by Sherry Lewis
A burst of laughter drifted inside, and Gabe recognized his father’s among them. For the first time in his life, he thought about what the old man’s childhood had been like. If Jodie was right, it shed a whole different light on Monty’s actions.
“Why didn’t my mother ever tell me about this?”
“Because Monty didn’t want her to. She wanted you to know, but you were too volatile back then. We were all afraid you’d have used the truth to hurt him, not to make things better.”
And they were probably right. “I want to make peace with him,” Gabe agreed. “I just don’t know how.”
“Stop looking at him as the dad who hurt you and try seeing him as a human being. Look beyond that mask he holds up to the world and find out who he really is. And most of all, stop bristling whenever you’re around him.” Jodie smiled and slid an arm around his shoulders. “You know what the definition of crazy is, don’t you? It’s someone who keeps doing the same old thing in the same old way, expecting to get different results.”
“Yeah?” Gabe said with a laugh. “Well, that pretty much sums up the past twenty years.”
“So give your dad something new to respond to and see what happens.”
“You really think that will work?”
She shrugged and stood again. “Why wouldn’t it? He wants to be loved and appreciated just as much as you do.”
“Yeah, but— It sounds so simple. Almost too simple.”
“Give it a try. What do you have to lose?”
Shaking his head in wonder, Gabe stood to face her. “That’s a good question, Aunt Jo.”
WANDERING ONTO THE PORCH a few minutes later, Gabe drew a deep breath for courage. He couldn’t put off talking to his father and uncles forever, but they looked so foreboding sitting there on the other side of the lawn. The last thing he wanted was to ruin the day with an argument, but he wasn’t sure he could keep his cool if all three of them got started.
He walked slowly, giving them time to see him coming. His uncle Keith had grown old in the time Gabe had been away. His hair was more silver than brown, he’d gained a good fifty pounds, and the skin on his face sagged. Andy, the youngest brother, looked as if he hadn’t aged a day. He was still tall, lean and wiry, with a face weathered by years spent outdoors. How had these remote men ever managed to marry three such warm and caring women?
Gabe didn’t expect a warm welcome. They were, after all, his father’s brothers, raised by the same cold father who hadn’t known how to love. Keith saw him coming and said something under his breath to the others.
Andy actually smiled as Gabe drew near. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.” He half stood, held out a hand for a quick shake, and dropped back into his chair. “Monty tells us you’re back working at the mill.”
“In a manner of speaking. He’s got me working as his night watchman.”
“Good place for you,” Keith muttered. “You’ve been out of the business too long to be safe on the equipment.”
That was no doubt true, but Gabe couldn’t tell if Keith was concerned about Gabe’s safety or everyone else’s. Knowing he couldn’t escape yet, he dragged a lawn chair over and sat. “It’s honest work,” he said. “Nothing to be ashamed of.”
Gabe was aware of the startled look on his father’s face and tried to steer the conversation onto neutral ground. “So how’ve you been, Uncle Keith? Still working at the hardware store?”
Keith shook his head and leaned forward, resting his arms on his thighs, studying the ground beneath his feet. “Retired a couple of years ago, just before the store closed down. I’m an old, lazy horse in the pasture now.”
“He always was an old lazy horse in the pasture,” Andy said straight-faced. “Never could get him to do anything, much.”
Keith made a noise of disapproval and shifted position in his chair. “I carried my own weight. Took care of my wife. Raised my kids.” He shot a look at Gabe. “What’s the story with you, boy?”
“The story?” Gabe shrugged and tried to keep his voice light. “I don’t know yet, but I’m here for a few months.”
“What for?”
“Excuse me?”
“I understand coming home for a visit,” Keith said, “but six months? What happened? You lose that fancy-ass job of yours?”
He couldn’t have asked for a better opening to tell them about his illness, but it seemed wrong to share it with the uncles when he hadn’t even told his parents. “I’m taking some R & R.”
“Rest and relaxation?” Andy snorted a laugh. “Hell, if I’d known you could get six months off whenever you want it, maybe I’d have gone off to do…whatever it is you do. How ’bout you, Monty?”
The old man shook his head, but instead of looking at Gabe or his brother, he kept his focus locked on a group of kids who were gathered around something near the back porch. “I’d have stayed here. Done my duty to my family.”
Monty had made similar remarks over the years, but Gabe had always assumed they were directed at him. Today, the look his uncles exchanged left him with no doubt that Jodie had been telling the truth. He’d taken the road he thought most honorable, and now, with Peter gone, it would all have been for nothing. Triple Crown would either fold or go to someone else when Monty died. The sting might not be so bad if one of the cousins stepped up to the plate, but would they?
Triple Crown was still in business when so many others had gone under. That alone ought to earn the old man a little praise. For the first time in his life, Gabe saw his father as someone who made a contribution to the community rather than someone who sucked the life out of it.
Remembering Jodie’s advice, Gabe decided to take a chance and change his approach with the old man. “Dad’s provided a good living for a lot of people over the years because of his sense of duty,” he said. “There are a lot of folks in town who’ve been able to take care of their wives and raise their kids because of the mill.”
The old man looked away from the kids and straight into Gabe’s eyes. “Damn right.”
Uncle Keith leveled Gabe with an expression reminiscent of old Calvin King. “Wasn’t good enough for you, though, was it?”
“We all made our choices,” Gabe said evenly. “Dad chose the mill. You chose the hardware store. Uncle Andy chose the farm. Who’s to say which choice was best?”
The corners of Keith’s mouth turned down even more. “Andy and I stayed home, close to family. So did our kids.”
“Seems funny, doesn’t it?” Andy grunted. “Monty here has this thing about family and obligation, but he got the kid who runs off and spends his whole life away. Kind of ironic, don’t you think?”
Growling with displeasure, Monty pushed to his feet and glared down at his younger brother. “Why don’t you leave the kid alone? He’s come back to see his mother. He doesn’t need any guff from the two of you.”
With that, he ambled off, leaving Gabe and the uncles staring after him. Andy huffed out a breath and Keith rolled his eyes as if he suspected his older brother had lost his mind. But Gabe felt a slow curl of surprise and gratification spreading through him. It was the first time in years he could remember the old man taking his side on anything, and he wasn’t sure how to respond. But as he watched his father cross the lawn, an unexpected rush of affection overshadowed everything else.
Maybe they really could make peace.
“SIDDAH, HONEY, you just sit right down here and put your feet up.” Aunt Teresa put her hands on Siddah’s shoulders and guided her toward a chair deep in the shade behind the house. A few feet away, some of the kids and their parents were playing volleyball. Their shouts of laughter echoed across the lawn. The scents of hot coals and grilling meat filled the air, and pleasant memories of other barbecues floated all around her.
When Peter was alive, she’d looked forward to these family get-togethers almost more than he did. At every one, she’d been acutely aware of Gabe’s absence, even though no one had ever mentioned his name above a whisper.
Scowling up at the determined older woman, Siddah tried to rise. “I’m not going to sit around while the rest of you are working.”
“You will if I say so. We’ve already got more hands in the kitchen than we know what to do with.” Teresa pressed her back into the chair and planted her fists on her hips to show she meant business. “Helene’s been telling us how hard you’ve been working lately, and we all agree that you need a break. So you sit right here and keep an eye on the volleyball game. Referee if you think you need to do something useful.”
In all the years she’d been a member of this family, Siddah had never met anyone who’d actually won an argument with Aunt Teresa, and she wasn’t even going to try to be the first. “All right,” she conceded, “but if you need me, you’ll call—right?”
“Absolutely. If we need you.”
“I won’t hold my breath.”
Teresa laughed, but she sobered again almost immediately. “Helene’s worried about you,” she said, sinking into a chair next to Siddah’s. “She thinks you’re working yourself too hard.”
“She worries too much. I’m working some extra hours, but I’m fine.”
“Are you really?”
“Of course! Don’t I look fine?”
Teresa smiled halfheartedly. “You’re adorable as ever, but you do look a bit tired.” She put a hand on Siddah’s knee. “Jodie thinks you’re working to distract yourself from losing Peter. But driving yourself into an early grave isn’t going to help.”
“It’s not that bad,” Siddah said with a thin laugh. “I appreciate everyone’s concern, but I’m fine.”
Teresa gave her a skeptical look. “If you say so. Just promise me that you’ll have a good time today. It would be lovely to see you smile again.”
Without warning, Bobby’s accusation raced through her head. You’re no fun anymore. It seemed that no matter where she went, someone was accusing her of being too serious, of letting life pass her by. Had she really been that bad? Surely not.
As if she could read Siddah’s thoughts, Teresa leaned closer. “You remember when my sister’s husband died a few years back?”
Siddah was surprised by the abrupt shift, but she nodded. “Of course.”
“Well, Melanie did the same thing you’re doing. Withdrew from life. Threw herself into her career.” Teresa settled back in her chair and watched the game for a minute. “It took her a while to realize that she didn’t have to mourn forever to honor Jack’s memory. We all know how much she loved him.”
Siddah looked at her sharply. “And that’s what you think I’m doing?”
“I don’t know,” Teresa said, pulling her focus away from the game and back to Siddah. “But I think it’s a good idea to make sure it’s not, don’t you? There isn’t a person here who needs to see you miserable to remember how you felt about Peter.” Teresa stood and smiled down at her. “Bad things happen to all of us, Siddah, but life goes on. That’s either the best thing about life, or the worst. The best tribute you can pay to Peter is to learn how to be happy again. Embrace life. Be grateful for every day you have with the people you love. Don’t keep wasting the time you’ve been given.”
“Maybe you’re right, but how am I supposed to do that? It’s not as easy as just deciding.”
“Honey, sometimes you have to act the part first. When you do, little by little, even you will start to believe that it’s true.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“I don’t doubt that,” Teresa said gently. “But that sweet little boy of yours shouldn’t go through life without both of his parents, should he?”
The question sent a shaft of guilt through her, but the suggestion seemed a bit extreme. She knew how it felt to be abandoned, and she most certainly hadn’t done that to her son.
As Teresa walked away, Siddah closed her eyes and tried to find some peace. And she asked the question she’d asked a thousand times before. Why did Peter have to die?
He’d loved playing horseshoes with the cousins, rounding up the kids for a rousing game of volleyball, teasing reluctant smiles out of his gruff old uncles. He’d been the first to come running if one of his aunts needed help, and his mother had rarely been left wanting for something before Peter made it happen.
If anyone had embraced life, Peter had, and before the accident, Siddah had been fun. She’d laughed readily, joined in any excursion or activity Peter suggested, and she’d put together a fair share of them, herself. If Peter had walked into the party today, he probably wouldn’t recognize the shell she’d become.
With her eyes still closed, she imagined him walking around the yard, talking and laughing with the members of his family, serving the volleyball, jumping up to the net for a spike. She imagined him turning to look at her, but the face she saw wasn’t Peter’s. The image of Gabe and his grin made her heart turn over in her chest.
His laugh sounded from somewhere nearby, and her eyes flew open. She looked for him and felt an odd sensation of comfort when she saw him near the volleyball net, a gaggle of kids around him clamoring for the ball he held just out of reach.
His eyes met hers, and the breath left her lungs. What was wrong with her? It was Peter she loved. Peter she would always love. So why was she entertaining this attraction to his brother?
She tried to convince herself that she wasn’t drawn to Gabe, but that was the funny thing about attraction. Once it happened, the thing was done. You can’t undo your awareness of another person once you’ve found it. And Siddah wouldn’t be able to turn off this feeling now that she’d really acknowledged it.
Was she just missing Peter? Seeking a substitute? She looked away quickly, but it wasn’t so easy to still the beating of her heart or stop the trembling of her hands. She told herself it was just the exhaustion finally getting the best of her, that’s all. Teresa and Helene were right. She did need to rest.
But Siddah had never been one to lie to herself, and she couldn’t do it now. It wasn’t Gabe’s resemblance to Peter that drew her. It was the quiet way he honored what she was feeling, the way he seemed to know what she needed without even asking. It was the way he stood up for what he believed, no matter what kind of pressure people put on him.
She was drawn to him, not because of his similarities to Peter, but because of their differences. But now that she knew, what on earth was she was going to do about it?
IN THE GATHERING TWILIGHT, Siddah picked her way along the path beside the river, careful not to trip over rocks or exposed roots. She’d laughed more in the past few hours than she had in the past two years, and her cheeks actually hurt a little from smiling so much.
All the fun had made her lose track of time, and only the rapidly approaching evening and a comment from one of Gabe’s cousins had reminded her that school would be starting in the morning. Much as she hated to leave, she had to get Bobby into bed, or he’d never get up.
Relishing the cool of the evening after the heat of the day, she moved along the riverbank. Water splashed over rocks along the banks and the setting sun winked off the deeper water in the middle of the river. She’d never found the solace so many people seemed to enjoy in the forest or the side of a mountain but, then, the towering mountains had made her feel almost claustrophobic when she first came to Montana. Tonight, after a day filled with good company, with the gentle breeze stirring the treetops, Siddah began to understand the pull of this place.
Gabe’s cousin Olivia had mentioned seeing a group of boys heading off in this direction, and Siddah had offered to find them. Her friend Ivy and Teresa had been right. She had needed to relax and let go. She felt better than she could remember feeling in a long, long time.
Humming softly under her breath, she rounded a
curve on the path, realized Gabe was standing just a few feet in front of her and stopped abruptly. He stood with his eyes closed, his face lifted toward the sky, and the evening chill disappeared as she watched him.
There was something almost boyishly appealing about the expression on his face, but that was the only thing boyish about him. Broad shoulders tapered to a trim waist and narrow hips, and every inch was solidly muscled from the years he’d spent in the jungle.
She must have made a noise, because his eyes opened and he turned his head slowly toward her. When he saw her, a slow smile spread across his face. “Hey there.”
His voice was low and strangely intimate, and made her warm all over. “Hey.”
“Looking for the kids?”
She nodded. “Olivia said she saw them come this way with Jarrod, but that was a little while ago. Have you seem them?”
“I think they’re just up at the fallen log. Want me to get them?”
“Thanks, but it’s nice out tonight and I’m enjoying the walk.” Noting the maze of fallen logs in the undergrowth, she smiled. “Just tell me, is there anything I need to know to find the fallen log?”
Gabe grinned and her heart gave another little skip. “How about I just show you where they are?”
“That might be easier,” she admitted. “Is it far?”
“Not really, but it is a little way.” He moved aside on the path and waited for her to join him. “I saw you playing volleyball earlier. I had no idea you were such a good player.”
“It’s the one sport I know something about,” she said with a smile. “That and badminton.”
“Ah…you’re well-rounded.” His gaze dipped to her breasts and back to her eyes. Even Siddah couldn’t miss the desire smoldering in their depths. “In sports.”
She smiled, surprised by how much she liked knowing that he found her attractive. “Yes. In sports.”