Hard to Love

by S M Mala

  She couldn’t quite gauge the look from Alex but knew not to ask.

  There was no way she was going to like the answer.

  He walked towards the patio doors and into the living room.

  ‘Bye girls and have a good week,’ he said cheerfully.

  That’s when she noticed they both smiled at him in a way that made Mabel wonder if they fancied Alex.

  An awful thought came into her head.

  Maybe Alex was a groomer, and her girls were on the list.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, frowning. ‘Your expression.’

  ‘Nothing,’ she shrugged, forcing a smile. ‘You know the people on the dating site, how do you know they’re not using it to find people with children?’

  ‘Okay, I’m confused.’

  ‘You know,’ she said, keeping her voice low. ‘You get involved with a single parent therefore becoming closer to the child. They could be grooming the kids. Trying to obtain their trust when they have other things on their mind.’

  Alex’s laugh was loud and startled her.

  ‘What’s funny? It’s a reasonable question.’

  ‘They all have to fill out forms and are checked by the agency. Even you were. Anything suspicious, then they are told. From what I know it’s rigorous. I was checked out, given that I am overseeing the potential account. Does that make you feel better?’

  ‘I was just asking,’ she shrugged, knowing he figured out what she meant.

  ‘Your children are gorgeous, but I prefer them a little older, usually twenty-seven to thirty-five.’

  ‘I’m pleased to hear it,’ Mabel replied, forcing a smile.

  She put out her hand to shake his. All he did was look down and frown, before nodding. Then he walked out of the house.

  ‘What dating website?’ her youngest child asked, popping her head out from behind the couch.

  ‘Uncle Calum thought it would be amusing to put me down for some research. The agency wants to pitch for it.’

  ‘You?’ her daughter asked, looking confused. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes, really.’

  ‘So that’s why you asked the question?’ Jess started to laugh.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You practically asked Alex if he was a paedophile.’

  ‘No, I did not!’

  ‘Mum, I think you did,’ piped up Lottie, grimacing on her Mabel’s behalf. ‘And you wonder why no-one likes you at work?’

  ‘It doesn’t add up.’

  Mabel had gone through the production figures for one of the accounts, an independent DIY company they advertised for, and the numbers were completely out of synch to the final invoices. ‘Am I missing something?’

  Tommy looked over the same sheet and shook his head from side to side.

  ‘They haven’t over spent, but the figures are totally different from the quotes,’ she said, sitting back in her seat. ‘Who signed it off?’

  ‘Keith,’ Tommy replied, frowning. ‘What are you going to do?’

  ‘Find out if they put in a new quote to the client. And the Creative Director is whom?’

  ‘Rodney Paisley.’

  ‘That dipshit?’

  Mabel didn’t like him.

  He was the architectural agency creative person. Arrogant like hell. Rodney and she had previously been at head to head on many occasions.

  ‘We do a two-prong assault,’ she said, glancing over at Alex, who was laughing with Rodney in his office. ‘Ask Rodney first then go to Keith. Tell them I am aware of the situation but you’re in control.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Even Tommy looked anxious. ‘They’re good at steaming in.’

  ‘They can do that to me but not you,’ she said, putting on her stern tone. ‘Anyway, I can’t stand these people and their bullshit. They seem to think this agency has deep pockets. When it comes to bonus and pay rise times, they’ll soon see different…’ Then she hesitated. ‘I hope.’

  ‘You should run the company,’ said Tommy, standing up and looking at her in awe. ‘You’d be good.’

  ‘There would be no company left, so Calum says, considering I threatened to sack everyone, other than you three and the caterers.’ Mabel started to laugh. ‘Tell me what happens next.’

  Watching Tommy walk off, Mabel sat and looked at her screen.

  Then she noticed the short cut to the ‘Love to Love’ website.

  Mabel logged in.

  After Alex had vetted interested parties, he sent the responses to their personal email addresses. That way no-one at ‘Love to Love’ would know what Wyatt Haynes was up to.

  She noticed there was her bio and a shockingly nice picture. Alex was probably an accomplished photographer (or he had used photo shop to air brush it).

  Still not one single man had asked to find out more about her. The large ‘0’ in the inbox said it all. Mabel then noticed she could trawl the site but had to put in key words.

  She entered the following:

  ‘Desperate; low-maintenance; likes wine; hates arseholes.’

  Laughing to herself she pressed the button then her page suddenly logged off. A message appeared on the site saying, ‘Website down to maintenance.’

  Looking up, she noticed Alex glance over then back at his laptop.

  ‘Even the site doesn’t want me to fix me up,’ she moaned and tried to log in again while being refused.

  She was advised to contact the system administrator as there was a probable fault with the server. That’s the last thing she wanted to do as it would soon be common knowledge she logged in.

  ‘Bollocks,’ Mabel said, logging out and seeing her hope of ever moving on was nil.

  Recalling what Alex said about liking women over twenty-seven and under thirty-five, she realised most men would probably want that. Someone young enough to have fun with and if it works out, perfect to start a family.

  Mabel went to get a coffee and shrug off all depressing thoughts. She looked at her mobile and wondered if Bob would be free on Friday.

  No-one would know.

  Mabel was in desperate need of some love and attention, even if no love was involved.

  While she queued up, Wes crossed her mind. He had texted after Alex had left on Sunday, to ask her to reconsider accompanying him. She knew, in the bottom of her heart, she would have no choice. Four days later, she texted back.

  ‘Okay. I will do it, but you need to give me enough notice so the girls can be looked after.’

  Wes knew she would back down. Mabel always did.

  Now she would have to lie to her children, which didn’t sit well.

  ‘Fucking bastard,’ she mumbled to herself, knowing Wes had put her in yet more turmoil.

  There was a hefty tap on her shoulder.

  She turned to see Alex.

  And something unexpected happened.

  She felt her tummy somersault before realising it must have been the pizza she had from the night before. Wind.

  ‘I need to see you in the meeting room now,’ Alex said, looking none too pleased. ‘Can you get your coffee and come straight in?’

  ‘Is there something wrong?’

  He frowned then picked up three oranges and walked away.

  ‘He’s gorgeous, don’t you think?’ one of the women behind the counter said. ‘And very charming.’

  ‘I’ve not seen that side,’ Mabel honestly replied watching the woman laugh.

  ‘And you wonder why?’ she heard. It was Rodney Paisley standing near her. ‘Your little henchman came to see me and I’m really not happy what he’s intimating.’

  ‘He’s saying your figures are different from the quote. Did you tell the client?’ she replied, not bothering to look at him. ‘His name is Tommy. Call me names but treat my guys with respect.’

  She walked off.

  Getting her laptop on the journey to the meeting room, she noticed Alex was in the furthest one away.

  Knocking on the door, she walked in and sat down. What she didn’t expect was
to see him juggle three oranges. She sat there watching and wondered what he was up to.

  ‘You see like most agencies, you have to manage many things,’ he continued, looking at the fruit. ‘Sometimes it’s hard and mistakes are made, but at the end of the day it’s about success and money. You can be obstreperous.’

  ‘Fine,’ she said, folding her arms. ‘I’m difficult to control, is that what you’re saying?’

  ‘We know how meticulous you are about doing your job, but you have a habit of questioning everything.’

  ‘That’s my job.’ Then she cleared her throat. ‘I shouldn’t be controlled by people who change the goal posts to suit them.’

  ‘The client ‘Wrights’ are happy with the work,’ he said, looking at her before putting down the oranges. ‘The campaign has been a great success.’

  ‘What you’re saying is that I’m wrong to question the costings that were predicted and in future, I should just accept what I’m told, like a good dog.’ Alex stared at her, and there was no smile. ‘Report me to Joanna and Calum. I don’t care. When I show them the figures, and they see how they don’t add up, I’m sure they’ll be fine. The thing is, this isn’t the first time I’ve covered for Keith or that Rodney on mismatched sums. And furthermore, I know when money is unduly moved around.’ She got to her feet. ‘You would cover, that’s your job being Head of Creative.’

  ‘Sit down.’

  ‘No,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘You have an opinion of what I do and I have an opinion of what you do. I’m not going to back down so they can gladly undermine me and my guys.’ Mabel lowered her voice. ‘The invoices are being signed off and not checked against the quotes. That’s a fundamental mistake.’

  ‘Can you please sit down?’

  ‘Listen, Alex, let the others suck up your arse but not me. I won’t let this go. Joanna and Calum would be upset and if they found out.’ Mabel hesitated. ‘I’d lose my job.’

  There was a fat chance of that happening, but Alex wasn’t to know.

  ‘I agree with you.’ He let out a sigh, making her do a double take. ‘I have to be careful because I’m still the new boy. You look shocked.’

  ‘No-one ever agrees with me.’

  ‘Will you sit now?’

  She parked her backside on the chair.

  ‘I will start rigorously checking the quotes and figures from my end,’ he said, rolling the oranges on the desk. ‘The account directors need to be held accountable as well as the creatives. You will need to ask accounts to cross check all the invoices. Anything you are concerned about, flag it up with me personally. We’ll see if it’s something or nothing.’

  That wasn’t what she was expecting to hear.

  Mabel sipped her coffee and looked at him.

  ‘Should I tell Calum?’ she asked, wanting to see if he was going to cover up for the team. ‘Or will you?’

  ‘I’ve got a meeting with him later today. I’ll raise our concerns.’

  ‘Our concerns?’

  ‘I’m going to get it in the neck if this is correct and I haven’t done anything about it.’ Then he looked thoughtful. ‘And heads will roll if it’s true.’

  ‘If Calum finds out about these incorrect quotes, it will be more than heads rolling, believe me. Their bollocks will be juggled like you did those oranges.’

  ‘And another thing,’ he said, clearing his throat. ‘You’ve still not had any interest from the website.’

  ‘Oh, really?’ she replied, looking guiltily away and glancing around the room. ‘That’s a shame.’

  ‘You’ve not logged in?’

  ‘Do I get an email response if anyone does tick my box, so to speak?’

  ‘If I pass it on.’ Alex then smiled. ‘I’m sure someone will respond.’

  ‘I’m not bothered.’ Mabel let out a disgruntled sigh.

  ‘You don’t find this a bit humiliating?’ This is the first time she witnessed genuine concern.

  ‘It’s no more humiliating than what I’ve been through with Wes, so I’ll take it on the chin.’ She got to her feet.

  ‘Mabel,’ Alex said, making her look up at him.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Nothing.’

  She walked out of the meeting room, only to be met with evil glares from Keith and some of his team, before heading back to her office.

  When she opened her laptop, she noticed the short cut for ‘Love to Love’ and deleted it.

  The whole exercise was wasted on her.

  ‘Before Easter.’

  Mabel was controlling her breathing. ‘Four weeks.’

  ‘The Wednesday before.’ Wes sounded very calm. ‘It will be in the morning so it’s not too bad. Sorry if you have to take time off work and-.’

  ‘Forget about that!’ she said, sitting down on the sofa and frowning. ‘Are you telling me everything?’

  ‘A stent is day surgery and I’ll be out in the afternoon.’ He laughed. ‘Just be with me when I go under. That’s all I want.’

  ‘I think we should tell the girls.’

  ‘I don’t want them to worry.’

  ‘Well, then tell your wife, and let her worry.’ She tried to hold back a nasty comment, but it leapt from her mouth. ‘Unless she’s too fragile, which I doubt as she’s built like a brick, shit house.’

  ‘I wanted to tell you because other than my children; you are the most important thing in my life.’

  That comment stunned her.

  She knew he was on the charm assault.

  Or he was ill.

  ‘Wes, you are telling me everything, aren’t you?’

  ‘Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.’

  ‘That’s what I should be telling you.’

  Hanging up, she sat in stunned silence.

  Her ex-husband had never been that clingy during the prostate cancer scare.

  Something told her he was holding back.

  She needed to make a dash to the supermarket. The children were going to after school clubs. Lottie was doing science and Jess’s an art club, though Mabel was convinced the art was a cover for hanging out and gossiping with her friends.

  After getting her supplies, Mabel headed back, walking through the park.

  Then she stopped.

  Alex was sitting on a bench, his face in his hands. Checking her watch, it was coming up to four thirty in the afternoon, and he didn’t finish work until another hour. She thought he might have had a heavy lunch and was too pissed to return.

  ‘Boo!’ she said, waiting for him to jump.

  He didn’t move.

  Then Alex raised his head.

  He had been crying. The rims of his eyes were red raw and he looked stunned.

  ‘Are you okay?’ she asked, feeling a pang of despair.

  He stared at her as if unable to take it all in.

  ‘Alex?’ Mabel sat down next to him as he wiped his face. She reached into her handbag and handed him a packet of tissues. ‘Take these.’

  ‘Thanks,’ he said, his voice breaking.

  ‘Would you like to go for a drink? The girls aren’t home for another hour.’

  All he did was nod as she stood up, waiting for him to get to his feet. They walked slowly towards the local pub and he sat down as Mabel got the drinks.

  When she returned to the table, he was trying hard not to cry.

  She sat next to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Alex burst into tears, and she felt his body vibrate in her arms.

  Whatever it was, he was very upset.

  A few minutes later, he pulled away and looked at her, gulping hard.

  ‘My dad died. The funeral is this Friday. It’s so unexpected.’ He cried again.

  ‘I’m sad to hear that,’ Mabel said, this time getting a tissue from her pocket and gently wiping his eyes. ‘What terrible news.’

  ‘I don’t know what to do.’

  ‘You have to go. If you tell Calum he’ll let you take the rest of the week off and-.’

  ‘I’m scared,’ he sa
id, looking genuinely concerned. ‘I can’t do it. I must be strong for my mum and brothers. I know I’ll fail.’

  ‘Don’t say that.’

  ‘I’m useless in a crisis. I have this emotional barrier about not wanting to get too close because when you do, the person ups and leaves.’

  Mabel didn’t know what to say.

  She had felt the same regarding the death of her parents and most recently Wes.

  It was if you were afraid to love anyone, just in case you were disappointed or hurt.

  Hard to love was the proper summary.

  ‘Sometimes you have to put others first, regardless of how you feel,’ she said, thinking about Wes. ‘It’s a pisser.’

  ‘Would you come with me?’

  ‘Me?’ she said, trying not to look too surprised. ‘I don’t know your family and-.’

  ‘I think you’re pretty level-headed. I need that.’ Alex gulped hard. ‘You don’t have to if it’s a problem. Fuck!’ He pushed his hand through his hair. ‘I’m not thinking straight. I shouldn’t have asked.’

  Mabel thought hard and realised he looked like a lost soul.

  ‘I’ll come if you like,’ she whispered, looking at him. ‘I don’t know how you’re going to explain me.’

  ‘I’ll tell them the truth. You’re a friend who invites me and Rose to lunch.’ Then his face creased in pain. ‘I’ll have to tell Rose. She’s going to be upset as she loves my dad and-.’

  Alex started to cry and her heart twisted.

  Mabel was going to have to do another good deed for someone in more need than her.

  ‘Why are you doing it?’

  Calum was sitting behind his large desk in the office. ‘You don’t even know Alex.’

  ‘He looked upset.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘You don’t see shit. I’ll meet him at the station and I’ve booked a hotel for the night. It has spa so I thought I’d make the most of it.’ She smiled then felt sad. ‘He was crushed.’

  ‘He might change his mind.’ Calum started to laugh. ‘Only you could gate crash a funeral.’

  ‘I got a text to check I was going to catch the correct train. If he changes his mind, fine. I’ll treat it like a day break.’

  ‘We’ve arranged to send some flowers.’ Her brother then slyly grinned. ‘And you don’t fancy Alex? You know, I see the pair of you hanging around together. And more shockingly, you smile more than usual.’