All That They Desire

by Zoe York

  “Excuse me, Mr. West, I don’t want to alarm you. What I’m saying is, we don’t suspect anything suspicious.”

  Brent’s supervisors back in London wouldn’t give that much up on the scene, but then they rarely knew the people whose businesses and homes they were called out to. Big city versus small town life, firefighter edition, he supposed.

  When the supervisor went back to his team, Brent pointed Evan back in the direction of his truck. He knew he couldn’t get his…whatever Evan was to him. His friend, his lover wasn’t going to leave—not now, probably not any time today—but they could take a breather on the far side of his truck.

  “Holy fuck,” Evan said once they were alone. “I thought the worst might have happened.”

  Brent stepped in as close as he could, and clapped his hand on Evan’s shoulder, squeezing the way Evan liked to do to him. “This is your baby. I get it.”

  “Thanks for coming with me.” Evan gave him a hollow look. “I’m going to stay here for a while. But you should go and get Jess. Give her the update, and take her home for the night. I don’t think I’m going to sleep. I want to be close.”

  Brent felt a stab of guilt for not thinking of Jess at all. “Right. Yeah, I’ll go take care of her.”

  “Thanks.” Evan nodded again, then slid away, his attention already focused in the distance.

  24

  The fire investigation took days. The clean up took weeks. In the end, it had been a pallet that had oil spilled on it, stuck in the middle of all the others, that had heated up and caught fire spontaneously. Bad fucking luck.

  Their insurance coverage was decent. They immediately rebuilt the exterior of the production building, and decided to move the location of the greenhouse away from it—and then Ty said he didn’t want to rebuild it at all until the fall.

  They’d both been scarred by what could have been, by the potential loss of their entire business. Everyone who worked for them was rattled. Evan threw himself into reviewing all of the insurance, going over their entire risk exposure, and finding a way to distill it down into easily understood terms in English. Then he had the whole thing translated into Spanish so he could share it with their workers that way, too.

  He wanted everyone who worked for him to know that he had them covered. Nobody was going to lose their job, or their life, working for his winery.

  God fucking damn it.

  One morning a few weeks after the fire, Evan woke up on the couch in his office to the sound of someone moving around him. With a start, he sat up, on guard.

  It was Jess.

  “What are you doing here?”

  She shrugged. “It’s not a bad question for me to ask you. You live four hundred yards down the road and have a perfectly good bed there that I don’t think you’re using.”

  “I—” He cut himself off. “How did you know I was sleeping here?”

  “Beth mentioned it. She didn’t realize what she was telling me, of course. It was an aside at Mommy’s Muffin Time.”

  “At…what?”

  “That part doesn’t concern you.” She grabbed a takeout coffee cup from his desk, sniffed it, and tossed it in the garbage. “Come on, let’s go out for breakfast.”

  “I’ve got food here.”

  “I looked in your fridge. You don’t.”

  He was pretty sure had some trail mix and energy drinks, but he wasn’t going to argue with her. “We can have food delivered. Or there’s an entire catering team that will be in soon.”

  “Evan! You need to leave here. You cannot stand guard around the clock in case there’s another fire. There won’t be another fire. It was a freak occurrence, and it was handled as best as it could be. You’ve gone above and beyond. Your PowerPoint presentations are the talk of the town, and I didn’t think I would ever say something like that. But most of all, people are really starting to worry about you, and frankly—they don’t know what to do about that.”

  “So you’re their designated Evan Caretaker?”

  She didn’t reply to that.

  “Jess, I’m—”

  “You’re not fine, so don’t even try to play me like that. Nobody sent me here because nobody knows how much I care about you, okay? Everyone is worried about you, and nobody knows that you have two people you could lean on, but you don’t, and frankly, I’m tired of waiting for you to call. You’re fucking up my life, Evan. Can I be blunt about that?”

  “I think you already are.” His sarcasm was probably a mistake, but she had a full head of steam going, and didn’t even notice.

  And then she slaughtered him with what she said next. “Brent is beating himself up, you know that? He’s not the same without you. You gave me back my husband, but it turns out, you’re part of the deal.”

  He shoved to his feet. He needed a shower. A toothbrush. Whiskey. Anything. “Whoa. Dial that back.”

  “Why? It’s the truth. And here you are. Hungry and sad and grumpy, and you won’t even let me take you out for breakfast. Well, there you go. I tried. If the citizens of Wardham knew that I was your lover, I’d tell them that I gave it my best shot. But since I’m just your dirty little secret, I’ll slink my way back home and lick my wounds in private. Have a nice life.”

  She tried to shove past him, but he was faster than her. He got in between her and the door and caught her in a bear hug. “Not like that,” he whispered. “Hang on.”

  She burst into tears.

  He picked her up and carried her to the couch. “Shhh. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m going to crawl back to you, okay? To both of you. We’ll sort it out.”

  After she dried her tears, he had the world’s fastest shower in the bathroom attached to his office, then he let her take him out for breakfast. She picked Essex, not Wardham, which meant they had more time to talk in the car, and more privacy at the diner while they ate.

  When they got back to the winery, he promised her he would call Brent that day. She was more fragile than either of them understood.

  She gave him one last nervous look, he gave her a quick kiss in reply, and then she left and he went back upstairs to his office—where he found his brother sitting in his chair.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Looking for your diary.” Ty frowned. “You look cleaner than in recent days.”

  “I had a shower this morning.”

  “That’s progress.”

  “Shut up. You’ve been stressed about the fire, too.”

  “Sure, but I’ve gotten over it, because the first boxes of the skinny dipping wine have shipped.”

  Evan did a double-take. “They have?”

  “Yeah, man. Life goes on. Production lines at full tilt. Come on, catch up.”

  “Well, that’s great.” He should do something for the staff. “Is it inappropriate for me to wear a bikini to work to celebrate?”

  “More inappropriate if you take it off and dive into the lake in front of everyone in your birthday suit.”

  “I’ll think of something better than either of those options.”

  “You do that.”

  “Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”

  Ty made a face. “No.”

  “Then out with it.”

  “What’s going on with you and Jess Doran?”

  “We’re—” Evan stopped himself short of lying. This was his brother, and Jess didn’t deserve a lie, even if she wasn’t around to hear it. “It’s private.”

  “She’s married.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “How so?”

  They could go around and around here. “It’s private.”

  “It’s not like you to get mixed up in a mess.”

  It wasn’t messy, though. He had a plan. “We’re close friends. I’m friends with her husband, too. They’re working their stuff out, and I’m not stepping on any toes. You don’t need to worry about that.”

  Ty didn’t move.

  “Out of my chair.”

  “You know I’d
never judge you.”

  Evan sighed. “You haven’t yet.”

  “Sex is sex. It’s all good if everyone’s consenting, right?”

  “What are you getting at?”

  “Are you sleeping with them both?”

  “We’re not talking about this.”

  “Why not? When have you ever kept anything from me?”

  Since he went to university and started giving other men blow jobs. “I don’t tell you about my social life, not the way you think I do. You meet the guys I bring home, the people I have on my arm. But there’s—there are some things about my life, my queer life, that are none of your business. You’re my brother, not my confessor.”

  Ty had the good grace to look appropriately contrite. “And I’m straight.”

  “You’re pretty fucking straight. There are just some things I don’t want to explain to you.”

  “Like dating a married couple.”

  “I see what you’re trying to do there, and it’s not going to work.”

  “Ev—”

  “I’m their friend. I care for them both. And when they sort out their shit, I’ll be back to dating guys from the city. So whatever you think you see here, it’s not what you think. Do not get the rumour mill going. I can survive that. They cannot. Do you understand me?”

  Ty frowned. “I do not gossip about you. Ever. That’s all Evie.”

  “I’ll handle Evie.”

  “Gently. She loves you.”

  “She sure does.”

  Which is how Evan ended up having a second breakfast that morning, with his high school girlfriend—at her house, for privacy’s sake.

  “Long time no see,” she said as she cleared toddler toys out of the way so they could sit on the couch. “Everyone has been worried about you after the fire. We were all so glad it wasn’t worse.”

  “Thanks.”

  “We wanted to organize a fundraiser, but Beth stopped us.”

  He had to give his ops director a raise. “She’s good.”

  “She is.” Evie was watching him too carefully. “But I think she’s protecting you for another reason.”

  “Nope. We’re not playing speculate on Evan’s love life.”

  “Interesting that you knew where I was going there.”

  He shook his head. “Evie, please. Let me have some privacy. I know that I don’t always ask for that, I know that I’ve put myself out there in the past, but right now—call it the fire, call it the summer of gay men being prickly, I don’t care. Kill any rumour that you hear about me.”

  She frowned.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” She shook her head. “It’s none of my business.”

  “It’s none of your business if you want to share it out there in the world, but between you and me—what?”

  “Why do you call yourself gay here when you’re bi everywhere else?”

  “Not everywhere else. Just in the city.” He shrugged. “I dunno. There’s a lot of history there. It’s easier some ways. Lots of people think being bi means I’m confused. I’m not confused about who I am or what I want.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “And I love you exactly as you are. Whatever you are, and whoever you want.”

  “I yelled at Ty this morning for asking about my dating life. So take this as me yelling at you, too, okay?”

  She gave him a big, tight hug. “Consider me chastened.”

  His last stop was his house, which felt too quiet. Too big, too empty. He pulled out his phone and dialled Brent’s number.

  The rest of the afternoon was lost to work. He was in a whirlwind there, he hadn’t been lying to Jess about that. But the sleeping on the sofa was coming to an end.

  Tonight.

  He needed both of them tonight.

  And because he was luckier than he should be, when he reached out to Brent, his lover had the night off and was already on his way to Wardham to see Jess.

  But his relief was short-lived, because when he pulled up beside Brent’s pickup truck, he realized they were arguing. They stopped as soon as he parked, but they were still shooting each other disagreeing looks as they hopped out and followed him inside.

  “I’m not staying,” Jess said. “I’m stealing Brent’s truck and going back to my place. Before you two made these plans, I’d already organized a girls’ night. It’s my first one, and I’m not cancelling.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?” Evan hauled her back into his arms, feeling all out of sorts. The kind of out of sorts that a good, hard fuck might fix, but she was leaving.

  “I don’t know. I didn’t think you’d actually call Brent, maybe.” She was pouting, she could hear it in her own voice, but whatever. It had been a long few weeks. “I might come back when everyone leaves. Or I may sleep by myself tonight.”

  Brent reached out and caught her wrist. “Don’t stay there. Come back.”

  “And what are you going to do while I’m gone? Watch a football game? Having a burping competition? Maybe if I stay at home tonight, you two can finally work out your issues.”

  Evan growled at that, but Jess ignored him. She leaned into Brent, softening a bit as she kissed him, and even though Evan knew he’d walked into the middle of a fight, he still found his dick chubbing up at the sight of his lovers touching.

  He got a kiss, too, as she headed for the door.

  And then he was alone with Brent. He loosened his tie and stalked to the fridge, pulling out two beer bottles. “I wasn’t aware we had issues.”

  “We don’t.” Brent took one of them, holding his up for Evan to clink against. “You think she’ll be back tonight?”

  Jesus Christ. “How would I know? You’re her fucking husband.”

  Guilt flashed across Brent’s face. It wasn’t right for Evan to throw that back at him, because he knew better than anyone how tenuous that connection was for the Dorans right now.

  He thought about apologizing, but the words scratched at his throat. He took another swig of beer as a better idea solidified.

  “I’m going to take a shower. It’s been a long day.” He shrugged out of his jacket, then loosened his tie. He walked slowly toward the hallway, his heart pounding at the invitation he was about to extend. “You should join me.”

  Brent didn’t respond, but he didn’t say no. Progress. Evan let his gaze drift over his lover’s body. Big and strong even at rest.

  “No, you go ahead.”

  “She said—”

  “I know what she said. I’m not ready.”

  “Not ready for what? To be all the way gay with me? Fuck you. She asked me to reach out to you, and you were all eager for this when it was going to be three of us. But being queer isn’t a second-rate thing for me.”

  He didn’t wait for a reply. He stalked to his room, started the shower, then stepped back into the bedroom to hang up his suit. Socks and underwear he tossed into the hamper. Then just in case Brent changed his mind, he grabbed a condom and lube from the bedside table. The bathroom was steamy when he returned, and it didn’t take long for the hot water to lift away the ache.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to.” Brent’s voice drilled through the steam, echoing off the tiles and surrounding Evan with hope.

  “I know. I pushed hard there. It is okay if our sex life needs to include Jess.”

  “It won’t always.” Brent’s voice cracked and Evan swiped at the glass, needing to see his face. His dark blond head was turned to the side, but his profile—his whole body profile—said it all. He was turned on and unhappy about that fact.

  “This isn’t cheating.” I’m your partner, too. Maybe not forever, but for as long as they were…dating, or whatever they were doing, he wanted Brent just as much as he wanted Jess.

  Maybe even more. Fuck, he felt like an asshole for wondering that.

  But Jess had Brent, and there was no doubt her husband wanted her above all else. Evan was a sideshow when the three of them were together.

  “It fe
els like it.” Brent slowly swung his head back to stare sullenly at Evan. And there it was.

  Of course he was a sideshow. Brent needed him to be. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—betray his wife.

  Evan wouldn’t want him to. Not on any level did he want to get between them.

  Fuck, they couldn’t have this conversation through a shower door. He shoved at the handle, intending to step onto the tile, but as soon as the glass panel swung open, Brent charged through it, shoving Evan back against the tile wall. His feet skidded underneath him as he fought to keep upright. “Damn it, Brent, what—”

  The kiss was hard and punishing—and off the charts hot. Teeth and tongue and hot, hungry breaths panting back and forth until Evan wasn’t sure where he ended and Brent began.

  “I love Jess,” Brent growled. “I don’t want you instead of her. I want you with her. I want to share you with—”

  Evan cut him off with another kiss, this one slower and more controlled. Between them, their cocks rose together in that hard, pulsing slide of skin on skin that was so different from holding a woman close. “I know,” he whispered harshly. “I’ll never come between you.”

  “You already have.” Brent lowered his forehead to Evan’s shoulder. He thought this might be over before it really got a chance to begin, but then he felt Brent’s hand wrap around both of their erections.

  “God, that feels good,” Evan groaned as his hips bucked. “But no, I haven’t. She doesn’t—”

  Brent growled and shoved his thigh between Evan’s. “She loves you.”

  “Not like she loves you.”

  “No. With you, she can just be selfish. All pleasure and adoration.”

  “That was the deal. That’s all I can offer.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Anytime. I don’t usually bottom, but for you I’d make the exception.”

  “That’s not what I mean.” Brent roughly reached between them, circling their erections in one of his big, calloused hands.

  Fuck. Yes. Evan closed his eyes and thunked his head back against the tile, giving his body to his lover. To use and abuse, if he wanted. He’d take Brent’s punishment. The other man wasn’t capable of actually hurting him. He saved lives every single day, and even when angry he pulled away instead of lashing out.