The Secrets She Must Tell

by Lucy King

  Tonight, however, frustratingly, that tension was back. Georgie might look unbelievably beautiful and achingly hot but she kept smiling to herself and drifting off into her own little world, which he found deeply unsettling. He couldn’t work out what might have put that sparkle of mischief in her eyes. It couldn’t have been the interlude in the car when he hadn’t been able to resist touching her. Hours had passed since then. So what was it? He didn’t know and he hated it.

  But he wouldn’t remain in the dark for much longer, he assured himself, his jaw tight. He’d had enough of trying to second guess what Georgie may or may not be planning. All evening he’d been in work mode, ruthlessly focused on the launch, but now the party was coming to an end and he was getting answers.

  Taking her elbow and muttering their excuses, he drew her away from the throng and manoeuvred her behind one thick, towering pillar, into the shadows and out of the sight of prying eyes. He backed her up against it, pressed himself close, and she didn’t seem to mind.

  ‘What are you up to?’ he murmured, planting one hand on the pillar beside her head while wondering where on her body to put the other.

  She arched an eyebrow in a way that sent darts of desire shooting through him and smiled up at him coyly. ‘What makes you think I’m up to anything?’

  ‘You have a look about you.’

  ‘What kind of a look?’

  ‘As if you’re keeping a secret.’

  ‘Maybe I am.’

  ‘I don’t like secrets,’ he muttered, deciding that high on the curve of her waist with access to the lower side of her breast would be a good place for his hand. He ran his thumb over the soft swell there and the pulse at the base of her neck fluttered.

  ‘You’ll like this one,’ she said, her voice husky and her eyes darkening.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘You’ll see.’ Her gaze dropped to his mouth and he heard her breath catch. ‘Are we done here?’

  ‘Nearly.’

  ‘Because I think we should go upstairs. Now.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I’ve recently thought of something else we can try. Something new.’

  His pulse thudded heavily and heat infused every inch of him. Something else? Wasn’t what they’d already done enough? Was she trying to kill him? ‘Like what?’ he asked, his body hardening unbearably.

  Without taking her eyes off his, she opened her bag, took something out and pressed it into his hand. He glanced down and saw a condom packet in his palm and his heart lurched. ‘What’s this?’

  ‘Do you really need me to explain?’

  Yes, as a matter of fact. ‘I thought sex was off the table.’

  ‘It was. But I’ve reconsidered. I realised this afternoon that it’s all about the timing.’

  ‘Which is now?’

  She gave a nod. ‘It is. And it will be for a couple of days.’

  A couple of days? Halle-bloody-lujah. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Very much so.’

  ‘Then we’re going to need a lot more than one.’

  ‘I bought out the pharmacy.’

  She was truly unbelievable. ‘You know what?’ he muttered, practically passing out with the strength of the need now drumming through him. ‘I think we’re done here.’

  * * *

  To Finn’s intense frustration, however, leaving the party took a while. As he strode towards the exit, just about resisting the temptation to drag Georgie along behind him and instead maintaining a civilised although determined speed, people kept coming up to him wanting to chat. Infuriatingly, no one seemed to be deterred either by the electricity he knew was rolling off him or the curtness of his replies. How he managed to refrain from telling everyone to move the hell out of his way so he could get upstairs and ravish the woman at his side he had no idea. The five minutes during which they had to stop and pose for a series of press photographs were quite possibly the longest of his life.

  By the time they made it into the lift Finn’s jaw was tight and he ached all over with the effort of restraint. Once inside, Georgie took up a position on one mirrored side of the car and he leaned against the opposite wall. Any closer and he might not be able to wait for privacy. He didn’t even trust himself to speak, just kept his hand in his pocket, touching the condom, as if not doing so might make it a figment of his imagination. But he didn’t take his eyes off her and she didn’t stop looking at him, their gazes and their bodies communicating in a way that rendered words unnecessary.

  Time passed agonisingly slowly, the space between them filling with tension and vibrating with need, but eventually the lift arrived at their floor. The minute the doors whooshed open, Finn grabbed Georgie’s hand and strode towards their room. As soon as he got her inside he had her up against the door and in his arms, their mouths meeting in a hot clash of teeth and tongues that went on and on until his head emptied of everything but her and the clawing need to be inside her.

  He ran his hands down her body, moulding them to her shape while she tugged furiously at his shirt. At the feel of her hands on the skin of his back he shuddered and for a moment wanted to pause and revel in her touch, but he wasn’t to be distracted. Nothing was going to stop him from ridding of clothes the parts of her he wanted naked.

  When he reached her mid-thigh and the fabric of her dress had some give he bunched it in his fists and shoved it up. With a soft, encouraging moan that turned him to granite she edged her legs apart and pushed her hips forwards. He skimmed his hand over the delicate lace of her knickers and she gasped, and when he slipped his fingers beneath the thin waistband her breathing became shallow, her breasts heaving against the restrictive bodice of her dress.

  ‘You’re so hot,’ he muttered. ‘So wet.’

  ‘Stop talking,’ she panted.

  ‘No foreplay?’

  ‘Haven’t we had enough of that already?’

  ‘More than enough.’

  ‘Then hurry. I’m not sure how much longer I can wait and I really want you inside me when I come.’

  The desperation he could hear in her voice stoked his desire like a can of petrol being tossed on a bonfire, and the flames raged within him. Shaking slightly, he eased away to yank his trousers and shorts off and roll the condom on while she pushed her knickers down and kicked them to one side. And then he was back in front of her, wrapping his hands around the backs of her thighs and lifting her up.

  Their gazes locked as he thrust up and she pushed down, and he saw something hot and unidentifiable flare in the depths of her eyes before she closed them with a soft, ragged groan. Her head thudded against the door as she dropped it back and he couldn’t help moving.

  Driven on by an urgency and total lack of control he’d never felt before, Finn buried his head in her neck and pulled out of her and then thrust back in, as deep as he could go. He did it again and again, harder and faster, until she was clinging on to his shoulders, her legs tight around his waist, her breath coming in short, sharp pants as she muttered little cries of, ‘Oh, God, yes.’

  And then suddenly he could feel his orgasm rush towards him with the speed and force of a tsunami and he was too far gone to hold back. Everything inside him tightened, the pressure coiling in his groin so intense that it almost hurt. And when, with a cry, Georgie shattered, trembling in his arms and convulsing around him, he thrust one last time, hard and deep, and erupted as the pleasure hit and spun through him like a starburst.

  How long he spent slumped against her in the quiet darkness, his heart thundering in time with hers, he had no idea. After what could well have been the most intense experience of his life, he wasn’t capable of thought, much less reason. All he could do was drop his forehead to hers, his breathing harsh and his control in pieces, and whisper, ‘You are incredible.’

  * * *

  The following morning when she woke, Georgie stretched and grin
ned like the cat who’d got the cream, or a woman whose body had been put to thoroughly good use.

  Muscles deep inside her ached. She felt all soft and languid and buzzy. Last night had been brilliant. She hadn’t realised how frustrating not having full sex had been, but it had clearly been very frustrating indeed, because with the flourishing of that condom she’d unleashed a beast in both of them that had kept going until the early hours of the morning, when they’d both collapsed into a sated, sleepy tangle of sheets. Hard and fast, soft and sensuous, on the bed, in the shower, they’d done it all...

  But it wasn’t just the mind-blowing sex that had made the night so amazing. It was the realisation she’d just come to that, after months of darkness, there was finally light. Everything was falling into place and, to her giddy relief and delight, the shadows were fading and it felt as if she was back.

  And, while she didn’t know about being incredible, she certainly felt invincible right now, which was in no small part down to the man stretched out beside her, who was sliding a hand down her body and doing a very good job of making her forget everything but him and her and the way he made her physically feel.

  Or, rather, attempting to.

  Because she wasn’t quite so addled with desire that she’d forget about her son.

  ‘I should call Mrs G and see how Josh is,’ she murmured, determinedly ignoring the heat beginning to wind through her and reluctantly trying to ease away from him.

  ‘He’ll be fine,’ Finn muttered against the sensitive skin of her neck that he was nuzzling as he clamped his hands on her hips to hold her still and then rolled over to pin her to the bed. ‘I, on the other hand, am not,’ he said, his eyes dark with need as he looked down into hers. ‘I’m in pain.’

  ‘You’re insatiable.’

  ‘That would make two of us, then.’

  ‘A good mother would prioritise her son over sex.’

  ‘You are a good mother.’

  ‘You have to be kidding,’ she said, staring up at him in disbelief. ‘I’ve been a terrible mother.’

  ‘Rubbish.’

  ‘Have you forgotten how Josh and I came into your life?’

  ‘You were ill.’

  ‘Doesn’t matter.’

  Clearly realising that sex wasn’t happening, although to his credit he didn’t emit so much as a whisper of a resigned sigh, Finn lifted himself off her and lay on his side, propping himself up on his elbow beside her instead.

  ‘Of course it does,’ he said, with such certainty that she was almost convinced. ‘How’s he doing?’

  She thought about her happy little boy and the way his tiny, chubby arms lifted up and reached for her when she walked into the room. About how, when she lifted him up, he actually snuggled into her. Josh’s well-being couldn’t all be down to Finn and Mrs Gardiner, could it?

  ‘OK, so maybe I’m not so bad now,’ she said as a different kind of warmth stole through her, ‘but before...’

  ‘Remember your bedsit?’

  A picture of peeling paint and threadbare carpet flashed into her head and at the back of her throat she thought she could taste a trace of damp. ‘I’d rather not,’ she muttered with a shudder, pulling the sheet up to dispel the flurry of goosebumps.

  ‘You weren’t going to let me take Josh without you.’

  ‘Well, no, but—’

  ‘Trust me. You’re doing fine. And you’re around,’ he added. ‘Which is a plus.’

  A shadow flitted across the lean lines of his face and her heart twanged in her chest. ‘How did you cope without your mother?’

  ‘I have no idea.’

  ‘But you did.’

  ‘Of course.’

  Oh, to have his confidence, she thought wistfully. To not be in doubt about anything or anyone. She’d never met anyone so sure of himself and it was hard not to envy him. ‘I was so jealous of you, you know,’ she said, shooting him a quick smile.

  ‘When?’ he asked with a faint frown.

  ‘Those first few days after we came to stay. When I walked into your kitchen the morning after we arrived and found you feeding Josh so adeptly. There was a time when I couldn’t work out which bottle to use or how to mix formula. And then later, being with him, playing with him... You just automatically seemed to know what you were doing and I resented that.’

  ‘Believe me, I didn’t.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘I’ve never had such a steep learning curve.’

  Oh. ‘Weirdly, that’s good to know. It’s easy to assume everyone else has it sorted while you feel like you’re floundering, and I floundered more than most for what felt like the longest time.’

  ‘What happened once you got to hospital, Georgie?’

  A chill ran through her and she shivered. ‘You don’t want to know.’

  ‘I do.’

  Hmm, that was all very well, but what purpose would it serve either of them? She could see no advantage in rehashing the past. Much of it, blessedly, she couldn’t even remember. And, while sharing might have been recommended as therapy, as far as she could see she was doing perfectly well without it. ‘Why?’

  ‘I want to know everything about you.’

  Oh.

  Well.

  That was different, then, she thought, her heart slowly turning over as she scoured his eyes, looking for signs of flippancy and finding none. That was shifting this...whatever this was...to another level. And as her heart melted and her resistance evaporated, quite suddenly she wanted to tell him. She wanted him to tell him everything. She didn’t want anything to remain between them. He could handle it. He’d handled everything so far with rock-solid strength and complete equanimity, and she rather thought that, even if they hadn’t been legally joined, he’d stick it out. She’d trusted him with her body. Surely she could trust him with her secrets.

  ‘It’s not pretty,’ she warned, nevertheless scarcely able to believe she was going to open the door for him on what had been for her the darkest of times.

  ‘I won’t judge.’

  ‘If you did, you’d find me guilty.’

  ‘None of it was your fault.’

  ‘I know that, but that doesn’t lessen it.’ She swallowed hard to ease the tightness in her throat and took a deep breath. ‘I never mentioned how I ended up in hospital in the first place, did I?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘While I was staying with Carla and everything started to fall apart, not only did I begin to behave erratically and have delusions, but I also found myself beginning to really resent Josh. I started to believe that his arrival had ruined everything and...’ She paused, momentarily unable to continue, hating herself for what she was about to reveal but reminding herself that it had been a symptom of her illness. ‘I didn’t want him,’ she finished shakily. ‘I fantasised about how much easier things would be without him. I became obsessed with leaving him somewhere like outside the hospital and just walking away. One night I even got as far as the bus stop.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘Carla showed up and when I told her I was going to the hospital said she’d take me herself. Only when we arrived she had me sectioned.’

  ‘That must have been distressing,’ he said, his voice gruff.

  ‘It was. I sort of knew that it was the right thing to be doing but I also hated her for it. The diagnosis that followed was a double-edged sword. On the one hand it was a relief to know there was an explanation for what I was doing and thinking and feeling, but on the other it was a struggle to make sense of it all.’ She shook her head and frowned. ‘I was supposed to be so together. Something like that was never supposed to happen to me. And then it got worse.’

  ‘How?’ he asked, his gaze darkening with a concern that heated the chill in her blood and eased the pain of her memories.

  ‘I naively assumed that when it be
gan, the treatment would instantly sort everything out and I’d be better. But it didn’t. I was all over the place. For days I’d feel full of energy and be buzzing, convinced that I was doing fantastically. I clearly remember a week or so when my thoughts zipped along, hopping from one to another at incredible speed, and it was so exhilarating to be able to think so fast and so brilliantly. But then I’d suddenly crash to unbelievable lows. I had the most unimaginably horrible hallucinations.’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘Death,’ she said. ‘My death mainly. I kept having visions of a bunch of doctors and nurses decked out in scrubs and face masks approaching my bed in order to lift me off and put me into the coffin that sat beside it.’

  ‘My God,’ he murmured, visibly blanching.

  ‘I did warn you it wasn’t pretty,’ she said, watching his jaw tighten and his Adam’s apple bob as he fought for...well...something. ‘The periods in between were filled with the many anxieties I had over Josh. Because of the medication I was on I couldn’t breastfeed him. I couldn’t interact with him most of the time and I became obsessively worried about how that was going to affect him. Like how he wasn’t going to achieve his milestones and things because I wasn’t capable of teaching him anything. How badly I was letting him down. I was also terrified I was going to in some way harm him. Or myself.’

  ‘But that never happened.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘It never would have happened.’

  ‘I have to think not,’ she said, determined to believe it. ‘Eventually the medication kicked in and suppressed the mania but even that wasn’t easy to deal with because it put me in a fog of nothingness which was almost as horrible as what had gone on before. At least then I had the ups.’ She fell back against the pillows and gave a sigh of regret and sorrow. ‘Looking back, I don’t recognise any part of myself. I have no idea who I was. I totally lost me and that makes me sad because I’ll never be the person I was before again, and I rather liked her. She was fun and fearless. I’m not even sure who I am now.’