My Sister Jodie

by Jacqueline Wilson

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  ‘You’re a right nutter, you are,’ said Jed. ‘What’s the vet going to do, give it a head transplant?’

  ‘The vet could give him an injection to put him out of his pain,’ said Harley.

  ‘I’ll do that easily enough,’ said Jed.

  ‘You’ve done enough!’ said Jodie. She stared up at him, her face contorted. ‘You aimed at the badger, I know you did. You ran him over deliberately.’

  ‘It’s vermin. They all are. They’re taking over the whole bloody grounds and you aren’t even allowed to gas them any more. They’re eating away the Melchester land, making it unstable. Of course I aimed at it.’

  ‘You’re horrible!’ I said, starting to cry. ‘This is one of our badgers. He lives in the woods and doesn’t do anyone any harm. How could you!’

  ‘You don’t understand. You’re just soft little townie kids,’ said Jed. He looked at Jodie. ‘Come on, it’s practically dead now. Leave it be. Hop back on the tractor. We’ll go and have a bit of fun somewhere, take your mind off it.’

  Jodie stared at him. ‘I’m not going anywhere with you,’ she said.

  ‘OK. Suit yourself. Bet you’ll be fawning round me like a little puppy dog tomorrow though.’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ said Jodie.

  ‘Well, your loss, you silly little purple bonce,’ said Jed.

  He started up the tractor and roared off, dust flying in his wake.

  We knelt beside Jodie. She gently rocked the poor badger. He started making awful little whinnying noises. Then his legs started scrabbling horribly.

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  ‘I think he’s fitting,’ said Harley. ‘Poor little badger.’

  He stroked the quivering paws. The badger gave one last moan, sighed and then went still. We looked at each other.

  ‘Is that it?’ I whispered. ‘Is he dead now?’

  ‘I think so,’ said Harley.

  Jodie held the badger close, still rocking him.

  ‘What will we do? We can’t just leave him here.

  It’ll be so awful if his mother finds him like this,’ I said.

  ‘We’ll bury him,’ said Harley. ‘We’ll do it now. You girls stay here. I’ll go and get a spade from the garden shed.’

  ‘Don’t get into an argument with Jed, will you?’ I said anxiously.

  Harley shook his head and hurried off. Jodie went on crooning to the badger, swaying from side to side.

  ‘He’s dead, Jodie,’ I said.

  She took no notice. She was getting blood all over her. I found an old tissue in my pocket and dabbed at her ineffectually. I kept thinking of the badger’s family, frantically searching for their cub.

  ‘Did Jed really run him over deliberately?’

  ‘Yes. Well, I think so. He didn’t try to swerve, though I told him when I saw the badger. I even tried to grab the steering wheel. Then there was this awful crunchy-pulpy sound when we went smack into his little head.’ Jodie stroked the badger’s head though her hand got sticky with blood.

  I stroked the badger too, but I kept to his back and his stumpy little legs.

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  ‘I think he was a bit sorry after. He didn’t realize it would upset me so. I don’t know, maybe he thought I’d laugh or something. He thinks I’m crazy. He was going on about me being mad today because of my hair, yet he’s the crazy one. How can you want to hurt a little animal even if it’s a nuisance? What’s he going to do, start aiming at little kids like Zeph? Mow them down because they get on everyone’s nerves?’

  Jodie sniffed furiously, hugging the badger harder. Mum was going to be mad at the state of her T-shirt but it wasn’t the right time to point this out.

  ‘You were right about Jed, he is horrible horrible horrible,’ said Jodie. ‘I knew it all along really. But he just – well, I know it sounds mad but he made me feel kind of special.’

  ‘You are special!’

  ‘You think I am, simply because I’m your sister.

  No one else does.’

  ‘They do, they do, you’re the one everyone notices!’

  ‘Yeah, but only because I act crazy and mess around. No one really likes me. Mum likes you heaps better than me, you know she does. And Dad does too, though he makes a fuss of me to make me feel better.’

  ‘No, that’s rubbish! They love us both equally.

  they always say so – and they do.’

  ‘They might love me the same as you, but they don’t like me. And the kids in my class positively hate me, you know they do.’

  ‘No they don’t. Harley doesn’t.’

  ‘Harley likes you best.’

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  ‘Well. Maybe. But listen, back at Moorcroft everyone liked you best. They all looked up to you.’

  ‘That was only because I hung out with Shanice and the others. And even she didn’t like me much.

  She hated it when that boy she fancied snogged me at that club. That’s the thing, Pearl, boys like me, older ones. That Bernie liked me, remember. And Jed liked me too. I made him laugh and he called me his little crazy girl.’

  ‘I wouldn’t want anyone to call me crazy.’

  ‘No, he was just kind of teasing,’ said Jodie, leaning forward. The badger’s head suddenly moved.

  ‘He’s alive!’ I squealed.

  ‘No, no, it’s just because I shifted about. Look, his head’s all floppy.’

  ‘When . . . when will he go stiff?’

  ‘I don’t know. Soon, I suppose.’

  ‘I hope Harley hurries up.’ I looked at the badger anxiously. His eyes seemed to be looking straight back at me, but there was no gleam in them. His mouth hung open a little, a drool of blood trickling down one side.

  ‘Do you think we look like this when we die?’ I said. ‘Eyes all funny and our mouths open?’

  ‘I suppose.’

  ‘I hate the thought of looking like that.’

  ‘Well, I’ll probably die first because I’m the oldest, but if you die first, I’ll shut your eyes and turn your mouth up in a little smile. Yes, I’ll comb your hair and put you in your favourite outfit and I’ll tuck a book or two in your coffin with you, just in case you get bored being dead,’ said Jodie.

  ‘Do you think that’s it, then? We die and we go stiff and then just moulder away?’

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  ‘I don’t know,’ said Jodie.

  ‘There’s a lot about God in Mrs Wilberforce’s books. Do you think there really is a place like Heaven?’

  ‘Well, I hope there isn’t a place like Hell because I shall probably end up there,’ said Jodie. ‘No, I don’t believe in all that stuff.’

  ‘And you don’t really believe in ghosts either?’ I said.

  ‘Oh, I believe in them,’ said Jodie. ‘Especially here. What about the sad white whispering woman?’

  ‘You made her up, you know you did.’

  ‘I wonder if you get animal ghosts? Maybe this little badger will pad along the path every night on his small ghostly paws, and you’ll feel him brushing your ankles but you won’t be able to see him—’

  ‘Stop it!’

  ‘OK, OK. Poor little badger, we’ll put you to rest in the earth. It will be just like being tucked up in your bed, and you can sleep and sleep and stay safely in your bristly badger skin. You won’t even be a ghost and haunt anyone, I promise.’

  Harley came loping back at last with two big spades.

  ‘What did Jed say?’

  ‘I didn’t ask him. I just took them,’ said Harley breathlessly. ‘Where shall we dig, then?’

  ‘Near the set, so he’s near his family,’ I said.

  I led the way while Jodie held the littl
e badger and Harley clanked the spades. We got to the clearing where all four badgers had been feeding so happily. There was no sign of the male and female and the other cub. I thought of them huddling 308

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  together underground. I hoped they would stay inside in the dark. It would be awful for them to see their dead cub.

  ‘Let’s dig here,’ I said, sketching a rough oblong with the toe of my sandal.

  I tried to take a spade from Harley.

  ‘Not you, Pearl, you’re not strong enough,’ said Harley.

  ‘Yes I am,’ I said, trying to demonstrate. But the spade was very big and heavy and I could hardly get it to go into the hard earth. I stuck it in as best I could and struggled to lift the clod of earth. It was such an effort I could feel my eyes popping.

  ‘Here,’ said Jodie. She laid the dead badger carefully on the ground, dabbed at her bloody T-shirt, then pulled the spade out of my sweaty clasp. She spat on her hands and then started digging. She managed much better than me, even though she wobbled in her high heels.

  Harley dug too, and they set up a rhythm, digging alternately, as if they were a mechanical toy. I wandered into the woods, trying to find flowers. I had to make do with blue borage, but they looked pretty even if they were weeds. I picked a lot of big dock leaves too.

  When the hole was ready, I lined it with the green dock leaves. They were soothing when you stung yourself so I hoped they felt comforting. Then I approached the badger, a bit scared of picking him up.

  ‘I’ll lift him in,’ said Jodie.

  ‘No. I want to,’ I said. ‘Please.’

  I took a deep breath and then took hold of him.

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  dead now, his eyes glazed over, his poor bloody head dangling. I supported him as best I could in both hands and then bent right down and laid him carefully on his green bed. I arranged the borage around him, the flowers very blue against the black of his fur. His little paws looked especially sad. I reached out and held one, fingering the claws.

  ‘Rest in peace, poor little badger,’ I whispered.

  Jodie knelt down beside me. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, a tear trickling down her cheek. ‘It’s my fault. I kept Jed out late because we were messing about, and he was driving fast to show off to me.’

  ‘It’s not your fault, Jodie,’ said Harley, kneeling down. ‘It’s mine. If I hadn’t smeared that honey around, they’d never have stayed outside their set that long.’

  ‘Then it’s my fault too, because you wanted to show them to me,’ I said.

  I didn’t know if we should say anything formal. I tried to think of a prayer I’d learned at school, but none seemed at all appropriate. I wondered if I could make something up, a poem maybe – but badger was an impossible word for rhyming.

  I sighed, gave the badger another stroke, and simply said goodbye. Then I sprinkled a handful of earth over him. Jodie and Harley did the same.

  When he was covered up completely, they used their spades until the grave was filled in.

  I patted the earth gently and put one last spray of borage on top. We stood still for a moment and then moved away. It was nearly dark and I didn’t have my torch with me. We had to stumble along slowly, Jodie and Harley dragging the heavy spades.

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  ‘I’ll take your spade back, Harley,’ I said. ‘You’re ever so late back to the boys’ house already.’

  ‘I don’t care,’ said Harley, trudging on down the path with us.

  He came all the way to the garden sheds. Jed was still there, sitting on an upturned pail, smoking. He drew on his cigarette and then blew out a puff of smoke. I held Jodie’s hand. She barely looked at Jed. She just flung her spade in a corner.

  ‘Careful with that!’ he said sharply.

  She didn’t bother to answer back. She took Harley’s spade and flung that too. Then she marched out, head held high. Harley walked us round to our door.

  ‘Shall I come in and explain stuff to your mum and dad?’ he said.

  ‘No, you go back now, Harley,’ said Jodie.

  She reached up and gave him a fierce hug. I hugged him too, though I could only reach as far as his waist. He patted us both awkwardly and then hurried off.

  ‘Now for it,’ said Jodie, opening the back door.

  Mum came rushing down the hallway. ‘For pity’s sake, where have you two been? Your dad’s been out searching for you this past hour. How dare you stay out so late, worrying us senseless.’ She caught hold of me, pulling me into the light. ‘Look at the state of you, Pearl, you’re all over mud!’

  Then she saw Jodie and stared at her open-mouthed. Her T-shirt was streaked with blood –

  and her hair was purple.

  Mum wouldn’t listen to proper explanations.

  She blamed Jodie for everything, though I kept trying to explain. She was appalled that we’d 311

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  picked up our poor badger and buried him.

  ‘It’s a wild animal. It’ll be all over fleas,’ she said.

  ‘Get in the bath, both of you, and get scrubbing quick.’

  Mum supervised our bath as if we were little again. Then she took hold of Jodie and washed her hair with her kitchen carbolic soap. She rubbed and rinsed and rubbed and rinsed until Jodie’s scalp was scarlet but her hair stayed defiantly purple.

  ‘What am I going to do with you, Jodie? You’ll be the death of me,’ Mum said, beside herself. ‘How can you go into the classroom tomorrow looking like that? And you’re in trouble already. Mr Michaels came and had a word with me today. He said he was worried about you because you’re just messing around in class, acting the fool. I was so ashamed, Jodie. He was being so nice about it, trying to be understanding, wondering if I could throw any light on the situation. Well, I don’t know why you act like this. All I know is that you’re doing my head in, Jodie. Mr Michaels says he can’t understand it because you’re a bright girl – and that’s what I can’t forgive. If you were totally dim but tried really hard, I’d be more than happy, but you’re clever. You could do really well. I’m not expecting you to come top like Pearl but it’s a disgrace for you to come bottom. I could maybe understand back at Moorcroft – that was a totally rubbish school. That was the main reason we moved away, to give you a proper chance. But now you’re throwing it away, mucking around in class, not making friends, turning yourself into a scarecrow and hanging round with that horrible leery gardener with beads in his hair.’

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  ‘Calm down, Mum. Don’t get yourself in such a state. You can cross that last one off the list,’ said Jodie, grinning.

  Mum slapped her hard across the face.

  Jodie blinked. ‘Did that make you feel better?’

  she asked.

  ‘Oh, get to bed before I knock your head right off your shoulders,’ Mum said.

  Jodie sauntered off, whistling.

  ‘Mum, it’s not Jodie’s fault,’ I said.

  ‘So whose fault is it then?’

  ‘They all pick on her, the other girls in her class.

  They’re horrid to her. They look down on her.’

  ‘Do you think I didn’t have to put up with a whole pack of bullies when I was at school?’ said Mum.

  ‘And I didn’t have the luxury of any teachers trying to understand me. I came from a bad family and so they all thought I was a bad lot, full stop. I wasn’t going to let myself be dragged down. I worked blooming hard and made something of myself. I’ve made it so much easier for Jodie. It’s not that easy for me, you know. Do you think I like it when that Frenchie keeps telling me what to do in that ever so patronizing way: “Oh Mrs Wells, dear!’’ They all look down on me,
even some of the kids come over all snotty with me, demanding more chips without so much as a please. But I put up with things because this is a good job for me and for your dad, but most important of all, it gives you two girls your big chance. Jodie’s got this one year to straighten herself out and buckle down. If she’d only work hard, she could win herself a scholarship. But is she grateful for this wonderful opportunity? Does she take advantage of this fantastic education?

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  Does she appreciate that the boarders cost their parents damn near six thousand pounds per term?

  You’re both getting your education totally free. Oh, Lord, what I wouldn’t have given to be in your shoes. You’re working hard and doing very well, Pearl, and I’m proud of you, but Jodie’s just making monkeys out of all of us and I’m sick of it, sick of it, sick of it!’ Mum shouted as she tidied up the wet towels. She bundled up the towel smeared with Jodie’s black dye, knotted it into a ball and threw it violently into a corner.

  I backed away and went to find Jodie. She was lying on her bed reading a magazine, flicking the pages every so often, seemingly absorbed. Her cheek was still bright pink from the slap. It contrasted oddly with her purple hair, making her look like a clown.

  ‘Oh, Jodie, I’m sorry she went for you,’ I whispered.

  Jodie shrugged. ‘So what else is new?’

  ‘It’s so unfair. I said it was, I tried to explain, but she wouldn’t listen,’ I said miserably.

  ‘Don’t look such a saddo. I was the one who got slapped, not you. And I don’t care.’

  ‘Mum was going on about lesson time.’

  ‘Yeah, yeah, I heard. She was shrieking her head off.’

  ‘Won’t you try a bit harder, just in the lessons you like?’

  ‘Shut up about it, Pearl,’ said Jodie.

  She said it nicely enough but I knew the subject was closed. I got into bed and started reading Heidi. It was a strange story about a little girl living with her scary grandfather up a mountain in 314

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  Switzerland. It was good to escape all the worry of Melchester College and run bare-footed through the flowers with Heidi. I wasn’t sure why Mrs Wilberforce had chosen it – until Heidi got carted back down the mountain to be a little companion for Clara, an invalid in a wheelchair.