Wingless Book Series (book 1)

by Holly Hood

  As we made our way right, which enraged me beyond belief, I turned backwards in the truck to see Vanessa’s car as we passed.

  I couldn’t breathe. My breath literally escaped my body. All life just left me at the moment I seen what I seen. I was choking in agony. I yelled out a lifeless, empty scream. Nothing came out.

  It was Vanessa’s car; she was the reason for all the sirens. Once you saw the whole car, you knew. The car was smashed beyond belief, there was no backseat anymore, and what was the front seat was no longer there, either. I closed my eyes, collapsing in hysterics, Mark and Evan still pinning me. Evan driving the car one handed.

  “Pull over!” Mark yelled.

  “No. I’m driving home. We are not that far off!” Evan yelled back.

  “She’s not breathing right!” he yelled at Evan, smacking my face with his hand.

  I didn’t care. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I knew that what once was, was no longer was there. Vanessa was gone. I didn’t need anyone to tell me this. I was sitting among the eyewitnesses. I was sitting with one or two people who’d killed my best friend.

  I felt sicker and sicker, going in and out of consciousness. All I could hear was Mark yelling to Evan to pull over and Evan yelling no. I could see Mark’s worried look hovering over me when I would come to.

  Chapter 32

  Words

  “Eve.” A soft buzz and a low voice were chiming in my ear.

  I kept my eyes shut, cold and feeling ill. Curled in a ball, I laid in the dark. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t care. My whole being was without the ability to function properly. It was a feeling I had felt once before. And I was back in it.

  Life had given me another sucker punch. I should have been used to it. I should have already known what was happening and what would happen. How it felt to be in the dark hole that was death.

  Death was the greatest villain, no matter how it got you; it always had the same outcome. It chewed you up and spit you out. It went on a war path, destroying everything. No one was ever happy after death came around. There was always sadness and pain. Death was the most selfish and heartbreaking vulture. Death disgusted me.

  “Eve, I know you’re awake, so listen to me,” the voice said again.

  I lay lifeless, hoping that the voice would go away. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to listen to anything. There was nothing I could do.

  “So talk,” I whispered into the darkness, covering my head with my hands.

  “What was the worst part about me dying?” the voice asked me.

  Finally, I knew it was Marcus, and a little feeling rushed through my body.

  “You’re not here for me,” I said.

  “Is that it?” he asked.

  “Isn’t that enough?” I griped.

  “I think you’re where you should be, and I think you got it in you to accept how this life turns out. It’s a crazy life, but it’s the only one you have. Accept what you’re thrown. It may seem ugly right now, but remind yourself that it’s the way it has to be,” he said.

  I felt a presence. A warm, fuzzy feeling on my forehead. It made me open my eyes to see Marcus even closer, his perfect being sitting right there in front of me.

  “I don’t know if I can do that Marcus. I feel tired and I can’t keep doing this,” I said, sitting up. Marcus stared at me, his eyes concerned and deep, almost hypnotic.

  “It’s life. Everyone is destined for the same ending. Why are you going to hold a grudge at the timing?” he said, cracking a smile.

  “Because it’s not fair,” I said, refusing to play along.

  “I think it’s fair. I think you’re just being selfish. I’m fine. She’s fine, and we all know and are at peace when it’s time to go.”

  “You were shot in the head at a minimum wage job, Marcus. You weren’t at peace,” I said, annoyed at his peace rant.

  “That wasn’t me. I was long gone.”

  “We saw you at the hospital. They said you were in a coma. You died when we were all there.”

  Marcus nodded.

  “So you were there,” I said, looking at him.

  He was the same as always, the same as I remembered. He was at peace with everything that’d happened in his life and in his death. I didn’t understand how he could be that way.

  “My body, not my soul. I know you were all there for me, and I was there for each and every one of you. I hope you all know that. Do you think Mom knows that?” Marcus asked me, looking grim.

  “I don’t know that she knows. I know she was devastated and has never truly been Mom again,” I said, taking in the moment. It felt as if it would be gone any minute.

  “She’s alright, and she knew you loved her. Don’t let this ruin you anymore than I already did. She’s at peace. Be at peace, Eve.” He smiled, fading away.

  I shot up in bed, finally coming to, realizing it had all been a dream. Nothing more than a dream. It saddened me to think this was reality. But even though it was a dream, it gave me a new outlook on this new loss of Vanessa.

  Evan sat up in bed, turning on the light. He quickly honed in on me, touching my arm lightly. He didn’t say anything for once; usually he always had something to say. I laid down, turning to face away from him.

  “Are you okay?” he finally asked.

  I rolled my eyes thinking that was a crappy question.

  “Please, don’t talk,” I said, stiff now.

  Tears slipped from my eyes. I silently brushed them away thinking of Marcus and his words, that I shouldn’t let this ruin me because she was alright. It felt good to know that someone knew this. She was all right, I kept saying to myself repeatedly.

  I shot up in bed again, my heart racing and aching at the same time. She was alright but the emptiness that death brought was just so powerful. It was too hard to look at it that way. I cried hard, slowly more noise coming from my body as it went on. Evan didn’t move at first, then he turned the light back on, his eyes wide with astonishment and anxiety. I could tell he didn’t know what to do. He brought his fingers to my cheeks, wiping my tears, not saying a word.

  I cried some more, moving a little closer to him, but not letting him fully hold me. I wasn’t fully ready to just give in and accept he’d done this to her.

  I finally caught my breath, settling under the covers. Evan reached over, turning the light back off. He took his position away from me in bed. Silence floated through the room, nothing was ever silent though, and there was always a noise, a buzz, something.

  I tried to make sense of the darkness, tried to focus my eyes to see something. There was nothing to see. I sighed, running my hand against the fuzzy throw pillow beside my head. I could see her if I focused my thoughts. I could see every inch of her.

  I wondered how long it would take before I lost all that. I wondered how long it would take before the sound of her voice would be nothing more than a memory that I could barely bring up anymore. The memories would fade over years, and she would soon become that one girl.

  I sat up again, tired and soggy from all the tears. Flinging my legs over the side of the bed I sat in the dark crying silently. Evan’s hand found my back. He rubbed it softly and slowly in a soothing way. I let him, feeling way too exhausted to resist.

  “I wonder if she was in pain,” I let out.

  I felt a little movement on the bed, waiting. I laid back down. If he were any kind of a man, he would give me explanations, any I wanted.

  “No, she wasn’t,” he said quietly. I could feel the nervous energy pouring off of him. It was a thick presence in the room.

  “You teach me how to feel things I never thought I would I have,” I said, biting my lip.

  “Okay.”

  “Did you see her?” I asked, rolling over to face him.

  “Yeah.”

  “Do you think she was okay with dying?” I asked him, wondering if it was something Vanessa wasn’t afraid of; it wasn’t something we spoke of that often.

  “Eve, do you re
ally want to sit here and ask me all these questions?” Evan asked louder than before.

  “Yes, I do. I think I have the right.” I was starting to feel extremely angry.

  “I don’t know. I don’t. What do you want me to say?” he sighed.

  “Do you enjoy it?”

  “Of course not. Why would you even ask me that?” he said, sitting up in bed.

  I could make out his shadow faintly.

  “Because you’re so nonchalant, like it’s no big deal. Is it going to be that easy to kill me?”

  “Shut up,” Evan said, his tone getting louder and louder with every question.

  I didn’t care if I offended him.

  “How is it going to feel, ending my life? Are you going to do it peacefully for me, or make it a horrific moment? Do you have anything festive planned?”

  I threw them all out there, sitting up in the bed as Evan yelled. I didn’t care anymore. I knew he loved me and when two people loved each other they could go through anything, so I had been told. It was time to test that.

  “I said stop!” he yelled at me, turning on his light.

  I leaped off the bed, grabbing my lamp, the cord whipping wildly out of the wall. Evan got up heading toward me, a look of confusion in his eyes along with annoyance.

  “You don’t think I’ll throw it at you do you?” I said, gripping the lamp like a baseball bat. “This isn’t the sweet, innocent girl you thought you knew!” I yelled, taking a swing at him.

  He hopped back shaking his head. “Are you nuts?!”

  “I don’t know, maybe. Would it even matter to you? Or is that the one clause Ari missed?” I said, swinging the lamp again.

  It wasn’t a matter of crazy, it was a matter of rage and anger.

  “Eve, I know you’re not that kind of person, and I know you’re upset, so I’m not going to get upset anymore. Let’s just go to bed.” He sat down on the bed trying to prove to himself that I wasn’t that kind of girl who would hit him upside the head with a lamp. I knew I wasn’t that kind of girl. But now that girl was gone, replaced by bitterness.

  “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am not that girl,” I said, shaking my head.

  Evan looked at me, still not totally relaxing. “Can you just put the lamp down?” he asked calmly.

  I took in a breath and with all my might, I swung, hitting him. Before the full force made it onto his head he grabbed my arms flipping, me onto the bed in a flash. I barely knew what was going on. Evan tossed the disfigured lamp across the room with a loud crash, holding me down with the other arm.

  “I can’t believe you just did that!” he yelled in my face.

  I didn’t fight him, just laid there amused that I had worked him up.

  ”What did that help?” he asked, letting me go and pacing the room.

  “I’m feeling better already,” I said sitting up, breathless.

  “You really think acting like this is going to help you!” he asked, getting angry now.

  “Yes, I do. Maybe you can feel even an ounce of what I’m feeling right now!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “How could you do that? Why would you do that to me!” I yelled some more.

  Evan balled his fist, coming over to me. “It has nothing to do with you. There is no way to make you see that is there?” he asked.

  “Um, let me think about that one…. How about, no. You took the one last person I had that meant the world to me and decided to just go along with the plan. If you cared anything about me you would have made one small exception and you didn’t!” I yelled.

  I picked up the pillows, lobbing each one at him with as much force as I could bring out.

  “Will you just please stop?” he asked, calmer this time, hitting each pillow with little effort.

  “It sucks doesn’t it? To never give anyone what they want, but to always get what you do,” I said pushing him.

  He was doing mighty well withstanding all my abuse.

  “You’re upset and I’m not going to let any of this get to me,” he said over me.

  “Is this how you treat everyone you care about?” I poked some more.

  Evan shook his head coming over to me. He tried to pull me to him, I backed up.

  “I’m sorry, Eve. I really am. I was sorry since I knew. If there was anything I could do to change it, I would have. You’re upset. Lay down rest I’ll leave,” he said, flustered.

  I looked away from him. His words were not going to win. I smacked him in the face, looking for some sort of break, some sort of realization from him. He kept his gaze on mine. I slapped him again.

  “I don’t want to hear sorry!” I yelled, crying all over again.

  “I know you don’t, but you need to. I’m sorry that you lost your friend, Eve. And I’m sorry that you feel it was my fault. And I’ll be your punching bag if that is what it takes to help you through this.” He touched my face.

  I shook my head, balling up my fist like Marcus had taught me, and decked him right in the mouth.

  “You can’t apologize! Don’t you ever apologize to me again! People only apologize when they mean it! And you don’t. You never will!” I crawled back in bed.

  “I’ll be on the couch before you try and kill me.” He said the last part, barely audible.

  “Yeah, if I only was so lucky. Reapers don’t die, they’re too busy arranging that for everyone else!” I yelled, turning over in a huff.

  Chapter 33

  Sorry is for losers

  I couldn’t believe morning finally showed up. My sleep was not sleep at all, it was a restless battle with my body to get it to just slow down and pass out. Evan wasn’t in the room; he must have truly been disturbed by my fit of rage. It wasn’t as if it hadn’t happened before. I was nothing like my family when it came to bottling my emotions.

  I decided to finally emerge from the bedroom, not knowing what to expect from the day. I was feeling a lot better, as if I had gotten so much off my chest, and like I could move on. Like Marcus had said, I shouldn’t be upset over when. It was meant to happen and he said she was fine. And I wasn’t sure, if that was Marcus talking to me, or if it had been merely a dream. I was willing to hold onto the hope that it was real and I could communicate with him. I would hold out hope. What did I have to lose? I was living in a world where I knew Grim reapers existed. I knew they lived ordinary lives, and so if I knew this, I could believe anything.

  I sat at the counter peeling an orange, the house quiet and clean as usual. I could tell the maid had been here just from the lemon scent that lingered in the air. Evan came in the door carrying some bags from the store. He looked almost startled to see me awake. I barely looked at him, piling my peels in a well formed heap, keeping my attention on the orange.

  He set one bag on the counter, passing by quickly. I watched him walk away, kind of disappointed that he didn’t speak to me.

  What was there to say? I had attacked him and he probably was wishing in every way he knew how to just be done with me now. I sighed, knocking the orange peel pile over, watching it fall helplessly all over the counter. Life was boring without Evan in it.

  I pulled my phone out, looking over all my missed calls, a total of fifteen-all from my family. It was obvious by now that they knew everything. And they probably wondered where I was. I knew Chad would have told Gray I was at the party with Vanessa so I knew they probably were all freaked out. Either way, I didn’t want to call. I knew they couldn’t find me and I was glad. If anything, it would just bring me back into the dark doom and gloom talking to them. So I decided on a text. I chose my dad because I knew he would leave it be if I asked.

  “Dad, it’s me. I know you guys are probably worried about me, but I am fine. And yes, I know about Vanessa. I just need space. I don’t want to be in that place like with Marcus, so I choose to deal with this on my own. I love you guys, but understand I can’t do this right now. I’m fine. Eve.”

  I sent the text, spinning my phone on the counter. Evan came back into the room; he stood i
n the kitchen doorway not saying anything, just staring off into space.

  “Are you okay?” I broke down and asked.

  He blinked, coming back to life, his mood not anything to gauge his overall feelings on what had gone on.

  “I’ve been better. Just a small knot, no big deal, had worse,” he shrugged.

  “Well, I just want to say, I know no matter how angry someone gets, violence doesn’t solve anything. But I won’t say sorry because sorry is for losers, and that I’m not,” I said roughly, not caring if I hurt his feelings. That was how I felt.