Rock My World

by Mia Ford

  “I’ve spoken to her, but she doesn’t want to be disturbed anymore. She just wants us all to let her move on.”

  “Move on?” I didn’t know how to take those words. “Just forget about her?”

  Luci patted me on the arm reassuringly, we were in this together. “Yep. All of us. Move on.”

  “I don’t know how to move on,” I said to Luci. “I don’t know how to be without her.”

  Her tone turned sharp then, I didn’t even realize it at the time. I was just too consumed by the sadness that was encasing me. “Well, we’re all just going to have to cope, aren’t we?”

  “Is she ever going to come back?”

  “I don’t know,” Luci replied morosely. “I don’t know what’s going to happen now. We just need to focus on getting through college with our heads above water. We can work something else out later.”

  I wasn’t even sure what was going on the months that followed. I moved on autopilot, existing, doing merely what was expected of me. I just about managed to keep things going with the band which was something, it gave me a purpose when I had nothing, but I never recovered. Even as I came out of the fog of depression, I didn’t let go. I still hung onto the idea that she would eventually come back.

  But then college ended, and real life began, and it was easier to throw myself into other women for the distraction. I don’t think I ever quite pulled out of the hole that she put me in…

  Until now. Now that I’m here with her, I’m pulling out a little bit. I can see the light at the top of the hole, but I don’t know if she’s going to kick me back down and leave me there to rot.

  “Addie, losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me,” I confess honestly. “You don’t even know. And I understand that it was horrible for you as well, I get that, but it doesn’t need to be like this anymore, does it? We can work it out now, put the past behind us and move on.”

  “Jace, I left you for a reason. I haven’t been in touch with you for a reason.” Addie’s eyes flash with temper. Anger is better than sadness I think though. “What makes you think that will change now?”

  “Because you were avoiding me because you thought I did you wrong. You assumed that I cheated on you.” I step closer to her, noting that this time she doesn’t flinch which is good. “And now we’ve talked about it and you know that I didn’t. Which means we have a basis to start again.”

  “And what does that mean?” She’s cautious. I get that.

  “I don’t know. I really don’t. It can mean whatever you want it to.”

  Please, I silently beg. Please, don’t turn your back on us. Please remember how good we once were and how much better we can be going forward.

  13

  ADDISON

  I ’m stunned to the core; I don’t know how to process any of this. Is it possible that I really got it wrong for all these years? I was so sure that he’d cheated on me and that I’d done the right thing by leaving, but his words have thrown me in to disarray. I know Jace. It might have been six years but I know him. He isn’t lying.

  “I… I should have just asked you,” I gush, my words sounding jagged and raw. “I should have been adult enough to speak to you about it. I ran away. But then… I wouldn’t have believed you. I think deep down I was so convinced that you were going to do that sort of thing anyway.”

  “Cheat on you?” But I would never…”

  He trails off. I think he knows as well as I do that he might have done. In the early days when everyone was throwing themselves at him, he might have struggled. Especially since we would have been distant. It could have gotten really nasty. I don’t know what would have happened, I guess we never will know now.

  “Jace, I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what to say,” I reply sadly. “This is just madness. I feel a bit ambushed. I wasn’t expecting to see you here and now everything has been dragged up, and… well, I’m emotional. I don’t think I’m even making any sense.”

  “I know what you mean.” He takes my hand and for some reason, I let him. The electricity fizzles between us, just like it always has done. I guess even the last six years hasn’t changed that. It’s annoying really, I would love to just be stoic with him so I can just treat him like another person. “I’m emotional too.”

  “So, what do we do?” I half laugh. “I mean, obviously the date at The Trattoria is out of the question now…”

  “Yeah, I don’t think they will let us back in there. Ever again, actually.”

  “So, we should just leave it?” I phrase this as a question because I need him to give me his opinion too. “Go home and… I don’t know, think about what just happened tonight. This shit storm.”

  He chuckles, sort of and nods. “Okay, yeah, we probably do need some time to think, don’t we?”

  I take a step backwards, already feeling the pull back to him. I hate that magnetic force, it’s a nightmare. It’s the thing that almost dragged me back to college after I left just to see him, but I didn’t want to know what he was up to. Luci was banned from telling me, which was torture, but necessary. That pull is there again, threatening to tear me apart if I run. But I need to get out of here, to clear my head. To really work out if this is a dream or reality. I mean, my intriguing mystery man can’t really be Jace Fairs, can it?

  “Or…” Jace’s word stops me in my tracks. I can’t help myself, I so desperately want to know what he’s going to say next. “We could not take this so seriously and go for a drink instead?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask dumbly, as if I don’t know what a drink is.

  “Well, if we leave right now, it’ll all be heavy, stressful. Whereas if we go for a drink and we talk about other stuff, then we can go home with a smile on our faces, can’t we?”

  I can’t help but laugh. I wasn’t expecting him to say that. I’ve just spent the last few minutes torturing myself, wondering if I let everyone in my head. A drink actually sounds like an incredible idea.

  “Okay sure, why not. One drink. That can’t exactly hurt, can it?”

  He takes my hand and I allow him to, even though it gets me all stirred up in the most confusing possible way. He leads me towards the bar just across the road and we slip inside, unnoticed by some miracle. We made much more of a fuss than we intended to in The Trattoria, and I don’t want that again.

  The warmth of the bar surrounds me, wrapping me in a comforting blanket, and Jace indicates for me to take a seat. I pick a table in the corner while he orders me a drink. White wine with lemonade mixed in like I used to drink when I was a student. I usually have it without fizzy drink mixed in these days, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t mind the trip down memory lane. Even if it isn’t expected, it isn’t the worst thing in the world.

  I check my phone screen to see a message from Luci.

  Luci: Is everything going okay? You don’t need an escape call from the mystery man? X

  I should just tell her what’s going on. I should let her know that the man isn’t a mystery after all. That he’s someone we both know. But I can’t help remembering her face when she told me that he was kissing someone else. She was furious on my behalf, about ready to murder him. She was even more fuming when I left her behind at college. I don’t think she’d appreciate to know that he’s back in my life and that I’m still here.

  With a sigh I slip my phone back in my bag, thinking that I’ll talk to her about it later. Face to face is the way to do it. That way I can calm her down before she goes too mad.

  I’m just here to get some closure anyway, I tell myself. There isn’t anything more to it than that.

  But as I watch Jace standing at the bar, about ready to bring me my drink over, and my heart skips a beat. I can’t help but feel a certain way about him. It’s ingrained into my psyche, like a plague.

  His hair is shaggier than it was when I saw him in the flesh last, but I know that already from seeing him on TV. His body stronger too. More muscular. It’s hard to reconcile this person with the
guy from the media though. I know he’s the one who is in The Puppeteers, the one with a rock star attitude, the one with different women hanging off his arm all the time, but right now he’s just Jace. The guy I once held a piece of.

  He turns with the drinks clutched between his fingers, and he smiles. The grin on his face lights up the entire room and reminds me just what it feels like to be his girl. Like the sun is beaming down on my shoulders.

  “So, Addie,” he says with a smile as he places the drinks down on the table. “Tell me about yourself. About you now, I mean, I knew who you were before, but it’s… it’s been a long time.”

  I jump straight in to work, partly to cover up the slight awkwardness between us, and partly because it’s the safest topic I can think of. I tell him all about my climb up the ladder in the newspaper editing world, and he listens completely wrapped up by me. I have every scrap of his attention and it’s a magical feeling.

  “Anyway,” I finally blush and smile as I run out of things to say. I love my job, but describing it to someone else only takes so much time. “It’s boring listening to me. My life isn’t anywhere near as interesting as yours. You are the super famous rock star who managed to make all of his dreams come true.”

  “No, my life isn’t that interesting.” His face falls which is strange. I thought he would light up like a Christmas tree as he discussed his career. He always used to love talking about music. “It’s actually pretty stressful. Not quite the glamorous dream that everyone assumes it’s going to be.”

  “Oh… right…” I don’t know what to say to that. Luckily, the wine is working its magic and loosening me up a bit. “Well, you’re at the peak though, the top of what everyone wants, and The Puppeteers only seem to be getting stronger. The fan base is massive, isn’t it? You’ve been very lucky with that…”

  No, my words aren’t making him feel any better. His face appears to be falling. I don’t know why he’s acting so crazy about his job, I thought he would be over the moon, but it seems like an unsafe topic. How can I make it right? I scramble through my brain desperately, trying to find something to jump on.

  “You must have seen a lot of places though…”

  “Yeah, but not a lot. I usually just see the inside of stadiums and hotel rooms. It isn’t that thrilling to be honest.”

  “Right, I see… erm, I’m sorry to hear that…”

  He forces a smile on his face. “Anyway, tonight is for light topics, so let’s leave that one behind.”

  I nod and agree. If this is something he wants to talk about later on, he can, but I can’t push him. We’ve been apart for six long years. I don’t know him anymore.

  “Okay, well then I think we should have another drink.” I bolt up. “I’ll get this one.”

  I ’m so tipsy, I can’t stop laughing. I forgot how funny Jace was, how the fact that we have the same sense of humor makes everything so much easier. We just click on a deeper level that I don’t with anyone else. We have a bond… one that keeps deepening the more I touch him, and I can’t seem to stop touching him. My body keeps finding excuses to brush my hand over his leg, to squeeze his arm, to graze his hand.

  I’m a drug addict and my supply is right here in front of me. I can’t help needing a bit.

  “Last call?” Jace repeats what the barmaid has just said, disgusted. “But we’re just getting started.”

  “It is pretty late though,” I declare, even though I don’t want to leave either. “We probably should go.”

  Jace holds my gaze for far too long, his eyes fixed on mine in an intense way that sends butterflies flapping all the way through me. I don’t need these butterflies, they can lead to something dangerous, but I can’t stop them. The wine doesn’t help to be honest, it’s freeing what I usually keep locked away tight. The love that I don’t want to feel for this man because he hurt me so badly, threatens to swallow me up whole.

  “Yeah, alright then.” He finally breaks the silence, but the magic remains. “Let’s go.”

  He takes my hand and leads me from the bar. I expect the cold night air to sober me up, but it doesn’t. It can’t, not when I’m half-drunk off this man.

  “That was fun, wasn’t it?” He spins around, his face almost meeting mine. “It was a good night.”

  “It was, the most fun I’ve had in ages.”

  Oops, I don’t know if I should have said that. That might have been a bit much. Not that it matters. Jace is closer to me now, I can practically breathe him in. My eyes flicker over his face, I look at him everywhere, trying to work out what his intensions are, what the hell we’re doing here, why I feel so much…

  Then the next minute, his lips are somehow on mine and all thoughts have fallen away. Fireworks explode all the way through me, all my organs spring back to life. His lips have done something to me, they have risen me from the dead. It’s as if I have been waiting for him all this time and now, he’s come back to me.

  Shit, my brain thinks deep in the background somewhere. I’m in so much trouble.

  14

  JACE

  I don’t know if I’m supposed to be kissing Addie, I’m not sure that was the plan. But everything that I planned went out the window ages ago, ever since I started drinking. But this feels right. Now that I have my arms around her and her lips have molded in to mine, her hands knotted up in my hair, it just feels good.

  “Oh, Jace,” she murmurs quietly, her words vibrating in my mouth. “This is crazy.”

  “I know, I know,” I reply, but I do notice that she doesn’t pull away.

  “What are we doing? How did we end up here?”

  She giggles and runs her hand down my chest. The deep passion that flows between us is intense, powerful, it’s almost so shocking that I want to tear her clothes off right here and now. But she isn’t just some other floozy, some woman to wake up in my hotel bed, this is the woman who has always been the love of my life.

  “I don’t know. But there’s something about you that I cannot resist.”

  There’s a smile on her face so bright it makes me want to laugh. I know that we’ve both had a bit to drink and that might have something to do with our actions, but I also know this is what we both want.

  “I’m going to walk you home,” I tell her determinedly. “And not for any funny business, you don’t need to worry about that, but I want to make sure that you get back okay.”

  “Alright, I can’t argue with that. I don’t live too far away from here anyway.”

  We talk easily while we walk, our hand swinging in one another’s like we’re a bona fide couple. It’s awesome, I absolutely love it. This is the happiest I’ve been in a very long time; I feel more like myself. Jace Fairs is back, the real one, not the man who has been in the media for six years. I like this version of me.

  I give Addie a side-eyed look, smiling to myself. She brings me to life in a way that no one else has managed to do. I want more of her, more of this, more of this life. It’s more satisfying for me than any moment in the band. I can’t help it. I’m just over that. You know, I might be more willing to give it all up than I thought.

  I came here knowing that everything was up in the air, the cards of my life are still flying above me, and I don’t know where they are going to land. I’m excited though, I’m looking forward to finding out.

  “So, this is mine.” Addie points up to an apartment building. “I live up there.”

  “Okay good.” I nod and smile, not a hint of wanting to go upstairs. I do, but I won’t. I still have tingles all over me from where she’s touched me in the bar. She was definitely flirting with me in that bar, she can’t deny it… but that doesn’t have to lead anywhere. A kiss is enough tonight. “Well, tonight was…”

  “Interesting, yes.” Addie giggles and throws her arms around my neck. “But great too.”

  She brings her lips to mine, making the first move this time, and as soon as her plump lips brush lightly against mine, I melt. I fall apart and that’s because of lov
e. Kissing Addie is different to kissing anyone else, it means that much more, it’s so freaking special. There’s just something tingling and more between us.

  “Hmm, you taste incredible,” I mumble against her mouth. “All fruity and lovely.”

  She brushes her hands over my face, loving me with her fingers. God, I want so much more from her, it’s hard for me to behave and be a gentleman. But I have to. For our future…

  “I suppose I better go then. But… can I see you again?”

  She cocks one eyebrow at me. “I better give you my cell phone number then. If we meet again then I’d rather it be just you and me. Not through the dating agency.”

  Guilt floods me as she takes my phone to type in her digits. I did do something wild, but then it did play out well. Addie and I reconnected in a way that I wouldn’t have even dreamed possible. I’m here with Addie, after she ran out on me, we went some way to rebuilding the bridges severed in the past, and we had a laugh too. Plus, the wonderful kissing. That was just the most wonderful bonus in the world.

  “I’ll call you,” I promise her. “I’ll call you so we can go out again.”

  “I will answer this time.” She nods slowly. “You don’t need to worry about that.”

  “Can I believe you?” I ask with a teasing tone. “Or are you going to ignore me again?”

  “I will answer, I promised you that, didn’t I?”

  Eventually, after a bit more kissing, Addie pulls away and she goes. I watch her walk into her building to make sure she’s one hundred percent safe, and also because I can’t drag my gaze away. Then once she’s gone, I turn and walk back to my place, a bounce in my step. I probably look like a mad person, but I don’t care.

  This is the happiest that I’ve been in a very long time and I don’t want it to end.