by Sherry Lewis
Gabe dipped his head. “Will you be able to repay them?”
“I’ve put his life insurance toward some of it, and if I can get this raise, I’ll be able to pay off the balance in time.”
“With all that on your shoulders, it’s no wonder you forget to have fun. So you’re looking for more money. Is that all?”
He seemed so nonchalant about the disaster that had her in knots, she felt herself smiling. “You want the whole list?”
“Why not? What are friends for?”
Friends. She liked the sound of that. “School is starting on Tuesday morning, and I still don’t have a permanent baby-sitter.”
“What are you going to do about that one?”
She liked that he didn’t try to solve the problems for her. “I don’t know. Look harder, I guess. Pray that I can think of someone I haven’t thought of before.”
“What about Mom? I know she’s enjoyed having Bobby around the past few days. Maybe she’d be willing to keep watching him.”
Siddah shook her head firmly. “She’s been great. She always is. But I don’t want to take advantage of her.”
“Bobby’s her grandson. I don’t think she’d feel taken advantage of.”
“Not at first,” Siddah agreed. “But having a ten-year-old around isn’t easy. Helene has already raised her family. She deserves to live her own life. Besides, she already does way too much for us.”
“So your biggest worry is that you’re going to take advantage of someone.”
“I’ve been in that position before,” Siddah said, forcing herself to look away. “I’ve seen the desire to help turn into annoyance and resentment. I’ve heard the things people say when they start feeling as if they’re being used. Helene and Monty are the only family I have. I couldn’t bear to lose them that way.”
“I don’t think that would happen with Mom, but even if you don’t want to let Mom baby-sit permanently, it might at least buy you some time.”
“Yes, it might. But—” She broke off and shook her head again. “It’s an alternative if I can’t find anything else,” she said, “but that would mean asking Helene to run to town twice a day to drop Bobby at school and then pick him up again. It may not seem far when you make the trip now and then, but two round-trips into town would mean a hundred miles every day. I’m afraid that would get real old, real fast.”
“Okay then, what about friends?”
“I’ve already tried everyone I know, but things have been tough around here for the past few years. It seems that everyone’s doing what they can to get by. There are very few mothers staying home with their kids these days.”
Nodding, Gabe looked out at the tops of the trees that towered behind the house. “There’s one more alternative,” he said after a long silence.
“And that is?”
“Me.”
“You?”
He shrugged casually. “My shift at the mill doesn’t start until eleven. Once Bobby is at the school, you don’t need a sitter until what? Three? Four?”
“Three-thirty.”
“I get off work at seven every morning. I’ll come home to grab a few hours’ sleep, then head back to town and stay with Bobby until you get home. No running back and forth, no money out of your pocket.”
Siddah gaped at him. “You can’t be serious.”
“Sure I can.”
“You’re offering to be my baby-sitter.”
He pretended to think for a moment, then nodded. “I’m pretty sure that’s what I just said.”
“That’s not a whole lot different than asking your mother.”
“Sure it is. For one thing, you’ve already agreed to let me spend time with Bobby. He’s a great kid, Siddah. I like being around him. For another, I already have to drive to town every day for work, and I’m not as busy as you are. Not even close. I can easily make sure that Bobby gets out here to see Mom once or twice a week, and that would make them both happy. And last but not least, I need to do something good for somebody, so there’s no way you could take advantage of me.”
He was so much nicer than she’d expected him to be. So generous and warmhearted. His smile lit something soft inside of her. It had been such a long time since she’d felt anything like this, she spent a few seconds enjoying it.
“That’s a good argument,” she said at last, “but I don’t want to have this same problem again in a month.”
“I told you, I’ll be here for six.”
She stopped walking and waited until he turned back to face him. “What if you change your mind?”
“What if I promise on my honor—and I do have some—that I won’t do that? I’ll stay here for six months, at least.”
“Are you serious?”
“Absolutely.” He shrugged and touched her arm almost shyly. “Come on. Give me a shot. What do you have to lose?”
Looking into his eyes in that moment, Siddah realized that she had far more to lose than she wanted to think about. She stared at him for a long time, weighing her options. “I can’t believe I’m even considering this.”
“Once again, that makes two of us. I’ve gotta be honest with you. This didn’t even make it onto the short list of things I thought I’d be saying to you today. But you need help, and I’m here. What do you say?”
“You swear you’ll stick around for six months?”
He held up a hand. “As God is my witness.”
“And you’ll be careful with Bobby?”
“If you look up ‘careful’ in the dictionary, there’ll be my picture.”
It had been a long time since she’d wanted to believe anything so much. “Will you help me try to find out why he won’t play football? He’s come alive again since he met you, but he still won’t consider going back to the team. I’m worried that something else is bothering him, but he won’t talk to me about it.”
“I’ll do what I can.”
She couldn’t ask for more than that, but it still seemed like such a risk. Not just for Bobby, but for herself. Having Gabe in her house? Coming home at the end of each day to find him there? Could she handle that?
What a question! Of course she could. It wasn’t as if she felt anything for him. At least, that’s what she told herself. “All right,” she conceded at last. “I guess it’ll work. I know it’s what Peter would have wanted me to do. But if you let me down—”
“That’s not going to happen,” Gabe said again. “I promise.”
I promise. Siddah’s smile faded and some of her earlier anxiety returned. He seemed sincere, but she’d been on the receiving end of too many broken promises in her lifetime. And this promise was perhaps the most important of all.
CHAPTER NINE
SIDDAH CAME INTO the kitchen a few minutes later. She’d watched Gabe and Bobby set off toward the river, fishing poles slung over their shoulders. It had been nearly two years since she’d seen Bobby so excited about anything, and her heart had melted a little as she’d watched him skipping to match Gabe’s stride, chattering eagerly as they disappeared into the trees. No matter what else Gabe did, she’d always have a soft spot in her heart for the changes he’d brought about in Bobby.
“They’re off?” Helene asked.
Siddah nodded. Like two peas in a pod. “How far away is this secret fishing hole?”
“Not far. Half a mile, maybe.” Helene put something away in a cupboard and turned back with a sigh. “Siddah, sweetheart, I’m so glad you decided to come out and spend the day. Monty’s gone to the mill for a little while, so that will give the two of us time to chat without him. And I do hope you and Bobby will stay for supper. I’d so very much like to have the whole family together.”
How could Siddah say no to that? Or to the expression of hope on Helene’s face? The air was filled with the rich aroma of a beef roast slowly cooking in the Crock-Pot, and the pile of new potatoes on the counter waiting for parsley, butter and garlic completed the picture. It had been too long since she’d had one of Helene’s hom
e-cooked meals. Too long since she’d had time to do more than stir together a few canned ingredients for supper at her own house. Besides, maybe Ivy was right. Maybe Siddah had been pushing Helene and Monty away.
“I’d love to, and I don’t have to ask what Bobby would want.” Siddah tossed her purse and keys onto the table. “What can I do to help?”
“Absolutely nothing.” Helene waved her toward a chair. “You’ve been working too hard lately, and I’m just glad to have a little female company. So sit and talk. There’s iced tea in the fridge if you’re interested, and a couple of cinnamon rolls left from breakfast.”
Siddah was still comfortably full, but she filled two glasses with tea and carried both to the table. “I haven’t thanked you yet for suggesting that Gabe spend time with Bobby. I’ll admit I wasn’t convinced in the beginning, but Bobby seems to be responding to him.”
“He does, doesn’t he? And Gabe seems to be responding to Bobby, as well.”
“I guess he is. Gabe has just offered to baby-sit Bobby after school.”
Helene turned to look at her. “Did he? When did that happen?”
“Just a few minutes ago.” Siddah pushed at a piece of ice in her glass with one finger. “I said yes.”
Helene sat across from her. “You look uncertain. You don’t think it’s a good idea?”
“I don’t know.” She glanced out the screen door toward the spot where Gabe and Bobby had disappeared into the forest. “I’d feel better if things moved a little more slowly, I guess. But their relationship seems to be taking on a life of its own.”
“That happens when Gabe is around. He’s always had a knack for knowing what he wants and making sure he gets it.”
“And what does he want now?”
Helene shrugged. “I think he really does want to make amends for the past.”
“Bobby’s not part of that.”
“But of course he is.” Helene smiled sadly. “It’s only natural that he should do what he can for his brother’s family.”
“I suppose so,” Siddah said, “but it was your idea that he spend time with Bobby, not his.”
Helene waved off the suggestion with one hand. “Maybe technically, but Gabe would have gotten there by himself. I just prodded him to get there a little sooner. And what does it matter whose idea it was? This friendship between Bobby and Gabe is real and right. You can see that, can’t you?”
Siddah nodded slowly. “As long as Bobby isn’t hurt when it’s over.”
“Who says it’s going to be over?”
“I didn’t mean that,” Siddah said quickly. “I only meant when Gabe leaves to go back to his real life. He won’t stay here forever, you know.”
“I suppose not, but you can’t blame a mother for hoping.” Helene took a long drink of her iced tea and shifted gears. “Bobby’s doing fine. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“Me? Why me?”
“You’re working yourself too hard. You’re exhausted all the time and you’re never home. That can’t be good for you or for Bobby.”
“It’s temporary,” Siddah said. “It won’t last forever.”
“Really? If you’re having to put all this time in now, won’t that continue once you get the promotion?”
“I’m sure I’ll have to work longer hours than I did before,” Siddah said, “but we’ll eventually settle into a routine, and then everything will be fine.”
Sitting back in her chair, Helene searched Siddah’s face. “I know how much you want to believe that, but do you believe it really?”
“Of course I do. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”
“You could solve all of these problems if you just accepted our offer. You could stay home. Be there when Bobby needs you—”
“No!” Siddah realized how sharp her voice sounded and tried to soften it. “You know how I feel about that, Helene. I appreciate the offer, but I can’t take charity.”
“It’s not charity, it’s help. We’re family, Siddah. Monty and I want the best for both you and Bobby.”
“I know you do. I just wish you could understand that doing for ourselves is what’s best. I can’t teach Bobby to have self-respect if we take handouts. And you know how important security is to me.”
“Yes I do, but you don’t really have it now.”
“Maybe not, but there’s no security in relying on other people.”
“We’re not other people, Siddah. We’re family. We’ll make sure you have everything you need.”
“And if something happens to you? If the mill closes? If your money disappears?” Siddah shook her head firmly. “I have to be able to rely on myself, Helene. Otherwise, it could all be snatched away.”
Her mother-in-law smiled gently. “You’re so stubborn.”
“Maybe, but I don’t think I’m the only one in this family that term could apply to.”
“Well, you’re right about that,” Helene admitted with a laugh. Her smile faded almost at once, and she drummed her fingers on the table. “Stubborn pride has cost this family a heavy price over the years. I don’t want to see you making the same mistakes.”
“The same mistakes as Monty and Gabe? I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“Oh, I don’t mean the very same mistakes, but you’re a lot like Gabe, you know.”
Siddah nearly choked on her tea. “I don’t think that’s true.”
“You don’t see it?”
“Not at all.”
“Siddah, honey, you left Arkansas on a bus with an infant and only a little cash in your pocket. You decided to carve out a life for yourself and your son, and you’ve done that. Peter could never have done something like that, but Gabe…” Helene smiled and shook her head. “It’s very much like what Gabe did when he left here.”
Stung by the unfair judgment against Peter, Siddah said, “I think you’re wrong. Peter could have done the same thing if he’d wanted to.”
Helene shook her head. “He wasn’t like Gabe. Gabe and Monty have been at loggerheads since Gabe was young. Peter somehow always knew what Monty wanted, and he was always able to give it to him. Gabe couldn’t, or wouldn’t.”
“Peter didn’t go into the business just because Monty wanted him to,” Siddah protested. “He worked at the mill because he loved it.”
“He loved working with wood,” Helene said. “And he loved his father. But I’m not convinced that he loved the sawmill.”
The conversation was making Siddah uncomfortable. “Of course he did. He wouldn’t have gone to work there every day for ten years if he’d hated it.” Nor would he have mortgaged her house and left her nearly drowning in debt for that damn mill’s sake.
Helene turned her glass in circles on the table. “I wish I could agree with you, but I don’t think Peter liked working at the mill any more than Gabe did.”
“Peter wasn’t that weak. If he’d been unhappy at the mill, he would have said so.”
“Do you really think so? Gabe was gone, and Monty needed help. Peter was a peacemaker, Siddah. You know that as well as I do.”
Siddah felt her throat closing. She couldn’t deny that, but it sounded so wrong when Helene said it. So…weak. “He was a peacemaker,” she agreed, “but he wasn’t a pushover.”
Helene lifted her glass but stopped short of drinking. “The hardest thing in the world is to look honestly at the people you love, especially once they’re gone. I adored Peter. You know I did. But he always needed approval more than Gabe did.”
A niggling voice in the back of Siddah’s mind insisted that Helene was right, but she didn’t want to think less of Peter, and she definitely didn’t want to start thinking that he fell short in comparison to Gabe. She stood and crossed to the pile of potatoes by the sink. “I think it would be better if we didn’t talk about this now.”
“I’ve upset you.”
She whirled back to face Helene. “Yes, you’ve upset me. How dare you start comparing Peter to Gabe? How dare you hold Gabe up as some kind of
paragon? It was Peter who stayed here in Libby while Gabe was running around God only knows where. It was Peter who devoted his life to the family business after Gabe turned his back on it, and it was Peter who spent every birthday and holiday making sure the two of you were happy while Gabe couldn’t even be bothered to send a card.”
“You’ve been listening to Monty.”
“No! I’ve been here, watching. I know how often Gabe called and wrote home. I know how much he didn’t do for you.” She raked her fingers through her hair in agitation and sank against the counter. “I understand why you’re doing this, Helene. Peter’s gone, and Gabe is here now. You want to believe the best of him, and maybe you can. Maybe he has changed. But don’t run Peter’s memory into the ground to do it.”
“Admitting that Peter wasn’t perfect is hardly running his memory into the ground,” Helene argued. “I’m merely acknowledging that maybe Monty and I were selfish when it came to him, too.”
“And saying that Peter wasn’t strong enough to stand up to you.”
Helene left the table and came toward her. “Siddah, sweetheart, you’re misunderstanding me. I’m not saying anything negative about Peter. I’m just observing that he didn’t have the same temperament as Gabe.” She smiled sadly and ran her knife through a mound of fresh parsley. “It’s funny how you can have two children, same parents, same home, same upbringing, and end up with two people so very different. That’s all I’m trying to say. Gabe made his decisions. Peter made his. I’m not sure that either one was better than the other. Just don’t judge Gabe too harshly, that’s all I’m asking.”
“I’m not judging him harshly,” Siddah protested. “I’m letting him spend time with Bobby, aren’t I?”
“Because you’re worried about Bobby, not because you trust Gabe.”
“That’s not entirely true.” Siddah took a knife from the drawer and began cutting potatoes into quarters. “He and I have talked a few times, and he seems like a good guy. My only concern is what will happen to Bobby when Gabe leaves again.”
“And I’m saying that maybe Gabe won’t leave if there’s a reason for him to stay.”