Sheep's Clothing

by Josi Kilpack

  Kate shook her head. “Of course not,” she said, reflecting on how much better Jess had been since she’d gone on her rant Wednesday night. Apparently, Jess had simply needed a reminder of who was boss. “I’ll just let her have a little more time on the computer after the kids are in bed. Everything will be fine and you’re right—we need to find us again, and why not start today?”

  41

  ——Original Message——

  From: emjenkins000@yahoo.com

  To: jjk_hollywood@hotmail.com

  Sent: Friday, May 5, 7:22 PM

  Subject: I’m back!

  Hey Jess,

  i just talked to colt on the phone and he said he’s coming through salt lake! so i drove all the way to the library to check in with u. i have missed you sooooooo much. maybe u ought to give me yr phone number so i can call u. i’m going through Jess withdrawals and my puter is totally fritzed. mom says she’s gunna buy a new one—yeah right. i’m the only one that uses it at home and she’s not gunna spend all that money just for me.

  anyway, how are u feeling about meeting colt? he said he thinks yr nervous—i don’t blame u. u guys have only known each other a little while. but anyway, if u need someone to talk to, i’ll b here for another half an hour and i’ll come back tomorrow—okay? i’m here for u girl!

  Em

  Jess read the e-mail and felt tears come to her eyes. Finally, someone she could talk to. Thank goodness!

  Jess had been playing nice, like the good-old-Jess Mom wanted her to be, and Mom was totally taking advantage of her. It was so not fair. Jess had already watched the kids all afternoon. Mom did get the little ones ready for bed before she left, like that was so helpful.

  But now the kids were in bed, she was alone and could have all the computer time she could possibly want. And Emily had written her. It was feeling more like fate and destiny all the time, even if she was still scared out of her mind.

  She put her fingers on the keyboard and started typing. Having Emily contact her was like an answer to a prayer.

  42

  ——Original Message——

  From: jjk_hollywood@hotmail.com

  To: emjenkins000@yahoo.com

  Sent: Friday, May 5, 9:08 PM

  Subject: Re: I’m back!

  Em,

  It’s so weird you wrote to me. I am so nervous about meeting Colt. I mean, I’m excited too, but I never expected this—and especially not so soon. It’s so hard to believe this is happening. How could a guy like him be in love with a girl like me? Oh, I’m dying to meet him in person and he’s such a great guy, but I’ve never done anything like this and I’m really scared. What if I get caught? What if he thinks I’m totally lame? But the fact that he’s coming at all is so amazing—like fate or something. But I don’t know. I get sick to my stomach when I think of writing the note he told me to write or sneaking out of my house. I’m so confused.

  Write soon! Or yeah, you can totally call. My number is 801–555–9436. But since you have to use the library computer you won’t get this tonight. Dang!

  Jess

  Monique clenched Harrison’s hand tightly—perhaps too tight. He didn’t complain. After several days of intense investigation, including multiple interviews with all different kinds of detectives and experts, Sergeant Morris had called them into his office that morning—Monday. He’d also asked them to bring their other children if they could. Jamie was still in town, having chosen not to fly back to New York after the dinner last week. In fact, she had since asked about moving back home and finishing her degree at Ann Arbor. Monique was glad. She needed her children around her right now. They were all trying to remain calm, but the staggering level of tension made it difficult.

  “Thank you for coming,” Sergeant Morris said after opening the door to his office. “I’d like to speak with Mr. and Mrs. Weatherford alone first, please.”

  Monique nodded, smiled at her children, and entered the room, taking a seat across from the desk. Her heart was racing, and even though the sergeant hadn’t said anything, she felt tears fill her eyes. He’d been so official on the phone, but she’d been trying to ignore it. She told herself she was prepared for anything, but she didn’t know if she could handle bad news.

  “As you know, we reopened this investigation and hit it hard. We sent Terrezza’s picture nationwide and even to a few Canadian provinces, hoping that someone had seen her.”

  Monique didn’t like the careful, calculated tone of Sergeant Morris’s voice. She looked at the glass top of his desk. It needed to be dusted. She wanted to run from the room in search of a dust rag. Her throat was tight.

  “When we spoke last week, I told you to be prepared for anything, that six months was a long time for a young woman to be gone.”

  The room went silent, and Monique didn’t even try to brush away the tears as they dripped into her lap.

  “I’m so sorry,” he said after several heavy seconds. Monique felt as if her lungs had collapsed. Harrison wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his shoulder, his own chest shaking as Monique began to sob.

  43

  ——Original Message——

  From: emjenkins000@yahoo.com

  To: jjk_hollywood@hotmail.com

  Sent: Saturday, May 6, 2:29 PM

  Subject: Re: I’m back!

  Jess,

  if yr this nervous about seeing colt, maybe u shouldn’t. i mean, he wouldn’t want u to do something like this if u can’t trust him. but i really think u would regret it. i think yr right that this is fate bringing u guys together. he’s never had a reason to go to utah before and may never have a reason to come again—how often do u get to florida to see him? how would u feel if u made all those arrangements but then he was too scared. remember when we talked about being free to make our choices and live our own life? this is one of those moments. i know colt would be heartbroken if u were too scared to see him, but he loves u Jess. i’m totally biased :) but he really is great.

  the choice is yrs, Jess, but don’t make it lightly. colt said he’s helping u cover yr tracks—that’s important and yr parents won’t find out—they barely notice yr there at all and maybe u need to ask yourself which one of them makes u feel better about u, do yr parents understand u more than colt does? i know he told u that he’s coming along to check out that college, the real reason is because of u :) i’m out of time so i gotta go, but i’ll try and call okay. i don’t know if i can, but i’ll do my best.

  Em

  He hit send and bit the inside of his lip so hard it started to bleed. This was the ultimate test. How devoted was she?

  After a few minutes he had to get up and start pacing, his head pounding as the fear rose in his chest. What if she didn’t follow through? What if he’d done all this for nothing? He walked to the wall, where he’d put up the pictures of Jess he’d taken off her board. He reached out and touched her face. He was so close. What would he do if she said she wouldn’t meet him?

  But he knew right where she was. She’d given enough clues that he’d been able to track down her home address. If she did back out, maybe he’d go find her anyway.

  44

  —Original Message——

  From: coltinator_51@yahoo.com

  To: jjk_hollywood@hotmail.com

  Sent: Sunday, May 7, 1:14 PM

  Subject: Re: Nerves

  Jessie,

  I can’t wait to see you

  I can’t wait to hold you

  I can’t wait to tell you how much I love you

  I can’t wait to take moonlight walks with you

  I can’t wait to gaze into your eyes

  I can’t wait to hold your hand

  I can’t wait to promise myself to you forever

  I can’t wait to make all your dreams come true

  I can’t wait to caress your face

  I can’t wait to tell you how beautiful you are with my own voice

  I can’t wait to kiss you in a way that makes you realize that you are
the only girl in the world that could ever make me feel this way.

  I love you Jessie—just hold on to that, okay. I promise all this will be worth it. Please write me back as soon as you get this, I need to know you’ll be waiting for me.

  Love you, Colt

  It wasn’t quite 5:30 Monday morning; the house was dark. Jess hadn’t gotten much time on the computer over the weekend, but she didn’t try very hard. Yesterday she’d received her Young Womanhood award. It had been a great moment, and Mom and Dad had been so proud of her. She could still hear Mom’s voice whispering, “I love you, Jess,” when Mom had hugged her. Jess had felt so good right then, but it didn’t take long for everything to come back to her. She woke up with the knowledge that Colt was leaving Florida that morning. He’d told her that he’d use his uncle’s laptop to check in with her.

  She read the e-mail twice, then once more. This should be so exciting, shouldn’t it? She reached up and fingered the Young Womanhood medallion hanging around her neck. Wasn’t it every girl’s dream, her dream, to have someone feel this way about her? It was, and yet it felt so wrong.

  Why?

  Was it because she’d been raised not to keep secrets? Was it because he was so much older? Maybe it was normal to feel this way. Maybe everyone that fell in love felt scared like this. She’d heard people talk about cold feet before; maybe this is what it was.

  She had to give him an answer, and after e-mailing with Emily she knew she couldn’t say no. For the last few weeks she’d felt so . . . trapped. At home, at school, everywhere. She would look at the faces of people she thought knew her and wonder how Emily and Colt could know her so much better than they did. Did anyone really care about her? Did anyone notice anything other than her report card? And then she wondered if she really knew the people around her either. If she could hide so much, could other people hide it, too? Her parents had been acting strange; and Britney, the person who was supposed to know Jess better than anyone, hadn’t figured it out. It was like no one in the whole world even cared about her. No one but Emily and Colt.

  She’d really hoped Emily would call, but she didn’t. Jess had lain awake for hours, thinking things through, trying to make sense of everything. She’d listened to her parents’ footsteps upstairs and wanted so badly to go talk to them. And then she felt horrible for thinking that. Poor Colt. After everything he’d done for her, should she really be this confused? It wasn’t fair to him for her to feel this way. She needed to trust him. She needed to trust someone.

  “Jess?”

  Jess jumped and looked up. Caitlyn was standing in the doorway in her robe, blinking into the room. “What are you doing?” Caitlyn asked in a sleepy voice.

  Jess quickly closed her e-mail program, feeling horrible for being so relieved at the interruption. “What?” she asked, her voice sounding scared.

  “I asked what you were doing.”

  Jess froze. What was she doing? Such a simple question that Jess couldn’t answer. In fact, she was taken so off guard that she couldn’t even think up a good lie like she had with Dad. “What are you doing?” Jess finally countered.

  Caitlyn blinked her big blue eyes, like Dad’s, and looked embarrassed. “I’m supposed to have a current-events article for world studies today and I forgot. I didn’t want Mom to know, so I got up when I heard your alarm go off. You won’t tell her, will you?”

  Jess let out a breath. Keeping Caitlyn’s secret would be payment for Caitlyn keeping hers. “No,” Jess said, double-checking that she hadn’t left anything open. “’Cause I had to look something up, too.” She stood up and smiled at her sister, wondering what Caitlyn would say if Jess suddenly blurted out that she had an online boyfriend who wanted to meet her in person. Actually, Caitlyn was totally boy crazy—she’d probably think it was cool.

  She passed Caitlyn in the doorway. “I’ll wait five more minutes to start my piano so Mom doesn’t wake up early—but you better hurry.”

  Caitlyn smiled at her. “Thank you, Jess.”

  Jess smiled back, thinking maybe with Caitlyn getting older they would have more in common now. She’d always been so much younger than Jess, but she was in Young Women’s now. Maybe she wasn’t so annoying.

  Jess shrugged like it was no big deal. “You’re welcome,” she said. “But get going.”

  Caitlyn nodded and hurried to sit down at the computer. Jess watched her for a minute, surprised to be feeling a little bit jealous of how uncomplicated her life was. Should she warn her? Jess wondered. Should she tell her that one day she might feel split in two with having to make a choice that felt wrong either way? If she didn’t see Colt, she’d feel horrible for breaking his heart. He might never talk to her again. But going felt just as wrong. After a few seconds she turned around, deciding to take a quick shower before piano, giving Caitlyn a little more time to get her homework done without getting caught. At least Jess wasn’t the only one with secrets now.

  45

  ——Original Message——

  From: coltinator_51@yahoo.com

  To: jjk_hollywood@hotmail.com

  Sent: Tuesday, May 9, 1:37 PM

  Subject: Minor change in plans

  Jessie,

  I haven’t heard back from you yet, but I’m assuming no news is good news. However, I have some good news and bad news about my visit too. The good news is that my uncle is totally cool with us getting together for a late dinner, and 11:30 Wednesday works just fine. He totally understands what it’s like to be young and in love. He’s really an awesome guy. You’ll love him. The bad news is that we stopped for lunch and were playing basketball since we’ve been in the car so much and I sprained my ankle. I had to go to the emergency room and everything. They gave me crutches but my uncle said that when we get into town he’s going to drop me off at the hotel so I can lay down and elevate my foot for awhile. He’ll come pick you up and bring you to the hotel restaurant where I will meet you guys.

  Did you get ALL the files deleted at home? I can’t wait to see you, to hold you. Wow. Thinking of you is the only way I’ve been able to deal with the pain in my foot. Be sure and leave that note. You’re such a beautiful and amazing girl, Jess. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have found you.

  We need a meeting place—where would be a good spot?

  Your mom takes your little brother to karate today, right? While she’s gone double check everything—make sure the computer is totally clean.

  I’m saying all of this with the assumption that you aren’t going to let me down. I have to know that you are real. Is there anyone in your life that makes you feel as good about yourself as I do? Is there anyone that loves you the way I love you, Jessie? Cause no one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel.

  Your love, Colt

  Morgan Sanford finished putting the paper plates in the Young Women’s closet and locked the door. She picked up the box full of items she’d brought from home for tonight’s activity and turned out the lights on her way out of the Mutual room. Jess Thompson stood in the foyer, staring out the window.

  “Hey, Jess,” she said. “Do you need a ride home?” Morgan had thought all the Mia Maids had left already, and Jess only lived a short way from the ward meetinghouse. But it was raining, so maybe she had a ride coming. Jess turned sixteen in just over a week. Morgan would miss having her in her class when she moved up to Laurels. Jess was such a good girl.

  Jess didn’t turn to look at her. “Mom said she’d pick me up after Sharla’s dance thing. I guess she had some other stuff to do first.”

  Morgan shifted the box in her arms and looked at her watch. It was almost nine. Their class activity had been over for half an hour, and the building was empty. “It’s getting late,” she said. “Why don’t you come with me?”

  Jess shook her head. “My mom will be mad if she comes and I’m not here.”

  Morgan furrowed her brow. Something wasn’t right in the tone of Jess’s voice. She put the box down on the couch. “Jess,” she asked, taki
ng a step closer. “Are you okay?”

  Jess started to nod, but then she sniffed and hurried to wipe her eyes. Morgan raised her eyebrows. She’d never seen Jess get emotional—in fact, Jess was one of the most level girls in the ward. She was always quick to comply, eager to help out, and wasn’t one who continually drew attention to herself. She’d received her Young Womanhood award last Sunday—the youngest girl in the ward ever to have completed it.

  “Jess?” Morgan asked, placing a hand on Jess’s shoulder. “What’s the matter?”