Walking Into Her Heart (A First Realm Novel)

by Susan JP Owens

  “Don’t push me away, not yet. Hear me out.”

  She stiffened then spun to face the wine rack, focusing on the myriad of colored wine tops.

  His palms lightly touched her waist and she shoved them away. “No.” To let Kyle pursue her would only lead to more heartache. The dictates of her forefather burned, grinding her soul to dust. She had to follow them to protect Kyle, to safeguard her love for him.

  “Shel, I’m here to apologize. I’m used to people following my orders to the letter, without question and without me drawing a line for the boundaries. Yes, I had a lot on my mind, but that doesn’t give me any excuses for how I acted. I blew it, but we deserve to be happy, together.”

  Shelby wheeled to face Kyle, raised her hand for him to cease. Anger coursed to every nerve ending, the hairs on the back of her neck rose. “Let me get this straight. You were angry because I didn’t march to your tune? I’m not employed by Pressley International, nor am I a member of the Navy. You’re a presumptuous man and you better get a grip on relationships.”

  “That’s why I’m here. To tell you I made a mistake.”

  Kyle knew he was wrong and was man enough to face her. He deserved to leave Texas with a clear conscience. She sighed. “We’ve all made mistakes, including me. I’m just as accountable for my actions.”

  Air hissed out of his lungs. “Thanks.” Kyle pivoted, his boot heels striking the floor.

  That’s what she wanted…right? She lowered her chin, wrapped her arms around her waist and sniffed. No, that’s not what she wanted.

  “Will you forgive me?”

  Kyle stopped. His footsteps were quiet as he closed the space between them.

  His arms gently embraced her. A sob wrenched from her throat while his chest absorbed the horrible sound. He drew small comforting circles on the small of her back.

  He murmured near her ear. “God, I’ve missed holding you.”

  She couldn’t answer him except to nod. She missed his touch, his love and his sweet spirit. He was a take charge kind of guy and had to be to survive. Everyone had some control issues, including her. So they were going to tangle every once in a while. She was okay with that. Having come to that decision and along with his tender ministrations, her cries abated. She had buried her face under his jacket. His shirt was wet from her tears. She squeezed him. “I’ve never stopped loving you.”

  He eased backed with his palms planted on her hips. “Same here.”

  She met his gaze. Desire flamed in his eyes then something else, but it was gone before she could pinpoint the emotion. She swiped away the last remnants of moisture from her cheeks.

  There it was again. “What are you thinking?”

  He gathered her hands. “How is it that we can profess our love without any conditions and yet, we continue to hurt one another by our insecurities and our past history? What is the answer?”

  She shrugged.

  “Faith.”

  “What do you mean?” Her nerves were already wired, exponentially growing as he talked in riddles. His explanation would either kill her by breaking the pieces of her heart into tinier ones. If he did that, she would not survive. She wasn’t the Brave-One. In fact, she was dying a small death with each second that ticked time from her life. Or would he give her a lifeline to hold onto? She hoped for a reprieve so she could live in peace. At least until the day when Dr. Chris Humphreys demanded she betray the First Realm, the spirit guides, and worst of all, Kyle.

  “A belief if you will, a confidence that we can persevere through all of our problems together. A trust in that no matter what happens, we will stay and fight on the frontlines for each other. I’d call it an allegiance, a vow, and one hell-of-a promise. It’ll be a bond that will be tested and stretched to our physical, emotional, and mental limits. However, the binding will never break because we’ll be one, not only here on earth but in the First Realm. You have my assurance the trials will be considerable and tough to pull through. On the other hand, we’ll have each other’s back and the love in our hearts safely held in our souls. Do you believe we can do that for each other?”

  His dark chocolate gaze searched, and at the same time, demanded an answer. His words made sense. They were beautiful, warming, and supportive. Her heavy heart responded becoming lighter. Her soul grasped for the beacon radiating from Kyle, the glimmer of hope she wanted desperately.

  She blinked long. “Yes.”

  A flute played the notes she was familiar with. She-Who-Smiles centered inside her. “Brave-One, he speaks the truth.”

  “I know.” Shelby grinned. Kyle had never lied to her and the special connection they shared was the real deal. The black hole within had been sucking her deeper into its depths, but Kyle had reversed the vacuum, releasing her bit by bit. She marveled at his ability to save her.

  He dropped to one knee. “Will you do me the honor of marrying me? Will you be my wife, my woman, my soul mate for eternity?”

  She stared in disbelief, stunned and speechless.

  His brows shot several inches higher. “Do I need to repeat my question?”

  “No,” she whispered.

  “Is that your−?” He jumped up, standing sure footed. “No, don’t answer. You’re hesitating, why?”

  “What do you mean soul mate for eternity?”

  His eyes panned the small room then the intense gaze met hers. “If Ten-Blue-Sun’s stone illuminates when we marry, we’ll be united forever. After our life on earth is complete, we’ll be together in the First Realm, at our special place.” He winked.

  “Oh.” She shook her head. “Wait. Let’s talk about this life first. We have monumental disagreements. What makes you think we can survive a marriage here on earth when we fight all the time?”

  He hugged her and kissed her temple. His moist breath brushed across her ear. “We are driven by commitments. When we make a vow, we’ll fight, but it’ll be for one another. Remember what I said, we’ll be tested beyond what any other normal couple could or would endure. The two things that will be in our favor are our spirit guides and us, you and me.”

  She blew out her breath. “I can’t just walk away from my business.”

  Kyle eased back, his brown eyes connecting once again with hers, his hands settled on her shoulders. “That’s it baby. Take one step at a time. I talked with Alessa, she seemed to think everything can be done by the net and telephone. After all, she’s been running the corporation every time you were with me. You can come back here any time you want. I’ll make sure of it. Is anything else worrying you?”

  “Alessa? Who else do you have in your pocket? Never mind, I’ll deal with her later. Come back here?”

  “Well, I live in Wyoming.”

  Her voice quivered, “Oh God.” Nearer to Chris? She didn’t think that was a smart idea.

  “Right, how about Texas in the winter and my home for the other three seasons?”

  “I don’t know.” Heat scorched her shoulders reminding her to keep her mouth shut. The five-star general had long-ass talons.

  “I have other houses in the States, Canada, and along each coastline, penthouses, several villas and flats abroad. You can choose any of them. Just as long as we’re together, I don’t care.”

  “You have that many and you prefer Wyoming?”

  “Yes.”

  What if the wooden doll’s crystal didn’t light? She had to protect Kyle against Chris and save her family. Death was the likely outcome for her, but she wouldn’t involve Kyle. She had to give him a reason to leave, to shield Kyle from the five-star general. “I feel like a fool. You deserve someone else, someone who understands your circles. I’m not cut from the same cloth. I’ve made terrible mistakes since I’ve met you. I thought I was a strong person, confident about who I am and what I wanted in life. But we have issues we’ll never win, even together.”

  “Issues?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does to me. I’ll come back to that. I never told you how many p
laces I own. Besides, I think you’re a confident, smart, and a passionate woman. As for my family and business, that’s who I am. If you accept me then you’ll have to take that part too. I’m a low profile person and I don’t run with the elite crowds having parties to be seen and heard. You’ll do fine. Now, what else is on your mind?”

  “Lisa, what is she to you?”

  He hesitated. “She’s a family friend, we grew up together and I don’t want her. I love you. What else is bothering you?”

  “What happened with the sting? Did you catch, whoever?”

  “No, not yet. It’s been postponed, but we’ll be okay.” He raised his eyebrows for the next hurdle.

  “My grandchildren?”

  “I’d like them to be a part of our lives. If they are allowed to come during school breaks, we could show them a good time. Is there anything more?”

  Her chin cranked up a notch. “Yes, everything imaginable is against us.”

  He squinted, drawing his brows together, furrowing lines crossed his forehead. “The issues…What are you talking about?”

  Good, she had his full attention now. “When I was more of a positive person, She-Who-Smiles and Bear-Claws shared with me. Do you believe in reincarnation?”

  He nodded whether he was agreeing or for her to continue she couldn’t tell so she forged ahead. “We have been.” Then she waited.

  He schooled his facial features. “Go on.”

  “Remember when I told you about Many-Horses’ second wife? She was a Comanche and her father, Tall-Man put a curse on her husband and his linage. Well, you’re a Shoshone descendant of Many-Horses and I’m…” Tears welled and for the life of her, she couldn’t maintain composure.

  Her spirit guide always told the truth. It was hard to accept that she was a Comanche, a direct descendant of Tall-Man and the implications surrounding that revelation. Her sisters thought she had lost her will to live, but she’d still been trying to grasp that losing Kyle evolved directly from her ancestor. Choking down that bitter pill had left her empty. Slowly, she’d come to terms with who she was and why her relationship with Kyle should have ended a long time ago. Simply because...of who she was.

  His hand lifted to touch her face and as though he thought better of it, he lowered his arm to his side. “Comanche, yes I know. I’m well aware of my previous life and yours. That’s what I was talking about a few moments ago. We won’t be able to come back.”

  An uncontrolled gasp escaped. Screw coming back, she had to deal with now. “Then why did you ask me to marry you, knowing our lives are cursed and will be a living hell?”

  Kyle extended his palm and caressed her cheek. “You’re not worried about reincarnation? I thought you still wanted to…Never mind. We’ll be blessed because of our true love and the possession of Ten-Blue-Sun. Have you accepted that the life bringer belongs to you, to us and our future, until the time comes when the doll will be forwarded?”

  “Yes.” And she did. Although Kyle made the situation seem black and white, she definitely had all the shades of gray blending into a dismal picture.

  “We’re an integral part of the spiritual battle that lies ahead, the steps are out of our hands. We can persevere, win this bloody war, and maybe find out who killed Tim, but the question remains, are you ready to stand with me, unified in spirit, as well as our bodies?”

  He released her, gathered her hands and rested one knee on the floor. “Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife, Brave-One?” He winked. “I’ll give a good bride price.”

  She whispered, “Mind-Walker, you know my name?”

  “Yes, baby, I do and you know mine.”

  “What does yours mean?”

  “Walking through minds is my gift from the Great Spirit. I don’t use it anymore. Although, I did slip into yours one time. I was at one with your conscious and unconsciousness, your feelings, your very thoughts, I understood. I have the ability to change someone’s actions by simply entering and giving them a nudge. Unlike others, when I was in your mental processes, you flow around, through and in me. To be honest, I miss being there with you.”

  Her spine straightened. “When did you do this?”

  Kyle grasped her wrists and exhaled a long sigh. “The first time you visited my home. That’s one of the reasons I shoved you away. I broke my oath.”

  “I wasn’t aware, was I?”

  He grinned. “No, but our spirits are connected because once, while you were in the throes of passion you called me Mind-Walker. You weren’t cognizant that you said my name.”

  “I’m not aware of a lot of things when we make love. Do other people know you’re inside their minds?”

  “I choose whether they know or not.”

  She stilled as the memory of him taking his hand away paralyzed her, his haunted eyes, his words, telling her to leave. Now, she understood. “I made you break−”

  “No.” He stood. “You didn’t make me do anything.”

  Kyle’s eyes reaffirmed what he had said. They bored into her soul attesting to his declaration then gentled.

  She lowered her chin. “As much as I love you, we shouldn’t be together.”

  He cradled her jawline with his palm, lifting until she fixed on his gaze. “Maybe we are right for each other, destined to be together and to have our spirits united to help in the upcoming battle. I can’t ignore Ten-Blue-Sun’s presence or that when we marry, our lineage will be joined again to protect a baby, Little-Dove-Feathers. In the end, it’s your decision. But understand this—I want to give a life-long commitment to you, hope for our families, and to fill you with my love. Will you become one with me? And by all that I am, I hope it is forever.”

  Moved by his simple touch, his loving words and the connection, she smiled. The execrable emptiness inside was gone and Kyle’s light filled the once barren recesses. She knew this was right. Shelby nodded and hugged him, capturing his warmth, his spirit and best of all, him.

  He released her, plucking out a velvet box from his jacket pocket and opened it. Inside, a marquis-shaped yellow diamond with baguettes glistened on both sides of the single setting. “Alessa helped me on the ring size.”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “Are you ready to take off his wedding band?”

  The memories of Tim rushed back. Her vision blurred as tears spilled into her eyes again. A hiccup followed and she bowed her head to her chest. “This is hard.”

  Kyle stilled. “I know. I’m not going to remove his ring. This is something you must do.”

  She inched her chin up until she gazed into the liquid depth of his brown eyes.

  He closed the velvet top, tucking the case back into his pocket. His lips thinned. “I won’t compete with him or his memories. You can’t wear both and I can see you’re not ready to give up his for mine.”

  Her voice quivered, tension raced to each individual cell. Even the roots of her hair tingled. “He was my other half. I never realized the strength he gave me and I didn’t recognize…comprehend that until…When he passed, a part of me died with him. The days were long and the nights…an eternity, cold and dark. I’ve traveled a long road to fit into this world without him. He’ll always be here.” She rested the heel of her palm over her breast. “Safe in my heart and I’ll never let him go. That’s why I know you’ll understand when I take his ring off, he’ll still be a part of me.”

  “I don’t want to take him away from you. I love all of you, not just bits and pieces. He had a part in making who you are today and that’s the person I want.”

  She clasped the band and slid it off. Grasped between her finger and thumb, a symbol of a never ending circle for this life, she sighed. “I didn’t think it would be this hard.”

  “You don’t have−”

  “No. Please.” She slipped the ring into her jean pocket. “I’ve loved two men in my life. One has gone to another realm, I can no longer share. The other stands before me. You have my heart, my spirit, and you have filled me with a light that
has saved my soul from eternal darkness. This you should know, there will come a time when you’ll think I have betrayed you. I can only hope you will stand by me.”

  Kyle cloaked Shelby in an embrace. “I’ll always be here for you.”

  He drew the comforting circles on her lower back. After a few silent moments, Kyle murmured in her ear, “Are you ready?”

  She nodded.

  He slipped the ring out of the box and slid the setting on her finger. “I’m glad you made the decision to be with me in this life and possibly for eternity.”

  “So am I.”

  Shelby threaded her fingers in his. “I love you.”

  “Me too, baby. From now on, you’re mine. Damn, I’m a fuck−”

  “Stop with the F bombs.”

  “I can do that.” He laughed then cocked his head to the side. “Does this mean you’ll tell me your birthday now?”

  She shook her head. “Not yet.”

  His hands slid down her arms then meandered to her waist. “I stopped the private investigators from telling me your age. They thought I had lost my mind.” He chuckled. “You’re going to tell me someday, and I’m a patient man, Shelby Littleton.” He nodded toward their families. “You ready to tell them.”

  “You’ll have to…I don’t know if I can, without bursting into tears again.”

  He released his hold, gently guided her by the small of her back to the dining table. Silence filled the room.

  Kyle cleared his throat. “We would like to make an announcement.” His luscious lip smile spread across his entire face setting off both dimples on each side. “We’re tying the knot.”

  Cheers echoed along with the congratulatory hugs and cheek kisses of best wishes.

  Alessa piped, “Took y’all long enough to figure out what everyone else already knew. You were made for one another. I have an idea. After you and Kyle eat, let’s all go to Austin to celebrate.”

  Kyle pulled back a chair from the table for her. “Not a bad idea. Shel, do you feel like driving?”

  “Sure.”

  Jude offered, “Joni and Alessa can hitch a ride with us in the rental and leave you two lovebirds alone.”