by Mia Ford
“Are you kidding me?” She blows out an angry breath. “I know what I saw, Addison. I think I was so proud of you back then. The way you didn’t take any nonsense and you left. I hated that you left me, I didn’t want you to, but I was proud because you didn’t do what all the other college girls did and went back to their cheating boyfriends. You knew you couldn’t handle it so you walked away. I know it’s left you damaged, the last six years have shown me that, but going back is the wrong idea. You will only end up hurt again.”
“I…” I barely know what to say. Is she right? Have I lost my mind?
“You will. He’s even worse now. A famous asshole who fucks everything that moves. You aren’t special, Addison, not to him. If you were, he wouldn’t have done what he did in the first place. If he couldn’t put you first then, he won’t be able to now. He’s touring all the time, with women everywhere…”
Tears prick my eyes, I wrap my arms around myself to try and protect my body from the accusations that are flying out of her mouth like bullets. “It isn’t like that, it isn’t serious. I know he’ll leave…”
“Which makes this even worse! Don’t you get that, Addison? You know that you’re going to get heart broken and you’re throwing yourself into it anyway. That’s insane! I mean, I will be here for you when he shatters you to pick up the pieces, just like I have been for the last few years. But I can’t agree with what you’re doing.”
“Luci, please,” I rasp through the tears. “Please, I know you don’t get it, but…”
“Addison, I can’t do this.” She slides her chair back and stands up. “I can’t watch you go through this. I just can’t. I’m sorry. I know that probably doesn’t sit right with you right now, but I can’t watch this self-destructive cycle. It’s killer.” She shakes her head hard. “I don’t want to be a shitty friend, but I can’t just sit back…”
“Are you telling me that you aren’t going to be my friend anymore?” My blood runs ice cold.
“Not while he’s here. I’ll still be your friend, not until he’s gone, or you come to your senses, which I’d prefer.”
She edges back away from me, creating an emotional distance so big it cuts me like a knife into my chest. All I want to do is reach out to her. I want to promise her that I’ll do what she wants and forget all about Jace because she’s probably right about him, but I can’t. I can’t make that promise because while he’s still in town, all I want is to be around him. Even knowing that it will end doesn’t change that.
“Luci, he makes me happy…”
“He always does in the beginning, but then he finds a way to make you miserable. That’s why you lied to me about it. Because you know as well as I do that he’ll end up fucking you over again.”
I part my lips, wanting to argue with her, but I don’t have a definite answer. He might, I can’t defend what I don’t know. Luci glares at me and I feel small and stupid. Have I really been that naïve?
“I’m sorry I lied,” I whisper. “I just don’t want to lose you. I knew that you’d go mad.”
“Addison, I don’t want it to be this way, all this makes me so mad. If I don’t go and I have to watch this, it’s going to make me so furious that I won’t be able to keep it inside and we’ll end up falling out. I don’t want this.”
I have to let her go. I don’t want to, it tears me apart, but just for a little while I need to let her leave while I work out what the hell I’m going to do. Will I keep seeing Jace until he leaves? Knowing that it will destroy me. Or should I cut ties now and get my best friend back?
I want them both, I want it all, but I can’t have that which sucks.
“This is stupid,” I tell myself through the tears. “This is ridiculous. Luci is always there for me. And maybe she did see that kiss and Jace is lying to me. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know anything!”
And that’s what scares me the most.
20
JACE
“What the hell?” I pace my room, pressing the phone to my ear again. “What’s going on?”
I’ve been ringing and texting Addie for two and a half days now with no response and I don’t understand it. The last time we were together, everything was incredible, I was flying higher than air, I thought we were at the start of something new, but now I can’t get hold of her again and I don’t know what’s going on.
It reminds me too much of how it was back then when she vanished in to thin air. She wouldn’t answer me then, it didn’t matter what I did, and it seems that for some reason we’re there again. I don’t get it; I don’t know what I possibly could have done in that time. I’ve only been at my mother’s house.
“Addie, please answer my call,” I say into her voice mail machine. “I need to talk to you, I just…”
I give up and hit the end call button. There isn’t any point in me saying anything else, I’ve said it all before now. If she isn’t listening to my messages or she’s ignoring them, what’s the point in me going on?
I pat my phone against my hand, my brain racing at a million miles an hour. I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to do. I’m all over the place. Should I just leave it? Wait for her to come to me?
“No.” I shake my head hard. “I can’t just leave it. I left it last time and she was gone.”
But what can I do? She isn’t answering my calls; she is making it clear to me that she doesn’t want to know. But I need to know why… so perhaps I should go to her apartment and see her.
“Jace?” Mom calls up the stairs. “I’m just about to make lunch, do you want some?”
She’s worried about me; I know she is. I’ve been locked away in the house for a couple of days and I know she’s wondering why. One minute I was all happy and buzzing about Addie and the next… I’m just a mess. There is a lot that she’s still concerned about with the band stuff as well, I am too, and I’m sure she doesn’t know what issue needs to be dealt with first. I don’t either, everything is falling apart.
“No, thank you, Mom,” I call back. “I’m about to pop out.”
“Are you sure? I can make you something to go?”
She’s so desperate for me to eat but I’m just not hungry. I can’t even think about eating right now. “No, it’s fine, thank you, Mom. I’ll get something while I’m out.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to get ill…”
“I’m fine, Mom, trust me. I have something that I need to do.”
I grab my jacket and bound down the stairs two at a time. I need to get out of here and to speak to Addie. I can’t just leave it; I can’t just let her slip away again. I need to talk to her. I call out my goodbyes to Mom at the door and make my way to Addie’s apartment. My mind spins the entire time I walk, I barely even notice my surroundings, moving only on autopilot, and soon I arrive there feeling even more confused than before.
I check my watch. Even though it’s the weekend, there’s a chance that Addie might be at work but I have to give it a shot anyway. I make my way to her front door and knock hard. While I wait for her to answer, I bounce from foot to foot, anxiety zig zagging through me. I so need this to be okay.
This is the right thing to do, I remind myself. I cannot be weak again.
The door swings open, which surprises and disheartens me. If she’s here, and she looks fine, it means there isn’t any reason why she hasn’t been speaking to me. Not one that I want to hear anyway.
“Ja… Jace…” she stammers. “What are you doing here?”
“I have come to speak with you, I haven’t been able to get through on the phone and I’m… well confused.”
“Yeah. Right.” She nods sharply, barely meeting my eyes. “I see, well…”
“What’s going on, Addie? Let’s not beat around the bush here. Something has happened…”
“I spent time with Luci. I… I talked to her about you and me and she said that she did see you kissing Emma. She wasn’t mistaken, which just leaves me feeling…”
My hea
rt sinks. A sense of hopelessness over comes me. “Why are you believing her again? I told you, Addie, I told you that I didn’t kiss her and you won’t believe me. Why won’t you trust me?”
“I don’t know who to trust. This is really hard for me.”
“It shouldn’t be.” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. “I’m telling you the truth. I have promised you that I didn’t kiss Emma and I’m serious. I wouldn’t lie to you about that. I thought you knew me.”
“I do… I did… oh, I don’t know anymore. Everything is so…”
She stares at me, desperation in her gaze, the last few days has changed everything for the worst again. How can I be around someone, how can I love someone, who just won’t ever trust me? Maybe it’s true what people say and there’s no repairing trust once it’s broken. It doesn’t matter that I did nothing wrong, the damage is done anyway. Addie and I had our chance and blew it. It’s a shame, utterly gutting, but that might just be how it is.
But then an idea pops into my brain. One so simple I can’t believe that I didn’t think of it before.
“I will call Emma now,” I say proudly. This will solve everything. “She can tell you the truth.”
“You still have Emma’s number?”
I offer her a one-shouldered shrug. “I don’t know if it’s still her number. It’s been a long time since I last spoke to her, but she represented us for a long time, so yes, I do have her old number.”
I put the phone on loud speaker and silently pray that she will answer the phone. It’s a good sign that it’s ringing anyway, it must still be an active number. I just hope that it’s hers.
“Hello, Emma Parker here.”
“Emma Parker?” I ask shocked. “I thought you were Emma Stone?”
“Oh, I was until I got married… who’s this?”
“It’s Jace. Jace Fairs from The Puppeteers.”
“Ah, Jace, awesome to hear from you!” She sounds genuinely pleased. “How’s it going?”
“Yeah, it’s good. Things have been awesome…”
“I have been keeping up with the band. You are doing awesome.”
This is nice and all, but it isn’t what the phone call is for. I need to get to the point without being rude. “Thanks, Emma. It’s been great, and I hope that things are going well with you as well?”
“Oh, brilliant…”
I watch Addie’s face as Emma talks. I can tell that the phone call has already thrown her. She knows I wouldn’t do something as mental as this if I wasn’t telling the truth. I just hope this leads to her eventually trusting me. Is that really too much to ask? Any minute now, I’m going to have to ask the question.
“So, I guess you called me for a reason?” Emma finally asks. “And this isn’t just a catch up.”
“Er, yeah, I do have a reason.” God this is embarrassing. “I know this is a long time ago and it might be a little strange, but there is a rumor that we kissed while I was in college and I want to clear it up…”
“What do you mean?” Emma gushes. “Like a kiss and tell type thing?”
“Not exactly. It’s just… I don’t know how to explain it to you…”
“Well, we never kissed. Ever. That would have been so wrong. I’m a professional and I haven’t ever acted in any other way with my clients. If someone is saying that then it could cause me all sorts of issues.”
“It isn’t a public thing; it’s just causing issues for me.”
“Oh… are you still with your college girlfriend? Is that why, because I thought…”
She’s seen the media. She knows about my womanizing reputation. I’m sure she would tear me to shreds if she thought that I had a girlfriend the whole time. Emma is a fiery one. That’s for sure.
“No, it isn’t that., it’s complicated. I just wanted confirmation that I was speaking the truth.”
“Well, you are. We never kissed and we never would. You just aren’t my type.”
I can see all the color drain out of Addie’s face. She doesn’t know what to do now that Luci has been proven wrong. It doesn’t give me any pleasure to show her that Luci wasn’t right, but I do need to defend myself. I didn’t do anything wrong and I need her to finally get it so she can build up some trust for me.
I didn’t deserve to lose that trust; it shouldn’t be so hard to get it back. But for her, I will.
“Right, well thank you, Emma. I will… speak to you soon.”
We both know that isn’t true, I can’t see me ever needing to speak to Emma again. But it’s the polite thing to say and she knows it too, so she agrees with me. “Sure, speak soon.”
I hang up the phone and stare at Addie, waiting to see what she’s going to say next.
“I… I’m sorry,” she stammers. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I told you that I didn’t kiss Emma. I wouldn’t lie to you. Luci must not have seen it right. I do get it, I’m not blaming her for sticking to her guns and wanting to protect you, but it isn’t true.”
“I know,” she gasps. “I see that now. I didn’t mean to accuse you, and Emma. I feel so bad.”
“Well you know the truth now. So, where do we go from here?”
I rest against the door frame and wait for her to answer. There isn’t anything I can do now but wait. I need to take a leaf from my patient mother’s book and just hope that it works out. I have proven myself, now it’s up to Addie to choose. If she turns me away now, there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.
“I’m sorry, Jace. Please… come in.”
She steps aside and invites me back into her life. I’m nervous taking that step inside, because I can’t be one hundred percent confident that it’s all going to be smooth sailing, but there isn’t anything that will stop me. I need to give Addie a chance, otherwise I will spend the rest of my life wondering ‘what if?’
“I… I am sorry,” Addie continues quietly. “For then and now. I can’t believe I even thought that of you. That was so wrong. You didn’t ever cheat on me and I have had you pinned in my mind as a bad guy.”
“Let’s not focus on the lost time,” I reply, moving a little closer to her. “Let’s think about what we could have now. If you want, it could be you and me against the world. Nothing else would matter. We could have our little life by the ocean if you’d like?” I take her hands in mine, lacing my fingers through hers. “I know that’s what I would like more than anything in the world.”
I’m telling the truth again. I know what I want now. Nearly losing Addie has reminded me of what’s important. The band stuff isn’t making me happy anymore, it hasn’t for a while. She does make me happy.
I choose her.
21
ADDISON
M y thoughts fade away as Jace steps closer to me, a welcome invasion to my personal space. I suck in a breath and glance up at him my heart racing, swimming in the warmth that his eyes are offering me. I hate this torn feeling, being ripped apart between Luci and what she thinks is right - I know she wouldn’t be saying any of this stuff if she didn’t genuinely believe it - and what Jace knows is right.
The problem is, Luci will keep her distance with me no matter how much time I spend with Jace because she doesn’t like what he did to me. I honestly don’t know how I can change that, or if I even can.
“You can trust me, Addie, you know that, right?” He grabs under my chin. “I hope you know that now.”
He brings up my eyes to meet his and smiles at me. Behind his gaze and all the lust there, I can sense something else. Something like love. That’s probably just wishful thinking, but it swims all the way through me anyway.
“I can trust you,” I whisper back. “I’m sorry that I didn’t before.”
He brings his lips down to kiss mine and as soon as they connect, my whole mouth tingles. A fire ignites in the pit of my belly allowing the flames to run free to lick all over my skin. A moan vibrates in the back of my throat as I wrap my arms around his waist and I yank him closer to me. A desperati
on grips hold of me, grabbing tightly to my chest, digging nails in to me. My ragged breaths match this neediness and Jace senses it.
He lifts me from the ground and slams me back against the wall. The kissing becomes frantic, passionate, his tongue invades my mouth and mine does exactly the same to him. I’m trapped between the wall and his thick, muscular body and it’s the best place to be in the whole damn world. Even the cold of the wall isn’t enough to cool down my burning hot flushed skin. The electrical sparks are all over me.
My legs wrap tightly around him; I grip him to keep him in place too. I don’t want him going anywhere for the time being. If he left me right now, I would absolutely fall apart.
“Oh fuck, Addie,” he gushes, his words vibrating in the back of my throat. “You’re… too much…”
His hands reach up my skirt and my panties fall to the side willingly for him. His fingers plunge all the way into me, splitting me in two. I scream and writhe, the pleasure all too much.
“I want you,” I cry out into his ear. “I want you.”
“You want what?” he murmurs back teasingly. “I need you to tell me.”
My head lolls to one side and he nibbles my neck which gives me a weird blast of pleasure and pain.
“I need you.” I roll into his fingers, trying to push him further into me. “I need more.”
“Say it.” His gruff demands warm my chest up. “Say it!”
I bite down on my bottom lip trying to keep it inside, but it explodes anyway. “I want you to fuck me.”
His hand whips away and his cock nudges against my entrance. I don’t think about anything, I can’t, I just need him inside me. I need to feel him, to have him fill me up, I need to rebuild that connection between us.
“Fuck me already,” I pant. “Jace, I need you.”
He slams into me, giving me exactly what I want. My ass bashes hard against the wall with every thrust, which sends shock waves blasting and vibrating through my system.