His Pretend Wife

by Lucy Gordon

  Hetta nodded, accepting this as a compliment, and they laughed together.

  ‘Are you all ready to go?’

  Hetta nodded vigorously. ‘Home!’ she carolled. ‘I’m going home.’

  A sound made Elinor glance up quickly, smiling when she saw Daisy. But the smile faded at the look on her friend’s face. Daisy seemed distracted with worry, and she beckoned Elinor urgently into the corridor.

  ‘I’m sorry to land this on you, on top of everything else, luv.’

  ‘Daisy, whatever’s happened?’

  ‘That Mr Jenson in number six,’ Daisy said with loathing. ‘Stayed in bed this morning, with a cold, he said. But he took his smokes with him and fell asleep. We were all lucky to get out alive.’

  ‘You mean-?’

  ‘A terrible fire we had, soon after you left this morning. Top floor burned out. Everything black with smoke. And now the fire service say the building’s unsafe. They let us back for a few minutes to get our things, but that’s all. I brought your stuff.’

  For the first time Elinor noticed her suitcases on the floor, and she began to feel sick as the full implications of this reached her. Daisy read her expression without trouble.

  ‘The insurance will cover it,’ she said, ‘but in the meantime nobody can live there. The two students have gone to a hostel, Mr Jenson has dumped himself on his sister and she’s welcome to him. I’ve found a little hotel nearby, where I can keep an eye on the rebuilding. But I don’t know what you’ll do.’

  ‘It’s all right,’ Elinor said, trying to sound calm. ‘We’ll find somewhere. You’ve been wonderful to us, Daisy. Now you’ve got to think of yourself.’

  She maintained a cheerful front until she was alone, but then the shock of her situation came over her. In a few hours Hetta would be discharged, and she had nowhere to take her. Daisy’s place had been shabby, but it had also been clean and comfortable. There she could have tended Hetta in peace, with Daisy’s kindly help. Now she was alone in a cold desert.

  She pulled herself together. Whatever happened Hetta must never suspect anything was wrong. She was smiling as she returned to her child, and sat with her, making their own silly little jokes until Hetta fell asleep.

  As darkness fell the night shift began to appear. The nurse in charge swept her eyes over the patients, and frowned at the sight of Elinor, sitting in a chair, her suitcases hidden unconvincingly under the bed. Elinor’s nervousness grew. Nurse Stewart was a well-meaning woman, and not deliberately unkind. But her mind was rigid. To her there was only one ‘right’ way of doing things, and that was the way prescribed by the rules. She was also a busybody, happiest when imposing her views on others.

  ‘Mrs Landers,’ she said, ‘a moment, if you please.’

  She swept on to her desk, and Elinor followed her reluctantly.

  ‘Visiting time is over, you know,’ Nurse Stewart said. ‘I really must ask you to leave.’

  ‘But I can’t,’ Elinor said desperately. ‘I’ve nowhere to go. The place I lived burned down today. I’ve only just heard.’

  ‘Is that why you have your suitcases with you?’

  ‘Yes. Someone rescued my things.’

  ‘I see. Well, that’s very unfortunate, of course,’ the nurse said in the tone she would have used to describe a shortfall of bandages, ‘but this is not a hotel. There are no provisions in the rules for overnight accommodation.’

  ‘But I was allowed to stay just after the operation.’

  ‘Ah, yes, when your little girl was in danger, and in the intensive care unit, but she’s on a general ward now, and the danger is long over. In fact, I believe she’s due to be discharged tomorrow.’

  ‘But where?’ Elinor said desperately. ‘I’ve nowhere to take her now.’

  ‘You’d better start looking for somewhere else first thing.’

  Somewhere else meant a place that would demand a deposit, and the money she’d made recently wouldn’t run to that. Elinor’s despair must have shown in her eyes for the nurse, with a plain attempt to be helpful, said, ‘I’m sure the social services will help you. There are homes for children with special needs. I’ll find you the number.’

  ‘No,’ Elinor choked. ‘I don’t want anyone taking her over. I want her with me.’

  ‘But I’m sure you realise that Hetta’s best interests must come first.’

  ‘Her best interests mean a proper home with her mother.’

  ‘But you don’t have one, do you?’ Nurse Stewart said, smiling blandly.

  To Elinor that smile was horrible. It was the face of the pitiless world that had done its best to crush her, and would keep trying until her strength was exhausted. She felt some frightening, uncontrollable feeling rising in her. If it reached the surface it would emerge as screams, she knew it.

  Turning, she ran out of the ward, along the corridor and down the stairs until she reached the ground, then out into the hospital garden. Terror and panic were mounting in her as she ran and ran, until at last she collided with a tree and stayed just as she was, clutching the trunk and giving way to her grief.

  She’d fought and fought, and given it everything she had. But it wasn’t enough, and suddenly she had no more strength to fight.

  CHAPTER SIX

  E LINOR had held onto her control through everything, refusing to let herself weep no matter how bad things had become. But now it all caught up with her like a wave that had been growing from a great distance until it crashed over her without mercy, leaving her shaking and helpless in the grip of sobs.

  ‘No!’ she screamed. ‘Not any more, please. There has to be an end somewhere. No more-no-please-’

  ‘Is something wrong?’ asked a man’s voice behind her.

  ‘Go away,’ she cried passionately. ‘Yes, something’s wrong. Everything’s wrong and there’s nobody to help. Go away!’

  She heard a step, as though someone had moved closer, and Andrew said, ‘There is someone to help.’

  She swung around, tears pouring down her face. She was beyond speech, beyond dismay that he’d found her like this, beyond hope or fear. She could do nothing but lean against the tree in helpless, shuddering despair.

  ‘I don’t know what to do,’ she said huskily. ‘There’s always one more thing and I’m falling apart. I mustn’t-for Hetta’s sake-but I am, I am, and there’s nowhere to go-oh, God!-’

  She wept freely, not even trying to cover her face. Her strength had collapsed all in a moment and there was nothing left.

  Andrew took hold of her shoulders gently. ‘Has something happened to Hetta?’ he asked. ‘Do you want me to go to her?’

  ‘No, she’s fine,’ Elinor choked.

  ‘If she’s fine, everything’s fine. Ellie, do you hear that? If Hetta is safe and well, nothing else matters. Cling to it. Any other problem can be solved.’

  But she could barely hear him. Anguish shook her, wrung her out, drained her. He was so close to her that she could feel his breath, and put up her hands as if to fend him off, shaking her head from side to side.

  ‘No,’ she gasped, ‘no, it’s no use-don’t you understand? Nothing’s any use because as fast as you cope with one thing-there’s always something else-it’s like-there’s someone up there who’s going to throw one thing after another into my path until I give in-and-and-’

  ‘OK, OK,’ he said. ‘You’re having hysterics, and it’s no wonder after what you’ve been through, but it’s going to be fine-’

  ‘What do you know?’ she demanded, not screaming but speaking in a low, hoarse whisper. ‘There’s nothing you or anyone can do about this. They’re going to take her away from me and I can’t stop them.’

  All her control had gone and grief poured out of her in ugly hee-hawing sobs. Andrew wasted no more time in talking but put his arms about her and pulled her hard against his chest.

  ‘All right,’ he murmured. ‘Let it come. You’ve fought it long enough, don’t try any more.’

  ‘I can’t cope with anything else,�
�� she sobbed.

  ‘There’s no need to. You’re not alone.’

  ‘Yes, I am, I’ve always been alone. Oh, you don’t have to tell me it’s my own fault-’

  ‘I wasn’t going to-’

  ‘I know it, and I can survive if it’s just me, but it’s not fair on Hetta, she’s never had any kind of life-’

  ‘But she’s going to have a great life now,’ he said, trying to be heard through her torrent of words.

  ‘She should have had a better mother, someone who knew what to do and didn’t go blundering through life making mistakes and getting it all wrong, and, oh, God! Oh, God!’

  He gave up trying to get through to her and held her tightly while the storm raged. When he finally felt her calm down a little he put his hands either side of her face.

  ‘Listen to me,’ he said severely. ‘Whatever it is, something can be done, yes, it can,’ he added quickly as she tried to speak. ‘This is just nerves because you’ve been through so much and it’s all caught up with you in one go. But it’s not like you to give in.’

  ‘You don’t know what’s like me,’ she whispered.

  ‘I know you always had a lot of courage.’

  ‘Not really. Way back then-I was all talk. I didn’t know what life was about.’

  ‘And you think you know now?’

  ‘It’s about betrayal,’ she said quietly, ‘and fighting, and things always turning out wrong, and knowing it was your own fault because you’re stupid.’

  ‘You’re not stupid. Don’t talk about yourself like that. Now tell me what brought this on. Why should Hetta be taken away from you?’

  ‘Because I’ve nowhere for us to live. The guest house where we’ve been staying burned down today and she’s due out of here tomorrow.’

  ‘Then we’ll find somewhere else for you to go.’

  ‘How can I? I’ve no money and Nurse Stewart wants to bring in social services, and they’ll take her away from me-’

  ‘Of course they won’t,’ he said firmly. ‘They’re not ogres. They know Hetta needs her mother. As for Stewart, what on earth made you confide in that stupid woman?’

  ‘I couldn’t help it. She found me-I’m not supposed to be here at night-’

  ‘But you’ve nowhere else. Right. Leave her to me.’

  He relaxed his grip, giving her space to draw back and see his face. In the dark it was hard to make out details, but she could see that it was hard and set, and radiated confidence. Even so, ‘You won’t make Nurse Stewart back down,’ she said.

  He raised his eyebrows. ‘I’m commonly held to have a little authority around here. Even over her. Come on.’

  He took her elbow and led her back through the trees. As they approached the lights of the building he released her and said firmly, ‘Keep quiet and leave everything to me.’

  ‘All right.’ Her fear had gone. The total confidence and authority of this man was beyond question. He could do anything.

  His manner as he entered the ward was impeccably formal, and Nurse Stewart hurried forward, eyeing Elinor suspiciously.

  ‘A very serious problem has developed,’ she hurried to say. ‘Hetta Landers is suddenly homeless, and I really feel it’s my duty to-’

  ‘To inform me,’ Andrew interrupted her smoothly. ‘You were quite right, but Mrs Landers has already consulted me, and I have the problem in hand.’

  ‘I’m sure you agree that it’s a matter for the proper authorities. A vulnerable child must not be-’

  ‘Must not be parted from her mother,’ Andrew interrupted again, and this time in a manner that made it plain he was taking charge of the conversation. ‘I have a good friend who’s highly placed in the social services. I’ve already contacted him, and there’s no need for you to take any action.’

  Nurse Stewart’s mouth tightened, and Elinor guessed that to be told to do nothing was ashes to her.

  ‘Of course, if you have the matter in hand…’ she said reluctantly. ‘May I know the name of this friend?’

  There was a silence, during which Andrew’s face assumed the frozen, stony look that his staff dreaded. Elinor thought she would die if he ever turned that look on her. And then she remembered the night that he had.

  ‘Are you implying that you do not believe me, Nurse?’ Andrew asked very, very quietly.

  Even Nurse Stewart blenched at his tone, but she rallied. ‘Certainly not, but if he should be in touch-’

  ‘It will be with me, not you. Now, Mrs Landers, if you’ll collect your things, I’m sure your friends will be here for you soon.’

  Dazed, Elinor drew her cases quietly from under the bed, managing not to disturb Hetta. Andrew took one from her and strode out of the ward, with her following.

  Not a word was uttered while they went along the corridor and into a lift. But when the doors were safely shut and they were on their way down Elinor ventured to say, ‘Suppose she checks up to find out if you told the truth?’

  He turned astonished eyes on her. ‘Check up? On me?’

  There it was again, that total dominating authority that expected no challenge. It wasn’t even arrogant. It didn’t need to be.

  ‘But all those things you said-what will she do when nothing happens?’

  He regarded her with faint amusement. ‘But something will happen. I’m going to make it happen.’ His mouth assumed a sardonic twist. ‘Don’t you think I can?’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ she said, meaning it. ‘I think you could do just about anything.’

  Two floors down they left the lift and headed along another corridor, and a door.

  ‘This is my office. You can stay here tonight. There’s a small bathroom through there, so you won’t need to go out for any reason. Stretch out on the sofa, keep the door locked and don’t answer to anyone except me. I’ll be here at five-thirty in the morning. That way, I’ll be ahead of the cleaner, who comes at six. Here’s a small travelling alarm. Set it for five o’clock. Have I forgotten anything?’

  ‘I can’t imagine you forgetting anything. Thank you so much. I just don’t know how to-’

  ‘No need,’ he said quickly. ‘Goodnight.’

  He vanished fast, leaving her regarding the closed door. Slowly she locked it, feeling dizzy after the events of that evening. But as she settled herself on the sofa and turned out the light she felt a strange calm descend on her. On the surface things were no better. She still had nowhere to take Hetta next day. But Andrew had said he would take care of it. And that made her feel safe.

  Now she could relax enough to fall asleep. As her consciousness blurred she felt she were back again in the garden, racked with torment, pouring out her heart to him, feeling the comfort of his arms about her.

  That shouldn’t have happened, she thought. It had reminded her of things best forgotten. For years she’d hidden away the memory of what it had felt like to be held by him. Two husbands had come and gone, both of them bad mistakes. She’d survived by not comparing them to the man whose love she’d thrown away because she’d been too young and stupid to appreciate it.

  She’d learned its value when it had been too late, and then she’d buried him deep in the dark places of her mind. It had been that or go mad with regret.

  Now an ironic accident had forced her to remember. In the darkness it was as though he were there with her again, warming her, murmuring in her ear, just as once he’d whispered words of love and touched her face with his lips.

  It was unendurable. She went into the bathroom, stripped off and got under the shower, trying to wash away all the weariness and desperation of her life. But as she stepped out she passed a long mirror, and what she saw gave her a shock. As a professional beautician Elinor knew how to make the best of herself so that her customers would trust her, and with the excellent cosmetics always within her reach she never looked less than well groomed.

  But now, gazing back at her was the truth, and she saw, without defences, what the years had done to her. The last time she’d been in his arms her bod
y had been young, rounded, bursting with life. Now she was too thin, her face drawn, her eyes haunted. The glorious mane of blonde hair that he’d loved and through which he’d run his fingers had long gone, hacked off in bitterness some time in her dreadful second marriage. Now it was short and neat, easy to care for, and that was all.

  This haunted, desperate woman was what he’d held against him tonight. If he’d thought at all about the beauty he’d once loved it would be with disgust that it had so faded.

  It was only then that she remembered that tonight he’d called her Ellie.

  Andrew was there on the dot of five-thirty next morning, knocking softly. Elinor was already up, and she let him in. He’d brought her a cup of tea in a paper cup, which she drank down thankfully.

  ‘Any disturbances?’ he asked.

  ‘Not one.’

  ‘Good. Now, here’s what’s going to happen.’

  As he spoke he paced the floor, somehow never looking at her.

  ‘Last night I called a friend of mine, who’s about to rush off on a business trip, and doesn’t want to leave his house empty. The person who was going to look after it for him has let him down at the last moment, and he would be delighted if you’d take over. It’s about ten miles from the hospital, on the edge of the country. And the pay is good, so you wouldn’t have to leave Hetta in order to work.’

  ‘Pay? You mean he’d actually pay me when he’s giving me accommodation?’ she asked, hardly daring to believe this.

  ‘There’d be some work. You’d keep the house clean-although most of it is shut up-keep it warm, make sure everyone knew it wasn’t empty.’

  ‘And I could forward his mail,’ she said quickly.

  That made him turn to her, and a strange look passed over his face, as though he was completely taken aback.

  ‘Yes,’ he said vaguely, ‘although I don’t think there would be much. He has it redirected.’

  ‘But I could answer the telephone, and tell people where he is,’ she offered, anxious to do more than the light duties prescribed.

  ‘You could do that,’ he agreed, but in the same strange fashion, as though he was thinking of something else. ‘So I can tell my friend that you agree?’