by CM Wondrak
It felt like it took her ages to perfect the blending on my eyelids, and I struggled to stay still, feeling completely out of my element wearing her dress and fishnets. We’d decided that my boots went well with the outfit, so thankfully I would not be forced to borrow any of her shoes. As it was, I would already have to change back into my own clothes before Aubree could drop me off. Now that her mom was home, she’d be able to take her car tonight.
“Okay,” Aubree whispered, setting down the mascara she’d just applied to me. “I’m done.”
I was slow to open my eyes, nervous to mess up the makeup she’d just applied. Since I sat on the edge of her bed, I couldn’t see myself in any mirror, and I had to get up—mostly because of Aubree’s insistence that I look at myself—and walk to her dresser, where a mirror sat, directly above it.
“You look amazing,” she said, her face done up in makeup similar to mine.
I looked… hmm. I wasn’t sure if amazing was the right word to use here. I knew one thing for sure: I didn’t really look like myself. No Tenley Goddard to be seen around these parts. A stranger with wavy blonde hair and blue eyes surrounded by grey and silver eyeshadow stared back at me. She’d used something to contour my face with, and it made my cheekbones look more pronounced and higher on my face.
The makeup made me look older. I didn’t look like an invisible girl anymore; I looked like a shiny, pretty thing that constantly drew attention to herself. Honestly, I knew Aubree wanted me to praise her makeup abilities, but I didn’t like it. I liked being me, as boring as I was.
This girl… the one in the mirror staring back at me—she wasn’t me. She wasn’t Tenley. She would draw way too much attention at the party tonight, invite eyes to check me out and maybe even hands to touch me.
I didn’t want that, but it was too late to turn back, to tell Aubree that I’d changed my mind and didn’t want to go to this party. No, I’d suck it up and go with her, hug the walls of the house and pray to any higher power that was listening that no one paid attention to me.
That… that was probably too much to hope for.
Chapter Four – Tenley
Everything felt itchy. Aubree was driving to Kyle’s house—I didn’t even have to ask him for his address, because apparently she already knew—and I felt so unbelievably itchy. The clothes I wore, the makeup on my face, even the fake diamond choker around my neck; everything made me itch.
Night had fallen. Mrs. Laurence had wished us a fun time and to be home before midnight, which gave us a few hours. Not enough time in Aubree’s eyes, but for me? It was more than enough. More than enough time to wonder why I ever agreed to go to this thing with her.
Hell, it wasn’t even me merely agreeing to go. This was all my fault. Getting an invitation to the party was only a result of being paired with Kyle in language arts class. I suppose I could thank Mrs. Johnson for the unfortunate night ahead of me.
“Oh, God,” Aubree muttered to herself as we turned onto what was Kyle’s street. A street where the homes were set pretty far off the road, no sidewalks to be seen. We came upon a rather impressive-looking house that was three stories tall and one of the newer houses in the neighborhood. Natural wood accents, stamped concrete, all the stuff that made a home an HGTV lover’s dream.
We pulled into the driveway and onto the grass, in an empty spot beside another car. There were probably about twenty cars here already, all parked haphazardly in the grass. Night had fallen completely, the sun nowhere to be seen. It was a bit chilly, but I didn’t doubt once we got in that house, the chill of the night would be the last thing on our minds.
“This is it,” Aubree whispered, putting the car in park and turning it off as she glanced at me. Even though she was the same girl who basically forced herself to become my friend, she looked different, all dressed up and ready to impress. She looked good.
Me? I still didn’t think I looked anywhere near as good.
“Yeah,” I said, wishing there was something I could say that would either make Aubree take me home or convince her that I could nap in the car while she was in there. Hell, I’d even settle for going on a walk by myself under the stars. It was a dark night, with the moon nothing but a sliver up there.
She heaved in a giant breath, pulling out her keys and opening her car door. “Let’s do this.” Puffing herself up, readying herself for what she’d been looking forward to for years now. Even before she had her accident, she’d been a Kyle fan, for whatever reason.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car, letting Aubree take the lead. The night air hit us with a gust of coolness, causing goosebumps to rise on my arms. Following her to the front door, I paused near the base of the few steps that led up to it, glancing up at the sky, at the countless tiny dots of light nestled within its darkness.
How could anyone be scared of the dark? There was something so pure about it, something so calming. The light was so harsh and grating sometimes, so ugly in how it touched certain things, but the night? The night painted everything with a dark, silvery glow. It was beautiful.
Aubree didn’t knock; she let us in, and we were instantly greeted by the sight of our classmates drinking out of red solo cups. A cliched sight if I ever saw one. No high school or college party in America was a real party without those stupid cups.
As we walked down the hall, passing a pair of people who were currently in the process of tasting each other’s tongues, I asked, “Where do you think Kyle is?” Music played, and it looked like a bunch of people were hanging out in the living room, drinking and talking and laughing. I didn’t see the man of the night, though.
“Let’s get drinks first,” Aubree said, glancing back at me. “Then we’ll scope him out.”
Drinks? Was Aubree really going to drink when she had to drive us back? I mean, I had a license, but not with me. If I took the wheel and we got pulled over, I was pretty sure they could take my license away, even if I was only driving because the actual driver of the car was too buzzed to do it. Something like that would only get my aunt to give me an I told you so face and she’d ground me for months.
I said nothing, following her to the kitchen in the back of the house. It was a decently-sized house, much bigger than mine and bigger than Aubree’s too, but at least it was set up like a normal house. We didn’t get lost on our way to the kitchen or anything.
There was… quite a lot to choose from, I realized, watching as Aubree grabbed us two of the red cups and acted like it was a hard decision. There was some harder stuff still in the bottles sitting on the counter, a keg on the island filled with beer, and what looked like a spiked fruity drink in a punch bowl.
I didn’t want any of it, and not because I was some goody two shoes who refused to do anything bad. If I wanted to drink, I would; I just had no desire to whatsoever. Where the others here drank and laughed, I wanted to slink against the wall and crawl away from this social outing.
I didn’t like people. People didn’t like me. Coming here was a mistake, but there was no turning back now. Ugh. Fuck me and my poor decision-making skills.
Aubree fumbled as she got us beer from the keg, but she managed without my help. I supposed I could’ve offered her some help, but to be honest, I knew as much about all of this as she did—which was to say, absolutely nothing. Parties like this, where the cool people hooked up and partied it up while no parents looked on, weren’t our scene.
Handing me a cup, she said, “Let’s go.”
We meandered around, and I noticed Aubree didn’t drink out of her cup. I hoped that meant her cup and the beer in it was just for show, so she could look cool once she found Kyle, wherever he was in this big house. I knew I sure as hell wouldn’t be drinking any of it; it wasn’t like I looked down on the people around me for drinking and smoking… it just wasn’t my thing.
I wasn’t sure if I had any things, really, besides my strange fascination with the darkness.
There were many faces I recognized from school, and only a few I d
idn’t. I didn’t know if that meant the strangers went to a different high school or if they were college students slumming around with their younger high school sweethearts or something. Frankly, I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was finding Kyle so Aubree could be happy and I could…
I could what, leave? It never occurred to me that I should have a plan, in case Aubree disappeared with Kyle. I’d hate to spend the next few hours standing by myself, looking like a freak. With the way I was dressed, I wasn’t the invisible girl anymore. Everyone glanced at us as we walked by—mostly at me, at my dress, the fishnets I wore on my legs. With my hair done in gentle, beachy waves and makeup painted on my face, I didn’t feel like myself.
Being Tenley Goddard wasn’t something I was proud of, but it was familiar. It was me. This social butterfly that Aubree wanted me to be wasn’t who I was. I doubted Kyle would ever date her, but hey, you never knew. Maybe his eyes would be opened and they’d start dating and she’d be a part of the cool crowd, leaving me alone at school, forgetting all about me.
One could hope.
We made a round in the living room, hugging the wall, scoping everyone out. Kyle wasn’t there. In fact, we couldn’t find him anywhere. Of course, we didn’t go upstairs or out back, but I wasn’t sure if heading upstairs would be a good idea.
What if we found Kyle balls-deep in someone else? To a girl with a hardcore crush like Aubree, that would be devastating, even if she wasn’t with him. I mean, I imagined it would be soul-crushing, but I also couldn’t see what Aubree saw in Kyle to begin with, so who was I to say?
We stood in the hallway, by ourselves mostly, though the same pair that had been making out on our way in was still making out; they were just closer to the stairs, though they hadn’t gone all the way up.
I tried not to look at them, because it wasn’t any of my business how handsy they were getting, how hot and heavy they were with each other in plain view of anyone who walked by, but I did wonder what that felt like. Kissing. Feeling your body hunger for someone else so much that all sense and logical thought faded from your head. I’d never felt that.
Of course, I also lived a very sheltered life, so there was that. I was sure if Kayla had let me live a normal childhood after I’d moved in with her, I wouldn’t be nearly as weird as I was today.
“Maybe we should split up,” Aubree suggested, earning herself a strange expression from me. “What? This house is huge. Finding him might take forever. We don’t have all night. My mom gave me a curfew, in case you forgot.”
I didn’t. My memory was not that bad. I did, however, say, “I don’t know if splitting up is a good idea—”
“Tenley, this is a party, not a horror movie,” she cut in with one shake of her head. “And I’m not stupid. I know not to set my drink down anywhere and not to take my eyes off it.” Aubree was right, in a way. We were both big girls who were able to handle things on our own, as long as we weren’t drugged and date-raped.
My lips pursed together, and I sighed. “Fine. I’ll text you if I find him.”
“Great. I’ll start upstairs. You should check the basement and the backyard.”
I made myself smile, which Aubree took as a salute. She spun on her heel and marched off, passing the couple making out on the stairs, not giving them a single look as she went. I sighed as I turned to head back to the kitchen. I was pretty sure I’d seen a door in the kitchen corner, one that, I chose to assume, would lead to the basement.
Again, not my house, never been here before, so I really had no idea where I was going.
I carried my cup full of beer, turning into the kitchen and dutifully ignoring the guys filling up their cups near the island. My eyes were on the door that was my destination, and I managed to find the basement on my first try.
As my feet took me down the stairs, I realized I wasn’t heading into a creepy, unfinished basement. The lights were on, and it was like I was stepping down into another floor of the house. Drywall, pictures hanging, a couch and a TV set, along with a pool table; the whole shebang. It made for a nice hangout area, minus the couple currently half-naked on the couch, neither of which was Kyle, thankfully.
The couple currently getting busy paused to glance at me, and I waved. Yes, I waved at them. Quite awkwardly, too.
Since there was nothing else in the basement, I turned around and headed back up, shaking my head at myself. I didn’t feel embarrassed, but… but I did sometimes wish I was better at social interaction. It was like Kayla had been such a helicopter guardian that I never had the chance to learn how to make friends and all that.
Man, it sounded like I blamed my aunt for everything, when in reality she had to change her entire lifestyle in order to become my sole guardian after what happened with my parents. I wasn’t ungrateful, I just wished things were different.
Walking out of the basement, I emerged into the kitchen, and I nearly spilled my drink on myself. Why? Oh, no reason—just that someone was literally standing right where the basement door opened. Nearly gave me a heart attack.
“Sorry.” The faint smell of alcohol came off the guy’s breath, and I tilted my head back, meeting the eyes of one of the jocks at Banner High. A basketball player, one who was over six feet tall. Like a giant compared to me, though he was too skinny, if you asked me.
“It’s fine,” I said, trying to move past him, to continue looking for Kyle like I’d told Aubree I would, but the jock—Nick, I thought his name was—stepped in my way, refusing to let me pass him.
“You don’t go to Banner High, do you?” Nick asked, his eyes already glazed over. How much more would he drink tonight? Would he get plastered? Would he crash on his way home and be the talk of the school next week?
Was it wrong to wish that upon someone? Maybe if the guy would get the hint and leave me alone, I wouldn’t have such dark, intrusive thoughts.
I stared up at him, knowing he was not aware enough to realize that his question made him sound like an idiot. A straight-up idiot because, yes, I did go to Banner High. I’d gone to Banner High for the last four years, only had a few months to go until graduation.
Such an idiot, and not even a cute idiot. I really didn’t know what girls saw in jocks like him.
It took everything in me to smile up at him and say, “I do, actually.”
He clearly wasn’t expecting that response from me, for he blinked and said, “Really? What grade are you in?”
“I’m a senior,” I told him, trying once again to get around him—and yet again, the fool blocked my escape. I ground my teeth, wishing I could knee him in the groin and walk away while he was on the floor cupping his manhood. At least then he’d let me walk away, and I’d bet he’d remember me.
But that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted everyone here to forget they saw me. Being invisible sometimes could suck, but at a time like this, it would’ve been welcomed.
“You are? No way,” Nick said, grinning a sloppy grin. “I’ve never seen you before.” He thought I was trying to tease him or being coy or something, and I found his reaction to me obscenely obnoxious.
“It’s the makeup,” I said. “Excuse me.” This time, when his tall body moved in front of me to block my escape, I took an even bigger step to the side to get around him.
He had his drink in one hand, but his free hand shot out and grabbed my arm. “Hey, I’m talking to you—” Nick was about to say more, but it was right then I saw Kyle come in from outside, and I called out to him.
Bringing another boy into the situation to save me wasn’t something I wanted to do, but really, the only way I saw myself getting rid of Nick was, once again, kneeing him in the groin and permanently injuring his babymaker.
“Tenley!” Kyle spoke my name perhaps a bit too enthusiastically, but as he approached, it worked: Nick backed off, letting go of my arm. “I was hoping you’d come.” He stood before me, pausing as he glanced at Nick.
Nick got the hint and walked away, and I relaxed a little bit more. Though N
ick wasn’t exactly a body-builder, he was still stronger than me. With my thin frame, I didn’t know if I could beat anyone here at an arm wrestle. I was probably the weakest one in this house.
Kayla would say it’s because I hardly ever ate, but eh.
Kyle waited until we were alone near the basement door, and he gave me a chuckle. “I hope Nick wasn’t bothering you too much. He gets a little handsy when he drinks.” Unlike Nick’s breath, I didn’t smell the stench of alcohol when he breathed out. Better to be with him than Nick, I guess.
I was about to set down my cup and reach for my phone, but it wasn’t the easiest thing to do, since my phone was currently lodged in my boot against my ankle. No pockets on the little black dress, go figure. I didn’t know how to stealthily grab my phone and text Aubree without raising some kind of suspicion.
I didn’t want to put it on blast that Aubree had a thing for Kyle, even though it was the most obvious thing in the world. That pressure was on Aubree’s shoulders, not mine.
“Oh, no, he was fine,” I said, lying a bit. Unlike when I kept the truth from Kayla, I didn’t mind lying to Kyle. I owed the boy nothing, after all. He wasn’t my crush. He was no one to me, and he would remain that way, even if, by some miracle, something sparked between him and Aubree.
Kyle looked over his shoulder, even though Nick was long gone. “Oh, in that case, I could go get him? Bring him back so you and him can finish your conversation?” He grinned. “Unless I mistook your look. I mean, I thought you wanted my help—”
“I did,” I admitted, and I could see my admittance led him to relax his shoulders. Unlike Nick, Kyle had a bit of muscle on him. Nowhere near the toned eight pack the actors who played high school boys in the movies had, because those weren’t real boys playing teenagers. A body like that took work.
He leaned on the wall near the door, hooking his thumbs through his jeans. His blonde hair was off to the side, his dark eyes zeroing in on me. He wore a polo over his chest, the few buttons near his neck undone. Cute, if you liked that sort of thing. I didn’t.