The Waiting

by Carol James

  A smile warmed her face. “Good. So, when do we leave?”

  “One month. I spoke with Lizzie earlier today and management agreed that I could stay for the mission trip. They thought it would be good PR. You know, ‘Pro Athlete Donates Time to Help Underprivileged.’” He hated that the team would try to capitalize on the misfortune of others, but that was all part of the game of promotion. Plus, it allowed him a few more weeks here. “We’ll need to leave the Wednesday after we return, and I’ll have to report for pre-season training the following Monday.”

  A song they’d danced to with Juanita began. Katherine jumped up and held out her hand. “Come on. Let’s see if we still remember the steps.”

  They stepped out onto the path in front of the cave so they’d have enough room to move. He opened his arms, and she eased into his embrace. After she counted the cadence one time under her breath, they began. Juanita would have given them at least a B+. As the song ended, he dipped her, and her laughter echoed softly through the small canyon. He’d never been happier, and yet he’d never been more afraid that he would lose the source of that happiness.

  As twilight blanketed the riverbed, an evening breeze skipped across the surface of the water, bringing a welcome cool to the end of the day. The song that the flash mob had danced to and sang began. He drew her closer. “Shall we?”

  She rested her head on his shoulder. “This song makes me sad.”

  “Sad? It’s a beautiful love song.”

  “Yes, but I’ll never hear it that I won’t remember the face of that broken-hearted young man at the mall.” She snuggled her head even closer. “I’m glad I’m not a man.”

  “Not nearly as glad as I am. Trust me.” He chuckled, but she was silent.

  She stopped dancing and drew away. “No, really. There’s so much pressure on guys today. When did a personal time like a proposal become such an impersonal event? Some contest that focuses on who can come up with the biggest, most involved spectacle and then post it all over social media? It should be an intimate time shared by two people who love each other, not an opportunity to outdo all your buddies. I don’t blame that young woman for running away. Being put on the spot in front of a mob of strangers cheapens what should be one of the most precious moments in a relationship.”

  This wasn’t going according to his plan, but she’d cracked open the door, so the time had come for him to ease his way in. He’d wanted to tell her about the other women first, but suddenly he couldn’t. The risk of losing her was too great. Even though he’d prayed about this moment off and on all day, he wasn’t sure it would do any good—that God would even listen to a person who’d been running away from Him all these years. Much less answer his prayer.

  He held open his left hand in front of him like a piece of paper, gripped an imaginary pen in his right hand, and began making invisible notes.

  “What in the world are you doing?” She tilted her head to the side.

  His heart began to pound in his chest. After these next words were out of his mouth, there’d be no turning back. This was a once-in-a-lifetime moment. He’d never done it before, and he’d never do it again. He took a deep breath and then answered her question. “Canceling the flyover by the fighter planes. And the fireworks display. Oh, yes, and I’d better not forget the marching band.”

  The corners of her eyes crinkled with amusement as laughter flowed forth like the little stream beside them. Then the unspoken meaning of his words sank in, and the laughter stopped abruptly as her eyes opened wide.

  He slowly eased down onto one knee and grasped her hands in his. “Katy Beth, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I loved the girl you were when we were in school together. I loved the memory that was you. I loved the young lady I dreamed you were when we were apart. And I love the woman you’ve become. I will always love you. Nothing you could ever do will change my feelings. That’s why I came back to Crescent Bluff. To find you and ask you to marry me.”

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out the tattered and faded red velvet box. She recognized it before he even lifted the lid.

  As her bottom lip began to quiver, tears glistened in her eyes. Her words were whispered. “How did you...? Where did you...?”

  “Your dad. Our time together the other day was more than a casual lunch. I told him my intentions and asked for his blessing. Even though you’ve been on your own for years, it just seemed like the respectful thing to do. Anyway, he insisted I take this. He said your mom would have wanted you to have it. So, Katy Beth, my only true love, join me in this adventure called life. Please say you’ll be my bride.”

  She knelt down so they were face to face. The candlelight escaping from the cave transformed the tracks of her tears into sparkling golden strands on her cheeks. “Samuel Houston Tucker, I’ve been waiting for you all my life—I just didn’t know it would be you. You, Sam, are The One—My One.”

  As she offered her left hand, fingers slightly spread in invitation, he started to remove the thirty-year-old diamond engagement ring from the box, but then he stopped. Her face. Amidst the tears she was smiling. Her eyes were full of joy, innocence, trust. Trust. Some unseen vise squeezed his chest so hard he struggled to breathe. They weren’t even engaged, and he was already being unfaithful to her by letting her believe something that wasn’t true. In his lack of honesty, he was being dishonest. He was planting seeds of deceit that would one day bloom into complete distrust.

  Slowly he stood up and helped her to her feet. He pulled her into a tight embrace. “I love you so much.”

  “Well, I certainly hope so since you just asked me to marry you. But you know what? I don’t think I gave you my official answer.” She chuckled and squeezed him tightly.

  “Then don’t. Not yet. I want you to say yes more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life, but not like this. Not under false pretenses.” The sound of blood coursing through his body roared in his ears so loudly he could no longer hear the trickle of the stream

  She drew back and looked up at his face, her brow wrinkled. “What is it, Sam?”

  Trust or no trust, God or no God, he loved her too much to let their married life begin under these circumstances. “You know that purity ring you saw on my keychain?”

  She smiled and nodded.

  “It’s only been there about a year.”

  22

  The ride home had been silent. Too much had been said earlier beside the river. Even now, while she gripped the doorknob to the kitchen door and Sam leaned against his car, neither one of them wished the other “Good night.” The pain and disappointment were too fresh to be brushed aside by polite pleasantries.

  Her heart lifted a brief prayer. Please, Father, let Daddy be asleep.

  She noiselessly turned the knob and pushed gently to open the door. The aroma of chocolate chip cookies drifted toward her from the plate on the kitchen island. Very quietly she tiptoed into the kitchen and closed the door.

  “Anybody we know?” Dad’s voice greeted her from the family room.

  Of course. The rumble from Sam’s car would have alerted him she was home no matter how quiet she had been.

  Dad strode into the kitchen with Cassie on his heels. The huge grin on his face disappeared the moment he saw her. “Baby Girl, what’s wrong? Where’s Sam?”

  She shook her head and forced her words past the huge lump in her throat. “I said no. He’s not The One, Daddy.” Tears now washed her cheeks as he pulled her close.

  “You turned him down, Beth? Are you kidding me? He’s a great guy.” Cassie looked at their father and shook her head. “She’s crazy, Dad. I’d marry him if I was older.”

  “Cassie, you think you could give us some privacy, honey?” Dad asked.

  “Whatever.” She grabbed some cookies and left, muttering, “What’s wrong with her, anyway? No wonder she’d not married.”

  “Want to talk about it, Katherine?”

  How much should she tell him? “I don’t know, Daddy. I think I just wan
t to go to bed.” She wiped away the stinging tears. Sam had hurt and betrayed her, but most of all, he’d let her believe a lie. He’d listened to her talk about them both being pure, and in not correcting her, he’d deliberately lied to her. And where there was one secret, there were bound to be more. She’d probably never know what other deceptions were hidden in his past. “Let’s just say Sam’s been lying to me. He’s not the man I thought he was.”

  “Baby Girl, we all make mistakes in life. We all do things we wish we hadn’t. And even though we might like to erase them, once they’re done, they can’t be undone. All we can do is ask forgiveness and turn our lives in another direction.”

  Sam must have told him. “When did you know?”

  “The day he took me out to lunch. The day I gave him my blessing along with your mother’s ring.” He reached over and patted her hand. “I was impressed that he had the guts to own up to his mistakes. He didn’t have to share that with me, but he wanted to start with a clean slate. To let me know he was a changed man.”

  “Lies are not isolated things. If a person lies about one thing, he’s bound to have lied about others.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out the ring box. “Here, I won’t be needing this. Save it for Cassie.”

  Dad’s voice followed her as she turned to walk out of the kitchen. “Sometimes the best gift we can give someone is forgiveness, but forgiving another is always the best gift you can give yourself.”

  She bolted down the hall, into her bedroom, and slammed the door. The open notebook called to her from her nightstand. She picked it up along with her pen and began x-ing through today’s final entry, Date With Sam. Then she scribbled circles and lines through it until the original words were no longer discernible. A big black box stared back up at her from the page, reminding her of his betrayal. Grabbing the sheet, she ripped it from the notebook, wadded it into the tightest ball she could, and then dropped it into the wastebasket. Good. The page was gone.

  While no reminder of this evening remained in her notebook, nothing she could do would ever erase it from her heart.

  ~*~

  Sam carefully made his way down the rocky path to the riverbed. The words of forgiveness he’d prayed he’d hear from her hadn’t come. But her reaction hadn’t surprised him. In fact, it was exactly what he’d expected—and feared. If he’d told her earlier, long before they’d gotten so serious, she might not have felt so betrayed. The only words she’d spoken were, “I want to go home.”

  He stepped into the cave, where one surviving candle still flickered, to pack up the stuff and take it back to Ginny’s. But instead he dropped down onto the stone floor. He couldn’t go home yet. It was too early. There’d be questions, and he wasn’t ready to answer them. The pain was too fresh, too raw. He’d return when there was absolutely no chance that anyone would be awake. Laying back against one of the pillows, he waited.

  A burden sat heavily on his chest. While unfamiliar, the weight wasn’t unknown. He’d borne it before, but not very often and not for very long. He’d always been able to shake it off or overcome it, though now it looked as though the two of them would become inseparable friends. Its name was Failure.

  ~*~

  Katherine awoke, soaked in perspiration. The clock on her nightstand read three thirty. She waited quietly for the relief that she would surely feel as she became more awake and realized the memory of Sam’s confession was merely a bad dream. But the peace she’d sought never came. The hours of sleep had only briefly deadened the painful reality. The man she’d fallen in love with was a liar and a fake—simply posing as someone he wasn’t to get something he wanted.

  He’d taken advantage of her trust. Instead of telling her the truth from the beginning, he’d wooed her and strung her along until she believed he was Her One. If he’d truly loved her, he should have told her about his past earlier in their relationship, and he certainly should have corrected her when she’d made that comment about the ring. He should have been honest and allowed her to decide before she fell in love with a person who didn’t exist.

  Her life before Sam had been meaningful. Everything had been orderly and under control until Dad suggested she step out of the boat. She’d taken that chance, and she was worse off now than ever. She was drowning.

  Guilt swept over her, mixing with the anger and pain. She should pray, but she couldn’t. Not yet. Not in anger.

  Hot tears dampened her cheeks as a patient Voice spoke deep in her heart. Her Father loved her. He understood her pain and her anger. And she could lay it all on Him. He could handle it.

  ~*~

  Sam’s back ached, and he was so stiff he could hardly move. Sometime during the last few hours, the battery in the last candle must have lost power. The cave was perfectly dark except for the gray predawn glow that filled the entrance. He stood, stretched, and then pulled his phone out of his pocket. Five o’clock. Somehow, he’d managed to sleep all night. Carefully he gathered the candles and wrapped them up in one of the blankets. He folded the other blanket, stacked it and the pillows together on top, and then headed out to pack them in the car.

  Maybe he shouldn’t have told her about all the other women. If he hadn’t she would have said yes, they’d be engaged now, and she’d be coming with him to London in a few weeks. Everything in his life would be just as he’d planned it.

  No, he’d made the right choice. For once in a long time—maybe even the first time ever—he’d made a decision based not on his desires but based upon what was best for someone else. And while the pain of her rejection pierced deep in his heart, knowing he’d acted out of love for her brought him a sense of peace.

  He placed the pillows and blankets in the trunk and walked back to the cave to get the cooler and the tulips. The tulips—throwing them in the stream shouldn’t be considered littering. They weren’t trash. They were organic, after all, and he didn’t want to walk back into Ginny’s house with them in hand.

  The predawn sky had brightened, making it easier to see inside their cave. Their cave. The place where they’d first kissed in the spring rain. The kiss that had spoken more of her love for him than any words ever could. The place he’d known her heart was his.

  The place she’d taken it back.

  He picked up the cooler and the vase and stepped out onto the rock path that edged the riverbed. Then he leaned out over the stream and turned the vase upside down. Pink blossoms cascaded into the river and slowly floated downstream.

  As he turned to watch them drift away, he jumped in surprise. Less than twenty feet from him stood a doe. She hadn’t been there when he’d come back from the car a few minutes ago. She was drinking, and then she suddenly lifted her head to sniff the air. Her nostrils flared and she turned to look right at him, obviously trying to figure out whether he was a threat. He froze. Not only was she beautiful, but she could be dangerous.

  As her velvet eyes locked onto his, she leaned her head to the side, never breaking eye-contact. She could run. She could charge him. But she was thirsty, so she set aside her fears and gracefully lowered her head toward the stream. Why she would decide to drink with him, a likely danger, so near was incomprehensible. Not wanting to scare her, he stood motionless, watching as she quenched her thirst in the pink, predawn glow.

  When she was satisfied, she raised her head, briefly looked his direction again, and then turned and slowly sauntered on downstream.

  A mysterious longing stirred within his soul. Maybe this was what some people called a “God moment.” Or maybe it was one of those once-in-a-lifetime coincidences that happened, because for some unexplainable reason he’d woke at the perfect time. Five minutes earlier or later and he would have missed the whole thing.

  Whatever the reason or the cause, he would never forget it.

  23

  Sam pulled his car into a visitor parking space right in front of the church. After all, that’s what he was. He wasn’t a church member. Crescent Bluff hadn’t been his home for years. He was a visitor.
And one that wouldn’t be around here much longer.

  He stepped out of the car and walked up the concrete path toward the double glass doors at the front of the building. Maybe she wouldn’t be at church today.

  For about half a second, he’d thought about backing out of the mission trip and returning to London early. But he couldn’t cancel on Brad right now. One of the other male chaperones, a carpenter by trade, had fallen at a job site and broken his leg. That left Sam as the only one with any true construction experience.

  Besides he’d never been the type of guy to renege on commitments he’d made, and he wouldn’t start now. He’d always been a man of his word—except in that one area that had cost him his relationship with Katy Beth.

  His life would be so different right now if he’d only kept that promise, too.

  Avoiding the smiling greeters, he walked straight through the foyer and then slipped through the wooden doors and headed for one of the chairs hidden in the blackness of the back corner of the auditorium. He was hiding—hiding from her, hiding from God. The only reason he came today was because they had that final meeting for the mission trip right after the service.

  When he and his family had moved to North Carolina years ago, he hadn’t left only his friends behind in Texas but also the God he was just getting to know. Soccer became his new god, and up until recently, he would have said it was a pretty good one. It had given him everything he thought he wanted out of life. But it was an idol—a false god that could never give him the one thing he wanted more than anything. Katy Beth.

  So, he’d decided to turn back to God. Over the past several weeks he’d started reading his Bible again and praying—something he hadn’t done since he and his family left Crescent Bluff. He’d thought he was on the right track, but she’d turned him down. The other night had been the test. If God had really wanted him back, He would have answered Sam’s prayers, and Sam and Katy Beth would now be engaged.