Threads of the Heart

by Jeannie Levig

  Addison sobered. She brushed her thumb across Maggie’s temple. “I think so. I love you, Maggie, and I want to hold on to what we have.”

  “As do I, luv. As do I.” Maggie kissed her long and deep, pressing their naked bodies against one another. She felt the embers from the previous night rekindle. “When would you like to start?” She smiled against Addison’s lips.

  “Let’s see. How’s a week from Thursday at one o’clock?”

  Maggie nibbled Addison’s ear and draped her leg over her thighs. “Right now works a bit better.”

  “Mmmm, I see what you mean,” Addison whispered. She slipped her arms around Maggie’s waist. “Oh, there’s one more thing. You know that woman I told you about? She wants to go out.”

  A joke, right? Maggie chuckled and ran the tip of her tongue down the side of Addison’s slender neck. “With you? Or me?”

  Addison released a slow moan. “Actually, both.”

  Maggie halted. “Both?”

  Addison laughed. “She’s new in town. She’s just here for the remodeling and opening of her restaurant, and she doesn’t know anyone.”

  Maggie gazed into Addison’s eyes, aware of every point where their bodies touched. She forced her attention to the words.

  “She asked if we could take her out to some of the bars sometime this week.” Addison began to stroke the small of Maggie’s back, her hands slow and deliberate. “Maybe introduce her to some friends.”

  “Our friends…” Maggie closed her eyes, succumbing to Addison’s caress. “…don’t hang out in the bars. Except Dusty. Perhaps she…”

  Addison made a noise of dismissal. “She could probably meet some people on her own. She just doesn’t want to go alone.” She shifted her position and pressed herself into Maggie.

  Maggie gasped, her arousal mounting. She clenched her legs around Addison. “If I agree, can we stop talkin’ about this woman?”

  Addison flicked Maggie’s nipple with the tip of her tongue. “Then what?”

  Maggie squirmed against her. She opened her eyes to find Addison grinning at her. “You’re an evil thing. But you know that, don’t you?”

  “I’m your evil thing. I know that.”

  Maggie laughed, then rolled over and pulled Addison onto her. “Then forget your other woman and show me.”

  Chapter Six

  At two o’clock on Sunday afternoon, Eve found herself pulling her Volvo up to the same curb on Skycrest Drive she’d parked at the previous day. This time, though, she brought all of her personal belongings needed for daily life, as well as a few cherished items to ease the aching in her heart. Glancing down, she picked up the gold-framed picture of her two boys from atop the box nestled into the passenger’s seat.

  Daniel’s hazel eyes, pensive and serious, seemed to question her, probing for answers in their customary fashion, while the image of his younger brother, Enos, flashed the carefree grin that always made her smile. This time was no exception, but as though in punishment, the voices in her head started their condemnation. How can you leave your children? How can you be so selfish? You’re blessed with a beautiful family that anyone else would be grateful for. Why can’t you just be happy?

  Eve steeled herself against the attack. She’d heard it all before. She’d said it all before. There were no answers, no excuses. All she knew was that she’d lived as long as she could without understanding for certain what was missing from her life. She thought she’d figured it out, but thinking was no longer enough.

  Replacing the photograph, she checked her rearview mirror.

  Her aunt’s black pickup eased to a stop behind her, its bed filled with Eve’s beloved rocker that she’d inherited from her grandmother, an inexpensive shelving unit she’d picked up at the swap meet, and boxes of clothing, books, CDs, and toiletries. Aunt Carolyn had insisted that Eve needed help moving, but more importantly, she needed the love that went along with it.

  Her husband, Jeremy, had offered as well—he was trying so hard to understand—but Aunt Carolyn had cautioned that the day might be too emotionally charged for both of them. “You’re taking a big step,” she’d told Eve. “I think having Jeremy there will only make it more difficult.” And of course she’d been right. Even waking up in the same house this morning had been too much for them.

  On the surface, everything had looked normal. She’d made a nice breakfast for all of them, cleaned up afterward, and read the funnies with the boys while Jeremy showered and dressed. The tension, however, had been palpable. She’d found it impossible to look Jeremy in the eye. And the boys—well, they knew she was going to stay with a friend for a while and would spend time with them regularly, but there was the usual sadness, similar to when she left on a business trip.

  She and Jeremy had decided it would be best if the boys weren’t there when Eve packed, so Jeremy had taken them to the zoo for the day. As hard as it’d been to say good-bye to her family, Eve had been grateful to watch the car pull out of the driveway, and would be even more grateful to have the entire move behind her.

  With renewed resolution, she opened the door and stepped out into the warm afternoon.

  “I’ve always loved this neighborhood,” Aunt Carolyn said, climbing down from the cab with mastered efficiency. Her salt-and-pepper hair tapered back from her heart-shaped face, and the white strands gleamed in the sunlight. “Why don’t we go up and say hello before we start unloading?”

  They ascended the steps and rang the bell.

  As they waited for an answer, Eve remembered Dusty Gardner’s greeting from the day before. She’d been caught off guard then, but today she was ready.

  The door opened.

  Eve straightened to her full height and lifted her chin.

  “Hello, darlin’,” Maggie said with a broad smile. “Carolyn, what a wonderful surprise.”

  A prick of disappointment deflated Eve’s poise. No matter. She’d save it for later. Surely she’d need it eventually.

  Maggie stepped outside and enveloped Aunt Carolyn in an affectionate embrace. The brown and mahogany hues woven into the floral pattern of her shorts outfit enhanced the highlights of her hair, and her complexion seemed to glow. “I had no idea you were goin’ to come with Eve today. Please come in, both of you.”

  They followed Maggie into the foyer.

  “It’s kind of a rough day for her.” Aunt Carolyn slipped her arm around Eve’s waist. “I thought maybe she could use some support.”

  “I sure can.” Eve gave a weak laugh, struggling to keep the irrational voices from filling her mind again.

  “Well, you’re here, now.” Maggie patted Eve’s hand. “Try to relax and take things a bit at a time.”

  The comforting energy of the two women washed through Eve like a soothing wave. For an instant, her confusion ebbed and her fears receded. If only she could freeze time in this moment.

  “Oh, and before I forget.” Maggie turned and snatched a key from the corner of the antique cabinet and laid it in Eve’s palm. “This is for you. Don’t you ever feel as though you need to ring the bell again. This is your home now.”

  Home. The word echoed in Eve’s ears. She stared down at the metal object. It represented such ambivalence. In its polished finish shone the promise of discovery—knowing once and for all who she really was. Its jagged edge, however, symbolized what might very well turn out to be a severed past, the loss of her family, the loss of her boys. She clamped her fist closed and retreated from the dilemma.

  “Don’t let her fool you. Everyone in LA has one.” Addison descended the steps with an easy gait, a wide grin conveying her humor. Her slim body moved fluidly beneath a pair of gray drawstring jogging pants and a red cropped T-shirt.

  “You hush,” Maggie scolded her in response. “We’ve lots of friends.” She gave what appeared to be an almost embarrassed shrug.

  “Yeah, and they all have to have access to our house at any hour of the day or night.” Addison stopped at the bottom of the stairs. She slid her a
rms around Maggie and kissed her on the cheek.

  Maggie rolled her eyes, but a tender glint tinged their cast.

  “Hi, Carolyn, it’s good to see you.” Addison said.

  Aunt Carolyn laughed. “And it’s always a pleasure to see you, too.”

  Eve heard a door at the top of the stairs open and close again.

  “Hey, we having a party?” Dusty’s voice ruffled Eve’s composure.

  Where was that confidence she’d mustered a few minutes ago, that resistance to letting this woman affect her? She looked up to see Dusty’s tautly-muscled legs as she made her way downstairs. Eve took in the frayed cutoffs and yellow tank top that revealed well-shaped shoulders. When Dusty’s face came into view, Eve straightened and looked directly into those vibrant eyes.

  But Dusty didn’t even seem to notice her. She averted her gaze and focused on Aunt Carolyn. “Wow, long time no see.”

  “Yes, it’s been a while,” Maggie said. “Before you called about Eve, I don’t think I’ve talked with you since the Renaissance Fair last spring. Things just get so busy.”

  “Has it been that long?” Aunt Carolyn sounded surprised. “Maybe after I help Eve get settled, you and I can visit for a while.”

  Addison looked from Aunt Carolyn to Maggie. “I have a better idea. Why don’t Dusty and I unload Eve’s things, she can put them away, and you two can do some catching up?”

  Maggie leaned into Addison. “That’s very sweet, dawtie. Thank you.”

  “Oh. No, that’s okay.” Eve motioned toward the car, her hand trembling. “I can get my stuff up to my room. There isn’t that much.”

  “You wouldn’t say that if you’d ever carried much up the stairs in this place,” Addison said with a grin.

  Eve hesitated. She wouldn’t mind some help. The sooner she could finish with this whole moving process, the sooner her doubts and uncertainties might be calmed, but she didn’t want to take advantage, either. “I’m sure Dusty has—”

  “Dusty doesn’t mind, do you, Dusty?” Addison slapped her on the shoulder.

  Dusty eyed her and shoved her fingertips into the front pockets of her cutoffs. “I dunno,” she said in a sulky tone. “Are you still mad at me for last night?”

  “Of course not.”

  “She was never angry with you, luv. You were simply too close to the hand grenade, as me da used to say.” Maggie gestured Aunt Carolyn toward the living room.

  “Besides”—Addison pinched Dusty’s cheek—“you’re too cute to be mad at.”

  Eve watched with amusement.

  “Ooow.”

  “Oh, quit being a baby. What happened to the big bad biker dyke?” She turned and headed toward the front door. “C’mon.”

  Without hesitation, Dusty followed. “I think you ought to at least apologize. You hurt my feelings. I think you should have to sing the Super Sorry Song.”

  Addison laughed. “No way. I was in the no-song zone,” she said, stepping out onto the stoop.

  “Nuh-uh.” Dusty shook her head vehemently. “The no-song zone’s around the couch in the TV room.”

  “That’s during the first and third weeks of the thirty-day months. Yesterday, the no-song zone was the kitchen.”

  Dusty paused and frowned. “Dang it.” She pulled the door closed behind them.

  Eve smiled at Maggie. “The Super Sorry Song?”

  Maggie laughed. “It’s the penance for all manner of infractions. I’m certain you’ll be hearin’ it. We sing it around here quite a bit at times.”

  Moments later, Eve rounded the corner of the stairwell on the second floor and proceeded down the quiet hall toward her new living space. At the far end, a door to another room stood ajar. Maggie had told her that it was rented by a woman named Tess, but Eve had yet to meet her.

  It felt so odd to be walking around the place alone, to know she’d be sharing it with total strangers. She’d lived in a house for eight years with the man she knew intimately and the boys she’d given birth to. That was what a home was, a place you occupied with people who were significant, most important, in your life.

  Yet, the women who lived here, although not blood related, seemed as close and intimate as any family. Maybe there was a chance she, too, could fit in here.

  She entered the room she’d rented and dropped her purse onto the white antique dresser. The previous day when she’d first seen it, her attention had been drawn to the leaf-patterned stenciling, the color of frost, that decorated the tops of the Prussian blue walls, its wispy lines dancing along just below the ceiling. The same design painted in shades of blue adorned the ivory headboard of the bed whose carved trim matched that of the chest of drawers. Powder blue carpet covered the floor, its tone mingling with the other hues to soften the overall effect.

  Eve sighed. Like every other room in this house, this one emanated peace, beauty, healing. Just standing there calmed her nerves somewhat. Once she got her own things added into the equation, she felt sure that this would be the perfect place to sort out her life. She gazed out the lace-covered window to the lush hillside. The tension she’d been dragging around most of the day began to ease.

  “Okay, so tell us where you want everything, Madam Supervisor,” Addison said, her voice bold and cheerful.

  Eve turned with a start.

  Addison and Dusty stood just inside the room, each holding a section of bookshelves. “Do you want these right here?” Addison pointed to the empty space along the wall beside the bathroom door. “Or would you like the furniture arranged differently?”

  The sincerity in her questions was genuine, and Eve could tell that all she’d have to do is ask, and Addison would move anything anywhere she wanted. She was touched by the thought.

  Dusty waited, examining the artificial wood finish on the piece she held, looking utterly bored.

  “Oh, right there is fine.” Eve motioned at the first space Addison had indicated. “Everything else is great where it is.”

  Addison nodded. She set her section down and stepped back. “Why don’t you put those together, and I’ll go get the third piece.”

  “I—” Dusty began, but Addison was past her and gone before she could get anything else out. She looked at Eve and shrugged.

  It was the first eye contact they’d made since Eve’s arrival.

  Eve froze. She faced Dusty with as much confidence as she could manage, but it wasn’t nearly as much as she would have liked.

  Without a word, Dusty bent and centered the piece of shelving Addison had left along the wall. She didn’t appear nearly as interested in Eve as she’d been the day before.

  A part of Eve was grateful, but another part wondered if she’d done something wrong. Maybe her silly word game had offended Dusty. “Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked, trying to ease the tension she felt.

  “Nope, not a thing.” Focused on her task, Dusty lined up the dowels on the bottom of one section with the holes of the other then snapped the pieces together. She strode out the door.

  Eve looked at the ceiling. She’d blown it. Because of her ridiculous behavior, Dusty now hated her, and she had no one to blame but herself. She’d been a total ass yesterday, trying to appear so much better than Dusty. Now she had to live with someone who already didn’t like her, and she hadn’t even fully moved in yet.

  Dusty had frightened her, though, in an intriguing sort of way—all that attention, the suggestive comments, the kind of interest she sometimes received from men. But this had come from a woman. Eve knew she was attracted to women, but it’d always been unspoken, unexpressed, and she’d never been in the position of having another woman attracted to her, at least, not to her knowledge.

  She frowned. Maybe it was for the best. She hadn’t been able to think with Dusty taking so much notice of her, and that’s what this whole experience was for—to think things through, figure things out. It would be easier without distractions.

  Footsteps on the stairs announced Addison’s and Dusty’s next trip to
the second floor. They appeared in the doorway, and within seconds, Addison had the top section of shelving in place. Dusty set two clothing boxes in front of the dresser.

  As they continued to bring Eve’s possessions to her, she began the job of putting them away. Underwear in the top drawer, nightgowns beside them, shorts below—just like home, everything had its place. Addison hung the dresses and blouses in the closet that Eve would have to arrange later, and Dusty stacked the two crates of books beside the shelves before leaving the room once again, without a word.

  Finally, Addison brought in the rocking chair and set it in the one free corner. “That’s about it,” she said, her hands on her hips. “Is there anything I can help you with up here?”

  “No, you’ve done more than enough already. Thank you so much.”

  “Okay, but you just yell if you need anything. We’ll be around all afternoon.”

  Eve smiled. “Thank you, Addison. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate everything all of you are doing for me. You’re really very special people.”

  “You’re welcome,” Addison said, her tone softer than usual. “I hope you’re going to be happy here.”

  Alone in her new room, Eve surveyed her surroundings. She stared in amazement. The things she’d brought, the items most important to her, seemed like they belonged there. The seat and back cushions of the rocker were an almost exact match for the color of the walls, the gold frames of her photographs accentuated the brass handles on the dresser beautifully, and the dried flower arrangement that her sons had given her for her last birthday held the same shades featured in the stenciling on the headboard.

  Then her gaze fell on the picture of Daniel and Enos. Her heart lurched. How could things seem so right and at the same time so wrong? If this was where she was supposed to be, there was no room for her boys. If her life was with them, there could very well be no place for her. If she was a…lesbian…she couldn’t be their mother. Could she? Not wanting to consider either possibility, she shook off the thought. It was too soon to decide anything, too soon to be analyzing anything. She wasn’t even unpacked.