Hard to Love

by S M Mala

  ‘What for?’

  ‘This is the first big pitch you’ve worked on and I’ve gone and ballsed it up for you.’ Mabel buried her face into his t-shirt.

  She felt him let out a hefty sigh and turn around to look at her.

  ‘Go sit at the table and I’ll bring dinner over.’ He kissed the tip of her nose. ‘And you have to say it tastes nice.’

  ‘I promise.’

  Walking to the table on the balcony, she sat down and felt the early evening sun on her face. The wine was poured, and she looked at Alex, grinning at her from the kitchen.

  He came out with two plates and placed them down.

  ‘Grilled salmon stir fried rice and salad,’ he said, sitting next to her, placing a kiss on her lips.

  They started eating, but Mabel’s heading was spinning.

  Then she looked at Alex.

  Suddenly she lost her appetite.

  ‘Is it okay?’ he asked, glancing at her food. ‘Was there a bone?’

  ‘No,’ Mabel smiled, swallowing a little of the food. ‘It tastes lovely. Much better than mine.’

  ‘Why aren’t you eating?’

  ‘I like you,’ she said, putting down her cutlery. ‘How are you?’ He looked quizzically at her. ‘You know, your dad passed away and you don’t say much about it.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ he replied with a half-smile. ‘I’ve seen my mum a few times, and she came down here. I’m going through my grieving and…’ Alex bit her lip. ‘Why are you asking?’

  ‘Do you think, with what’s happened to us, we’re supposed to be together?’

  Alex stopped eating and looked at her.

  ‘You’ve got a lot of things going on. I wasn’t going to seduce you for months because I knew you needed time.’

  ‘Seduce me?’ She looked up at the sky. ‘Did you seduce me? It wasn’t that long ago, and I don’t think you did.’

  ‘I did,’ he laughed, touching her hand. ‘You might have been oblivious to it, but I did.’

  ‘I love you,’ she said, seeing him smile. ‘I liked you for such a long time, but I thought you didn’t feel the same. Then when you were mean, I was upset for weeks afterwards and couldn’t stop crying.’

  ‘Don’t say that.’ Alex touched her face. ‘May Day, I never meant to hurt you.’

  ‘All I thought about was you.’ Then she took a deep breath. ‘And when you didn’t want to kiss me and put me in the cab, I cried all the way home. I was gutted.’

  He closed his eyes and shook his head.

  ‘Then when I saw you with that beautiful woman at the bus stop, I’d get upset and I changed how I went into work.’

  ‘You’re not that icy, are you?’ he whispered, looking at her and biting his lip. ‘And I hated the fact you slept with someone else, even if it was once. It made me angry, but most of all jealous you didn’t come to me.’

  ‘I didn’t think you would want to know.’

  ‘Well, you know now.’

  After she had showered later, Mabel was standing with her back to him. Alex walked up to her, removing the dressing gown. He kissed the back of her neck and caressed her breasts, as she gulped back her ecstasy. Slowly his hand moved between her legs, and she felt his fingers search to please her.

  ‘I think you’re wonderful,’ he whispered in her ear, his hands and lips turning her on.

  She smiled and let him touch her wherever he wanted, and then he leaned her forward over the bed, kissing up and down her back. She was covered in goose bumps, and everything was tingling.

  From the corner of her eye, she noticed his hand move to his drawer, and he pulled out a condom. There was fiddling behind her back and he continued to kiss her. He then put his arms around her waist and turned her to face the glass wall.

  Slowly he pushed her body towards the cold glass, and Mabel was surprised it was a turn on. He kissed her neck and the back of her head, then he pushed hard inside, making her jolt as she braced her hands against the wall.

  He humped her slowly, with deft hard strokes as her body was pressed further against the glass. Taking her hands, he pulled her arms up in the air. Turning her head, she reached out her tongue, touching his.

  Still he gave long hard thrusts and then pulled out, turning her around, and picking her up.

  The glass was against her back, and he bent down and pushed himself inside, making her gasp out loudly, then wrapped her legs around his waist. Gently he screwed her. She looked at his face, kissing his lips and gasping.

  Suddenly he turned her around and carried her to the bed, placing her gently down, and ground himself deeper. All she could do was groan, feeling him stretch and pull at her. She touched his face and then stroked his arse, feeling his large muscle work to give her pleasure.

  Without any warning, she felt the build-up of her orgasm and held on so tightly, knowing she was going to come.

  Groaning and gasping it out, then watched him bite his lip as he came, still grinding hard.

  ‘You should know how I feel,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘I shouldn’t have to tell you.’

  And Mabel did.

  ‘The girls are fine.’

  Mabel had come off the phone from speaking to Lottie.

  Nothing untoward happened, but Jess told her that grandma wasn’t impressed with the quality of Mabel’s bedding and was going to buy her new sheets.

  Joanna then texted to say Jess asked for a drag from her cigarette, and she let her do it, hoping the child would choke. To her amazement, she didn’t. So as her grandmother, Joanna would be speaking to her at another time, as well as advising on premature wrinkles.

  Mabel knew at thirteen, Jess really wouldn’t care.

  Other than that, all was good.

  She was waiting for Alex to lock his door and walk to the bus stop.

  He looked drop dead gorgeous that morning, wearing jeans and a smart jacket. Very casual but sexy.

  Today he was going to pitch for the ‘Love to Love’ account.

  Taking her hand, they walked out into the early morning sunshine and stood at the bus stop.

  ‘Do you think people will talk?’ she whispered, seeing some of the regulars waiting. ‘You turn up here with a different woman most weeks, now you’ve picked up a passenger.’ He responded with a smile. ‘I’m just pointing it out.’

  ‘I like your dress,’ he said, bending down to kiss her shoulder. ‘I adore what’s underneath.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘But you know when I like you the best?’

  ‘Tell me,’ she grinned up at him.

  ‘When you’re spread on my bed, and I’m screwing you. That’s when you’re at your most gorgeous.’ She frowned in response. ‘And if I’m honest, you’re gorgeous all the time.’

  ‘Really romantic,’ Mabel laughed. ‘I’ll keep that in mind.’

  The bus doors opened, and she stepped in, going to her usual seat, but Alex was following her. When she sat down, he joined.

  ‘You can go upstairs. I don’t mind,’ she said, putting her bag to the side. ‘Travelling to work doesn’t have to change.’

  ‘I sit upstairs watching the CCTV camera to see you,’ he replied, looking at his phone. ‘I wanted to know what you were doing.’

  ‘You simply surprise me every time you open your mouth,’ she honestly said, feeling a little stunned.

  ‘I know when you get off, you go to the same small café to get your cappuccino, not one of the large chains. You walk around the square which means you want the prettiest view, not the quickest route to work.’ Then he smiled and looked at her. ‘And you say hello to people you’ve never spoken to before, just because you walk past them on the street most days.’

  ‘Where has this Alex been hiding?’

  ‘Waiting for you to find him.’

  ‘I’m pleased I did.’

  They looked at each other as the bus headed off. She took his hand and placed it in both of hers, holding it tightly. And they sat on their journey in silence.

&nb
sp; There was nothing to say.

  When they got off, she went to the small café, bought him a coffee, and walked with him around the square. Then she said hello to the people on her journey before they reached the offices.

  ‘Back to reality,’ she said, letting out a little sigh. ‘I probably won’t have the chance to speak to you again. I hope the pitch goes well.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ he grimaced. ‘I’m not sure about the account.’ Alex went a little pink. ‘How can I look at him?’

  ‘The same way I look at the women you’ve slept with. There’s nothing I can do about it.’ Mabel glanced down at her feet.

  ‘He might want to get closer to you.’ This time she could see he was genuinely upset. ‘I wouldn’t be happy about that.’

  ‘He’s married, Alex. That’s not what he told me when we met. The man lied, and I stupidly slept with him when I was at an all-time low.’

  ‘It should have been me.’

  ‘You were there, in my head.’ Mabel smiled as the others started to walk in. ‘So, I was with you, not him.’ Then she saw Tommy and Heidi, holding hands and looking loved up. ‘That’s sweet.’

  The pair blushed when they were spotted and carried on walking in.

  ‘I doubt if I’ll ever get to hold your hand,’ Mabel laughed. ‘And if I do, they’ll probably say I drugged you into it and sexually-.’

  ‘I won’t hold your hand around here as they get sticky when you’re nervous,’ he grinned, taking her hand and kissing the back of it. ‘Reminds me of Rose.’

  ‘Do you know what you’re doing?’

  ‘Sucking up to my secret boss, that’s what.’

  ‘Alex, if anyone finds out, they’re going to shred you to pieces,’ she said, starting to laugh.

  ‘That’s okay. I love marmalade. That’s shredded orange jam as if you didn’t know.’

  ‘You won?’

  Calum called. The news made her feel sick. ‘Why?’

  ‘The pitch was amazing. Alex was on fire,’ he said, sounding ecstatic. ‘They told us there and then!’

  ‘Fuck.’

  ‘Listen, we still got it even after you slept with you know who.’

  ‘And your point is what?’

  ‘Don’t sleep with clients. We need to get money off them, not give them cash for mental scars inflicted by you.’

  ‘Very unfunny. I want to fire Keith and Rodney. Can we do it next week?’

  ‘We have a lot to work on. We’re investigating and-.’

  ‘You’re telling mum. I’m not.’ There was a heavy silence on the other end. ‘You’re the CEO. I’m just me.’

  ‘You know she’ll go ballistic, don’t you?’

  ‘You need to get it over and done with.’ Then she took a moment to ponder on how to approach her next question. ‘And Alex was all right? On form and spectacular.’

  ‘He’s something Mabel, he really is.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Oh, that.’ Calum coughed gently. ‘Yes, well, that’s a good choice on your side. Not sure about his.’

  ‘Piss off!’

  ‘Only joking!’ He started to laugh then it faded quickly. ‘And they’re coming in next week to meet the team.’

  ‘What!’

  ‘You’re going to have to hide. This account is really big for us.’

  ‘Yes, yes,’ she said, trying to stop her panic. ‘I’ll keep out of the way so you can make money!’

  Hanging up, she closed her eyes and sat back down at the dining table. Jess was playing music in the background. It sounded like a strong wind going through the underground with a dance beat. Lottie was nodding her head in tune with the rhythm.

  The pair were eating ice-cream.

  ‘I need to speak to you both,’ she said, taking a sip of wine. ‘And you might not like it.’

  ‘You’re seeing Alex.’ Lottie flicked her a glance.

  ‘What did you say?’ asked Mabel trying not to choke.

  ‘Grandma said you’d hooked up with a dude, and you would be a little backwards coming forward,’ said Jess, spooning ice cream into her mouth. ‘And I asked if it was Alex and she said yes.’

  ‘That woman!’ Mabel hissed. ‘Your uncle and grandma have very loose lips.’

  ‘I like Alex and Rose,’ said Lottie, looking up at her without a hint of a smile. ‘They’re nice people.’

  ‘Okay?’ Mabel said thinking it was a little odd. ‘Did grandma offer you two money to say this?’

  ‘Oh, mother!’ laughed out Jess. ‘You want him and don’t we know it!’

  ‘That’s not how you should speak to a parent,’ she replied, trying to sound stern. ‘Want is for your age range of whatever you call it.’

  ‘Attracted to,’ Jess replied. ‘You oldies are funny.’

  Mabel tried to hide her look of embarrassment.

  ‘Lottie and Jess, I love you and no-one would ever take that away. You two will always come first and-.’

  ‘Hold it,’ Jess interrupted, putting her hand in the air. ‘We heard this before with dad and he didn’t actually keep to it.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He would love us more than anything. Mum, you oldies say it but you don’t mean it.’

  Suddenly she was lost for words, seeing her girls look at her as if she was going to tell yet another lie. Mabel bit her lip and didn’t know what to say. Taking a deep breath, she got up and walked towards her case, pulling out a piece of paper and returned.

  ‘I’m going to read you something that your father left for me. If you find it upsetting, that’s not my intention. Then I can tell you how I feel.’

  She read the note that Wes had left her regarding the sperm and watched their faces.

  ‘Before you both say anything, I need you to know the following. I love you so much. I didn’t have a normal upbringing, and it was wonderful as it was confusing. Grandma adopted us and gave both Uncle Cal and I a wonderful life, for that I will always be grateful. The thing is, and I know this is going to hurt one of you more than the other, I don’t want to have a baby with your dad. That time has gone.’

  Looking at both, their eyes started to fill with tears, as did Mabel’s.

  ‘Lottie, I know this is going to hurt, but we need to move on as a family. That’s what I want.’

  ‘Okay,’ she said, starting to cry. ‘I just thought,-.’ Then she sobbed loudly.

  Mabel got up and went straight to her, not forgetting to hold Jess in her other arm as she kissed Lottie.

  ‘We are the three musketeers who have people that gate crash our gang, like Cal, and grandma. Not to mention Annette and the nutty twins. And that will never change.’ Mabel felt tears drip down her face. ‘That’s the beauty of us; we welcome people in.’

  ‘Will you be shagging Alex in your bedroom?’ Jess asked, making Mabel stand up. ‘That’s what people do.’

  Then she bent down and sniffed her daughter’s hair, smelling of tobacco.

  ‘You do know smoking isn’t legal for under sixteens don’t you?’ she said, peering into her daughter’s face. ‘And grandma told me what happened last night so don’t be smart.’

  ‘I was only asking!’

  ‘Why do you have to say the wrong thing?’ sobbed Lottie. ‘You’re so coarse! They might be in love and want to be together.’

  ‘You’re both like chalk and cheese,’ Mabel said, trying not to laugh, and then glanced at Jess, before kissing both their heads and walking back to her seat.

  ‘I do have a major problem,’ Mabel continued. ‘Tafari wants to take me to court. She wants the specimen left by your father as well as more money from his estate.’

  ‘She probably wants a sex change,’ mumbled Jess, trying to smell her own hair.

  ‘No!’ screamed Lottie, standing up and looking very angry. ‘She can’t have it! You can’t let her have any!’

  ‘Okay, okay!’ said Jess, looking scared of her older sister. ‘What’s your problem?’

  ‘What’s yours?’ snapped L
ottie.

  ‘I’m living in a house full of bloody hormones,’ Mabel said and realised the situation was taking a strange turn. ‘Lottie, please sit down.’

  ‘You better not give it to her!’ she said angrily. ‘Or I’ll run away from home and will never come back! I mean it!’

  Mabel gave Jess a warning glance to keep all witty comments to herself.

  Half an hour later, after cleaning things away and doing the washing up, Mabel sat on the couch with the kids.

  Lottie seemed calmer, but even Jess mentioned she had never seen her as scary as that before.

  ‘What were you saying about Alex?’ Lottie asked, looking at her. ‘Are you going out?’

  ‘We are, but it’s a bit difficult with work and things.’

  ‘He’s very nice and he can do good braids. I saw Rose’s and that’s hard.’

  ‘I’ll ask him to come over and do ours,’ she said then glanced at Jess’s short hair. ‘Or speak about the perils of smoking.’ She was given a dirty look from her youngest. ‘While we are on the subject, nothing is going to change. He might spend more time here or not. It’s very early days.’

  ‘Yeah, well, as long as he doesn’t treat us like Tafari, then all will be well,’ piped up Jess. ‘She made us feel bad.’

  ‘Why didn’t you both tell me sooner?’

  Then the girls looked at each other.

  ‘If we had told you, you wouldn’t have let us go and then we’d never see dad,’ Jess said, letting out a sad sigh. ‘And now we know that would have been a bad thing.’

  ‘What should I do about your dad’s sample in the clinic?’ Mabel asked the girls, seeing them stop and look at her. ‘I can’t let it stay there forever. If I do, then Tafari will want it. It would be a like an abuse of your father.’

  ‘Rape,’ said Jess as both Mabel and Lottie looked at her in shock. ‘A violation of his body, or body bits.’

  ‘Get it defrosted,’ said Lottie looking at the pair of them.

  ‘That’s destroying it,’ Jess replied, rolling her eyes.

  ‘What makes you think Tafari can get pregnant again? She’s like nearly forty-seven,’ Lottie mumbled. ‘That’s well old.’

  ‘What!’ gasped Mabel. ‘He left me for someone that age?’