybe he would have left her and all our lives would have been better. She would never have had to . . . , well, you know.”

  “Wait a minute here. Are you . . . , are you telling me she was burying the . . . , the . . . , little one . . . in the ground while Dad was at work? Ugh!!! Wasn’t she worried he’d find out? Besides, did she think she could hide her pregnancy forever in the first place? Why didn’t you help her?” Nelise asked accusingly, feeling her heart beating wildly and her insides quivering.

  “Oh, Nelise, I’m only assuming that’s what she was doing. And you know I would have helped her had she asked; but she never told me the whole story. And she certainly never told me about that! My poor sister, nobody there with her during that horrible time.”

  “What exactly did she tell you?” Nelise asked, horrified.

  Gertie looked around the restaurant and noticed the tables near them were now empty and leaned towards Nelise to answer. “That night, I’m assuming it was that night, she called me shortly after midnight. I guess she never saw you watching.”

  “No. When I saw her gathering up the shovel and things, I ran back to the house and got into bed. By then I was so confused and tired that I fell right asleep and never said anything about it.”

  “Well, she called and asked if both of you could come stay with me the rest of that week. She said she was having trouble with your father and needed a rest. Of course I welcomed the idea. It was then she told me she lost the baby and was too depressed to talk about it. I thought at the time it was probably for the best but when you both arrived at the house, she refused to discuss anything about it. She made me promise never to speak of it to anyone so I didn’t. I thought it had happened at the hospital. I had no idea what she had done that night. It was curious to me, though, that her hair smelled of smoke when you both arrived. I couldn’t imagine why but it didn’t seem important in light of everything else. I didn’t dare ask any questions and we never spoke of it again.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me, Auntie?” Nelise asked, her voice wavering.

  “Nelise, to what end? To tell you the truth, after your parents passed, I let myself forget it.”

  “I suppose you’re right. I feel sorry for her now. Even so, I’m glad I found out the truth so my mind is settled about it,” Nelise said, looking dismally at the beer bottle.

  Just then Loyle returned to the table with the waitress behind him.

  “I saw you both had been drinking and thought it wise to get some coffee into you for the ride back,” he said humorously and then noticed Gertie’s bloodshot eyes and Nelise’s tear-stained face. “Uh, did I come back too soon?”

  Nelise forced a smile.

  “No, Loyle, thank you for giving us this time. I hope it wasn’t too long for you.”

  “Heck no, I had a nice ride in a paddle boat and then chatted with the rental guy. I figured if you hadn’t talked it out after two hours, you would need to make another visit and I didn’t want the guy to think I was after his business by hanging around,” he said with a small chuckle.

  Gertie wiped her eyes and acknowledged the humor with a wink. On the way back to the house, they picked up a movie to watch that evening, deciding on a comedy to lighten things up.

  When it had ended, Nelise helped Gertie clean up the snack dishes. When they returned to the den to prepare the sofa bed, Loyle was sound asleep where he was lying. Gertie retrieved a blanket and pillow from the closet and handed it to Nelise, whispering goodnight. Nelise spread the blanket over Loyle and gently lifted his head to place the pillow under it. She was so close to his face that she was tempted to kiss him but thought the better of it in case he woke up, although he never made a sound when she lifted his head. Being that close to him awakened longings within her that had been dormant since the divorce.

  I guess he has decided to spend the night here rather than in the guest room. She heard Gertie checking the doors and turning out the lights and headed to the guest room herself.

  “Thank you for telling me, Auntie,” she whispered as Gertie passed her door.

  “I’m glad we talked, Nelise,” was all she said in a strained voice.

  Nelise quietly took one more peek at Loyle sleeping. He looked even more handsome with the dark shadows of a beard already showing. She thought back on the days of her marriage. She missed waking up with someone beside her. Too bad my dirt bag of an ex-husband hadn’t told me his plan was to retire on my dime as soon as we were married! At least I didn’t make the same mistake Mom made; I left him at once when I realized the truth.

  As she got into bed, she thought about Garden since she now knew what had happened on that gloomy night but her thoughts ran away with her. To think I would have had a little brother, assuming that is why the box was wrapped in blue. Oh, the horror of it! She pounded her pillow as if punching her father. Afterward she came to her senses.

  I’ve got to put this aside and pay attention to Loyle; I don’t want to blow my chances with him because of something in the past.

  Chapter 12

  Sunday morning, Nelise woke up, showered and got her things together before heading out to the kitchen. Loyle was having coffee with Gertie and laughing.

  “Well, you two are up bright and early. What’s so funny?” she asked, making herself toast and tea.

  “Oh, Loyle was telling me about some of the shenanigans he has had to put up with at the drugstore. You never know what people are dealing with in their jobs. He said that place helped him develop a better sense of humor. Do you want me to make you guys some eggs or something?” Gertie asked.

  “I’m good,” Loyle said.

  “No, Auntie; I’m good too. Did you sleep well on that sofa, Loyle? You could have slept in the guest room or we could have pulled out the sofa bed for you to be more comfortable but we didn’t want to wake you.”

  “I slept well enough. I woke up around two in the morning and realized I had slept through the end of the movie and everyone was asleep,” he said, making himself another cup of coffee. “Did the kids win out or the animals?”

  “They came to a mutual understanding,” Gertie said with a chuckle.

  Well, that’s one hurdle overcome; he’s comfortable enough to make himself a cup of coffee, Nelise noted gratefully.

  “It’s a beautiful sunny day, Miss Gertie; do you ladies want to join me on the patio with
your coffee?” Loyle asked as he walked outside.

  Gertie grabbed Nelise’s arm and stopped her on the way out.

  “Yes, Auntie?”

  “Nelise, I remembered something this morning. After your father passed, your mom made a little memorial area in back of the house which, of course, I thought strange at the time. She was such a private person, I didn’t want to ask. She placed two small iron benches around a large rock painted blue and planted little flowers around it. The house has been empty for some time and I haven’t seen a sale sign yet. Do you want to go see if it’s still there?”

  “Yes, but could we get in trouble for trespassing?”

  “I don’t think so. The house next door and the one across the street are both empty. There were no signs on them the last time I went by so I wouldn’t worry about it.”

  Loyle was looking down at his coffee cup when Nelise and Gertie joined him.

  “I’m sorry, Loyle; can I freshen your coffee?” Gertie asked.

  “No thanks, I still have half a cup. What’s up?”

  “We want to take a ride by my old house before we leave. Would you mind, Loyle?” Nelise asked.

  “Not at all; I’d love to see where you grew up.”

  Once they arrived at the house, Gertie parked in the driveway. The house was well worn. Half of one shutter was missing, one of the windows was cracked and taped, and the siding needed paint. It appeared that someone was still tending to the lawn.

  Loyle said he would stay with the car in case someone questioned their presence and Nelise followed Gertie to the back of the house. The shed was gone and she didn’t see anything like Gertie had described. She was trying to recall where she saw her mother digging when she noticed Gertie standing by a tree a few yards away looking down at the ground. When Nelise walked up beside her, she saw a makeshift memorial made of a painted blue rock with blue forget-me-nots planted around it. Gertie and Nelise hugged each other tearfully.

  “I guess the previous owners got rid of the benches,” Gertie noted. “The rock is smaller but it looks like someone is keeping up the memorial. Surely it wasn’t the owners of the house.”

  “I wonder who would do a thing like that,” Nelise said, pulling tissues from her purse for both of them.

  “I can’t imagine but these flowers have been carefully planted and tended to around the rock,” Gertie said with a sniff. “Your mom would have been appreciative.”

  “Maybe so, but how do we know if this has anything to do with her anyway?” Nelise questioned. “Let’s get back to the car; I don’t want Loyle to feel too uncomfortable. Thank you, Auntie; I would have loved to see her version.”

  “Well, don’t let this hang onto you now, OK? Like you said, we can’t be sure what it is about anyway.”

  “No, I won’t,” Nelise agreed.

  When they returned to the car, Loyle was talking with a boy on his bike by the street. When the boy saw them, he waved and rode away.

  “Who was that?” Nelise asked as they got into the car.

  “Some neighborhood kid.”

  After they left Gertie’s house, Nelise didn’t know what to say. She didn’t feel like talking and yet she didn’t want to put Loyle off either. They had been riding for over an hour in silence as she contemplated the memorial.

  “Loyle . . . ,” she began.

  “Nelise . . . ,” Loyle began at the same time.

  “You go, Nelise,” Loyle said.

  “Oh, I was just thinking how much I appreciate your bearing with us this weekend.”

  “No problem. I know what it is to have family issues. Most of us do, right? I hope it’s nothing serious.”

  Nelise struggled to hold back her tears. “No, not so much.”

  She coughed and cleared her throat.

  “The kid was telling me that an old man comes by the house every weekend and keeps the lawn mowed. He waves when he sees him but never stops to talk. I don’t even know why he mentioned it; just conversation I guess. Can we stop and grab more coffee?”

  “Sure, I’ll get some gas too,” Nelise said, looking ahead for a place to stop.

  An old man caring for the house? It didn’t sound like someone a bank would hire. Was he the one who put the rock and flowers back there? Did they even have anything to do with her mother’s memorial? Nelise shook her head.

  What’s wrong with me? I don’t want to know any more than I do already. I found out what I wanted to clear my mind and that’s that, she thought with resolve.

  With the weekend over, Nelise had mixed feelings. She felt sad about her mother’s situation and angry with her father. And she wished Loyle had not just hugged her like a brother when she dropped him off.

  But then, what was he supposed to do, give me a big romantic kiss after that kind of a weekend? No, but he could have held me affectionately for a minute.

  Why would he do that? He had no idea what was really going on. Oh! I’ve got to stop this!

  As soon as she got in the door, she called Gertie.

  “Nelise?”

  “Yeah, Auntie; just calling to say I’m home.”

  “Good, thank you, dear. I must say you’ve got yourself a looker there,” Gertie said. “How long has this been going on?”

  “Nothing is going on yet. Actually, this is the first time we’ve spent real time together.”

  “Really? That’s surprising; you seemed so comfortable with each other. Well then, keep me posted dear. Love you.”

  “Yes, I will. Love you too.”

  It was late. Nelise got ready for bed and sat on her chair before realizing she was just too tired and got into bed. As soon as she did, her mind started chattering so she went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of milk to have with a cookie. That led to two cookies, three, and then four. What the heck am I doing? Ugh! She put the cookies away, brushed her teeth and went to her chair.

  “I need help,” she said.

  “Nelise, hi,” MG said. “What’s going on?”

  “I want you to listen as I sort out my thoughts.”

  “Sure.”

  “OK, my parents’ relationship wasn’t the best but that’s none of my business, right? I feel sorry for my mom but she’s gone now and it won’t do me any good to stay with that feeling. I could stay angry at my father but I don’t even care about him enough to do that. I mean, they raised me but why should I dwell on them anymore? But then I feel guilty. Why must I be? Because I was angry at her for all those years while not having any idea what she was going through? I feel like I am betraying her by not grieving for her losses,” Nelise said finally and sighed.

  “Are you asking a question?” MG asked.

  “Yes, I guess I am. What is this about?”

  “Do you feel like you’re abandoning her emotionally like she abandoned you?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Or maybe you are feeling compassion for her now,” MG suggested.

  “I suppose. I really don’t want to feel anything about any of it anymore. I want to move on with my life and I’m mad that this information should come to me now.”

  “With all you have learned, and knowing you and they are loved regardless of whatever happened, you know what to do, do you not?” MG asked.

  “Mom, I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I send you to the Great Hall of Light again and I will send you there as many times as you need me to. I wish you peace.” Nelise took a deep breath, wiped her watery eyes on her sleeve and felt a wave of calm flow over her.

  “Goodbye for now,” MG said and vanished.

  “I’m looking for the Garden.”

  “Hi, Nelise,” Esleen said, looking pleased to see her. “The usual?”

  “Yeah.”

  Nelise felt better and yet something was floating around in the back of her mind. She came out of the body shop looking different. She had shoulder-length, straight red-brown hair and wore jeans, a top, black clunky heels and wooden bead earrings. She found it difficult to look at herself because it seemed dra
stically different from the usual images the mirror gave her. She remembered hearing that redheads tended to have a temper. Could that possibly be the reason? Ha! Whatever, I’m slender and healthy; I don’t care about the rest.

  “Interesting,” said Esleen.

  “What? Is there something wrong with this appearance?”

  “Of course not, Nelise; nothing is ever wrong in Garden. It’s just interesting, that’s all,” she said. “Where to now?”

  Nelise thought for a moment.

  “Esleen.”

  “Yes?”

  “Since coming to Garden, I’ve been very happy. I’ve experienced things I was never able to before, and I have enjoyed reliving things that hadn’t gone right before. It’s been great and I have appreciated being able to work things out that I once thought couldn’t be.”

  “I’m glad to hear you say that, Nelise.”

  “Yes, and now I think I’m ready for a relationship with someone. How do I go about it? I don’t want to make the same mistake I made before.”

  “You don’t go about it, Nelise. You have a relationship with yourself and then it goes about you.”

  “Don’t I have a better relationship with myself now since coming to Garden?”

  “Yes, definitely.”

  “Then I’m good to go.”

  “I sense that you have someone in mind already.”

  “I do; the guy I told you about. He’s kind, understanding, self-assured, easy going, has a good sense of humor, and likes being with me for me. He has his own weight issues so I know he gets that about me. I only wish he didn’t refer to my appearance as he sometimes does but he never says anything bad about it. I wish he knew about Garden too, but I suppose that is too much to ask.”