“But ….”
“But I’m not sure if I’m ready to give up my apartment.”
“Well, dear, then don’t. Move in with him and keep your place. Then if things don’t work out you can move back. It’s good in this day and age for a woman to have her own security. Men can’t always be the answer.”
“Thanks for the words of encouragement. I’m going to go, Mom. I’ll call you soon.”
“I hope so, Jane, but I won’t stay up at night waiting.”
Just another useless knocking-my-head-against-the-wall conversation with my mother. I had missed my run and felt it. And so, emotionally exhausted, I went straight to bed.
Tomorrow … I would decide tomorrow.
CHAPTER FIVE
I arrived on time at the new apartment to discover movers hauling boxes and furniture and a man attaching something to the ceiling. I didn’t know what to do and just stood in the doorway until Luke noticed me at around 9:10 a.m.
“You’re late,” he said as strutted past me and then looked back.
“No, I’m not late, it’s just I didn’t know what—
He turned to face me. “Rule Number Seven. You will be naked in our apartment always. What part of ‘always’ don’t you understand? Good to see you, by the way,” he said, smiling. He came forward with a kiss and a hug. “Now strip and just know you owe me again. This time twenty but we can worry about that later.”
“Where do I go when I’ve undressed,” I said, shaking.
“I’ll come to you. Just wait for me.” He smiled warmly and touched my cheek as he moved away.
My emotions were all mixed up. Pleasure at his smile, deathly fear, and abject embarrassment flowed through me. I felt mortified to have to undress with all the traffic in the apartment—all male. The two burly men passed me again, carrying in a large armoire, and a carpenter anchored another eyebolt into the ceiling. One was already in place, centered over the door to the main bedroom. I had some ideas what they might be used for, and it scared me, but I felt my nipples get hard just the same. I knew if I delayed too much longer I would be in even more trouble. The movers playing follow-the-leader left the apartment, allowing me to undress with a smaller audience. I hurriedly removed my clothes because being watched as I took off my clothes seemed worse than being seen naked. As soon as I looked up again, the guy on the ladder stared at me in shock. Clearly, Luke had not warned them.
My body blushed and modesty prompted me to hold my clothes in front of me. I didn’t know if I should put my clothing in the bathroom or drop it on the floor. I needed Luke to tell me what to do and at the time, it should’ve dawned on me that I had already begun the transition into becoming Luke’s property. I stood waiting as minutes passed until I heard loud laughter coming through the second bedroom door.
Someone else was laughing along with Luke.
Oh fuck, I thought. Energy surged through my body. I felt turned on but it made no sense to me. I had never done anything like this before and yet my body responded as if it was being given what it always wanted. I knew that I would be naked in front of one of Luke’s friends with nowhere to hide. I couldn’t make myself any smaller as they approached.
“Thank you so much for coming over,” Luke said as he walked a handsome sixty-something-year-old man over to where I stood. He obviously took great care of his body and had an air of strength about him, but his presence also had an edge that reminded me of gangsters I’d seen in movies. I shivered when his gaze met mine.
“Nice one, is she here for pictures? She’s awfully eager,” he said, smiling down on me. “A real looker, I say. Should turn out well. Would love to see them when they’re done.”
They shook hands and Luke followed him out of the apartment. The movers were back and to say the men gawked would be an understatement. The guy walking backward stumbled as he carried his half of the couch into the living room. The guy carrying the other half moved quickly forward so he wouldn’t lose his end. The front door opened wider and Luke strolled back in. Save me, I entreated him silently, but that was like asking a hungry shark to pass on eating you for dinner. Save me, he would not.
“Who was that man, and what pictures?” I asked.
“I’ll take those,” he said. He took the pile of clothes that had offered me some protection. “We can talk about that later. Come sit on the couch and watch the movers work.” He took hold of my upper arm, although my arms remained glued protectively around my breasts. He led me to the couch and made me lay down. Then he unlocked my arms and placed them at my sides.
“Jane,” he said, putting pressure on my right thigh.
“Oh, right,” I said, and parted my legs.
This brought a smile to his face. “Relax,” he said, “I’m going to make us some breakfast.”
Relax … relax? How am I supposed to relax?
I felt breathless as I had the day before. I tried to watch the man screwing in the eyebolts along the ceiling but he kept looking back with a lecherous creepy smile that made my skin crawl. The movers distracted me when they brought in a coffee table and positioned it near where I lay. Then a second distraction took over. The smell of eggs and toast inspired me to take a deep breath, settling me down a bit.
How do I explain the war that raged inside of me? I stopped and looked around, understanding that this was all wrong, not how it was supposed to be. At the same time, it felt so right. Although I was beyond exposed—and I know it doesn’t make sense—I also felt cared for, held, encompassed by love and passion. This push and pull inside of me had me on the verge of tears and yet so turned on, so energized, so alive. I could see that I had lived my life in a fog until then. The walking dead I had been, shuffling through the drone of my existence. Here Luke offered me a path I would have never, ever considered and yet, it had my soul reaching out for his acceptance and approval. I had difficulty separating my rationalizations from reality. How could he fall in love with me so quickly?
“Here,” he said, handing me a plate filled with an omelet, toast and sliced tomato while making room for himself at the other end of the couch.
Taking the plate, I sat up, making sure to keep my legs slightly open. “Thank you for making me breakfast. This is a first.”
“You’re welcome,” he said taking a bite of his eggs. He ate quickly. “You look really good on my couch by the way. A first?”
I blushed at his compliment. “Someone making me breakfast. I could get used to this.”
“Ahhh.” He shook his head as if he found what I said impossible to believe. “There are many wonderful things for you to get used to,” he said and reached over to gently touch my cheek. Then his face and demeanor shifted away from me both physically and emotionally. “I have work to do. Still need to set up my equipment and do some unpacking.” He rose to his feet.
“Oh,” I said, sighing and feeling my shoulders fall. “Do you have to?”
“Yes, unfortunately, I have to. I need to be up and running by Monday and there’s still much to do.”
“Can I at least keep you company?” I asked. I felt like a dog left home alone too long.
“That’s not a bad idea, but I was going to send you home to pack up. How about this? You go home, get what you will need for the next few days. Come back later and you can sit next to me while I work. We still have much to discuss about your apartment, your work, and most importantly, payment due.” Grinning, he leaned in to kiss me on the forehead. “Finish up and you can get dressed.”
* * * *
When I made it back to my place, I felt so excited that I ran up the stairs and rushed through the door. Then I came to a sudden halt. I looked around, noticing how different the apartment seemed, how different I felt. The place was like an old shirt that no longer fit me. Even the smell seemed foreign. In such a short time Luke’s masculine smell had come to represent home for me. I decided to go for a run before packing what I needed. My life was changing so rapidly that only my running was keeping me sane. Usually I would
run to feel more like my old self, but on that day my new being held more power over me. Today, I thought, I run as Jane of Luke and Jane. I hurriedly changed my clothes, grabbed my iPod off the counter, and bounded out the door.
It felt good to be on the beach, running with my hard alternative songs blasting their driving beat into my headphones. I settled into a rhythm, following the beat of the music while the sunshine engulfed me in warmth that made my entire body relax into a steady pace as the waves of the Atlantic Ocean pounded the shore. Negotiating the crowded boardwalk during the second mile, I felt a decision finally overtake me: I wanted what Luke offered me. I couldn’t be sure what he would ask of me, but the unknown stimulated me to such a high degree that even as I ran down the beach I experienced intense stimulation. When I thought of Luke my nipples became erect and tingles shot through my body. My panting breaths reminded me of his body on top of mine. I fantasized what he would do to me. He had found the trigger to my sexuality and I was prepared to explore it with abandon.
I slowed down, jogging lightly along as I changed the music to my cool-down playlist. After a time I slowed to a walk. “Sideways” by Santana and Citizen Cope began to blare through my headphones, perfectly illustrating my state of mind. That is how I felt … sideways. I looked back in amazement on how much my life had shifted in such a short time. My relationship with Luke had left me completely off balance, and I had always avoided quick changes in my life. None of that deterred me then. I had dived into the deep end of a pool without my mask or snorkel, not at all concerned about breathing underwater.
* * * *
I finished stretching, took a quick shower, and made a mad dash to pack. I pulled two suit sets out of the closet. I grabbed a handful of underwear, a couple of bras, a pair of jeans, three sets of workout clothes, shorts, and a few t-shirts. I chuckled to myself at the thought of taking clothing that I wasn’t allowed to wear in the apartment. There would be less laundry for sure. Quickly I scooped up all my bathroom stuff and shoved it into my overnight cosmetic bag.
What am I forgetting? Oh shit, my pills, I thought, reaching into the medicine cabinet for my birth control pills. Grabbing my favorite black shoes and sneakers, I headed out the door.
After throwing all my stuff into the trunk, I climbed into the car. It dawned on me in that moment that I needed to call my friends and mother and give them my new number. I also needed to get the number from Luke.
“Crap,” I said and slammed the steering wheel.
I ran back upstairs to grab the charger for my cellphone and realized I should clean out the refrigerator. For once in my life I rejoiced to see it mostly empty. I threw away everything except the condiments into a garbage bag. With bag in hand, I locked the door behind me and used the far set of stairs to flounce to the dumpster. I tossed the bag in and made a quick beeline back to my car.
Okay, I thought. We’re doing this. I maneuvered the rearview mirror to look at myself, just wanting to make sure that it was still me looking back.
* * * *
Excitement rushed through me at the thought of seeing Luke again. I grabbed all the stuff from the car, including my purse, and hurtled up the stairs. I knocked on the apartment door. Luke answered it and laughed out loud.
“Why are you knocking?” he said.
“Oh,” I said, laughing easily with him. “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” I pulled my stuff through the door.
“Let me take those things,” he said, taking the bags from my hands.
I stood by the door, leaning back against the wall and realizing that I would never walk into our apartment like a normal person. I felt relieved to find the place empty for my disrobing, but something told me not to get too used to it.
As I removed my clothes I looked across to the living room. Along with the brown couch I had laid on earlier sat a matching chair. The far right corner of the room held a bulbous oriental urn that I assumed had come from Japan. He had told me to wait by the door, so I leaned over as far as I could to see more of the apartment. I could see half of a round table and chairs made of wood. As Luke returned, I pulled upright.
“I put your bags in the bedroom; you can unpack later. I hung the suits in the closet, but I insist on taking you shopping and getting you something that will better do you justice.” He reached for my clothes and clasped my hand in his. “You took longer than I expected and your hair’s wet. Did you go for a run?”
“Yes,” I said, “I needed it.”
“A treadmill is being delivered so on the days you can’t make it to the beach you can still run.”
“Wow, that was very thoughtful,” I said with a smile.
“Or resourceful … either way,” he said.
“ ‘Resourceful,’ what does that mean?” The comment dashed the idea that he had acted out of consideration.
“Never mind, it’s wonderful to have you back,” he said, leading me into the bedroom.
I recognized the furniture from the party house. It filled the bedroom, not leaving much space to move.
“We have a lot to talk about, but we’ll do that later. I have a conference call in about thirty minutes. You have a choice. We can get your punishment out of the way now or you can lie down on the bed and I will show you the true meaning of indulgence. I’ve wanted to taste you ever since that first night.”
Call me a procrastinator, but I chose the second option. If I thought anything would be straight up with this man, I was mistaken.
“Lay on your back in the middle of the bed. Spread your arms and legs to the four corners,” he said, reaching down for something I couldn’t see alongside the bed.
When he straightened up I saw a black leather strap that appeared to have Velcro on it. He pulled the two touching parts away from each other, and I concluded that he held a cuff that attached under the bed. He placed my left wrist inside and securely fastened it. Prowling around me with the grace of a lion, he made quick work of his task, securing both my ankles and my right wrist.
Just the act of securing me to the bed started a groundswell of stimulation to move through my body. My movements limited, I felt terribly vulnerable, but the anticipation flared, becoming more intense. I began to rationalize that the restraints provided pleasure and all of that was okay as long as I wanted it. My breathing quickened as I felt more and more out of control. I looked at Luke in a panic.
“Jane, take a couple of deep breaths and relax. You will really enjoy this.”
I obeyed him, taking a couple of long deep inhalations and pursing my lips as I slowly blew out the air. It did seem to slow down the panting, but did nothing to contain my craving. He began running his hands softly down the underside of my right arm. It tickled me slightly, and as he continued to treat my whole body to his soft touch, the panting came back worse than before and the moistness between my legs began to trickle onto the bed. I gasped and moaned, trying to move my body away from the touch that had me crying out.
I felt tortured with desire. I was raw passion with no inhibitions. Anger and passion had found a new outlet. He teased his way down my lower body, gently gliding over my sweet spot but never actually touching it.
“Please,” I begged. “Please, I need you to make me cum.” I groaned. I’d never been so brazen. “Pleeeeasse,” I repeated, pulling against my restraints.
“Not to worry, my love, your need will be fully satisfied,” he said as he walked to the end of the bed. Reaching down, he released the strap on my left leg, allowing for more movement. He repeated the processes on the other side, lifting my legs so that my calves touched the back of my thighs, completely exposing my saturated flower. Then he slid his forearms under my butt and lifted me up. I felt his deft tongue flick across my now rock hard clit. I never knew I could feel this sensual.
Until that moment, I had never been a huge fan of cunnilingus. Every man always said the same thing, that the guys before “me” just didn’t know what they were doing. Well let’s just say th
at until that day, I had not known a single man who had any idea about pleasuring a woman with his tongue. Luke, on the other hand, had it mastered. He seemed to be able to gauge my growing intensity and withdraw just before I was about to trip the light fantastic. With each subsequent climb a cavalcade of new sensations pushed me to new heights. He had a way of using his tongue softly, with just the right amount of pressure.
He slowly, cleverly brought me to a plane of pleasure I had not yet experienced. I screamed, “OOOOhhhhh, let me cum, let me cum, please oh god, please, let me cum!” And, praise god, he did. My orgasm hit with such force, with such intensity that my throat grew raw from my screams of ecstasy. I lay there satisfied and blissful, melting into the bed.
Slowly my bliss began to fade, but I still basked in deep satisfaction. As my awareness came back to the room, I heard a clicking sound around me. I opened my eyes and Luke whispered, “I’ve never seen you look more beautiful. I will need to taste your sweet juices often. Close your eyes again for me, love.”
He changed my position a couple of times, tilting my head to one side and moving my legs into a different position. He adjusted my arms.
I saw a flash.
At the time I made no connection between the pictures Luke was taking and the man who asked about viewing pictures of me. Floating on a cloud of love and fulfillment, I could think of nothing else. I lay submerged in a warm pool of lust and contentment. I could barely open my eyes. I really didn’t care what was taking place as the flashes continued to illuminate my eyelids.
“Luke,” I said, opening my eyes once again, “please make love to me.”
“As much as I would like to, love, I have to go back to work,” he said as he shuffled through the frames on the camera.
Looking away, I sighed deeply. I knew that if circumstances were different and Luke wanted to make love, I would have no choice in the matter. I felt a little edgy and sad but pushed the emotions away.
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