Hard to Love

by S M Mala

  ‘Lauren?’ Calum said, looking confused. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘I better see how big these bunch of flowers are,’ she grinned and walked off.

  Alex had been going down the corridor every time she left and still ignored her.

  Mabel decided if he looked at her, she was going to smile.

  He also seemed to be around when she got a coffee or went for lunch.

  While she was alone, he was surrounded by a crowd.

  It seemed poetic in many ways.

  She had promised herself from now on, she would get coffee and lunch at different times.

  ‘Hello Den, how are you?’ she asked, walking to the driver. ‘And what flowers have you got today?’

  ‘Calla Lilly flowers.’

  Then he took out the white flute shaped lilies, and she couldn’t help but gasp.

  ‘They’re beautiful,’ she said, unable to stop smiling, a wonderful memory coming into her head. ‘I can’t accept them, but can I take one?’

  ‘Take the whole bunch. My wife is happy now. I’m giving her your left overs. We’re running out of vases.’ He went quiet. ‘Lee’s a nice man. Five years I’ve worked for him, and he’s treated me well.’

  ‘He lied to me,’ Mabel replied, biting her lip and examining the flower. ‘I got into trouble at work and he did something behind my back.’

  ‘He probably had his reasons.’

  ‘Tell him thanks but this has to stop. They don’t like it at the agency.’

  She headed off towards the bus stop and noticed Alex was standing in reception talking to someone. He looked over, and she forced a smile.

  Again, she was on the end of one his deadly stares and realised everything had come full circle.

  He was like he used to be before they were together.

  Cold.

  ‘This is nice.’

  Joanna and Mabel were sitting outside for lunch, and it was a lovely warm Wednesday afternoon. ‘Darling, is a martini cocktail okay?’

  ‘Perfect,’ Mabel said, looking at her lily on the table.

  ‘How many days of undivided flower attention?’ her mother asked, frowning at the flower.

  ‘Ten.’

  ‘I thought you didn’t want to see him again,’ her mother said firmly. ‘Now you’re sniffing all that pollen. Are you sure he hasn’t loaded those stems with cocaine?’

  ‘At least he figured out I’d accept one flower and I love these.’ Mabel stroked the petal gently.

  ‘You usually have them at weddings. I remember you had them at yours.’ Joanna smiled. ‘Do you think he’s hinting at something?’

  ‘He’s married. I’m not going there.’

  ‘I hear he walked out on his wife a few weeks ago.’

  ‘What? When did you hear that?’

  ‘Recently.’ Suddenly Joanna sat up and looked directly at Mabel. ‘Alex says you’ve not spoken to him since you returned to work. Don’t you think that a little childish?’

  ‘We haven’t got anything to say.’ Mabel shrugged, knowing he seemed to be appearing more and more. ‘It was a fling and I ran away with myself.’

  Still she couldn’t shrug away the total despair she felt on seeing him every day.

  ‘Now Lee is single, does it make you think twice?’

  ‘I’m not going to sleep with Lee. I don’t trust him.’ Mabel glared at her mother. ‘And as for Alex? He wants everyone to love him but can’t love in return.’

  ‘I think you’re wrong,’ she said leaning forward. ‘Anyway, how did you know you were in love?’

  ‘I felt it. A pulling sensation in my heart.’

  ‘I mainly feel it between my legs,’ Joanna said, making Mabel laugh out. ‘You know, that pulling feeling around your groin.’

  ‘Isn’t that down to another face lift?’ Mabel smirked as her mother gently hit her arm.

  ‘I think Alex cares about you very much, but you’ve got that needy thing. That’s enough to frighten any man away, don’t you think?’

  ‘Tea.’

  Mabel was queuing up after the lunch rush. She was still working half days on Fridays and had no intention of stopping. Looking out across the balcony, she noticed the sun coming through, and it was hitting her feet. She intended to do a bit of shopping when she left.

  Taking a seat, she sipped her tea and started to eat a sandwich.

  Suddenly Alex sat down at her table with an orange and coffee.

  ‘There are lots of other places to sit,’ she said, her throat becoming a little restricted.

  ‘I like the view from here,’ he replied, looking down at his coffee.

  Mabel turned and saw Lauren, and some attractive women from the agency huddled together talking. He was certainly making it blatant he had moved on.

  ‘Oh,’ Mabel said, shuffling to the next seat next.

  ‘Why have you moved?’ he asked, glaring.

  ‘So, you could get a better view.’

  Taking another bite of her sandwich, Mabel looked out and decided to ignore him. Though her stomach twisted, she continued to eat.

  ‘How are you?’ he asked, still looking down at his coffee.

  ‘Good.’

  ‘You’ve been back for a fortnight and Lee Appleton is going for it every day.’ She heard him laugh. ‘Are you going to see him again?’

  ‘I like his taste in flowers.’

  ‘I don’t.’ She noticed he was looking at her. ‘You can’t prove he hacked into the site so-.’

  ‘You guys don’t think he has done anything wrong, do you? And now he has left his wife, that’s okay isn’t it?’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘And you’re making lots of money from them, with all the new projects. Someone told me you were featured in ‘Campaign’ and ‘Marketing Week’ when I was away. Now we sweep it under the carpet all based on good publicity.’

  ‘He left his wife,’ Alex asked, looking shocked. ‘When?’

  ‘I don’t know. Go ask him. You’re friends.’

  ‘He’s no friend of mine.’

  ‘Yeah, he doesn’t seem to like your reputation either.’ Mabel smiled, finishing her sandwich. ‘I should have listened to him when he warned me about you.’ Mabel hesitated. ‘I wasn’t thinking straight.’

  ‘A man who films you in the sack is now okay to speak to?’ he angrily answered. ‘Have your morals slipped?’

  ‘A bit too many times like my knickers when it comes to unreliable men. Have a lovely weekend and kiss Rose from me when you see her. She’s welcome to come for burnt roast any Sunday she wants. Drop her off and then you can go off and do your thing.’

  ‘What thing would that be?’

  ‘Hurt people.’

  On that note, she walked off.

  ‘I love you, and I love you.’

  Mabel kissed her daughters on Monday morning, checking the time. They were off to school after the summer break. She was earlier than usual and decided to take the bus, knowing Alex wouldn’t be around.

  From the expenses she had seen, he was good at taking cabs for client meetings in the mornings.

  ‘Now have a lovely day at school and I’ll see you later,’ she said, watching the pair frown. ‘What’s wrong now?’

  ‘You're very happy even though you’ve been hurt,’ Jess said, a matter of fact. ‘I know.’

  ‘That was over a month ago.’ Mabel sighed. ‘I’m okay now.’

  ‘It’s because of me, isn’t it? Asking him to move in.’ Lottie looked upset. ‘I spoilt it.’

  ‘Probably,’ Jess said as Mabel shot her daughter an evil glare.

  ‘What you said and thought was lovely, Lottie. But if that’s what put him off, then he’s truly not worth it.’

  ‘Here, here!’ said Jess loudly, readjusting her large satchel hung around her body.

  Then Mabel wished she hadn’t opened her mouth.

  Lottie looked like she was going to cry again.

  ‘How could you fancy a boy called Colin? It’s not a nice name,’ whisper
ed Mabel.

  ‘He was lovely, but prefers younger girls, not older ones with maturity,’ Lottie sniffed.

  ‘Plenty of plankton in the sea,’ Jess said, wrapping an arm around her sister’s neck and pulling her down the road, making Mabel smile. ‘And personally, most boys are a bit fishy if you ask me.’

  She ran towards the bus and jumped on.

  Then she got the shock of her life.

  Alex was sitting in her usual seat.

  He did a double take.

  This time Mabel decided to sit on the top deck.

  No matter what, she was still in love with him.

  That was the challenge.

  To fall out of love.

  Noticing her stop was coming up, Mabel headed downstairs. The bus was packed so she couldn’t see him. He would get off two stops later like he usually did.

  Squeezing past, she stepped off onto the pavement and walked her usual route, focussing on her morning coffee.

  Going to work every day wasn’t such a chore. There were lots to do, and people were keeping out of her way, mainly because three people got sacked for fraud, and they knew it was down to Mabel.

  Not everything was bad.

  As she queued up, Mabel was deep in thought about Lottie’s little heartbreak regarding the boy called Colin. Paying for her coffee then turning to walk out, Alex was behind her.

  She glanced at him but didn’t say anything.

  Walking past, she felt him touch her arm.

  ‘Can you wait for me, please?’ he asked. ‘We can walk together.’

  ‘Are you sure after last time?’

  Mabel saw the brown eyes looking a little pained and wondered what was going on.

  He followed with a cup of coffee and they walked slowly towards work, not speaking.

  ‘Is Rose well? Did she come and visit this weekend?’

  ‘She’s good, and not this weekend.’ Alex looked pensive. ‘There was a birthday party she wanted to go to.’

  ‘At that age, it’s their focus. Nowadays, I can’t keep Lottie and Jess in the house.’

  ‘Are they okay?’

  ‘They’re good, thanks for asking. Lottie’s had her heart broken by a boy at school. Jess wants to pierce her belly button, and I told her to think again.’ She let out a little laugh. ‘Going away with them was great. We had a chance to bond after everything that’s happened. Of course, there are sad times when they miss their dad.’

  ‘I know how they feel. My dad gave me guidance, and I wish he was here now as I need some.’

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘I’ve made a really bad-.’

  ‘Alex!’ Paolo shouted out, running up to him. Mabel got her usual dirty look. ‘Did you have a good weekend? Friday was really funny and…’

  She slowed down a little and noticed Alex glance over.

  ‘I have to go,’ she said, walking down another road, and waited a few minutes then headed into work.

  As she got in, there seemed to be a fuss. She wasn’t sure what was going on and walked in only to see a display of white coming from where she sat.

  ‘Oh my!’ she said seeing the vases full of her favourite lily all over the room.

  ‘This came,’ Kendra said, handing over an envelope, looking unimpressed.

  Mabel opened it, knowing it was from Lee.

  ‘Mabel, I didn’t treat you properly. Please meet me. No tricks or hidden cameras. I would never do anything to hurt you. Lee.’

  She didn’t know what to think.

  This was the last thing she expected.

  But deep down, she was still uncertain.

  ‘A fan?’ Alex asked, leaning against the door frame. ‘Or shouldn’t I ask?’

  ‘They’re beautiful. I had these in my bouquet when I got married.’

  ‘He shouldn’t be making contact. Personally, orange blossom is prettier and far more delicate.’

  ‘No-one knows it’s from him.’

  ‘I do.’

  ‘So, what?’ she asked, walking up to a vase and touching the petals. The next thing she heard was the door slam shut, and she watched Alex storm off. ‘Bloody creative.’

  ‘He doesn’t want them near him.’

  Pauline returned with a vase. ‘Alex seemed pissed off. But his team said they’ll pick them up on the way out,’ Pauline whispered. ‘They didn’t want Alex to hear.’

  She sat back down behind her desk then noticed her mother stride towards her.

  Like Alex, she didn’t seem to like the blooms.

  ‘What the hell is he up to?’ Joanna asked, hands on hips looking around her office.

  ‘I haven’t spoken to him,’ she replied, smiling.

  ‘Oh God, don’t tell me you’re falling for this bullshit?’

  ‘They’re flowers.’

  ‘What next? He buys you part of Kew Gardens?’

  ‘A family season ticket would be nice.’ Mabel balanced her chin in her hand.

  ‘Where do you think he wants to stick this lily?’ Joanna grabbed one out of the vase. ‘I can only imagine.’

  ‘Lee apologised,’ Mabel replied diplomatically, knowing her mother had no idea her child had been filmed with a fruit sticking out from her lady bits, then eaten by their richest client.

  ‘We’re having a board meeting this morning,’ Joanna said, looking pissed off. ‘Turn up.’

  Watching her mother storm off, Mabel shrugged.

  Half an hour later her mobile rang.

  It was Alex.

  He hadn’t made contact via phone for weeks, other than when he text her after she fell over in the road to see if she was okay.

  Mabel never responded. She was too upset.

  ‘Hello?’ she said, hearing his hefty sigh. ‘Can I help you?’

  ‘You’re encouraging him. By accepting one flower he probably has got it in his head, he can worm his way into your affections. Can I remind you about crying over his threat regarding footage of you?’

  ‘And your point is what? I don’t interfere in your life; there’s no need to do that in mine. I can look after myself.’

  She hung up and decided to put her phone on silent as he rang again.

  There was no point speaking to him.

  He didn’t like the flowers and never really like her after all.

  Let alone, love.

  ‘How are you?’

  She had met Bob for lunch as she wanted to speak to him about a few things, as he had contacts everywhere.

  Now he was holding her hand and had that frisky look in his eye.

  Mabel wasn’t going there.

  ‘A bit confused,’ she honestly replied. ‘So much so I ended up sleeping with this guy I met when we were doing research for ‘Love to Love’. Happens he was one of the owners.’

  ‘Lee Appleton?’ Bob seemed stunned.

  ‘You know him?’

  ‘I’ve heard of him,’ he replied, raising his eyebrows. ‘What was he doing finding people on his own website?’

  ‘I don’t know. They put up five people from our agency, all under cover. I was the challenge. Then no-one picked me. Well, that’s what I thought. Anyway, I get an email direct to my account from Lee via ‘Love to Love’. I was told it was impossible, and everyone thought I made it up.’

  ‘Then what happened.’

  ‘I went to him two weeks after Wes died, feeling pretty shit. Spent the night, and afterwards I was embarrassed and ashamed. He didn’t take it well.’ Mabel then pulled a face. ‘And unbeknown to me, he filmed it.’

  ‘What? He is bad news.’ Bob looked gravely at her. ‘Mabel don’t get involved with him. If he’s got something on you, he won’t let it go. He’s like a dog with a bone.’

  ‘I’m not that important.’

  ‘Your agency has his account.’ Bob smiled sexily at her. ‘We could always go back to mine for a mid-afternoon pick me up?’

  ‘My mother saw a picture I had of you and was both shocked and excited,’ she said, starting to laugh. ‘And thank you for
the kind offer but I’m going to steer clear of men for a while.’

  ‘Let me do some sniffing around. What do you want to do with Lee?’

  ‘I want to get the footage destroyed and make sure that his company aren’t picking on vulnerable women. I feel pretty exposed, and I know others now think I’m a liability.’

  ‘Will you come?’

  Tommy was smiling brightly at Mabel. ‘I’m going to be twenty-nine.’

  ‘That old?’ She laughed. ‘Of course, I’ll come to your party. It better be in a nice bar where old people like me can take a seat.’

  ‘I’ve thought of everything.’

  They were waiting for the rest of the people to arrive.

  Mabel had got away without attending meetings for nearly three weeks since returning to work. Then the email arrived from one of Alex’s assistants telling her to turn up.

  He wanted to go through all the production costs for what seemed like everything they were working on.

  Then the procession of people came in.

  Mabel braced herself.

  ‘Alex is going to be late,’ Reuben said, smiling at all of them. ‘He told me to start. We need to go through what we’re currently working on and any changes.’

  ‘Wake me up when it’s over,’ whispered Mabel as she stretched out her legs and decided to look at her tablet.

  Then she saw an email and did a double take.

  It was from Lee.

  ‘Did you like the flowers? I know you told Den it would have to stop, so I begrudgingly obliged. Please see me, Mabel? A few things have been going on, and I want to talk, that’s all. Lee x.’

  She read it again and again, wondering what to do.

  As good to his word, he stopped sending flowers and Mabel hated to admit it, she missed the gesture.

  Half an hour later, still oblivious to the meeting, she replied.

  ‘I will meet you, but it has to be in an open public place. It’s to talk; that’s all. Don’t read anything into it. I work for the agency, and I don’t want to get sacked.’ Then she mumbled, ‘Like hell they can,’ before continuing to type. ‘I can meet you a week on Friday, in the afternoon, if that’s okay?’

  ‘That would be wonderful. I’ll get the car to pick you up at 1.00pm?’ he responded immediately.