I don’t know what I expected, but an empty apartment wasn’t on the list. Hardwood floors as far as the eye could see. Standing inside the door, I could gaze straight through the living room into the bedroom, where the sun cascaded through the back window, illuminating the dust particles floating in the air. To the left stood the kitchen and to my immediate right I could see through a door into what looked like a half-bath. Further into the apartment and to the right another door stood closed. I assumed it was a second bedroom.
Luke told me to wait by the door. He walked around the inside wall to the kitchen, and I heard the refrigerator door open and close, then cabinet doors. I leaned forward and saw a small ottoman in a space that should have held a dinner table. Luke came back to the front door holding two glasses of white wine.
“I thought you might like a glass of wine after your workday. We have a lot to discuss and I’d like you to be relaxed,” he said, pausing to take a sip from his glass. “We won’t be staying here much longer but I did want to take care of the matter of payment.” He took the wine glass from my hand and said, “Please undress.”
I just stood, looking at him. Adrenaline coursed through my body. I felt hot all over as it spread from my rapidly beating heart to my limbs. A rush of wetness began in my folds as I kept my eyes fixed on him. He held out his hand in a familiar manner. I knew my choices. I took off my jacket and laid it in his outstretched palm. Self-consciously unbuttoning my blouse, I felt a chill run up my back as I slipped it off my shoulders and draped it over his arm. Next I stepped out of my shoes, postponing exposing more of myself right away. When I looked up, the intensity in his eyes made my heart skip a beat. How do I explain that in that moment two contrary thoughts—no, more like sensations—rushed through me?
Jane, run!
And ….
Jane, you’ve made it home, finally.
My arousal won out over my practical nature that day and the idea of running away seemed crazy. Quickly ridding myself of the rest of my clothing, I handed it over to Luke.
“Jane,” he said, “this is how I expect you to be in this apartment at all times. You should step through the front door and disrobe immediately. If we are going out you will dress at the last minute in the bathroom to the right. The same goes for work in the mornings, although I’m not sure how much longer you’ll be going to work. We can talk about that later.”
Luke slowly and deliberately walked to the bathroom and placed my clothes on top of the toilet seat cover. I still hadn’t moved. I felt another shiver convulse my body. He clasped my hand and directed me to the ottoman.
“You need this, Jane,” he said, looking at the ottoman and then back at me. “You need to know what I expect so you can avoid this happening again. My guess is that you not only need this, but want it too.”
He put pressure on my shoulder to make me drop to my knees; then he gently pushed my body forward so that I was draped over the ottoman. When he knelt down he placed something under my knees to cushion them and began tying my thighs to the back legs of the ottoman. He moved around in front of me and tied my wrists to the stunted front legs. The ottoman didn’t shift or move.
If I had thought my adrenaline maxed out before, I now knew the difference. I was so turned on at that point that I panted. My heart beat loudly in my ears, a cacophony of fear and thrill. I had never been so confused.
I couldn’t see Luke but I could hear his footsteps, and then, what sounded like a key unlocking a door. I tried to look behind me to identify his intensions but as much as I strained I couldn’t twist far enough around. He found whatever he’d been searching for quickly and returned to my side.
“Try to relax, Jane,” he whispered to me as he trailed his hand slowly down my back, over my butt, and down my thighs. Shivers cascaded down my body, leaving me even more aroused. The fear I’d felt earlier was gone. It seemed strange, given the circumstances, but I thought he was right: I needed this.
Close to my ear, he whispered, “I will start now. There will be ten. The next time I need to discipline you, expect twenty.” I heard a whoosh through the air and a resounding smack as the belt made contact with my butt.
It stung. It burned, too, but then it felt almost pleasant. I thought that I might actually enjoy the experience until the second one fell ….
“God help me,” I screamed and began squirming against the ropes.
“Jane,” he said sternly. “You must stay still or I will start over. Are you going to settle down?” He spoke the last words louder, for emphasis.
Then I was really concerned. Where had the fear been when I needed it, before he’d tied me down?
Clearly I’m crazy.
“Are you ready Jane? Eight more to go if you keep still.”
I stayed perfectly still and felt the wind pass by me, thwack!
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh, oh, oh,” I yelled as the pain burned through me. By this time, I realized that the stinging from the second crack of the strap still lingered, amplified by the third strike.
“I can see we are going to get a lot of the rules out of the way right now. You can moan, yell and scream all you want, but no words. So that was three, seven to go.”
I wanted to yell, “Just get it over with, I can’t take the waiting,” but he must have sensed my frustration. He took a leisurely stroll around me to the other side before whipping me again.
“Ooof, oh, fuuuu—” I screamed, uttering a string of curse words in my head.
Then the lashes came at a steady pace. Having them closer together didn’t help matters. I screamed and yelled, but somehow managed to stay still. I felt the belt crisscross my backside. The sting and pain from each hit remained as he applied more stripes. By the time he finished, a layer of sweat covered me. I felt as I did after a long run, with the addition of a burning, uncomfortable ass. I was exhausted and angry. Really, I flamed livid. I just lay there—not that I could have moved—trying to catch my breath and figure out what to do next. I expected him to untie me but instead he lightly touched my buttocks. And, even though my head was mired in confusion, my traitor of a body responded to his touch. He spread my folds and there found a copious amount of wetness. How could my body betray me that way? I was angry, helpless and excited all at the same time. As an experience, this was totally new.
He trailed one hand all along my body while the other explored my labia. He pulled on my nether lips, increasing my desire and wetness, causing me to arch my back. I could feel my anticipation growing, my heart pounding, my breathing quickening, and the moisture trailing down my thighs. By simply spreading my lips apart, he had brought me close to orgasm. A lust to be taken surged through me as his hands fondled my buttocks and then moved below, caressing my hips, running a lone finger through my wetness before stopping. I craved more and wondered why he left me unattended, but then I could hear him removing his pants. Soon he had sidled up behind me, causing my hips to move backward against my restraints.
Though my body betrayed me again, this time I didn’t care. I only wanted him inside me, filling me. I gritted my teeth and heard a primal animal groan tear through me. Having brought me to a frenzy, he finally inserted his large erection, inspiring guttural sounds I hadn’t known I was capable of. It didn’t hurt the way I thought it would to have him pounding against my reddened, beaten ass. In fact, as I became even more aroused, he elicited groans from the depths of my being. He reached under me and concentrated once again on my clit. I began thrashing about as much as the ropes would allow, groaning and moaning in pleasure.
“I knew you would enjoy this,” he whispered into my ear, his face pressed against my cheek. “I have so many plans to bring you to higher and higher realms of passion. All you have to do is trust me, give your body to me, and follow my lead.” He pushed his body tightly against mine with unmistakable force and strength, letting me know in no uncertain terms that he was the master and I was there to serve him. I lay there, completely at his mercy.
Luke
clearly meant to take over my body and make my body, his. My body-his? I wanted to resist, but the sheer pleasure of that moment made all my earlier doubts disappear. I climaxed with such force I thought I would break through the ropes that bound me. As my body shook from my release, he continued to slam into me from behind with abandon, his balls slapping against my aroused clit in steady rhythm. I could hear my vagina sucking on his cock, along with his loud gasps of breath, as he drove in and out. Feeling him enlarge against my walls, I knew his release would fill me with more than just pleasure. A moment later he pounded more furiously as the lion’s roar began to rumble in his chest and he shot his hot load into me, filling me until his cum flowed past my lips and down my sensitive thighs.
Fighting tears, I took a deep breath and sighed out slowly as he lowered his body to cover mine. His heart beat rapidly against my back.
We lay like that for a few minutes until he pushed himself up, slowly stroking my back and buttocks as he withdrew. He began untying each of the ropes that kept me secured to the ottoman. Helping me up onto my shaky legs, he turned me around into his embrace. At that moment I began to cry uncontrollably. The tears poured down my face, onto his shirt, and down my chest. The sobs wracked my body with such force that Luke had to physically hold me up. When they finally subsided, I looked up at him.
He kissed each of my eyelids, tasting my tears.
“We have much to talk about but I imagine you’re hungry as well. Off to the bathroom,” he said, shoving me on my way.
I understood him to mean that I should dress again. Shutting the door behind me, I gathered my clothes and placed them on the edge of the sink. I sat on the toilet, trying to collect myself. I expected my movements to cause me discomfort as I dressed, but there seemed to be no residual pain from the ordeal. Once dressed, I felt brave enough to look at myself in the mirror, but scared of what my eyes, looking back at me, would tell. To my surprise, they looked soft and happy. I smiled at myself and left the bathroom.
Luke handed me my wine glass and I finished what remained. “Thanks,” I said.
He took my glass, placed it on the floor by the door, pulled me into his arms and held me. I felt at peace—a sensation that in retrospect completely baffles me.
He led me onto the street and we walked to a restaurant on the opposite side. “I’ve heard this place is good,” he said, leading me to a booth in the back. “Would you like me to choose?” he asked.
I shook my head and said, “No, thank you.” I smiled, gazing into his eyes, and then I glanced at the menu placed in front of me. I felt encouraged that he’d asked about ordering for me that time. Perhaps I still had some say when it came to moving in with him.
After we placed our orders, Luke started laying out the plan.
“I am looking for a strong, independent woman. You’ll make all decisions with regard to your life but one. When it comes to your body, everything pertaining to your pleasure and mine is entirely up to me. You’ll have no say-so. You will essentially be giving your body over to me for my use.”
I raised my hand but pulled it down quickly, feeling ridiculous. “What if I don’t want you to do something you want me to do?”
“You always have the option of leaving. We will come up with a safe word or phrase that you can say when you want out.”
“ ‘Out,’ as in the relationship is over?” I said.
“Yes, exactly,” he said, leaning back farther in his seat. “When you decide to give me your body it will be on my terms, not yours. I promise you that I will never do anything to hurt you permanently. The only exception would be a tattoo or piercing … and those heal.”
“So let me get this straight …. For us to have a relationship it has to be on your terms? You aren’t willing to consider anything else?”
“There aren’t any other terms for you and me, Jane. You need this. You’ve needed this for a long time. We have finally found each other and we will have a great life together. This is how it has to be.”
“I was barely able to make it through today,” I said, indignantly.
“Please, Jane,” he said, laughing. “Were you hurt so badly I wasn’t able to fuck you from behind? I’m pretty sure you enjoyed yourself. You can take much more than that … and will. I have a question for you: have you ever cum as hard as you did tonight?” he said with a knowing smirk. “Well, tell me, have you?”
“No, but—”
“But nothing. This is just the beginning, Jane,” he said. “Let’s just finish dinner and you can go back to your place and think about it. If you decide to stay with me, you will show up at our apartment at nine a.m. sharp tomorrow morning. We will review the rules on the way back to your car.”
“Rules?” I said, but really, I expected this.
“Yes, rules. Shall we do it now?”
“Let’s get it over with,” I said, shifting in my seat.
“Number One. Your body is mine. You will no longer have control over your own pleasure. I will use your body as I see fit for your pleasure and mine. Number Two. Follow my directions totally and completely and without question. You must follow them to the letter, nothing more, nothing less. Number Three. Always have your legs open for me. Number Four. When you are receiving discipline I expect you to be completely still. Number Five. No words during a discipline session unless you are asked a direct question. My favorite response is ‘Yes, please.’ The exception to this rule is speaking the safe word.
“You should know in advance that if you use the safe word, I will put up a wall between us.”
“A wall?”
“You will be in charge of your destiny at all times. Use the safe word and we will be done.”
“I don’t understand. What are you talking about?”
“My emotions. I’ve learned over the years to have very good control over them. If you choose to leave, I will turn them off.”
“You can just turn your feelings off? I can’t do that,” I said, shaking my head and getting more scared. “So you’re saying that if we don’t work out, you won’t be hurt at all ’cause you’ll just turn off the damn faucet? Great—”
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t be hurt. Let’s just say we cope with our emotions differently. Shall we continue?”
“I guess.”
“Six. You will be punished for questioning an order. If you don’t understand, that’s fine, but if you are trying to talk me out of it then you will be punished. This refers back to rule Two—follow my directions totally and completely and without question.
Number Seven—my personal favorite—you will be naked in our apartment always as I showed you earlier. Clothes off by the front door.”
“Is that all of them?”
“Yes.”
I didn’t know what to say. Stunned, I just sat there looking out the window at the blur of the building next to us.
* * * *
After dinner, Luke walked me back to my car. He held me tight in his arms and kissed me goodbye. “You have a lot to think about,” he said, opening the car door for me.
“Yes I do,” I said, looking into his eyes. My heart quickened and I had to look away.
“See you tomorrow,” he said, a laugh rumbling in his chest.
I couldn’t help but smile back at him. He turned and I watched him move away into the light that cascaded from the streetlamp then disappear into the darkness. I started the car and headed home.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I pulled into the parking spot in front of my building, but as soon as I made my way upstairs, the walls seemed to close in on me. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. Maybe this was my last chance. I needed to talk, to share my experience with someone, anyone, but my mind was blank. I had already told Parker that I would end this craziness, and I had kept so much of the truth from Sandy. I didn’t know how to talk this through with another person. I tried to imagine calling my mother and saying, ‘Hi, Mom. Met a guy who wants control over my body and, well, I just might be considerin
g it.’ Yeah that would fly really well. But … I needed to speak to someone.
I picked up the phone and dialed my mother’s number. My gut wrenched as I heard the first ring. I couldn’t even hang up. My last hope was that the answering machine would pick up and save me from my own disgrace.
“Jane, is that you?” she said. The dreaded tone was already in her voice.
Ah crap, I thought. “Yes it’s me, Mom.” I already regretted my impulse.
“Well it’s about time. I thought we were going for the all-time record, but I think you are shy a couple of days. Want to call back then?” I could hear her lighting a cigarette and inhaling.
“Have you ever considered, Mother, that I postpone calling you so I won’t have to deal with crap like this?”
“Are you cursing at me Jane? I will hang up this phone!” she yelled.
“Look, can we start over? I called to find out how you are and talk to you about something.”
“I’m fine, as always. I would like it much better if my only child would come and see me now and again.”
“Did you check out the programs at the local center like you said you—?”
“What do you want to talk about, Jane?” she said, cutting me off.
“Well, I met a man and he wants us to move in together.”
“Jane, that’s truly wonderful. I had thought you were destined to be alone. I mean, all these years and no prospects.”
“Mother you make it sound like I’ve never been in a relationship before.”
“Have you ever lived with a boyfriend or preferably a husband? The answer is no. So forgive me if I’m a little surprised. Is he attractive? Does he make good money? Will you finally get your dream wedding?”
“How about, does he love me and make me happy? What about those questions?”
“Well, does he?”
“Oh well, yes, but …” I hesitated. I figured saying he scares me but also fucks me superbly wouldn’t go over well. I knew there was no way she could handle it.
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