Hard to Love

by S M Mala

  Now her love God had managed to get her naked within seconds of her walking into his home.

  He was currently licking her nub, making her scream out in ecstasy, before pushing in deeply.

  All she could do was pant like a dog on heat, feeling him screw her so well. Then his fingers went between her legs and she was being rubbed off.

  He was on his knees, looking down; his hair messy and very sexy.

  ‘Alex! Alex,’ she groaned, knowing she was going to come.

  He was going fast and his other hand squeezed her breast so tightly, she thought she was going to pass out in ecstasy.

  ‘Oh God, I love you,’ she yelped, and realised what she said as he quickly came at the same time.

  Mabel closed her eyes and realised she shouldn’t have opened her mouth.

  They hadn’t been together a week and it was fast.

  But she had known she was in love with him.

  And suddenly she felt frightened at the thought.

  He looked at her.

  ‘Don’t be mad,’ she said, catching her breath. ‘I say things in the heat of the moment.’

  ‘When’s the last time you declared it?’

  ‘I can’t remember,’ she honestly replied, kissing his nose.

  ‘I think we need to talk,’ he said, pulling out and walking towards the bathroom.

  Mabel wouldn’t even make it a week with Alex at this rate.

  She sat up and felt a little upset but decided to get dressed quickly, so when he told her the various reasons for stopping, she would leave.

  And they would be:

  She was moving too fast.

  It’s just a bit of fun.

  He didn’t want to get serious.

  There were children involved.

  It’s him, not her.

  It’s her, not him.

  Then she gulped at the last one that is what he was going to say.

  You’re too needy.

  Alex wouldn’t let her down gently, he would tell her the truth, as he had always done.

  He was having a shower so she realised it would be best to go.

  ‘I’m leaving. I’ll see you later!’ she shouted out.

  ‘What?’ he shouted back.

  ‘Never mind,’ she whispered and a walked out of his flat, down the stairs and ran back to her home at full speed.

  As she looked in her bag, Mabel realised she had left her phone by the side of his bed.

  ‘Shit!’

  She was stumped on what to do.

  Turning around, she ran back to the flat and then had to ask the security man to let her in. He frowned before calling up and then let her pass through.

  Going up the stairs and trying to catch her breath, she was about to knock at the door when Alex opened it. He was standing with a towel wrapped around his waist, clasping her phone.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said reaching out for it as he held it above her head.

  ‘Why the rush to leave? I wanted to talk.’

  ‘I shouldn’t have said what I said, and you’ll be late for work.’

  He wrapped his arm around her back, pulling Mabel in and still holding the phone.

  ‘Don’t say anything to upset me,’ Mabel huffed but Alex pushed her up against the wall, looking down at her.

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘It’s too soon. I’m not looking for a serious relationship.’ Then she frowned. ‘You’re needy.’

  ‘Yep,’ he smiled. ‘I get the feeling if you’re not loved or in love, then it agitates you.’

  ‘Can I have my phone and I’ll keep this casual between us.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I need my phone.’ Mabel let out a sigh. ‘It’s okay, I understand.’

  ‘What do you understand?’

  ‘Whatever.’

  ‘Who was the last man to say he loved you?’

  Mabel looked away and felt uncomfortable.

  ‘Wes told me before he went into surgery,’ she said, looking at him and knowing pinprick tears were hitting her eyes. ‘I told him I loved him because I do… did. Nothing romantic, just how I felt.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, handing her the phone.

  ‘Then he said he wished he could turn back time and start again. I said we would take each day at a time.’

  ‘Mabel are you over him?’ Alex stroked her face and moved closer.

  ‘Over him but not his death. That’s pretty hard.’

  ‘I don’t want it casual between us,’ he said, kissing her face. ‘But before I say anything to you about how I feel, I need to be sure. I find it hard to love, to fall in love, and it might take a little longer for me to admit it. All you need to know is that if I do, I’ll tell you when I’m ready, not before.’

  ‘I appreciate your honesty. And I won’t put pressure on you to feel something if you don’t. You’re right. I’m needy. Mum says it’s my need to be in love and be loved.’ Mabel smiled and put her phone in her bag. ‘And I won’t say it again.’

  ‘The thing is, I don’t want you to stop saying it, May Day.’

  ‘Little shits!’

  Mabel spent the rest of Wednesday going through all the production estimates, and the final invoices for both Ignite Pictures and Fire Films.

  It was horrific how the amounts were being reconfigured so any overspend on the filming and post production were covered. Other quotes were then considerably reduced. No-one would be any the wiser because the final figures nearly matched.

  She dug further by checking who the companies were registered with. The names of Keith and Rodney were clearly stated on both companies, but there was another name that stumped her.

  Mabel recognised it but couldn’t remember where from.

  After speaking to the lawyers and emailing over the two contracts of employment, she knew the agency would have to bide their time. She had no intention of letting Keith and Rodney make more money off her.

  There was another plan of action.

  She called Tommy.

  ‘Hello there,’ he said, sounding happy which made Mabel smile. ‘How can I help you?’

  It then occurred that her trusted Tommy could be one of the culprits.

  She took a big chance.

  ‘Can you go into my office and shut the door? I need to speak to you privately. Pretend you’re looking for something.’

  ‘Sure,’ he replied and she waited to hear the door close. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘I’m trusting you and hope this isn’t an error on my part, but I need you to flag up all the production quotes where Ignite Productions and Fire Films are involved.’ Then she hesitated. ‘Actually, all the production costs using film crews and post production for anything we are working on now.’

  ‘Okay? May I ask why?’

  ‘Calum has asked me to look at the figures to see we’re getting a good deal. With the agency’s intention to expand, it’s the right time to do it now,’ she lied, and squirmed as she said it. ‘Some of the quotes and the final invoices are quite vast so we might be making errors on the production side, which means us, but realistically me.’

  ‘That’s awful! But you’re so stringent about these things.’

  ‘Eye off the ball, as they say.’

  ‘I need to tell you something,’ he said, clearing his throat and coughing. ‘I’ve started seeing Heidi.’

  ‘You only just realised she fancied you?’

  ‘Did she?’ Tommy sounded shocked and delighted. ‘I thought she was way out of my league because she worked with the creatives.’

  ‘See, good things do happen.’

  ‘Mabel are you telling me everything about these companies?’ he asked, in a serious tone. ‘You know you can trust me.’

  ‘The problem I’m finding is that Calum has trusted too many people, and it’s going to cost the company cash and their reputation if we don’t sort it out. And that’s what I plan to do.’

  ‘Lies are not good.’

  Mabel was sitting with Jess at the dini
ng table the following afternoon, looking at her daughter. ‘Saying you had a dentist appointment, forging a note and then going off to goodness knows whose house, isn’t doing yourself any favours. I mean Jess, writing it in glitter ink? Didn’t you think school would figure it out?’

  Her child glared back.

  The chipped black nail varnish and scruffy uniform told a whole different story.

  ‘I don’t mind getting calls from school. But, right now, we must have some normality in our lives. You’re a smart girl, don’t mess it all up because you’re angry.’

  ‘My dad is dead,’ was her flat reply.

  ‘Jess, I know. What you need to remember is Lottie’s dad is dead too. If this is how you want to vent your grief, go ahead. I understand. But you’re thirteen years old and a minor. Anything happens to you; then it would break my heart. And there are people out there, lots of people, who would welcome getting hold of a young girl like you.’

  ‘Like rapists and paedophiles? Gangs of men who groom teenage girls for prostitution.’

  Sitting back in her chair, she looked at Jess and wondered what was going on in her head.

  ‘I hate school and the fact Lottie is a little goodie two shoes!’ snapped Jess, thumping her hand hard on the table. ‘Everyone is fussing around her as if she’s the only one that lost a dad, but I did as well! Because she’s such a baby, Baba and everyone treats her differently and thinks she’s hurting more than me! She’s not! I hurt too!’

  Mabel looked at the angry tears and knew she was right.

  ‘People think because you come across as strong, you’re coping. That’s not true. You’re pretending you’re okay when you’re not. You’re trying to show them you can deal with this great problem when you can’t.’ Mabel moved closer to Jess, touching her hand. ‘When your dad left me, I felt like I was grieving. But because I needed to keep it together, I pretended I could cope. I felt angry and did up to a few months ago.’

  ‘And you want to have his baby!’ Jess said, spitting her anger out. ‘What about me? What about what I want? He didn’t love you. If he did, he wouldn’t have gone off with her. How can you forgive him for doing that? He broke us up! He did this and I hate him!’

  Then Jess broke down in tears. Mabel hugged her baby so tightly; she had no intention of letting her go.

  ‘He shouldn’t have died mum! He shouldn’t have done that!’ Jess sobbed into her chest and Mabel silently cried, feeling the intense pain of her child.

  This was when as a mother, she wished she could take it all away.

  Remove all sense of loss and hurt they were feeling.

  But she couldn’t do it.

  ‘You never dealt with dad leaving us, did you?’ she whispered into her child’s hair that smelt of strawberries and a touch of cigarette smoke.

  That conversation was for another time.

  ‘I thought he’d come back,’ cried Jess, pulling away and looking at Mabel, tears streaming down her face making the black eyeliner run. ‘He was supposed to come back home to us. That’s never going to happen, is it?’

  ‘Was Jess okay?

  Mabel was in the meeting room on her own, Friday morning, waiting for Calum and her mother to arrive.

  Alex was standing at the door and looked sympathetically at her, before walking closer and sitting down.

  ‘She’s so angry and hurt,’ Mabel said, feeling him discreetly touch her back. ‘It’s not all about her dad dying. It’s about losing him when he left. She didn’t deal with it then, and it’s all bubbling away in her head and heart.’

  ‘It’ll take time.’

  ‘She’s smarter than Lottie. I don’t want her to get hurt, but I can see she will. Then again, only she could forge a dentist note with a glitter pen.’ Mabel let out a little laugh.

  ‘I wish I could make love to you right now,’ he whispered, looking into her eyes. ‘And the girls are home today, so it’s going to have to wait.’

  ‘They’re not. I’ve arranged for them to go to Calum’s tonight. He has been briefed about Jess but his wife, Annette, is the one who can try and talk to her. I don’t think my child wants to hear anything I’ve got to say.’ Looking up, she noticed people come in. ‘How’s everything going?’

  He responded with a small smile before tilting his head to the side.

  ‘I’ve met this woman,’ he whispered. ‘I’ve thought about her none stop for months. Now I’ve got her in my bed, and I’m very happy. Thanks for asking.’

  ‘It better not be my mother,’ Mabel whispered back, then did a double take. ‘Months?’

  ‘You were just too blind to see.’ Alex stood up.

  ‘Hello, my darlings!’ her mother said loudly, looking chic in her designer summer dress and sunglasses perched on the end of her nose. ‘Been having fun on the board table. I did that a few times and left a few smear marks that simply couldn’t be removed.’

  ‘Boundaries mum, boundaries,’ Mabel said, frowning at the sex pot giving Alex the eye.

  ‘How goes things?’ Joanna continued, smiling brightly. ‘Everyone happy?’

  ‘Not everyone,’ Mabel said, looking out the window.

  ‘I better go,’ Alex said, walking out and flicking sexy glare at Mabel.

  ‘Don’t forget our meeting at one o’clock. It’s very important, and I have a few cases of bubbly to celebrate.’ Then she turned to Mabel. ‘I take it you’ll be gone by then?’

  ‘I have to wash the bedding.’

  ‘What a charmed life you lead!’ She walked to the door and shut it then sat near Mabel. ‘Does he know you’re a shareholder?’

  ‘Telling him I’m related to you is bad enough.’

  ‘Don’t you think you should let him know?’

  ‘It’s too much for him to take in.’

  ‘You’re worried about his reaction, aren’t you? Anyway, more interestingly, Lottie said Jess got into trouble with school.’ Joanna frowned. ‘You know this is about her father and dealing with grief, don’t you? I don’t want to interfere but sometimes, Mabel, you give Jess a long rope to hang herself.’

  ‘What a thing to say!’

  ‘She’s rebellious like you and needs careful handling. This is when I, their grandmother, step in to help.’

  Folding her arms, she scowled at her mother.

  ‘And that’s when you and Jess look identical. Lottie is more like me in nature. She has taken the essence of my goodness, though Jess has my fun side.’

  Mabel grinned, because she knew in a few weeks’ time, her mother’s good nature would be put to the test when she found out that some of her employees were fleecing her cash.

  And then there will be no fun had by all.

  ‘Mabel!’

  Trying to get to the washing machine with an armful of bedding, Alex was bashing at her door. ‘Mabel, open up!’

  It was half past two, and she realised he would have had his meeting.

  ‘Coming,’ she said and opened the door before rushing to load up the drum.

  She waited to see what he was going to say, as she pretended to focus on programming a hot wash.

  Then she turned and smiled.

  He wasn’t smiling back.

  ‘How did your meeting go?’ she asked sweetly as he shut the door and put down his bag. ‘Was everyone happy you’re a board member? Why didn’t you stay and celebrate for the rest of the afternoon?’

  ‘You are something,’ he said solemnly.

  Mabel pressed the button to start the wash.

  ‘Something troubling you?’

  Then he laughed out loudly, taking a deep breath to stop from continuing.

  ‘When were you going to tell me?’

  Right then, she couldn’t figure out if he was angry or amused.

  ‘I…’ She didn’t know what to say.

  ‘I sat in the room with Joanna, Calum and Bruce, all pretty straight forward. They were very welcoming, and we shared a glass of champagne as they went through the structure. The papers were there, all r
eady to sign.’

  Mabel squinted because she knew what was coming next.

  ‘I look down,’ he continued, stepping closer. ‘And low and behold, I see three signatures on this contractual agreement.’

  ‘Alex, I didn’t say anything because-.’

  ‘Let me continue,’ he interrupted, putting a hand out towards her as she squinted in fear on what he was going to say next. ‘Thing is this third signature I know so well. I see it scrawled over production costings, and I wondered what it was doing there.’

  ‘Oh God!’ she said, looking down at her feet.

  ‘So, I ask, ‘who is that?’ and there’s this heavy silence. Joanna smiles and looks at Calum, then at Bruce, before turning to tell me that there’s another shareholder who has thirty percent of the company, but they keep out of the business.’

  ‘Don’t say anything else,’ she whispered.

  ‘And I’m thinking who could that be? Surely it can’t be the person of the illegible mess.’

  ‘I think you’re getting a little personal about my handwriting.’

  ‘So, I ask,’ Alex sighed. He moved closer as she stood her ground. ‘Then Joanna advises she has forty percent, and the rest is divided equally with two others. Someone called Mabel Day is the third shareholder. I wouldn’t know who this is because there’s only a Mabel Drake in the company.’

  ‘I love you,’ she meekly said, looking straight at him.

  ‘You are simply full of surprises!’ he said loudly. Then he stooped down and pulled her closer, so they were at eye level. ‘You better work your arse off in bed this afternoon to make up for not telling me.’

  ‘I’ll try.’

  ‘I like this.’

  Mabel had been kissing every part of his body as he lay naked in her bed. And she was now working on his favourite part.

  What hung between his legs.

  Like him, it was perfect in so many ways.

  Taking her tongue, she licked up and down his shaft, watching him close his eyes and sigh. Then slowly, she covered little by little his hard end with her lips, nibbling before devouring it with her mouth.