Threads of the Heart

by Jeannie Levig

  “Yes,” Dusty said, clenching her fist. She was right. “Thank you.” She pressed her palms to Trena’s face and kissed her full on the lips. She caught herself. She turned to the girlfriend and held out her hands. “Sorry,” she called. Then to Trena, she said, “Thank you again.”

  She caught up with Eve and Steph in the parking lot. “Where you going, Eve?”

  “We have a play date,” Steph said, her arm possessively around Eve.

  “Egzactly.” Eve could barely stand on her own. “We hava play date.”

  “Do you even know what that means?” Dusty asked.

  “It means Steph’s goin’ ta teach me what I wanna learn.”

  Dusty closed her eyes and released a sigh. She had to change strategies. If she couldn’t talk some sense into Eve, she’d have to appeal to Steph. “C’mon, Steph, you know this is wrong. This goes against every tenet of safe and sane play. You’re gonna get so much backlash from this when it gets out.”

  “I know,” Steph said sweetly. “But sometimes it’s worth it when you get offered something so tasty.” She squeezed Eve’s shoulders. “It’s not often a teaching opportunity comes along.”

  “See? She’s willing.” Eve pointed a finger first at Steph then at Dusty. “She’s a real friend.”

  Dusty rolled her eyes. “She’s not a friend. She’s a…” Dusty threw up her hands and turned in a circle. “Did she tell you what she’s gonna do to you?” She shifted her gaze to Steph. “Isn’t that one of the rules? Aren’t you supposed to spell out up front what’s gonna happen?”

  “She’s going to show me the ropes,” Eve said with seemingly genuine innocence.

  “Oh, please.” Dusty glared at Steph.

  Steph smiled. “You know, there might be another way, if you really want to rescue your little damsel here.” Her eyes narrowed. “I might be willing to trade my scene with her for one with you.” Her smile widened. “You know how much I’ve wanted to get you into my playroom.”

  Dusty stepped back. “No. Not going there.”

  “Okay, then.” Steph began to walk, urging Eve along.

  Dusty grimaced. Could she really let Eve go home with this woman, knowing what might lay ahead? She wasn’t sure Steph would actually do a scene with someone who didn’t know what she’d agreed to, but she was sure Eve would end up in some kind of situation she was unprepared for given that Eve really wasn’t prepared for much of anything. How would Dusty live with herself? How would she face Eve tomorrow? Or Sammi? At least if Dusty took Eve’s place, she would know what she was agreeing to, and who knew, maybe a good flogging would offset some of the emotional pain she was feeling.

  “Okay, wait,” Dusty said. “What would you want?”

  Steph and Eve halted. “Hmm, this is getting interesting.” Steph kept her hold on Eve. “Just some fun. We can work out the details later, before we start.”

  “Wait a minute.” Eve held up a hand. “You’re not taking her, are you? She already knows how to be with a woman.” She turned on Dusty. “You’re awful.”

  “Fine. Agreed.” Dusty resigned herself. “When?”

  “No time like the present, I always say,” Steph said with an air of victory. She pushed Eve into Dusty’s arms. “Take your damsel home—I don’t think she should drive—and be at my place in two hours. The night is young.”

  “Your concern is touching.”

  Eve yelled at Dusty all the way to the car. “I hate you. You ruined everything. All I wanted was for you to help me.”

  Dusty opened the passenger door and plopped Eve sideways into the seat. “I’m about fed up with everyone blaming me for everything. Just shut up.” She took off her jacket and threw it in the back. She’d have to leave her bike and come back for it later. “I’ll tell you something. As long as I’m around, I won’t let you make dumb mistakes, especially when you’re drinking. I won’t let you do things that will hurt you, and I won’t let anyone take advantage of you. That’s being a friend, even if you’re too stupid to know it. Now, get your feet in the car.”

  “I think I’m going to be sick,” Eve said with an unfocused gaze. She leaned forward and threw up on Dusty’s boots.

  *

  In the morning, Dusty let herself into the hotel room where she’d left Eve. The night before, she’d been halfway home with Eve passed out beside her, when she’d realized if Maggie had gotten up or Tess had come home, she’d have a lot of explaining to do. Besides, she couldn’t bear the thought of facing that look of disappointment in Tess’s eyes again. In fact, knowing Tess was seeing someone else, she couldn’t bear the thought of facing her at all. She’d pulled off the freeway, gotten a room, and tucked Eve into bed. She’d taken her clothes just to ensure the stubborn little brat didn’t go anywhere if she woke up, and left a note saying she’d be back to get her. She’d had nothing to worry about, though. Eve was still sound asleep.

  She eased the door closed behind her and headed straight into the bathroom for a shower. She wanted to get cleaned up and hopefully a second wind before moving into a new day. Her body ached. A low burn simmered deep in her muscles from activities they weren’t used to, and a few areas of reddened skin felt like they might end up with some light bruises, but she’d surprisingly enjoyed her scene with Steph. It’d helped clear her mind of visions of Tess with other women and her heart of the pain of wanting something she couldn’t have. Steph had actually turned out to be an ethical and skilled Domme and had admitted to Dusty before they’d even started that she’d never intended to do anything with Eve. She’d just used the situation to lure Dusty into her playroom, then she’d given Dusty the opportunity to call it off if she really didn’t want to go through with it. Dusty smiled to herself when she realized that all it would’ve meant if she’d let Eve go, was that Eve would’ve thrown up on Steph’s boots instead of hers. At least it was all over now, and life went on.

  She dried herself and slipped back into her jeans. She slipped into the T-shirt she’d bought at Wal-Mart that morning to hide the marks on her back and shoulders that her tank top wouldn’t cover then combed her hair. It wasn’t until she brushed her teeth that she began to feel almost alive. She filled a glass with water and took two aspirin from the new bottle, then fished out four more for Eve. When she stepped back into the room, Eve was moaning.

  “Oh, my God.” She held her head in her hands. “At first, I thought I’d died. Now, I wish I had.” A thin strip of sunlight from the small opening between the thick curtains spilled across the bed and onto Eve’s bare shoulders.

  “Here, take these,” Dusty said, handing her the pills.

  For once, she did as she was told, then lay back down on the pillow. “Why are we in a hotel?”

  Dusty set the glass on the nightstand. “I couldn’t very well take you home the way you were last night,” she said. “I’d never hear the end of it.”

  Eve continued to look confused. She lifted the blanket and peered beneath it. “We didn’t…” She looked back to Dusty. “Did we?”

  Dusty laughed. “I didn’t spend all night not sleeping with you just to sleep with you while you were passed out.”

  Eve relaxed. “What time is it?” She glanced around the room.

  Dusty checked her watch. “Quarter to six.”

  “Quarter to six? I have to get ready for work.” Eve sat straight up then grabbed her head again. “Or at least call in sick.” She groaned.

  “I’m thinking the latter.” Dusty winced as she sat in the chair by the window and bent to put on her new tennis shoes.

  “Where are your boots?” Eve asked.

  “In your car. You threw up on them.”

  “Oooooh.” Eve stared at the ceiling. “I remember that vaguely. I’m so sorry.”

  Dusty eased back in her seat. She wondered how many other things to be sorry for Eve would remember. “It’s okay. But you’re gonna need new floor mats.” She relaxed. “You’d better make your call.”

  When the aspirin had kicked in, Dusty dialed
room service and ordered coffee, croissants, and two cheese omelets.

  “I want a shower,” Eve murmured.

  “Why don’t you take one before the food gets here?”

  Eve hesitated. “Close your eyes. I don’t have anything on.”

  “Are you kidding?” Dusty asked in disbelief. “Yesterday, you were ready to seduce me, and this morning you’re afraid I’ll see you naked?”

  Eve blushed.

  “Besides, who do you think undressed you and put you to bed?”

  Eve’s blush deepened. She stared at Dusty.

  “All right.” Dusty sighed. “Closing my eyes.”

  Eve emerged from the bathroom wearing the lounge pants and T-shirt Dusty had bought for her just as the bellman wheeled the dining cart into place.

  “Thanks,” Dusty said and signed for the meal.

  “Thank you for the clothes,” Eve said, looking down at herself. “I couldn’t even imagine getting back into that dress this morning.” She sat across from Dusty. “And thank you for breakfast. You really are sweet.”

  Dusty grunted and took the cover off her omelet.

  “Are you mad at me?” Eve asked.

  Dusty stopped short and looked at her. “Do you even know what could have happened to you last night?”

  Eve lowered her gaze to her own food.

  “You don’t just walk into a bar and start telling people you want to learn how to have sex. You could have really gotten hurt.”

  Eve looked surprised. “How? I was just going to have sex. You do it all the time.”

  Dusty’s temper sparked. “No, you were going home with a Domme.”

  “A what?”

  “Steph—the woman you were leaving with? She’s a dominatrix, a Mistress. You could have ended up in way over your head and your backside covered in welts. Not everybody has sex the same way.” Suddenly, the real danger struck Dusty. “Eve, you left the bar completely drunk with a total stranger, without your car, with no idea where you were going…” She pointed her fork at her. “You could have ended up dead.”

  Eve paled. “I’m sorry,” Eve said, her voice small. “I was mad at you. I wanted you to teach me.”

  Dusty sighed, her anger ebbing. “All right. C’mere.” She got up gingerly and moved to the bed. “I wanna show you something.”

  With a questioning expression, Eve sat in front of her.

  Dusty took Eve’s face in her hands. She’d thought a lot about what Trena had said about wishing the first time had been with her girlfriend. Maybe if Eve could make a comparison like Trena had, she would understand. She prayed she was right. She leaned in and kissed Eve, gently at first, just touching her lips. Then she trailed the tip of her tongue between them and slipped inside.

  Eve let out a small gasp.

  Dusty shifted, then claimed her mouth.

  Eve’s hands came up to Dusty’s shoulders, and she pulled her closer.

  They finished the kiss in a heated rush.

  Eve opened her eyes and stared into Dusty’s. “That was great.”

  Dusty held her breath. God, please let this work, she said in silent prayer. “Did it feel the same as when you kiss Sammi?”

  Eve blinked. “No,” she said with a thoughtful expression. “With Sammi it’s…more. It’s the physical, which is good…” She looked at Dusty then eased back. “But it’s also what I feel inside. I want to share myself with her, not just kiss her. And I want her to share herself with me. Does that make sense?”

  “Yes.” Dusty felt some of her tension ease. “It does. Does it make sense to you?”

  “It does.”

  “Okay, then. Making love with her is gonna be the same way. It wouldn’t matter who else you slept with before Sammi. Making love with Sammi will be different because you have feelings for her. You want to share yourself with her, not just have a physical thing with someone else.”

  “But I still don’t know what she likes.”

  “You can’t know until you sleep with her. You could go to bed with a hundred other women, but until you make love with her, you aren’t gonna know what she likes. If I go to bed with you, I’ll end up knowing what you like, and you could end up knowing what I like, but neither one of us’ll know what Sammi likes.” Dusty clamped her hands around Eve’s head. “You have to be with Sammi,” she said with exaggerated articulation.

  Eve gave a sheepish grin, then looked worried again. “How do I know if she likes something? If I’m doing it right?”

  “Aaarg. How did you know with Jeremy?”

  Eve laughed. “He moaned.”

  “Good start,” Dusty said. “And I’m guessing if he moaned louder, you knew he liked it a lot. Just pay attention, then follow through. That’s all it takes to be good in bed.” She went back to her chair. “I’m hungry, woman. I’m gonna eat. I’m tired of talking about your problems.”

  Eve watched her with a smile. “Thank you, Dusty.”

  Dusty picked up her fork and scooped up a bite of her omelet.

  “Wait a minute,” Eve said, tilting her head. “You took my place with Steph. You went with her instead of me, didn’t you?”

  “So?”

  “Why wasn’t it dangerous for you?”

  Dusty looked at Eve. Jeez. This kid sister stuff isn’t for the weak. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d had to explain herself so much. But then, it was kind of nice, too. “I know Steph. I’ve known her for a long time. I know where she lives, and I took my own car—well, your car. And I wasn’t drunk.”

  Curiosity sparked in Eve’s eyes. “What about the other thing? What about her being a dominatrix?”

  Dusty sighed. “I know about that, too. I’ve done it before.” She glanced down. “It actually helped last night.”

  “But you said I could have ended up with welts all over my backside.”

  Dusty pursed her lips and gave Eve a knowing look. She waited for it to sink in.

  Eve’s eyes widened. She stilled. “Can I see?”

  Dusty laughed. “No, you can’t see. What are you, a little Mistress in the making?” Dusty thought of the Dommes she knew who couldn’t seem to resist running their fingertips over reddened flesh, no matter who’d made the marks. “That’s something else you can explore with Sammi, but I’d recommend you just make love first.”

  Eve smiled shyly as a slight blush touched her cheeks. “Okay. So, what about you?” She returned to the table. “You and Tess.”

  Dusty went back to her breakfast. “There’s no me and Tess. That was just sex, and it’s over.” Dusty tried to taste her food, but the bitterness of her words tainted all flavor.

  “What? I’ve seen you two together. It’s not just sex. You’re in love with each other.”

  “Don’t be stupid.” Dusty bit into her croissant and chewed. “She’s not in love with me. Yeah, I was an idiot and probably fell in love with her, but I’ll get over it.” She took a drink of coffee.

  Eve pursed her lips in obvious thought. She ate a forkful of eggs and cheese. “I think you’re wrong. I’ve seen her. If she thinks no one’s watching, she looks like she’s in love, too.”

  “Uh-huh. So why is she dating someone else?”

  “Why were you in a bar last night looking so hot you could turn sand to glass?”

  Dusty raised an eyebrow.

  “Oh, don’t even.” Eve threw a piece of bread at her. “I promise you, you will rue the day you said no to me.”

  Dusty ducked and chuckled. She winced at a twinge of pain that caught in her back. “Roo? Isn’t that the little kangaroo in Winnie the Pooh?”

  “I’m serious about Tess,” Eve said.

  Dusty sighed. “I think it’s time to just let things be. You and Sammi just let it happen. Tess can just go on dating this woman she likes.” She couldn’t help her curiosity. “What is she? Another professor?”

  Eve seemed reluctant to answer. She nodded.

  “So, see there. Someone who has a lot more in common with her.” Dusty felt an ach
e that wasn’t from her night with Steph. “I’ll move on and just have fun in life like I always do. Maggie and Addison will do whatever they do. And the world just keeps on spinning.”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Maggie woke, her head pounding, each pulse of pain a rebuke. Tequila is not your friend. Tequila is not your friend. Tequila is not your friend. She groaned and pressed her fingertips to her temples. She was too old for this. What had she been thinking?

  She opened her eyes and felt the sting of the morning sunlight streaming through her bedroom window. She squinted and turned away. Her gaze fell on a tall glass of water and two aspirin on her nightstand.

  She sighed. Thanks be to all that is for the people who love me. As she gingerly rose onto an elbow and reached for the glass, she thought of her friends. Tess had been so gentle, so loving with her, and Dusty had kept her from drinking any more than she already had. Oh, God…Dusty. The things I said to her. She cringed. She would have to apologize first thing this morning.

  She gulped down the entire glass of water before settling back onto her pillow to wait for the rehydration to take effect. She’d save the aspirin.

  She had to get a grip on herself. This wasn’t who she was. She didn’t drink herself into a stupor to escape emotional pain—or at least she hadn’t in a very long time. Maybe that was because she hadn’t been in this much emotional pain in a very long time. No, she was wiser, now. She knew who she was, understood more of what life was about. Didn’t she?

  Who am I? She closed her eyes. I am all I need to be. She knew that. She was everything she needed to be to handle this and was surrounded by love and support. She knew everything she needed to know to move through whatever happened with Addison. Okay, now what did she know?

  It had been almost three weeks since the Halloween party, since she had discovered Addison’s affair and told her to leave. During that time, she thought she had put up a good front, but that’s all it had been—a front. Inwardly, she had been a mess. She had been feeling sorry for herself, feeling like a victim.

  How could she be a victim, though? She had known deep down that something was going on with Addison, and in all honesty, she had known what it was. She had been dragging around the fear of this exact situation the entire time they had been together. Our thoughts create our experience. It is done unto you as you believe. As a man—or, in this case, woman—thinketh, so it is done unto her. Blah. Blah. Blah. Every teaching had a version of it, and as much as she hated it in this moment, she knew it was true.