“That’s a smart outfit,” she said as she approached. “You look younger, Jane, I like it.”
“What do you want, Mother?” I said, pivoting to face her.
“Jane, why would you say something like that to me?” She threw up her hands in exasperation.
“Well, let’s just say you aren’t one for compliments.”
“People change,” she said, raising her eyebrows as if offering just one possibility.
“Have you met someone? Did you actually go out to the community center?” I asked, suspicious as ever of her motives.
“Well no. Can’t I just be happy to be lunching with my daughter?” she said as we followed the host to our table.
“Okay,” I said. I sat down by the window, still waiting for her to reveal the real reason for her atypical behavior. The snake you know is far safer than the spider you don’t.
“So, have you moved?” she asked.
“Sort of,” I said. I took the black napkin off the table and placed it on my lap. “After we have lunch I’m going to swing back by my apartment and pack some more things.”
“Oh, I was hoping to see your new place.” She lined her silverware straight on two sides and moved her water glass closer.
“We aren’t all settled in yet.” I couldn’t imagine my mother in our place. I couldn’t visualize it at all.
“I see. So when do I get to meet him?” She drummed her fingers on the table.
“He’s out of town until tomorrow but I’ll ask him soon,” I said to placate her.
“Good.” Her fingers mercifully stilled.
I finally realized her little act had to do with wanting to meet Luke. If she behaved, she thought her chances of my introducing him to her would increase. My mother was anything if not crafty. She never seemed to go about anything straight on. Lying was second nature to her—one of the reasons I abhorred it.
“You’ll never guess who I heard from last week,” she said.
“Who?” I pretended interest.
“Jim,” she said nonchalantly.
“Dad called and you’re only telling me now?” I hadn’t heard from my father for years. The only reason he would stomach calling my mother would be to get in touch with me. “That’s bullshit, Mother. What did he say?”
“Jane, don’t curse at me or I’ll leave you sitting in this restaurant even before our food has been served.” She moved her chair back, threatening to get up.
“Okay, okay, please sit down, Mother,” I said. “I will control myself.”
“I didn’t hear an apology in that.” She grabbed her purse off the table.
“I’m sorry for cursing, Mother. Please tell me.” Although I pleaded with her, I really wanted to reach across and grab her by the lapels.
“He wanted to get in touch with you, but ….”
A litany of curse words ran through my head. I took a deep breath before speaking. “But what?” I clasped my hands in my lap, trying to calm myself.
“I told him you were busy and I didn’t want to bother you,” she said, tilting her head, as if that were a perfectly reasonable response.
I stood up and walked outside the restaurant. I knew my mother could see me but I didn’t care. “Fuck, shit, fuck, shit,” I said out loud to myself. “If only I could slap her. That would feel so good.” I took a couple of deep breaths and slowly walked back in, heading back to our table.
“Please tell me you got his current number,” I said through clenched teeth. I sat down and placed my hands on the table in front of us.
She reached into her purse and handed me a piece of paper.
Why couldn’t she have just given me his number? So like her to add stress where none was necessary.
“Thank you,” I said, just barely managing to get it out. “What did he say?”
“He asked about you and how you’re doing. I didn’t say much and kept the conversation short.”
“Did he say where he’s living now? What he’s doing for work?”
“Jane, I said I kept the conversation short. I gave you his number. Call him if you must but you should know he will just let you down again as he has done repeatedly in the past to both of us.”
“Mother, you pushed him out. I don’t know why you insist on blaming him.”
“You have a warped sense of your childhood, dear. Things were never easy with your father. He would—”
“You know what? I don’t want to hear the list again, okay? Let’s change the subject.”
I still clutched his number in my hand as the conversation became a blur. I hated that she reminded me of all the disappointment he had caused. I hated that I still wanted something from him that I never got. My mother wanted me to believe that people change. Could he have changed? Did I even want to risk it?
I shook my head at all the pauses as my mother gossiped about the people who lived in her condo building, not really hearing her. I wondered why he had come back around again and how long he planned to stay in touch.
* * * *
After lunch I spent three hours sorting through the stuff in my apartment. I separated all my things into three piles as I contemplated calling my father. One pile held the stuff I would bring over to our new place, the second pile contained the things I would get rid of and the last pile was composed of stuff to go into storage. I left the kitchen alone, deciding not to pack it up.
By the time I had returned to our place and made several trips up and down the stairs, I experienced pure exhaustion. I had no interest in running on the treadmill or going to the beach. I stripped by the door and headed straight to the bedroom.
I unpacked the boxes and scattered my artwork around the place. On the wall next to the table I hung my favorite photograph of an Indian boy. I thought Luke would approve.
After I finished organizing my things, I opened the laptop and checked my email.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Today
Jane,
I had hoped to have a chance to email you yesterday but the day was hectic, with last minute appointments. I hope the phone call last night helped. I’m getting ready to head out to the airport in a few. Can’t wait to hear all about your week when I get there. Be ready for me, Jane.
Love you,
Luke
What did that mean? Be ready for him. I probably should have been worried about what he had in store for me but the excitement of seeing him again took precedence.
CHAPTER TWELVE
That night I barely slept. I was too preoccupied by thoughts of everything that had happened. While questioning the sanity of my life with Luke, I also realized I could never go back. Luke touched me, reached me in a way no one else had. The excitement and trepidation had me buzzing. When I finally got out of bed at 5 a.m., I decided the only remedy was a good run. Despite the lack of sleep I still needed to burn up excess energy. Instead of a run I opted for the treadmill and a series of sprints to quell the anxiety over my anticipation of Luke’s arrival home.
Afterwards I took my time grooming for him. I shaved my legs, underarms, pussy lips, and bikini line. I plucked my eyebrows, showered and even did a Fleet just in case. I finished with time to spare. In the mirror I looked into the eyes of a woman I was getting to know better every day but wasn’t absolutely sure I liked.
I decided to do some writing. I began chronicling my experiences with Luke starting with our first meeting. The process of recollection left me confused again about the true Luke, not to mention the true “me.” Luke had many facets and I wondered if I could love them all. Was the person I had briefly grown to know truly him or just my vision of him?
I lost track of time when I wrote. Writing would become my solace. I sat there, on the bed, until I heard the door open some hours later.
I hit save and slammed the top of the laptop shut. At the last moment I remembered to turn the ringer on Luke’s phone back on. Then I ran to the other door to greet hi
m.
“What a sight for sore eyes,” Luke said, rewarding me with a huge smile.
“You can’t even imagine how glad I am to see you,” I said. I took his garment bag. “You must be exhausted.”
“I slept some on the plane so I’m good. You have a reward and punishment due you, my love, but tomorrow’s soon enough for all that.”
“Will we ever have a normal hello, Luke?”
“Oh, probably not,” he said, laughing. “Enough with the talking for now. I’m going to take a quick shower and meet you in bed. I need to show you how much I missed you. I’ve been thinking about tasting you again all week. Really, Jane, you need to think about leaving that job of yours and traveling with me. I don’t like us to be apart.”
He carried his suitcase into the bedroom and I hung his garment bag in the closet. Turning to me, he lifted me into a big hug. I wrapped my legs around his waist and we kissed deeply. It felt wonderful to have him home.
When he came strolling back into the room with his hair still wet from the shower—the towel wrapped around his waist revealing his taut stomach muscles—desire spun through me like never before. No man had ever ignited that kind of passion within me. Never had I met anyone so at home in his exquisite flesh. He took my hand in his and kissed my palm. “Too long,” he said.
His lips encompassed mine, breathing them in, licking, suckling, and prodding them with his tongue. For the first time we met in bed as equals. He didn’t tie me down or restrain me in any way. He moved his mouth slowly and softly down my neck, breathing me in. My arms were free to caress him. I buried my hands in his sandy brown hair and pulled his mouth to my breast.
“Oh,” I cried out as he ran his tongue along my protruding nipple. “Yes, too long.”
* * * *
We made love like a normal couple that night and the experience distracted me from thoughts of what might befall me the next day. We shared stories about our weeks but avoided talking about the circumstances of his departure on the previous Monday. I felt safe and our apartment morphed back into a home. Without Luke there, the place had felt like it belonged to someone else. With Luke home it again became our sanctuary, our refuge from the rest of world.
“I like what you’ve done with the place,” Luke said, when we finally emerged from the bed in search of food. “Makes it feel homey and lived in. I especially like the sepia painting of the young boy, although I think we should move him into the bedroom.”
“Whatever you’d like,” I said, stepping forward to snuggle into his arms.
* * * *
I managed to forget about what I had done on Friday with Pierce until I woke up Monday morning. The knot in the pit of my stomach had me feeling nauseous and anxious at the same time. What Luke had in store for me was shoved to the back burner. For once I hoped he would order me to take the day off. I didn’t want to face Pierce, my boss, or anyone else for that matter. Both Allison and my boss expected to have lunch with me today.
Please, please, I thought, don’t ask me to wear a new outfit to work.
In an attempt to regain control, I attacked my treadmill, running hard and fast. I had hoped to burn out the stress, but once I was stretched and showered, I realized that the stress wasn’t so easily excised. I guessed I’d have to walk through the fire. Luke still slept as I slipped out of the apartment for work in my typical business suit and shoes, hair up in a twist.
When I got into my car, I yelped. A package lay on the passenger seat. First I thought of Pierce but then knew that was nonsense. He didn’t know where I lived. I took a deep breath and moved the package to my lap. Inside was my new Tulip butt plug, the small bottle of olive oil, a Fleet, a black strip of silk and a note. Butterflies jumped around in my stomach as I stared at the message.
Be ready for me at 5:00 p.m. sharp outside of your office building.
—Luke
“Shit,” I said. I put all the items, including the note, into my bag.
I managed to make it to my office without crossing paths with Pierce. I didn’t notice any strange or odd looks so I felt reassured that he hadn’t told anyone about my deed.
I was fully absorbed with wicked thoughts of Luke’s gift that alluded to what would befall me after work. I’d have to leave early. I’d have to get to the bathroom and hope it was empty to do the fleet. Maybe I could ask Pierce to borrow his bathroom, I thought and laughed out loud. Later on I would regret that nonchalance. One shouldn’t get cocky before the jury is in.
I was quickly swept up in a hectic current of work that didn’t subside until Allison showed up for lunch. I begged off, and we rescheduled for Thursday. Unfortunately that left me in the office for Pierce’s arrival.
“We need to talk,” he said as he pulled my office door shut and locked it.
“I thought I was clear,” I said. “There is nothing to talk about.” I crossed my arms in front of me. I tried to look calm but inside I was having a breakdown.
“I disagree,” he said. Pierce pulled up a chair from against the wall and placed it backwards in front of my desk. He sat leaning against the back with his arms folded across the top. “You never once showed interest in me and yet you show up at my office and jerk me off and walk off with my sperm. I was dazed at the moment but am no longer.”
The condom filled with his cum still lay somewhere in my purse. I imagined dumping the contents of my purse out in front of him and handing him back his sperm. I suppressed the nervous laughter but not the smile.
“What do you find so funny, Jane?” he said, leaning farther forward in his chair.
“Nothing,” I said. I placed my hands on my lap and leaned forward toward him.
“Friday was a fluke.” A Luke, fluke, I thought and almost starting laughing again. “It won’t happen again and as far as I’m concerned, it never happened in the first place. You said you understood.”
“Well I don’t understand. Why don’t we go out on a date like normal people, Jane, and take it from there.”
“You don’t get it …. I have no interest in you.”
“This is about that Luke guy? Then what the fuck?”
“I don’t mean to be crude but did you not enjoy yourself?”
“Well, yeah, I guess,” he said, shrugging.
“Then let’s leave it at—”
A knock on the door startled us both. Pierce unlocked and opened it to reveal Brian standing in the hallway.
“Oh sorry, am I interrupting?” Brian said.
“Not at all,” I quickly said. “Pierce was just leaving.”
“Great,” Brian said.
“We’ll talk later,” Pierce said as he left my office.
“He didn’t look pleased,” Brian said.
“Oh that’s just him,” I said. “What can I do for you?”
“I was checking on lunch.” He turned around the chair in front of my desk and sat down.
Dealing with Brian was only slightly less nerve-racking than dealing with Pierce. I didn’t want to piss him off—he held the keys to my job security—but at the same time I wasn’t interested in leading him on either.
“Is this a business lunch or personal?”
“Whichever you prefer,” he said.
“I appreciate the offer, Brian, but I have a boyfriend.” I squirmed. “It was the outfit, right?”
He laughed. “No, not really. I had wanted to ask you for some time … but I guess the outfit added urgency to it. And I was right, wasn’t I? That’s why Pierce was here, too, I imagine.” He looked me over as if he could still see my outfit from Friday.
I took a deep breath and said, “I’m not sure what to say other than I’m flattered and I hope you aren’t offended by my declining.” I stood in a way that said, It is time for you to go now.
“Not at all. Had I known you were involved, I wouldn’t have asked.” He stood in response to my gesture.
I got the impression it had taken a lot of courage for him to ask in the first place and yet he seemed relieved. We
just stood there for a minute looking at each other. I finally said, “Are there work related things you wanted to talk about?”
“Those can wait,” Brian said. He walked back over to the door and said, “Jane, if you ever need anything ….”
“Thank you,” I said.
I had such an odd feeling as he left my office. It was as if a normal life could have been mine had I only been paying attention. It’s not as if I had a crush on my boss or had ever really fantasized about him in that way, but at that moment I realized that had I not attended the party with Scott, had I never met Luke, I might have taken a completely different path and … that path might have just walked out of my office.
“Ugh,” I said out loud.
At four o’clock I decided to do a scouting trip to the women’s bathroom. There was no way I could use it to insert the Fleet and crouch down on the floor for two full minutes while it worked. While there was plenty of room in the handicapped stall, there was too much space between the stall door and the floor, leaving me exposed for all to see. Anyone who came in would be able to see me hunkering down on the cold tiled floor. I thought to myself, not pretty.
As I saw it, I had three options. I could use the bathroom in Brian’s office but I couldn’t fathom a good enough excuse. I could run home, get ready, and hurry back. Again, I would need a creative excuse to leave and it would be hard to explain coming back after that. The third option brought me back to the dreaded Pierce. On his floor, right across from his office, stood a private bathroom. Like an executive washroom, it was reserved for those working on that floor. There had to be another solution, but I couldn’t think of any. I thought of using the Fleet in my office but worried I wouldn’t make it to the bathroom in time.
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