Rock My World

by Mia Ford

  ‘Dear Addison,

  You have been selected for a date! One of our other members has chosen you for a date if this is something you would like.’

  Through the generic words of this email I feel a shudder running up and down my spine. I forgot that things could work the other way and that I could be chosen for a date as well. My resolve to not go on another date for a long time wavers a little, because it’s flattering to be chosen. Surely, the guy won’t walk out on me if he has chosen me. He might still be boring though…

  ‘Usually, I would attach the profile here to see if this is someone you would like, but this is a little different. Our client needs extra privacy. I know this might sound a little strange, but once you meet him you will understand why. He is a lovely gentleman, twenty-four years of age, over six feet, with dark features. He currently has an exotic job but that could change in the future.

  I am sorry this isn’t much, Addison, and if you have any further questions please give me a call, I will do my best to answer what I can, but if you would like a date let me know and I will set it up for you.

  Hayley Spraggon’

  “What the hell?” I mutter to myself in shock. “What is all of this about? It’s insane.”

  I shake my head and move away from the computer, fully ready to ignore the email. Just because it’s flattering, it doesn’t mean that I’m ready for another date. Just because the details of the date are so intriguing, I almost want to go to find out who the hell it could be, doesn’t mean I should go. I mean, that would be madness.

  I turn back to my work, trying to forget the weird words, but of course, they refuse to leave. Exotic job… needs privacy… that’s all so strange. Like a spy movie. I feel like I’m being offered two different choices. Do I go on as I am already or do I see what this is all about? Open up the possibilities?

  “Fucking hell.” I shake my head and try to forget. “Don’t do it, Addison, that would be nuts.”

  I want to ring Luci, but I already know what she would do. She’d tell me to email back and to just go for it already, to get passed what happened with Max, to forget about Jace as well.

  I shudder, thinking about the possibility that Jace might still be here. If he ever was. I’ve managed to avoid him so far but I suppose there could still be time. Maybe I should go on this date, just to prove that I can…

  “Y ou look awesome!” Luci squeals excitedly. “Very sexy. That’s good. It’s a good sign, I really think that this is going to be a better date. What you had with Max was a mess, but this guy, what’s his name…”

  “I don’t know. The email didn’t say.”

  “The mystery guy, of course. Ooh, I’m so excited about it. I can’t wait to know more.”

  “Hmm yeah.” It was intrigue that hooked me in as well. That’s why I ended up saying yes.

  “So, anyway.” She twists my hair up in her hands. “I think he might be the one.”

  “The one?” I scoff. “What do you mean ‘the one’?”

  “Well, I don’t mean like the guy you are going to marry, I just mean the one to get you back on the dating horse. The one to make you feel good again, to drag you out of this rut.”

  “What if he’s a serial killer?” I panic. “What if I end up murdered and that’s why he was so weird?”

  “Hayley wouldn’t let you get murdered. You know that much. Plus, he’s taking you to The Trattoria. That’s a super posh place, serial killers don’t take you out for expensive food first.

  “How the hell do you know that?” I half laugh.

  “Because what would be the point, if you’re going to die anyway?”

  I roll my eyes, choosing to ignore that. I’m not about to get into a debate about serial killers with Luci right now. It won’t exactly put me in the mood for romance. I need to get my head in the game.

  “Anyway, are you sure I look okay? This dress isn’t a bit much?”

  “No, you look hot. Really hot. I want to go on a date with you, you look that good.”

  I twist my body from side to side, wishing I could see what she saw. To me I just look a bit silly. My hair is all curled and spilling down my back, my make-up is a little heavier than I thought it would be, my dress is tight and shows off a bit too much cleavage, but it’s too late to change now.

  “I’m going to have to go,” I say with a shaky voice. “I need to get there. I don’t want to be late.”

  “Do you want me to walk you there?”

  I shake my head. I need some time to myself first. “No, I’ll be okay. Just be on the other end of the line in case I need the emergency call to get me out of there.”

  “Just make sure you’re there this time. Don’t mess it up again.”

  “Yeah… I won’t.”

  “I still don’t get why you were in the bathroom for so long. Even if he was a bore…”

  “Yeah, I need to get going.” I shut her down sharply. “I will speak to you soon, okay?”

  “Let me know how you get on. I want all the details about mystery man.”

  Her words really freak me out. I know that if I don’t leave now, I won’t. I’ll talk myself out of it. So, I say my goodbye and I make myself leave, separating with her at the end of her road so she can go back to her place. I walk towards the restaurant, glad that I decided to make this journey alone. I could have been picked up but I need a head clearing moment. To get myself back into a place I didn’t think I would be again. On a date.

  What am I doing? How did I manage to let myself get into this situation?

  All I know for sure is that this date better be much more fun than the last one. The closer I get to The Trattoria the more determined I become to make this a good night. Whatever happens. And I won’t stick it out for a long time if it sucks again. I will make my excuses and leave. I’m stronger now. A better version of me.

  “Okay,” I mutter quietly to myself as I stare at the building. “Here we are.”

  This is the sort of place that I walk pass all the time, but I would never even consider going inside. Mostly because of the price, but also because I don’t feel like I belong. I get that feeling right now, and if it wasn’t such a mystery who might be waiting inside, I would probably turn around a leave.

  It takes a couple of deep breaths and a moment of panic, but I finally get my legs walking and I head inside. The smell hits me first, a posh smell of very rich food. Then the dark yet subtle light washes over me, this time making me feel like a princess. It’s nice, I’m excited. I like it.

  I ask the waiter to take me to the table booked under Hayley’s name and I walk behind him with my heart racing. Any minute now I will see who this mystery man is and until I lay my eyes on him, he could be anyone in the world. The possibilities are endless…

  “Here we are, Ma’am.” The waiter steps to one side and shows me my table. I can sense a shadow there. My date is already here, I’m the second one. That’s good and bad all at once.

  I lift my eyes up slowly, hopefully sexily, and I finally meet his gaze.

  Oh my god. The first thought that hits me is how gorgeous he is, how warm his eyes are, how much they make me feel a million different things at once. The second thought that hits me is the fact that I know these eyes. For sure. I’ve spent a lot of time staring into them, feeling everything just like I am right now.

  “J… Jace?” Is this for real? This has to be the middle of a nightmare, seriously. “Jace Fairs?”

  10

  JACE

  I knew she was going to be shocked, of course she is. It’s been six long years since we last saw one another and I have gone through a dating agency to get to her which isn’t the most normal route. I knew there would be some surprise here, but I didn’t expect her to go quite so pale. I didn’t think she’d look like she’s going to fall apart. It’s a little upsetting to see her quite so stunned though. It’s almost like this isn’t a nice shock.

  “Addie, I’m sorry.” I rise to my feet to greet her but she backs off a
little so I remain where I am, frozen. She’s like a deer and I don’t want to spook her. “I know this is a little crazy, but it’s a good chance to catch up…”

  “Catch up?” She folds her arms protectively across her chest to create a barrier.

  “Yeah, you know… catch up.” It sounds weak now. “See where our lives are now.”

  “I know where your life is,” she bites back. Clearly, she has kept up with my life a little bit and like my mother she isn’t impressed by how I’ve been living. “Did you know it was me when you went through the agency?”

  I pause for a moment before I nod. I don’t know how much to tell her, I don’t think saying that I saw Luci’s statement online and went from there is a good idea. “Yes, I saw your picture. I knew it was you.”

  “I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to take that. It’s a mess.” She rakes her fingers through her hair. “You are using a dating agency here where you don’t live anymore, and we just happen to end up on a date. It’s too weird, perhaps it’s too convenient for you. I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.”

  Her eyes dart everywhere, I can tell that I’m losing her. It’s going to take some real magic to draw her back in. This isn’t going like I hoped it would at all.

  “Addie, please just sit down. Let’s just have dinner together and talk.”

  “I don’t have anything to say to you.”

  “You haven’t left yet,” I remind her. “There must be a part of you that wants to be here.”

  She breathes deep, I see her chest rise and fall. She’s thinking about this, I can almost see the cogs ticking. I try to take a tip from my mother and I don’t over speak. Instead I just wait for her to make up her own mind.

  I spend the time running my eyes over the delicious black dress that clings to her curves, the long legs that fly out from underneath, that long blonde hair, although shorter than when I first met her, and the beautiful sweet heart face she has. She’s stunning. Even better than I remember. The last six years have been good to her, probably better to her than they have been to me, I dread to think how I look to her these days. It makes me yearn for her more. I came in to this date determined to make it right, but now I’m even more convinced.

  This woman is my one, I need to make her mine.

  “No.” She finally shakes her head, determined. “No, I can’t do this.”

  All of a sudden, she runs. She doesn’t just speed out of here, she actually runs. Her legs take her quickly through this fancy environment, not caring what anyone thinks of her. She’s so desperate to get away from me that she has lost all the ability to think about proper social graces.

  As it turns out, I have too. “Addie!” I cry out loudly. “No, Addie, please wait.”

  But she isn’t going to, the only thing I can do is run after her. She must really hate me and I can’t stand that. I can’t have her despising me. It’ll kill me. I have lived the last few years suspecting that she doesn’t like me, but knowing it for sure would be the last thing to finish me off right now.

  It wouldn’t be closure; it would be the end of my world.

  “Sir, is there anything I can help you with?” The waiter stands in my way, blocking the path. I barely even realize that it’s him for a few seconds, I’m stuck with a one track mind that only cares about Addie.

  “Er, no, I just need to get out…” I try and strain to get passed him but he won’t let me out.

  “The thing is you have booked the table for the evening. We cannot just let you go…”

  “I will pay the money, whatever it costs for a meal for two. I just need to leave. I will get my credit card details to you at another point in time…” He’s looking at me disbelievingly. “I will call tomorrow morning.”

  He doesn’t want to, I can see it, but eventually he lets me leave. I barely think about anything, only her, so I race past everyone until I get outside. There I dart my eyes left and right quickly to find her.

  You should have known that she was going to run, I curse myself. Of course she did. She ran before and now she’s doing it again. She will always run from you, Jace, because she doesn’t want you.

  But even that thought isn’t enough to put me off., I still want to find her, to explain. I need to let her know what I did was wrong, that I wanted to speak to her, that’s all. That I didn’t know what else to do. There have to be some words to make her hate me less. I don’t know what they are yet, but they might just come…

  “Addie!” Finally, I spot her, slumped against the wall, what looks like tears streaming down her face. “Oh god, Addie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…” I don’t have any words; how can I make this sound okay?

  “Why did you do this?” Addie asks through the sobs. “What are you getting out of it?”

  “I just want to talk to you, Addie. I’ve been trying, but you never want to speak to me anymore.”

  “For a reason!” She throws her hands in the air. “Because I don’t want to speak to you.”

  “Yeah, I know, I… I probably should have got that by now.”

  I try to laugh weakly but of course, she doesn’t join in. Why would she? It was better before; I should have just left it as it was. Worked out my other stuff first.

  “I’m sorry, Addie, I didn’t mean the whole thing to turn out this way. I just thought that it would be a good way to talk. Because we haven’t talked for six long years…”

  “Because you kept hurting me!” she screams. “Over and over again,”

  “Huh?” I don’t know what she’s talking about. I only have happy memories of our time together. I thought that we had it good, her and I. We cared about one another, we respected each other, we loved each other fully from the depths of our souls. If anyone hurt anyone it was her. She just vanished and killed me.

  “You were an asshole, Jace,” she continued yelling. “And you’ve been an asshole your whole life. You’re a heart breaker.” She shoves me away and I almost stagger right back into the road. There’s a moment of panic in her gaze which gives me a glimmer of hope that she does still care enough. “You broke my heart and then you have gone on to fuck anyone you can, breaking all of their hearts as well.”

  “I don’t, I can’t…” What can I say to that? I might have broken a few hearts along the way.

  “You think you’re above the rules that the rest of the world has to follow because you’re this big famous rock star, but you do still affect people. Real people.” She breaks off panting before she starts up again. “And then you pull off this shit. I don’t even know how you managed to make it happen, but suffice to say I’m not impressed.”

  “I… I…”

  She holds up her hands to stop me. “No, that isn’t an invite to tell me. I don’t want to know. I just want to forget that any of this happened and stop dating for the rest of my damn life. It’s clearly a terrible idea.”

  She goes to walk off, but I grab her arm to keep her in place. I can’t just let her leave like this. I promised myself that I wouldn’t lose her again and I’m not going to fall at the first hurdle.

  “Addie, don’t do this. Things were so good between us; we don’t need to be so tense.”

  She glares at me. If looks could kill, then I would be dead by now. “Tense? Are you fucking serious?”

  “Yeah, I mean, we had a good thing once and I’m not saying we need to get back to anything, I just want to…”

  “Jace, just leave it.” The tears are pouring down her face now, but she’s red with anger not sadness. “Just leave me alone. You’ve managed to leave me alone for six years. Do it some more.”

  “I’ve tried to talk to you…”

  She rolls her eyes and snorts. “Give it up, Jace. Just leave me please. You can stand in front of me now acting all hurt, like I’m the one who’s done something wrong to you. You wrecked everything.”

  “You vanished!” I blurt out, I can’t help myself. “You left me. One minute I was having the time of my life with you, the next th
ing you were gone. You’d left college and I didn’t know what had happened to you. No matter how much I tried to get a hold of you, I couldn’t do it. You cut me right off.”

  “Because of what you did!” she screams. “And if you don’t know what you did wrong then it just proves that you’re a terrible person. The sort of person that I would never pick from a profile at a dating agency because I don’t want to be with someone like you. Why are you even here anyway? Why did you track me down? Just to make sure that I’m not happy? Not moving on? It can’t be because you actually want to reconnect because you’ll only be here for five minutes, then you’ll be gone for another six long years. So, why? Hmm? What’s the point? Maybe you’re a sociopath who gets kicks out of destroying the lives of others.”

  “I never wanted to destroy you,” I gasp. “I didn’t ever want to upset you.”

  “Then why not just go the hell away?”

  Now it’s my turn for the emotion to well up. I never cry, that just isn’t me, but this is the closest that I’ve ever been in a very long time. I really might lose her here.

  “I don’t know what I did, Addie,” I reply quietly. “I don’t know what I did to make you hate me.”

  “You kissed someone else,” she finally tells me, stunning me to the core. “You cheated on me and I loved you so much that all I could do was leave. I couldn’t be around you anymore so I transferred to a different college to finish up my education. The next thing I knew you were a famous, womanizing rock star.”

  “Ch… cheated on you?” I don’t know how to even process that. “I cheated on you?”

  “You kissed someone else in the student bar. People saw you. I should have seen it coming anyway, you were starting to get more famous. You didn’t have time for me anymore. It was obviously going to happen.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Addie.” I shake my head. “I never cheated on you, ever. I loved you.”

  I love you.

  “You really don’t remember, do you?” I shake my head. “Maybe you should try and think…”