by Jane Linfoot
‘What you’ve been through hasn’t altered you then?’ She gives a shrug. ‘Tough times often give you a new perspective. People come out afterwards with very different priorities. Even if you’re in denial about your hunky shepherd, I thought you might have fallen in love with the sea?’
It’s not the first pang I’ve had thinking about how much I’m missing looking out at the line where the ocean smudges into the sky, the crash of the waves tumbling up the beach. The twitter of finches on Mum’s bird feeder aren’t any substitute for the seagull cries echoing around the bay.
I let out a sigh. ‘It’s an amazing place, but it was only ever an interlude. It’s done its work, and now I’m back where I should be. Where I want to be.’ There’s no room for change or doubt, so I make sure I sound certain. ‘I do like chatting to kids more now.’ If she’s thinking about how my time away has changed me, I can’t let it go without flagging that one up. As I think of the freckles on Cam’s nose there’s a familiar squish in my chest. ‘With my tan I can wear less make-up …’
‘You definitely look different. More relaxed, maybe happier?’ Bella’s smile widens behind her pie as she takes in my appalled stare. ‘Different, but still fab. You really suit your hair longer.’
‘There’s no spare cash for haircuts in St Aidan.’ I take a swig of coffee, then swipe away my foam moustache, and remind myself I need a complete makeover before I come back for good. As my less-than-perfect nails show, it’s been too easy to slip into bad habits and let my standards drop. I’m blaming it on the steaming summer, but I’ve seriously neglected my beauty regime lately and got sloppy with my clothes. Months of hanging around the beach, I’m like an embodiment of my own ‘Let it all hang loose’ signs. I just hope Jake is less observant than Bella.
As I look around the café as the lunchtime chatter gets louder, it’s odd to see everyone dressed as if they’ve really tried, in clean, new, stylish outfits, their glossy hair sharp enough for a magazine shoot. I know I’m keeping Aunty Jo’s suit for later. But in my last-year’s shirt and with my tailored slacks, no one in St Aidan would give a flying fig if my capri pants were a few inches too long for this autumn, although they might think I’d gone over the top with this understated silk shirt. But somehow I’m not really cutting it in Bath. I mean, when did the bare ankle thing get so big? I’ve been away months not years, but everyone’s trousers seem to have shrunk hugely. And that’s before we get to all those wide legged ones.
I look outside to give myself a rest from the flurry of waitresses and me feeling so off-trend in the fashion stakes. Beyond the smart people dashing past out on the pavement, the traffic is a blur. If I’d realised how overwhelming the constant movement was going to be, I’d have made sure Bella tucked us away in a dark corner so I could nudge myself back into the bustle more gently. We’d usually fight for this view, sitting at the centre of the action is pretty mind-blowing, but today it’s in an uncomfortable way not a buzzy one. I’ve been outside all summer, where the space is airy and the sounds drift away. Being confined with all the crashing of plates and the scraping of chairs on the concrete floor is making my head vibrate.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m beyond pleased to be here, I can’t wait to start soaking up the atmosphere of the city bars and the wide open squares and rediscovering the menus at the pavement cafés. It’s just going to take a teensy bit of getting used to the excitement levels, that’s all. Right now it would be blissful to take time out, dive under the table, hide in the tent of the tablecloth, and go through a few of Aunty Jo’s mantras. If this was St Aidan, no one would give me a second glance. If I did it here I’d most likely get blue-lighted away. So instead I close my eyes tight, and mutter them silently in my head. Eat more strawberry ice cream … Good things take time … You can never have too many waffles … I’m doing this for me … May every day be sunny … Please, please, please let me get back to Zinc Inc …
‘Edie?’ Bella’s reaching across the table, tapping my arm. ‘It’s Jake, he’s here now.’
‘A little bit early. I hope I’m not interrupting your catchup?’
I snap my eyes open as I hear the familiar resonance and the laughter in Jake’s voice. There’s just enough time to take a gulp of air before he sweeps me onto my feet and into one of his bear hugs. As I unstick my cheek from his jacket I notice he’s got his own dedicated waitress in tow, which is a measure of how often he’s here and the shedloads he spends on their cake.
‘I got us another round of coffees, and I hope you’re hungry for doughnuts.’ He nods at the plate the waitress is unloading onto the table, which is stacked with the things, then smiles at me as he slides into the chair with his back to the window. ‘No pressure. We don’t have to eat all twelve now, we can take a couple back to the office for later.’ He picks up a doughnut that’s dripping with dark chocolate and nuts and puts a file down on the table. ‘Don’t worry, that’s our latest successful bid. I thought you might like to look over it later, but let’s cover the important stuff first. You’re looking great, Edie, so tell me how you’ve been and what kind of doughnut are you having?’
‘I’m good, really good, thanks.’ I make a grab for the nearest sticky icing, thinking how well it goes with whatever’s left of my lippy.
‘Straight for the pink.’ As Jake rubs his hands across his number two cut, his grin widens. ‘Well done, you passed your first test. I was worried Cornwall might have changed you, it’s a big relief to see it hasn’t.’
‘Test?’ Shit. I seriously hadn’t thought. Then I catch his eye. ‘You’re joking me, aren’t you?’
‘You have no idea how pleased I am to see you, or you wouldn’t be asking that.’
The file’s upside down, but I peer across the table and try to see if I can make out the words on the front. T-H-E … The. Thank shizzle it starts with one I know. My chest is tight as I look at the letters, because the second word is so long. W-A-T-E-R-F-R-O-N-T. What the hell’s going to happen if I can’t tell what it says? However much he’s joking about and plying me with cake, I am on trial here. If I can’t even read the front of his file, there’s no chance of getting my job back.
‘How auspicious is this, Edie? First a doughnut mountain, now it’s stopped raining. Any minute now the sun will be out again.’ Bella’s laughing across the table and pointing at the street. ‘Welcome homes don’t get any better than this.’
As I crane my head to look up, the sky above Jake is still grey. Then, as I watch, the clouds crack open and a sun shaft breaks through and hits a puddle. In an instant the water on the pavement turns from shiny brown to a brilliant glare. I’m busy blinking, trying to clear the black hole the light’s made in my eye when I notice a rainbow shimmer around Jake’s head. I stretch out my hand to reach for my sunnies, but somehow I can’t seem to reach them.
‘Everything okay, Edie?’ Bella’s hand lands on mine, but when I turn to look at her, beyond the black splodges in my eye, she’s got her own rainbow shimmer too. ‘Do you need your sunglasses?’
‘Edie?’ Jakes voice echoes, as if it’s coming from very far away.
‘Water, it says water …’ Suddenly it’s clear in my head. ‘Water, then something else.’ Water, water, water. ‘Waterfront – that’s it.’
And then the room is spinning, and the ceiling is tilting. If I know the water part, it may be enough to save me. And as the concrete floor rushes towards my face all I can think of is how much it’s going to hurt, and how I wish Dustin were here to put his head under mine.
41
Day 304: Saturday, 1st September
In my mum’s living room
Epic Achievement: Quoting Dracula – yes really.
As my dad always says, ‘We learn from failure, not success’, and as a driving instructor, he should know. Although borrowing quotes from a book about vampires is a bit of a twisted way of cheering up his unsuccessful pupils. For me, there are two ways of looking at the last few days. If I’m learning from my mistakes, I should be
way more knowledgeable now than I was at the start of the week. But, at the same time, after everything I’ve been through – truly, I should have known better. I should have taken more care.
Life can be tricky like that. Everyone knows the more you look forward to an event, the less likely you are to enjoy it. I’ve been aching to get back to Bath, but when you give something a big build up, how often does it come up to expectations? Even so, me passing out in Sugar Sugar in front of the boss I was trying to prove myself to was beyond an epic fail. What’s more, it’s entirely my own fault. I should have known to ease myself back in. The problem was, I assumed I’d storm back into town and pick up without a hitch. If I’d been less urgent and eager, I’d have known to take baby steps. As it was I took a giant jump and landed flat on my face. Again.
If the last few months has taught me anything, it’s that I know how to pick myself up. I’m not upset, I’m not mortified. I’m just shaking myself down and getting on with it.
In a way it was a good time to have a hospital appointment. Sliding along those lino-clad corridors, sitting in waiting bays, seeing so many ill people, even though they tweaked my meds and told me I wouldn’t be driving any time soon, there were no real surprises. But, unlike last year, this time I knew for sure I didn’t belong there. I was only passing through, then getting the hell out.
I didn’t make it back to St Aidan on Friday, and I didn’t go out with the girls either. But I’m taking my own advice, doing things slowly, taking more care, which means I’m staying with Mum and Dad a few more days. Tying up my loose ends. Facing up to getting fired. Which is why Mum has just shown Jake into their living room, and put a large mug of tea in his hand.
‘So, according to the consultant, all Edie did at the café was faint due to feeling overstressed.’ My mum’s loading Jake’s plate up with a huge slice of jam and cream sponge and helpfully getting the explanations out of the way on my behalf. ‘They seemed happy that it wasn’t anything that would happen too regularly.’
‘Nothing at all to do with doughnuts.’ I throw that in to remind my mum I am actually here.
‘Phew, it’s all good news then.’ Jake sits back against Mum’s latest stripy cushions and grins at me from the end of the other leather sofa. ‘I’m pleased you’re okay, that’s the main thing.’
‘And thank you for bringing Edie the lovely flowers.’ Mum’s smiling at Jake and heading for the kitchen door. When she says flowers she’s talking half a shop rather than a bunch. ‘If you don’t need me here, I’ll go and get them into water.’
I wait until she’s quietly pulled closed the door behind her, then I tuck my legs up and begin. ‘So, I never got a chance to ask – how’s everyone at the office?’
Jake pulls one of his ‘anything might happen’ faces. ‘Pretty much the same. We’ve got loads on, there’s a new apprentice called Jack, and Sadie’s finally had a date with Tony, the postman.’
‘If it’s the same Tony who used to hit on her chocolate drawer, that’s amazing.’
‘Yes, it took twenty months and four hundred mini Mars bars, but she got him in the end.’
‘But does she like him?’ I know how fussy she is when it comes to men.
‘Enough to go for a second date and get a Brazilian.’ Jake considers as he takes a bite of cake. ‘She’s got very high standards.’
‘I’ve so missed you all.’ My heart’s aching for all the office quirks I haven’t been around.
‘Which brings me back to why I’m here. It’s not only to spend Saturday afternoon eating my way through your mum’s cupboards until I find the flapjack tin.’ Toffee is another of Jake’s weaknesses I’d momentarily forgotten.
‘You’re here for the car.’ It’s been seriously kind of him to let me keep it this long, but with no chance of me getting behind the wheel we all know it’s got to go.
‘Mostly I want to talk about finding stress-free ways for you to ease yourself back to work.’ He breaks off to grin at me. ‘No pressure, obviously, but did you enjoy The Waterfront proposals?’
The file he gave me is sitting on the table, and as I stare down at it I can feel my confidence ebbing away. I blow out a breath. ‘They scared the bejesus out of me, Jake. Honestly, I could barely understand a word.’ That’s why I know this is hopeless.
He frowns. ‘Shit, please tell me you didn’t try to read them? I only gave you them because I was hoping the photos would remind you how much you missed us.’
I let out a groan. ‘Now you tell me. I’ve been beating myself up about that all week.’
His smile is guilty, but he’s rubbing his hands together like he means business. ‘There’s nothing to be scared of. We’ll start with an hour at a time, then build up. It’ll be the same as when you first started, we’ll see what you enjoy best, and go from there. But the main thing will be to keep everything low-key for the first few months.’
‘Okay.’ My mouth might be agreeing but my head’s still screaming ‘Noooooooo’.
‘We’re all behind you. Sadie’s offered to drive you in every day, and she’s going to run you anywhere you need to go, and be on hand to help. We’re taking your car today so she can get used to it.’
Now I’m the one frowning. ‘So you’re not sending it back?’
He pulls a face. ‘Why would we? You’ll be coming to work in it.’ His face slides into a grin, and he slaps a magazine down on the coffee table. ‘Apparently your first job is to get up to speed with this.’
More technical words? For a minute I think I’m going to be sick. Then I look again and see Cheryl’s face smiling out at me. ‘Closer?’
He nods. ‘If you get in that car on the first day without knowing every last bit of goss on every member of the Beckham household, and armed with enough Twix bars to fill the glove box, Sadie has offered to mash me.’
And this is why I love Zinc Inc so much. ‘So as long as I load up with chocolate and know where Katie Price and Ant and Dec are detoxing, I’m all good?’
‘It’s as easy as that. You’ve kept me sane for close to fifteen years. Whatever it takes to get you back, I’m willing to do it.’ His left eyebrow goes up. ‘I suspect we may be branching out into shepherd’s hut interiors.’
Crap. ‘Who the eff told you about them?’
‘Your mother may have mentioned, purely in passing.’ He rolls his eyes towards the kitchen door. ‘It’s a big growth area. Why wouldn’t we follow that up now you’ve made such a cracking start?’
I can’t believe I’m hearing this. ‘Because … because … because …’ Because it’s like two parallel universes colliding. That’s the whole point about parallel; it means they never meet. As for the words Barnaby and Browne tugging at the back of my mind, that was never real anyway.
‘I’m not saying you have to, I’m simply saying I’m completely confident Zinc Inc will find a way to use your current talents to the full.’ He’s got a twinkle in his eyes. ‘Forget Project Manager, Creative Director suits you much better.’
I’m squeaking with horror. ‘Creative Director of what?’
‘Our new Garden Buildings section, of course. Don’t be fooled, they’re only wooden boxes, it’s only what you’ve been doing in Cornwall for months.’ He grins at me. ‘I always knew you’d be great working with clients and design. I’m furious I wasn’t the one who thought of it first. And Sadie can’t wait.’
I’m shaking my head hard to hide how I’m remembering Barney saying exactly the same thing about the boxes. ‘Sometimes you’re unbelievable, Jake, you do know that?’
‘Unbelievable, but impossible to refuse, I hope.’ He lets out a sigh. ‘No one’s quite got your eye for detail and the builders don’t work as well for anyone else. We can’t let you go, you’ve got to come back.’
Put like that, I can hardly refuse. ‘Okay, I’ll give it a try.’
To think I’ve been making such a huge deal about getting back to Zinc Inc, and in the end it’s no more complicated than Scarlett Moffatt and a few Mars
bars.
But shepherd’s huts? That’s yet another thing I have to thank Cornwall for. When I talked about closing my circle, I had no clue it would be with those.
42
Day 308: Wednesday, 5th September
Back in St Aidan
Epic Achievement: This gap is spectacularly blank. In other words, zilch.
‘It’s bound to feel different, Edie, the holidays are over.’
As Aunty Jo and I sit in the day room the morning after I come back, it’s about more than a chilly edge to the wind, the lane being empty and the sea looking like it’s made from brushed steel. With the kids back at school, the mums are all at home clearing up six weeks’ worth of chaos, so the barn yard is deserted too.
‘I missed everything here more than I expected – the way the sea changes colour, the huge skies, the clouds, the light making everything luminous …’ Even after ten days in Bath, I was still waking up listening for the sound of the waves.
Aunty Jo nods. ‘Don’t worry, we can always visit.’
I let out a sigh. ‘If we come back again next year, we’ll be tourists. It’ll be a disappointment, because nothing will feel the same.’ Every time I see the ‘sold’ sign through the window, my tummy disintegrates because it feels so final. We’re both on our way to where we’ve wanted to go all year, and I’ve got the extra boost of knowing there’s a place for me at Zinc Inc, but that doesn’t stop this part being heart-wrenchingly sad in a way I’d never foreseen. And I’m aching for a blast on the beach while I can still have one. ‘Have you seen Barney today?’ I was secretly hoping he would burst in with the dogs for a walk at breakfast.
‘He actually came by before you got up.’ She shifts and stares hard at her pumps. ‘He said there’s nothing for you to paint because they’ll be clearing the units soon. He’s keeping Dustin away so he doesn’t spoil the carpets, and Cam’s booked into an after-school club, so he won’t be visiting either.’