by Mia Ford
“Harder,” I demand. “Faster.” I need more, so much more. I need everything. “More.”
I knot my hands up in his hair and tug, I dig my fingers into his skin, I claw at him like a wild animal and that’s how I feel. It’s primal, hot, and sweaty. We’re definitely trying to communicate all kinds of things with this. Even the way his hands are cupped under my butt is meaningful.
I toss my head back, smacking it against the wall, and I cry out in ecstasy. Each thrust brushes against my most sensitive spots and it’s giving me exactly what I need. A release from this tension. My brain completely shuts down and I become a slave to the incredible way he’s making me feel instead. It’s phenomenal, I can sense the orgasm blooming and it won’t be long before it bursts in to life.
I fucking love this man. I allow the thought to come purposefully this time because it’s something I need to address. I fucking love him so much and I want to keep him forever. Or at least some of him…
I think of the necklace as my body shatters, the pleasure rocketing through it, sending me flying in to space. It might be time to get it back out, to have it and know that I claim some of him. I yell out and shudder, with Jace clinging tightly to me as I collapse and fall apart. He kisses me, sucking the air from my lungs, and swallowing up my crying out. The kiss bonds us, it tightens us together, and it reminds me of our bond.
I never should have doubted him. That was wrong of me. Jace can tell me not to focus on the negatives, not to think about the years lost, but how can I not? It’s impossible. Everything could be so different.
I wrap my whole body around Jace as he comes, my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist, and I lean into him so I can hear the hammering of his heart. I want to imagine that every powerful, ferocious beat is for me. That he’s as needy for me as I am for him…
“Oh wow, Addie, you really do something special to me.”
I smile and drop my feet to the ground, losing myself in his eyes for just a little while longer. I’m embarrassed, and that ice cold humiliation will creep up on me in a moment if I let it.
“So, erm… do you want some dinner? I could make something?”
“We could go out? I don’t mind buying something for you…”
I can’t imagine going out. I’ve been avoiding the world for a few days now and I’m not quite ready to face it yet. Even if I do have Jace by my side, my emotions are still all over the place. I’d rather just be here. Actually, that’s also because this is a safe place where no one can see us, write stuff online about us, or judge my decisions.
“No, I have some stuff in. I would much rather cook.”
I walk into the kitchen with him not far behind me and I open the fridge to pull out some ingredients and Jace helps me. His sleeves are already rolled up; it seems like he wants to help me out.
“You can cook?” I act surprised. “I didn’t think any rock stars knew their way around a kitchen.”
“I used to cook for you way back then, remember?”
“I do, but I thought you would have forgotten about that by now.”
“Hmm, yeah?” He chops up some vegetables like an expert. “Why is that?”
“Because you are a rich famous man now. You must have people to do everything for you.”
He turns to face me with a smirk. “So, you think I have a maid now?”
“Mhmm, and a shoe shiner.”
“Yeah, a personal blacksmith as well.”
“Oh, of course. You wouldn’t be able to get by without a personal blacksmith… for all your blacksmith needs.”
He grins and nods. “See, you get it. You understand my needs.”
“Oh I do, and that’s why I’m surprised you can cook!”
He laughs and shakes his head at me. “Actually, it’s more just take out and dirty clothing because I spend so much time on the road. But I do still remember how to cook.”
“So, the dirty look isn’t a rock star thing, then?”
“It’s a necessary thing.”
I turn on the hob and grab out a pan, deciding on a stir fry for ease purposes. Talking about dirty clothing and being on the road only brings up that nagging feeling that our lives are too different for this ever to become anything real. We aren’t in college anymore, we’re adults, and I have a firm life here. He isn’t ever here, he doesn’t even live here anymore. He probably has some fancy ass mansion in LA somewhere.
Stop it, I scold myself. This is all fun. Nothing too serious. Don’t get caught up.
“So,” I say much too brightly, probably giving myself away. “It must be fun aside from the dirty clothes.”
I forgot this is clearly a tricky subject, until I see his face fall. “It can be fun.”
“I imagine it’s very exciting being adored by the world.”
Jace falls in to a heavy silence. I can almost see the cogs ticking in his brain. I just wish that he’d open up to me and tell me what the hell is going on here. Who knows, I might even be able to help him! He wants me to trust him but it seems he doesn’t trust me. Not really, not fully, and that’s a real shame.
“I am sorry,” I say quietly, needing to get this off my chest. “About the whole cheating thing.”
“It’s okay. I understand.” Jace nods. “I do get it. I just wish we could have talked at the time.” He turns and gives me a bright smile. “But then maybe that’s just the way it was always meant to be.”
That sounds very much like fate, which makes me gulp noisily. I spent such a long time thinking that he was my destiny and it left me a mess. I don’t think it’s wise to end up there again.
For a while, we say nothing, we simply focus on cooking side by side, almost like we’re husband and wife and we do this all the time. There’s an undeniable flow between us, a bond that allows us to know what the other is thinking without worrying too much about it. It only makes it harder to consider letting go.
“Shall we eat at the table?” Jace asks me smilingly. “Or on the couch?”
“The couch. We can watch a movie then.”
I kinda need the movie to give me something else to focus on. I have just got Jace back. After I accused him of cheating again and I ignored him for days he could have chosen to walk away but he didn’t. If I carry on, I will push him. I’ll shove him away and then I’ll only have myself to blame.
I just need to get back to normal, to act normal, then I can keep him for as long as I can until he goes.
Jace nods and we take our seats next to one another. I flick some terrible horror movie on the screen, something so awful that we’ll have plenty to discuss as it plays out. This is something that we used to do a lot anyway, so it’s a good reminder of how we used to be when we were young and dumb and we had the future stretched out in front of us.
I know I would do things differently if I could go back there, I made so many mistakes that I wouldn’t make again, but would it change the outcome? Would Jace and I have made it work? Would we almost be married now? Or would something else have ripped us to shreds?
Would that still have been me?
22
JACE
T he sunlight streams through the window and warms up the cooler skin on my face, waking me up as it does. I guess in our flurry of activity last night, Addie and I didn’t think about closing the curtains. It’s probably early. Earlier than I would normally wake up anyway, but I feel calm and refreshed. Better than I have felt in ages. I really feel like Addie and I have cleared things up now, properly. The only way is up.
I prop up onto my elbows and grin at the sleeping angel in my eyes. When she’s resting, her face completely free of the stresses of her life, she looks wonderful. Even better than usual. With her hair all messy and shagged out, splaying around her face, her face free of any makeup, she is stunning.
I slide out from the bed and sneak into the kitchen to make her breakfast in bed. Despite the fact that Addie is snoring now I’m sure with that light bursting into the room she’ll be up soon enough. She
has to go to work today anyway, which is a real shame. I don’t much feel like sharing her with the world, but I have no choice. I’ve worked out by now that she’s a bit of a workaholic and I don’t think she’ll give up a day for me.
I hum a little tune to myself as I set about making her breakfast, without thinking too much about what I’m singing along to. It’s only once I have all the food placed up that I remember it’s a silly little song that I wrote in college for Addie about how much I love her. It was just personal, between her and I, and I can’t even remember the words now because I haven’t thought about it in so long, but it makes me smile.
I really am getting back to the person that I used to be. Ever since I made the decision and I chose Addie over the band, I just feel good. I don’t even know how I’m going to pull it off yet, but just knowing what I want is right for me. Somehow, I will make it work and everything will be okay again.
I put the plates on trays and head back into the bedroom. I’m surprised that she’s still asleep. It’s almost a shame to wake her up, but the food will get cold and she does need to work, so I have no choice.
“Addie,” I whisper quietly. “I’ve made food for you.”
“Food?” She wakes up almost instantly. “Have you? Really? You should be careful; I will get used to this.”
Her words remind me of the cottage by the ocean, the dream that I could make come true if that’s what she really wants. I could buy us that cottage and with the money that I’ve made from the band and we could live that life. Her and I, and potentially our two children. We could actually have everything that we want…
She sits up and takes the tray from me, eating the food hungrily. I take a seat beside her and do the same. There is a real comfort between us, a wonderful sensation that I actually want to be here. Usually when I wake up with a woman I want out as soon as I can make that happen, but it’s never been that way with Addie.
“So, I’m not going to ask you to take the day off work because I know you won’t pull a sickie…”
“I can’t,” she gasps. “Not right now. It’s such a busy time and they need me.”
“I know, I know. That’s why I won’t ask you, but would you like to do something afterwards?”
“A date?” she clarifies, as if this is something that needs clearing up.
“Of course. Nothing fancy.” I can tell she doesn’t want that. “Something low key. A movie and dinner.”
Her face breaks out into a grin. “Yes, I would like that. Are there any good movies out at the moment?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Does it matter? Good or bad? We can sit in the back row…”
I love the way that she blushes, she looks so utterly adorable. “Ooh, you are cheeky. That sounds good.”
“Great, so can you be ready by eight PM again?”
“I sure can. It won’t be easy. But I’ll make it work, for you.” She leans in and kisses me. “But that’s only because you’re worth it. I wouldn’t do it for anyone else.”
For a brief second, her face falls and I can almost see her thinking about Luci. I get this must be hard for her, I wouldn’t deny that. Her best friend hates me. She is dead against us being together and it’s going to cause a rift between us. Much as it irritates me, I can’t blame Luci. She thinks that I’m a bad person, that it’s my fault she almost lost her best friend in college. I’m sure the media reports about what I’m like now haven’t helped her opinion of me. I’m annoyed that we lost so much time but I still can’t blame Luci.
I just don’t know what I can say to make it right. I don’t know where to begin.
“This is really nice!” Addie says much too brightly, trying to forget about Luci. “You really can cook.”
I go with it, because I don’t know what else to do, and I let her change the subject. It might be the coward’s way out but without anything to offer there’s no point in me saying anything.
“Thank you, I’m glad you like it,” I reply blandly instead, cringing inside. This isn’t good really, it isn’t a good start to our new better communication, but it’s necessary. I just don’t know what to say.
Still, maybe we can talk about it tonight when the moment is right.
“T hat movie was good, wasn’t it?” I ask Addie as we walk along the street. “Did you enjoy it?”
“Hmm, yeah. It was good, thank you.”
“And you enjoyed dinner, right?”
“I sure did.”
She’s been distant all night, not so much so that I need to call her out on it, but it’s enough to have me worried. It could just be work, it could really be as busy as she’s been telling me which has her tired, or it could be the whole mess with Luci still playing on her mind. I know that I need to address it, but I’m afraid.
Scared that I might lose. Even if I am telling the truth and I always have been. After all, Luci has been around for the last six years whereas I have not.
I turn to Addie and suck in a deep breath to prepare myself to say something about Luci. Just to start the dialog. Putting it off isn’t going to change the outcome of it so I might as well face it head on. Be brave.
“Is everything okay?” she asks me, concern plastering her face.
“I just… I wanted to talk to you about something.”
She shifts from foot to foot and averts her gaze from mine. That doesn’t seem like a good sign. I’m going to have to really work my magic here to make sure we have something to cling on to.
“I love you.”
Shit, where the hell did that come from? That isn’t what I was supposed to say. It isn’t even like I’m on the right track. Sure, this is something I feel and something I want to tell her, but not like this.
“You… you love me…?” she asks curiously.
“Y… yes,” I’ve started now, I might as well continue with it. “Yes, I do love you.”
Tears brim in her eyes; it makes me emotional too. Before I know it, I might be weeping myself.
“I love you too.” She nods decisively. “I do. I love you.”
She loves me. She loves me and I love her. Isn’t that just amazing? As I stare into her eyes, I feel a million different ways at once, but the knowledge that we’re in love is a good place to start. It doesn’t solve any of our issues, but it does make me want to get my hands all over her.
“Shall we go back to your place?” I ask her slowly. “Is that okay?”
“Well, we can’t exactly go back to yours, can we?” she replies with a smirk. She’s teasing me now, she doesn’t seem as distracted as she has been, which I decide to take as a good thing.
“No, not unless you want to get on a plane.”
She shakes her head. “Not tonight. Maybe not ever. I don’t know if I’d like LA.”
“Truth be told; I don’t know if you would either…”
Instead of getting deeper into that, Addie takes my hand and she practically drags me back to hers. It seems like now she’s back here with me, no longer worrying about other things, she’s really here. As soon as she slams the door to her apartment closed behind her, she practically pounces on me. We kiss frantically, almost as if there’s a belief that this is going to be our last time ever, and her eager fingers pry my trousers apart.
“Oh, Addie,” I whisper as her mouth slides off mine. My body stiffens, expecting, knowing what she’s going to do before she even begins. She falls down to the ground and lands on her knees with a thud.
I glance down to see her dragging her tongue along her bottom lip. She’s hungry, desperate for a taste, and her trembling fingers pull me free to make that happen.
I’m hard as steel of course, how could I not be when she’s making such promises with her body, so when she pulls my free, her fingers automatically stroke up and down my rock hard length, making me sweat with heat.
I grab her head, rubbing my hands over her as I moan, but soon the passion gets the better of me and I knot my fingers up in the strands of her long blonde hair, clinging to
her every time it gets too much.
Then, just as the feel of her fingers almost gets too much for me, her breath heats me up. She’s moving in closer, I can almost sense the moisture of her lips touching me.
“Fucking hell.” My eyes close and I toss my head backwards as she presses one chaste kiss against my length. “Oh shit, Addie, that feels so good. I love you, I love you.” I can’t seem to stop saying it. “I love you.”
Then she wraps her lips around me, and I lose the power of speech completely. The wetness of her mouth soaks me, the intensity in my chest growing as she slowly drags those lips down to my base. I hit the back of her throat which sends my mind spinning. She’s so hot, so sexy, so incredible. Her tongue flickers, licking every inch of me, and as she reaches my tip, I can’t contain myself. I’m already on the verge of losing it.
She’s magic, she has powers when it comes to my cock, and as she bobs her head up and down, the pace growing faster as she senses the tension in my thighs, I know that she has me completely. I’m hers. I don’t even try to guide her movements, she knows just what to do with me, to have me as putty in her hands.
A guttural yell bursts free from my chest as the pressure in the pit of my stomach explodes. I fill her mouth, my seed slides to the back of her throat, and she takes it all in. Drinking me in like she loves me, which it seems she does.
23
ADDISON
“Wow.” The sweat pours off Jace’s forehead. He looks star struck as I rise to my feet. “Addie, you are…”
I laugh lightly and take his hand, leading him to the bedroom. He falls flat on his back, clearly drained from my mouth, and he smiles up at the ceiling like he’s in heaven. Good, that’s good. I want him to be happy.
“Come on, come over here.” He reaches out to grab me. I know that he wants me too, but I back away. It’s instinctive, I’m not in the right frame of mind. “What’s going on? Why won’t you come here?”
“I just need to get dressed. I’m exhausted and I need to get comfortable.”