by Mia Ford
“Maybe it doesn’t have to,” I remind myself quietly. “Remember what Mom said. I can live any life I want. It might not be the easiest to pull away, but if this is what I really want, then I can get it.”
I haven’t made a decision, and I’m not going to while I’ve been drinking, but it’s nice to feel the options. I’m no longer trapped in a prison of my own making; the walls are breaking away. My future is what I make it.
“G ood morning, Jace,” Mom says with a smile as I wander down the stairs, rubbing the hangover out of my eyes. “You are looking happy today. Would you like a coffee?”
“Yes, I would love a coffee. Thanks, Mom. But I’m more tired than happy.”
“Oh, I’m not saying that you don’t look tired, I know you had a late night, but you look happier too. Like a big weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Can I ask where you were last night?”
I pause for a moment, trying to decide what to do about this. Do I tell her now? It did go well.
“I was with Addie.” The words burst out of my mouth. Excitement gets the better of me. Much as it would probably be safer to contain this, I can’t. “We had a few drinks.”
“Addie?” Mom’s eyes light up with happiness. “As in Addie from college?”
“Yes.” I nod and laugh. “We erm… ran into one another and ended up having a good night.”
“And, how is she?” Mom leans forward. She wants to know everything.
“She’s good. Busy, like you said. She has a very stressful job as the managing editor of the newspaper.”
“Oh, I can imagine. She was always very clever, wasn’t she?”
“Yep, she was.” I smile to myself. The pain of her leaving me in the middle of college is still there, but I’m able to focus on the good parts as well. “She was one of the smartest people I knew. She still is.”
“So… what happened? With you and Addie? Was it amazing to see her?”
“It’s always amazing to be with Addie. She’s a great person. We get on really well; you know?”
Mom eyes me curiously. I pretend that I don’t see her, but I know what she’s thinking. She always wanted me to end up with Addie, she made that clear at the time, and I’m sure that still stands. I want to tell her that I’m working on it, but I don’t want her to get her hopes up in case it doesn’t pan out.
“Well, that’s wonderful to know. Are you planning on seeing her again while you’re still here?”
I think about her number sitting in my phone and I smirk. I have a way to contact her at last, and she’s promised me that this time she will actually answer when I call her which is really something. “Yeah, maybe.”
“I hope you do. And maybe bring her to see me. I’d like to catch up with her.”
“Hmm, maybe. We’ll see what happens. We’ll see how long I’m here.”
I am still up in the air about that. It’s not easy to be so decisive when I’m sober, but I’m trying not to rush it. I still have time, I haven’t spoken to any of the band yet, so I’m not too worried. They are giving me space which is what I need, even if they don’t quite know what they’re giving me space for.
“Anyway, I’m going to take a shower. Thanks for the coffee, Mom. I’ll take it with me.”
I hop up the stairs with my phone in my hand. Maybe I should be playing it cool and waiting a while before I call her, but I don’t care. I want to speak to her now, so I will call her right away.
I check the time, noting that it’s still early but not too early, so I hit the call button. She answers right away.
“Hello?” She’s unsure, but that’s probably because she doesn’t know that it’s me. I took her number but didn’t give her mine. To be honest, I didn’t really think about it at the time.
“Hey, Addie, it’s Jace…” Is this a good idea? Should I have waited?
“Oh, hi, Jace.” She giggles. I can practically see her thinking about last night. “How are you?”
Now I’m thinking about it too. The taste of her lovely lips, the way that her hands felt all over me, the sensation of her body pressed up against mine… I kinda wish I had gone up to her place… just so I could be with her now.
“A little tired, but okay.” I bite down on my bottom lip. “How about you?”
“Shattered, but getting ready for work. I need to be there soon.”
I imagine her pulling on her suit, tying her hair back, slipping high heels on and turning in to the professional woman that she spends all of her days being. The version of her that I don’t yet really know. I will though, soon enough, if things go the way I want them to. I hope that we get to spend a lot of time together.
“Aww, that’s a shame. I was hoping that you and I could hang out today.”
“Unfortunately, I have to be in today, they need me. We have a dead line that I need to meet…”
“Oh, I know. You’re very important. I wouldn’t drag you away. How about later?”
“After work? Yeah, sure I could do that,” she replies smilingly. “That sounds nice.”
“I will take you to dinner. But not at The Trattoria. Somewhere we’re actually welcome.”
She laughs the most musical sound. “Okay yeah, that sounds good. What time?”
“Eight o clock? Does that give you enough time?”
“Perfect, sounds good. I will see you then. I’m looking forward to it already.”
We say our goodbyes and hang up the phone, leaving me with a bright glow around me. It’s like I’m in the first flush of love again, just like I was when I first met Addie and I knew that she was the one. I didn’t know if we could really make this work, but it really feels like we might now.
“Right, shower time,” I tell myself while I rub my hands together. “Shower then prepare for tonight.”
God tonight, tonight with Addie. I cannot wait. It’s going to be amazing…
15
ADDISON
Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
“It can’t be,” I murmur as I grab my cell phone. “Not again.”
I haven’t long been off the phone to Jace, yet I have a funny feeling that it might be him again. Or perhaps that’s because he’s the only thing on my mind right now. Him and our second date tonight which is very exciting.
“Hey, Luci!” Of course it isn’t him. Why would it be? We’ve made our plans.
“Ooh, you sound perky! I take it your date with the mystery man went well.”
Guilt balls up in my chest. I feel awful but I still don’t want to tell her about Jace yet. I don’t want to hear the millions of reasons why I shouldn’t go anywhere near him. I know them all and I understand it. But I haven’t felt anywhere near as good as I did while I was with him for a very long time.
I just want that again, just for a little while longer. If I just go into it knowing that it isn’t going to be a forever type of deal then it will be fine. I can’t possibly get hurt. I know one day he’ll leave me, he has to.
“Oh yeah, it was okay thank you,” I reply guardedly. I don’t want to slip up and say something that will lead to a million questions. Luci has known me for long enough to pick up on my weird quirks.
“I thought as much when I didn’t get a phone call. Or even a reply to my message!”
“Oh, sorry about that. I didn’t see that until I got home and it was really late.”
“I thought he might have come home with you!”
I chew down on my bottom lip as a stirring builds up in the pit of my stomach. He almost did come back to my place last night. I was so tempted to invite him up. I only didn’t because I thought it would make things too messy.
“No, he didn’t. But it was a lot of fun.” Am I pulling this off? I have no idea!
“Ooh, awesome! So, you are back on the dating horse then.”
“Hmm, something like that, yes.” God, I feel horrible. I hate lying to Luci. If only her opinions on Jace weren’t so strong. I do understand her point of view though, I would feel the same if the roles were reversed.
“So, do you want to hang out tonight and tell me all about it. I want to know the mystery.”
Shit, how the hell am I going to get out of this? I can’t say that I’m seeing the mystery man again, that would be weird. She won’t buy it and I’ll end up blurting out everything.
“Actually, Hayley sent me the details of another agency date tonight.”
“You’re going out again?” She sounds understandably shocked. In my head it sounded like the best excuse to say but now I’m not so sure. What if Luci sees right through me and she goes mad? I was never cut out to be a liar! I definitely won’t be able to keep this up for very long. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, I figured that I’m on the dating horse now, so why not keep going?”
“Yeah, that’s good… I’m just a shocked, that’s all. I didn’t think you would take to dating like you have.”
“Well, like you said to me, I need to work out what I like and stuff. I’m good to keep going.”
“I miss you.” I can almost see her pouting out her bottom lip. “I want to know the mystery.”
“There is no mystery really, he’s just rich, that’s all,” I improvise. “That’s why he has to keep his identity all hidden, I guess he doesn’t want women going for him just because he has money.”
“Ooh, rich? Now I’m even more interested! You have to meet me tomorrow then.”
“I will, I will. And I’ll tell you all about this date as well.” I hope I’ll actually be able to tell her the truth. I’ll see how tonight goes first and work it out from there. “See you soon, Luci.”
I feel awful as we say our goodbyes, like I’ve really messed up. She is going to kill me when she learns the truth, and I don’t know if I can take it. I just wish that everything could be a lot easier. I wish that I could explain it to Luci in the way that Jace did to me and make her see why this is a good plan. To me, it feels like the best thing in the world, even through the slight hangover I’m glowing, content. It’s as if I didn’t move forward because I wasn’t ever supposed to. I was always destined to go backwards. To him.
There’s a knocking at my office door, shaking me back into the real world. I do need to focus as much as I can on work if I’m going to make it out on time. And I really want a bit of time to make myself look nice for Jace. I even have the perfect sultry red dress that I found in the back of my wardrobe. One that I haven’t worn for a very long time because I haven’t ever had a reason to. Not like I do now…
It’s going to be one hell of a night. I get a shiver just thinking about it. Where it might lead, what could happen? Will we have as much fun? Will we kiss again? Will anything else happen…?
“Come in!” I call out, immediately seeing that it’s Sandra. My intern who’s turning out to be an excellent journalist, all because I gave her a chance to shine. “Ah, hello. How can I help you, Sandra?”
“I just wanted to talk you about this story if you don’t mind. I have some suggestions.”
“Of course. Take a seat, I want to hear what you have to say.”
T his dress was a good idea. I was a little nervous back at home as I looked at it in the mirror. I wasn’t sure that it was right and I didn’t have Luci to give me her opinion, but now with the lustful look that Jace is giving me I feel like a princess, or a seductress, I don’t know but it feels amazing.
I’m not longer in work mode, and that’s where I’ve been for the last few years, so I feel amazing.
“So, you’ve been really busy today then, by the sound of it?”
Jace leans in real close across the table, his eyes devouring me as he does. I shudder, feeling a delicious thrill as I look into his wonderful brown eyes, a place where I could lose myself forever.
“It has been a busy day, yes, but then it always is. Luckily, I love it.”
“I can just imagine you being incredible too. Do you have to boss people around?”
I laugh, but the sound is thick through the sizzling chemistry between us. “Something like that.”
“Ooh, that’s awesome. That’s something I would love to see.”
I glance around the diner, feeling much more comfortable than I did at The Trattoria. I might be a bit too over dressed for this place but Jace doesn’t care which helps me to feel the same way. What does it matter how I look? I’m on a date, I’m having the best night of my life. I don’t want it to ever end.
“Do you remember when we used to come here for milkshakes after class?”
“Of course I do!” Jace nods enthusiastically. “That’s why I picked here. For the memories. The good ones.”
I wonder if that’s what this is, just a moment of memory, a blast from the past that will soon become just another glimmer in time. I so want to trust everything that comes out of his mouth but I guess the fear will always be around until we’ve had some kind of discussion. Until then I need to try and not get too sucked in. To just have a good time. Thank goodness that’s so easy with Jace. Especially since we’re only focused on the positive stuff tonight. We did all the heavy stuff before, that can be laid to rest for the time being.
“Like when I had that assignment deadline and I was about to lose my mind.”
“I recall,” Jace replies kindly. “You were so stressed. I’ve never seen you like that. You did not want to come out for a milkshake, I had to really force you, but it calmed you down a bit, didn’t it?”
I smile fondly and nod. “You always seemed to know what was best for me.”
“I know. It seems mad, doesn’t it? That things got so screwed up between us.”
I gulp and nod, needing to brush passed this quickly before we get sucked in again.
“It also seems mad that I’m here having dinner with a famous rock star. I’m surprised you don’t have groupies everywhere, trying to mob you.”
He darts his eyes everywhere in an overly dramatic fashion. “Shh, don’t say that! You’ll jinx it.”
I am glad actually. I’m sure if we were in LA, not that I’ve ever been to LA, we wouldn’t have this privacy. Actually, I imagine his entire life is a little crazy and under the lens. I reach out automatically and take his hand in mine, just wanting things to be like this for a while. Just him and me.
“Sorry, that must suck actually. Having people all over you at all times.”
“Hmm, yeah. I like it like this. Just you and me…” He pauses and peeps over my shoulder. “But there are a group of teenage girls over there and I think they might have recognized me. They haven’t worked up the courage to come over yet, but they’ll egg each other on and it will happen eventually. It always does. That’s when they start wanting autographs and selfies, they want to spend time asking me a million questions and they’ll do what they can to shove you out of the way. If you don’t want our date ambushed, I suggest we get dessert elsewhere.”
I start to turn, to peer at them, but Jace grabs me and shakes his head. I think he might be trying to protect me from having my picture taken. The last thing I want is to end up all over the Internet where I can be judged and torn apart for how I look.
“Okay yes, I think we should get out of here now. We can go to Chloe’s Cakes anyway.”
“Ooh yeah, I remember them! Let’s go now. My mouth is watering. The chocolate buns they have there are delicious… actually, they better still have some or I will be requesting them made.”
“They do, I had one recently.” I don’t tell him that they made me think of him but they do. Always.
The girls make a disappointed sound as we go but thankfully, they don’t disturb us. I have a feeling that my name is mud to them, especially since Jace is hugging me close and holding me like I’m something precious to him, but even that isn’t enough to get rid of the warm glow surrounding me. I’m in heaven right now and there isn’t a damn thing in the world that can change that.
“Sorry, I know it’s a pain,” Jace mutters to me. “But you get used to trying to hide. I don’t have much privacy at all in LA, there isn’t anywhere I can
escape, but here it’s easier. Much easier.”
Again, I can tell that there’s something here. More to this, but I can’t press just yet. I have to try my hardest to be patient for a little while longer until the moment is right.
16
JACE
“O h my god, these cakes are everything,” I groan. “I’m in heaven right now.”
Addie laughs, her cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink. She’s so lovely right now all I want to do is wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. “I’m sure you’ve had other nice cakes in LA.”
“Oh my god, are you kidding me?” I chuckle. “No one in LA eats anything, it’s a nightmare.”
I can barely even remember LA anymore, it isn’t real. It’s more like a distant memory that happened to someone else or in a movie. Even my mansion barely feels like it belongs to me. I suppose it hardly ever did really, I haven’t spent a lot of time there. I just needed a base and it seemed silly to get something small when I had so much money at my disposal. But honestly, it wouldn’t trouble me if I never went back there again. I wouldn’t miss it, which is sad really since that’s supposed to be a big part of my life.
But right now, as I look at the sweet little beauty in the intoxicating red dress, I know that I would give it all up for her without any hesitation. When I’m with Addie, the choice seems simple. It’s only when we’re apart that it gets confusing because I don’t know how straight forward the decision is.
“It seems like you just want to come home,” Addie teases. “You must miss your mom.”
“Oh my goodness, you have no idea how much I’ve missed her while I’m out on the road. You must get it, I mean, you have been away from your parents for years now.”
Her eyes fall to the ground and I instantly panic that I’ve stepped on to something that I shouldn’t have discussed. She’s been so good at not asking me questions about the band which I’m sure she must want to, so I need to do the same. I need to change the subject quick before she gets upset. Tonight is supposed to be all fun.