by C. Hallman
The faraway look in his eyes tells me he’s going back there. I know the look. I’ve endured it many times. He lost his mother, too. Not to the same fate I had, but that doesn’t matter. Loss is loss.
“It’s okay, Jared.” I try to sound convincing, but he knows when to call my bluff, and there is no better time to do so than now. I’m a hypocrite. I know it. I tell people to move on from their own problems while I still boil in my own.
“Just make sure she’s okay enough to talk later,” he says, blinking slowly as if he’s trying to bring himself back to the present. He can’t still blame himself for her death. He was just a kid.
“It wasn’t your fault, Jared,” I blurt out, surprising even myself. I never stepped into the arena with him. I never tried to be the friend he needed. Turning on his heels, I see a deep anger rooted in his eyes.
Clenching his teeth, he says forcefully, “Take your own advice, Enzo. Don’t try to tell me how to handle my shit when you’re barely getting by with your own struggle.”
I let him walk away, down the hall to his room, leaving me to sit in the emptiness to think about all the fucked up choices I have made. Funny, when you’re alone, your mind tends to wander. I started to wonder if everything would come out okay, if we all would get our happily ever after, or if we all were headed down the road to war. Only time will tell.
Hours pass as I continue to sit in the chair across from the bed, watching her sleep. She has been sleeping a lot since we got her back. Her body is worn and tired, her breaths deep, and her chest rising and falling in rhythm with my own beating heart. This moment takes me back to the very last time we had sex—when we were on good terms. How I awoke her from a very similar position.
“Ride my hand, baby…” My own words echo through my mind as I remember every push and pull of our bodies. The way we became one, how I would love to go back to that. To do nothing but stay wrapped up in her for hours.
Things are different now. Death changes people. It changes everything. Why was I so careless with that fragile love between us? I should have known better. I should have been better for her… better for us.
A deep moan pulls me from my thoughts. My eyes refocus, and I watch Amara roll over in bed. She’s wearing one of my shirts and a pair of my boxers. Her shirt rides up with each movement, showing her lower back and ass to me.
My cock stiffens, my whole body getting ready to take her. Of course, it is always hard with her around, but there is something much more important that needs to be handled. I need to know what happened to her while she was gone. Where she had been taken, all she had endured. God, I was a fucking douchebag for not asking these questions before doing anything with her.
Wringing my hands together, I clasp them in front of me. Did I really want to talk to her about all of this? I know I said how sorry I was, but I need to know she is okay. I need to make this right.
Slipping from the chair, I tiptoe across the floor and to the bed. For a moment, I simply stand there, staring at her beautiful face. It’s more than the face of an angel. It’s the face of my savior. The woman I love, who I have hurt, betrayed, and somehow, still managed to keep. Her nose scrunches as if she’s having a bad dream and her pink lips part, a sigh escaping.
Right then, my heart does a little pitter-patter. Yes, the totally fucking girly kind where sighs fall from lips and eyelashes bat. I’m beyond pussy whipped, and I don’t even care. Not one fucking bit.
“Hey, piccolo,” I whisper against her skin as I clasp the side of her cheek gently. She stirs only slightly, and one eye opens.
“It’s still dark out, so if you’re waking me up, somebody better be dying. Wait—no, scratch that... somebody better not be dead. Too much heartache going on around here.” I can tell by the humor lacking in her voice that she isn’t kidding.
“I just need to talk to you. I need to let you know James is coming to meet you. I know you said you needed some time to digest everything that has happened, but we don’t really have time. We need to devise a plan and…”
I’m the motherfucking king, but here I am, bowing to her. Putting myself on the line. I’ve never had to ask someone if things were okay between us—simply because I never cared enough to ask.
“And?” she asks puzzled as I sit on the bed next to her. My dick is still hard, and the way she is looking at me is making it more difficult for me to focus on the task at hand. Fuck. Yeah, that’s what you need to be doing.
“And…. I need to know….” Pause. “If everything is okay? Are you going to be okay?” Pause again. Would I ever be able to fucking man up? Fuck having a cock—if I look down, I guarantee I’ll find a pussy between my legs since I’m acting like one.
Sighing, I raise my gaze and look her straight in the eyes as if I am looking straight down the barrel of a gun. “I need to know we’re okay. I know it sounds fucked up, but I need to know you’re all right. I need to know you aren’t lost somewhere in that pretty fucking head of yours.” She knows exactly what I’m asking because not even a second passes before she’s giving me answers.
“Well, basically, I was held in a hole for three weeks. When I say hole, I do mean one in the ground, surrounded by dirt. I was talked down upon and treated like shit for hours upon hours. Then… Eli baited me to get out of the hole. Technically, I baited him, but it doesn’t matter…” Closing my eyes for a moment, I take a deep breath to calm myself. If he touched her, there is a cement block with his name on it.
“Eli was there? Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” I try my very best to keep my voice even, hiding how angry I am with her for not speaking up before.
“I guess it kind of slipped my mind. I’m sorry, things have been crazy. Eli being there and helping me escape has been pretty low on my list of things to digest. He did tell me to let you know you owe him a favor.”
Fuck, I know it. I owe him more than one favor, and I can’t blame her for not mentioning this sooner, but that doesn’t make me feel better about it. Why hasn’t he contacted me?
“Anyway, I got out of the hole with the intent of running or doing whatever I could to escape. Instead of having to fight him though, he just kind of let me go…” She sounds surprised.
“Did he touch you? What else did he say to you? Did he hurt you?” The questions come out rushed, and I feel myself reaching out to touch her, simply to remind myself she is here.
I’m a pussy. A total fucking pussy. Next thing you know, I’ll be watching The Notebook and talking about The Vampire Diaries while drinking a skinny vanilla soy latte.
Smiling, a sexy as all fucking hell grin, she says, “Relax, Mr. King. Nothing happened. He didn’t hurt me. I don’t think he said anything else.” Seconds pass as I watch her work through her thoughts.
Inwardly, I sigh in relief.
“You look like you actually worried about me,” she states, pulling the sheet up to her chest. Her dark brown eyes are anything but doe-like anymore. Everything that seemed shy and unknown has been explored. She is strong, so fucking strong, and she is mine. All mine.
“Amara. I love you. I loved you the moment I met you. I simply didn’t understand what it was that drew me to you. I fought my own men and broke all my own rules to be with you. I may have killed and been ruthless. I may have been the monster everyone makes me out to be, but I never stopped loving you.”
“You don’t always act like it.” Her eyes well up with huge tears. I want to reach out and comfort her, but for what? For being honest and for telling her how much she means to me? One single tear slips from her eye and falls to her cheek where it slides down ever so slowly.
“I know. I fucking know that.”
“You hurt me, you fucking broke me. You think John was a monster, but you’re no better. If anything, you’re the same.”
Fuck! She’s right, I’m no better a person than John, but I love her. I love her with my whole heart.
“You have to know I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry, Amara. I am so fucking sorry! D
o you think I will forget? Because I won’t. I will never forget the night in the cabin... never forget how I hurt the one person who saved my life. I fucked up. I was lost inside my head, only wanting revenge.” My mind drifted back to Mack… I will paint the motherfucking walls with his blood when I am done making him pay.
“I thought the person I had finally fallen in love with had betrayed me, and I was hurt. All I saw was red, and Mack... Mack sounded so fucking believable. I hate myself more than I have ever hated anyone for touching you in any way other than with love. Do you hear me? Understand me right now. I know I was a bastard for...”
“I miss my old life. I just want it all to go back to the way it was…” she pleads, as if I could make all her dreams come true. The truth of the matter is, I can’t fix what’s been done, but I can make the future better.
“I promise to take care of you, to make sure all your needs are met. I will make it all worth it, just stay with me. Hold onto who you are. Please.”
“I don’t want you to think I don’t want you or care about you because I do. I know why you killed John. I understand it was needed on your part, but it’s going to be hard for me to forget it. It doesn’t matter how evil someone is. If you love them even the tiniest bit, you always remember the love, above all else.” I understand what she means. It was similar to how she feels about me. She can always remember the good things I have done over the bad. Even when the bad outweighs the good by a million. She has a heart of gold while I have a cold, dark one.
“It just seems like…” I murmur ashamed. I’ve never worked through such emotions.
“Look at me, Enzo,” she says, cupping my cheek to turn my face into hers. I didn’t resist her touch. “I think I want to be with you, but you need to give me time to figure it out. I want to find out answers, too. No matter what, we can do this together.”
“I’m really sorry. I’m so sorry I put you through all of this. I just want to know you’re okay,” I plead. I hate feeling lower than dirt, even though I deserve it.
“I’m okay. I’m not great or fabulous, but I’m capable of moving from what happened to me.”
I smile, unable to hide the happiness. “I bet I can make you feel great, maybe even fabulous?” I tease. “You could use me again to help you forget. I’ll be fine with that.”
“I bet you are.” A tiny smile tucks on her full lips. She has me wrapped around her finger, and every inch of me calls to her. Her simple smile causes my heart rate to accelerate.
“Shouldn’t you be devising some insane, off the wall, guns blazing attack plan?” she asks as if she doesn’t want this, but her eyes tell me a different story, her pupils dilate, and her gaze drops to the iron rod tenting my pants.
Her teeth sink into her full, pale pink lip, and I’m more than ready to lose all my clothes and attack her like an animal.
Tugging at my shirt, I smile. “Gun’s a blazing sounds fun, but fucking you until you can’t walk or talk sounds better, doesn’t it?” I growl.
“As long as you understand that this is just sex for now.” Her voice turns serious for a moment, and so does mine when I answer.
“Got it. Just sex. If that’s all I can get right now, then I’ll take it.”
She nods, and I continue getting naked. With my shirt off, I start to tug my pants down.
“Let me,” she says, reaching out for me. Loosening the button, I watch her pull the sides of my pants down.
“Commando, huh?” She laughs as her brown eyes twinkle in the light. She’s so beautiful and far too fucking smart of a woman to be caught up with me. Shimmying out of my pants, I bend down to lay claim on her. I want her lips, her panting breaths, and her skin against mine until the sun comes up.
“What can I say? I’m always ready for you,” I half-joke. I am always ready for her. My teeth nip at her bottom lip. Her eyes turn to molten lava in an instant. I have the same effect on her that she has on me.
“I missed you so bad…” I practically pant as my hands drift under her shirt. I’m a thirsty man. It feels as if I haven’t had a drink from her beauty in months. I am starved.
Her lips find mine, devouring the very small amount of space separating us. Her urgency turns into mine, and in a matter of seconds, I pull her shirt off and move us to a sitting position.
“Are you ready for me, Mr. King?” she asks as one of her fingers reaches out, tracing over my bottom lip. The temptation to reach out and bite her is strong, but I want to go easy on her. I need to give her the control.
Looking down, my eyes glide over her body. Her full tits are on display for me, and I can’t stop myself from palming them.
“I’ve missed this, you… all of it…” She purrs as she arches into my touch.
“I bet you have, baby,” I say, moving one hand from her tit to between her legs. One stroke of my finger tells me she is soaked for me. My piccolo is a very dirty girl.
“So wet already?” I ask, laying hot kisses against her chest and neck. She pushes her dark locks to the side to give me more access. That’s when I see the bruises on her shoulder. They are small and insignificant to the naked eye, but to me, they are anything but.
“Who did this to you?” I ask, anger filling my voice. Her expression turns from lust to confusion in mere seconds as she looks down to see what I am talking about. Fear roots itself deep in my belly. Was she only telling me a half-truth?
“I… I don’t know where those came from, Enzo…” Her eyes plead with me to understand, and looking up at her, I know she is telling me the truth. She isn’t sure how she had been bruised. Had I done that to her? It could very well be possible.
“Shhhh. I’m sorry I scared you,” I whisper, laying soft kisses against the bruises. I want them to go away. I never want a single thing to blemish her beautiful skin.
From there, I trail my kisses over her neck and down her chest, listening to her breathe and to her heart accelerating.
“Being with you is like being on a roller coaster. The moments of fear when you don’t know what’s around the next corner. The feeling of falling, just for a fraction of a second, where you think death may finally get you. You make me feel all of it,” she says softly, her voice as smooth as silk.
Her words stir something deep within, and I lose control. She always brings unknown emotions to the surface. My fingers delve into her skin as I trace her entrance. So wet, so fucking wet for me.
“Fuck my finger,” I demand, gritting my teeth as I watch her eyes light up like a fireworks show. With one hand wrapped around her chin to keep her eyes on mine, I slam my finger into her over and over again until she finds her own rhythm.
“I need more,” Panting, she pleads with me to give her what she wants.
“Beg for it… Show me what that sweet pussy of yours wants,” I say, nipping at her lip. A frustrated sigh erupts from within her, and her movements become jerky.
“Beg for it, and I’ll give you what you crave. You know my cock only wants you,” I murmur on the verge of coming myself. She’s a goddess, and her body works in so many fucking mysterious ways. I know I said I wanted her to control the pace and to be in control, but that was before she said what she said.
“Please, Enzo…” she cries out… begging, pleading, and giving me exactly what I want.
“Please, what? You want me to fuck that dirty cunt of yours? You want my cum to fill you to the brim? Do you?” I smirk, adjusting myself for her entrance the moment the words escape her lips.
“Please, fuck me… Fuck me now!”
“Now, now. Don’t make demands, my greedy girl,” I growl at her, withdrawing my finger before sliding deep into her pussy. One swift movement is all it takes to get her mouth to shut. My body shudders with the need to slam into her repeatedly, but I stand my ground, relishing every jerk and clench of her body.
Our bodies connect, and a blissful kind of peace overcomes me. She slides over my cock slowly, and I take the time to explore her body, leaving a path of fiery kisses over eve
ry inch of her body.
“Ahhh… Ahh…” she exclaims, her hips moving in motion with mine as I lie back slowly to watch her work her magic.
“Fuck, yeah,” I hiss out, my hands moving to her hips. Our flesh is smacking against one another as she fucks me into oblivion. Her walls clamp onto my cock like a vise as I continue to push into her deeper than I ever have before.
“Never enough… Never enough…” I say breathlessly as my cum hits the back of her pussy, and my toes curl. They literally fucking curl.
Amara’s body slumps against mine as we both come down from our highs, listening to one another’s hearts beat.
One of my hands moves of its own accord as if it has been doing this for years. I push the hair off her shoulder and rub small circles into her back.
She is all fucking mine, and I’m the luckiest man in the world. I lost everything, but I don’t care—because I found my home in her arms.
“Promise me, through all of this, even if Mack wins, you’ll run. You’ll push on for something more because both you and I know someone’s going to die. Death is inevitable in the world we live in, and even if I die, I just want to know you will find your peace.”
If all else fails, peace is what I want her to have. I want her to be able to move on without me.
“If I promise this to you, then you have to promise the same to me. It’s not just your life on the line but both of ours.” She’s right, but she doesn’t realize I would do everything in my power to make sure she makes it out, even if it meant giving up my own life for hers.
“I promise,” I lie. I can’t promise something like that. Hopefully, it never comes down to that, but if it does, I’ll die for her. And if I fail, and Amara dies before me, there will be no moving on, no peace, no me without her.
“Good,” she mumbles into my chest.
“I love you,” I whisper into her hair, never feeling so content in my life. She doesn’t say it back, but she doesn’t need to. Her letting me hold her like this is all I need right now.