by Amber Garza
Our eyes lock. My hands move in her hair, my face nearing hers. I lick my lips, ready to feel her mouth on mine. My only regret is that I didn’t do this sooner. When she scoots nearer to me, my heart soars. I tilt my face, our lips so close I can feel her breath on my mouth. Our lips almost touch, when suddenly her hands come up and she turns her head.
“No, I can’t do this.” Pushing away from me, she slides off the bed. “I’m sorry.”
My heart sinks. “Please don’t tell me you’re picking him.”
Falling to her knees in front of me, she knots our fingers together. “Cruz, you’ve been my best friend my entire life. I care about you in a way I’ve never cared about anyone.”
This doesn’t sound like the words of someone who is about to declare their undying love. I guess I overestimated Sloane’s feelings for me. I wasn’t anticipating how awful it would feel if I was rejected by her. “Why do I feel like there’s a but coming?”
She bites her lip. “I’m afraid to mess up what we have.” Her eyes plead with mine. “We won’t, will we?”
That’s what she’s worried about? Our friendship? Hope sparks once again. “No.” I squeeze her fingers, needing to reassure her. “You’ll always be my best friend, no matter what. I promise.”
“Okay, because I can’t lose you. Ever.”
“You won’t.” I lower my head again, my pulse racing. “So we’re in agreement then?”
“Not quite.” She draws back.
“Why not?”
“I need some time to think. You just sort of sprung this on me.”
“Not really, Sloane. You’ve had a lifetime to know how you feel about me.” Disappointment sinks into my gut.
She releases my hands and stands up. “But I like him too.”
“Seriously?” I push off the bed and stand up. She’s known the guy for like two seconds. How can she be this torn?
“And what about Tara?”
“Tara?”
She shoots me a pointed look. “Yeah, you know, the girl you’re dating.”
“Oh.” I wave away her words. “No. We just went out the one time. I broke it off after the wedding.”
Sloane nods. “Okay, but I need some time to figure this out. Can you give me that?”
Taking a step forward, I reach for her. “Yeah. I can do that. But I need you to do something for me.”
“What’s that?” Her expression is wary.
My arms circle here waist, drawing her to me. “I think we need to even the playing field. I think even Mr. Football would agree that it’s only fair.”
She cocks her head to one side. “What does that mean?”
“It means that he got to kiss you, so now I should be able to.” I yank her so close that our heartbeats mingle together.
“No. I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be right. I’m dating Adam.”
“It’s not like he’ll ever find out.”
“But I’ll know.” Her hands ripple over my chest, the pads of her fingers gingerly touching me through my shirt. It makes me want to take it off again. To feel her fingertips on my bare flesh. “He’s a nice guy. He deserves honesty.”
“Okay.” I throw up my arms, unable to listen to her mention that guy. It’s bad enough that I can’t get the image of the two of them kissing out of my mind. “I don’t want to hear about him.”
“Fair enough.” She smiles. “I just want to do this right, Cruz. I want to treat you both with the respect you deserve.”
“Maybe I should take my shirt off again. Get you all hot and bothered.” I wink.
She rolls her eyes, pushing me away. “You wish.”
“I think you’re the one wishing.”
She sighs, and I worry that I pushed too hard. I’m just so used to teasing her. “I should probably go.” Before leaving she stops and studies me a moment. “Are we good? I mean, you understand, right?”
“I wish you were as sure about your feelings for me as I am about my feelings for you. But I get that you need some time, Sloane, and I’m okay with that. And I understand that you need to sort things out with Adam. Your loyalty is one of the things I’ve always loved about you.”
“Wow, you’re taking this well.”
“It’s just because I know you’ll pick me.” I grin. “I’m sure of it.”
“There’s that humility I love so much.” She giggles, and I savor that wonderful, melodious sound I love. “I’ll be back soon.”
“I can’t wait,” I say as she leaves my room.
21
sloane
Adam doesn’t seem surprised when I text him. In fact, he responds as if he’d been waiting for me to contact him. It makes me feel guilty about my mixed feelings. I mean, I like Adam a lot. And before Cruz admitted his feelings to me, I thought I wanted to be with Adam for a long time. I had even been hoping our relationship would progress. Now I don’t know what to do. And I can’t ignore the fact that I almost kissed Cruz. And even though I didn’t, I wanted to. Badly.
Ugh. This is crazy. I can’t believe this is happening to me.
As I drive to the coffee shop to meet Adam, my mind flies to all the plans we had for the rest of the summer. The fireworks show this week, the trips to the lake with his family. Not to mention that ever since we started dating I’d been fantasizing about how cool it would be if I was his girlfriend when school started. This thought stops me cold. Is that the only reason I want to be with Adam? Because he’s popular? Because of the way it will make me look?
I lower my foot to the gas and turn into the parking lot of the coffee shop feeling conflicted. Adam is already there, standing outside of his truck. He has one hand shoved into the pocket of his jeans as he leans against his truck. He looks so hot that my heart skips a beat. As I hop out of my car, snatching my purse off the front seat, my earlier panic wanes. I know that’s not the only reason I’m dating Adam. I truly like him. I’ve had a crush on him for years, and now that I’ve gotten to know him, I like him even more.
Relief is replaced by dread as Adam flashes me one of his heart-stopping smiles. Choosing between Cruz and Adam is going to be harder than I thought.
He greets me with a light peck on the cheek. The feel of his lips on my skin reminds me of our kiss the other night. It also reminds me of how close I came to kissing Cruz just moments earlier. Seriously, what am I going to do? When I was with Cruz I thought I knew what I wanted. It seemed that my feelings for him were stronger than my feelings for Adam. But now that I’m with Adam, I’m not so sure. As he places his hand on the small of my back, I’m confused further. His touch sends shock waves through my body, and shivers up my spine.
I’m in a daze as we order our drinks and make our way over to an empty round table in the corner. After plunking down in the seat across from Adam, I nervously run my fingers over the handle on my ceramic mug. My mind is racing as I try to come up with what to say.
“Is something going on between you and Cruz?” Adam asks.
I guess I didn’t need to worry so much about how to start this conversation.
“No, nothing’s going on really.” An image flashes in my mind of Cruz holding me, begging me to kiss him. My body heats up. “Um…I mean, I don’t know. It’s complicated.”
“When we first started dating I asked you about your relationship with Cruz, and you assured me that you were just friends. Were you lying?” His eyes pierce mine.
Staring into my coffee cup, I feel sick. “No, I wasn’t. We are just friends. I mean, we were just friends.” I press the heel of my hand into my forehead. “God, I don’t know what to say. This is all so confusing.” Taking a deep breath, I lower my hand and look up at Adam. Gathering my thoughts, I square my shoulders. Adam deserves an explanation. I’ve got to get it together. “Cruz is my best friend, and I’ve never really thought of him as anything more. Until now.”
“It was the song, wasn’t it?”
I nod.
“Yeah.” One side of Adam’s mouth curves up a bit. Not quite a
smile, but sort of. “It was pretty obvious that it was about you.”
“I honestly didn’t know he felt that way.”
Adam nods. “I know. I could tell by how freaked out you got. It was pretty clear you weren’t expecting it.” Reaching across the table, his hand covers mine. “But I need to know how you feel now. Do you want to be with him?”
This is the question I was dreading. I don’t want to lose Adam. Dating him has been amazing, a dream come true. But I know that my feelings for Cruz are more than just friendship. Maybe they always have been. And now that I’ve faced them, I’m not sure I’ll be able to ignore them anymore. No longer can I live in blissful denial. God, it took every ounce of willpower I had not to kiss him earlier today.
“I don’t know,” I finally say.
Adam draws his hand back, and I feel it like a slap in the face.
“But I like you a lot,” I say quickly. “I’ve liked you for so long, Adam. I never want to hurt you. I’m really sorry about this.”
“Hey, we never said this was exclusive.” He shrugs. “Besides, you didn’t know the dude was gonna write a song about you.” Smiling, he leans forward. “Wish I had known. Maybe I would’ve done it first. One upped the guy.”
I freeze. “You would’ve written a song about me?”
“Song writing’s not really my thing, so probably not.” He winks, causing me to melt a little. “Just wishful thinking, I guess.”
“So where does that leave us?” I have to know. If he’s through with me, I need him to tell me now. My heart can only take so much today.
“That’s up to you.”
I’m sure he thinks this is a good answer, but honestly, I don’t want to be the one making this decision. My emotions are all over the place. I have no idea what to do. “The truth is that I don’t know what I want. I like you both.” I lower my gaze. “But I know that sounds selfish.”
“Tell you what.” His hand snakes across the table, linking with mine. “How about we don’t make any decisions today?”
Curling my fingers around his, I smile. “I like that idea.”
“We’ll just hang out, be together, enjoy each other’s company. No preconceived notions or strings attached.”
My chest expands with each word as if a weight is being lifted from my chest. “Thanks. I like the sound of that.”
“Me too.” He smiles from across the table, his thumb swirling over my palm, causing a chill to shoot up my arm. “I meant what I said the other day. I really like you, Sloane.”
God, he’s killing me here. The relief I felt a few seconds earlier is replaced by choking panic. I’m going to have to decide at some point, and it’s going to be awful. They’re both amazing guys. When this happens in a book I read or movie I watch, it seems pretty awesome. In fact, it’s safe to say I’ve been jealous of the girl since she has two guys that want her. Isn’t that every girl’s fantasy? But really, this isn’t fun at all. I mean, sure it makes me feel good that both Adam and Cruz like me. However, with that comes the sick revelation that I’m going to end up hurting one of them. And there’s nothing fun about that.
With my free hand I reach for my coffee cup and lift it to my lips. The mocha tastes sweet on my tongue, chocolate flavor coating my mouth. When I lower the cup, I look around the room. The place is packed with people. Many are on their laptops, there is a lady at a table with two children, another couple drinking coffee across the room. The line is several people long, and there is a couple leaving with paper cups in their fists, his hand on her back. Wait a minute. No, it can’t be. Not again. Is coffee their thing or what? They turn the corner after walking out of the coffee shop, and I catch the man’s profile in the window. Yep. It’s definitely my dad.
I can’t believe this is happening. There’s no way that girl is just a colleague from work. I can’t ignore this any longer. When I get home I have to talk to my parents and find out what’s going on. Bile rises in my throat. I breathe in through my nose and exhale out through my mouth to ward off the nausea.
“You okay?” Adam squeezes my fingers.
“Yeah,” I lie. “I’m fine.”
Of course Dad isn’t home when Adam drops me off. He rarely is lately. Apparently he’s too busy to spend time with his family, but not too busy to get coffee with beautiful, young women. Bitterness seeps into my veins, poisoning my insides. But I shove the feelings down as Adam walks me up to the front door. The fact that he even wants to still hang out with me after everything that’s happened is pretty surprising. I don’t need to screw it up any further.
“So, can I call you later?” Adam asks, a little shyly, endearing me to him even more.
“Yeah.” I smile, facing him. “I look forward to it.”
He steps closer to me. “Hey, I want you to know that there’s no pressure on my end, okay?” His finger sweeps across my cheek as I nod. “I just like hanging out with you.” His head tilts to mine. “And kissing you.” His lips close over mine, his mouth tasting like chocolate and coffee. Reaching up, I clutch the back of his neck, as his arms wrap around my waist. When his tongue darts between my lips sliding over my tongue, my mind flies across the street. I chase it right inside the Vargas home, down the hall and into Cruz’s room. Cruz’s chocolate brown eyes fill my head, the intensity of his gaze, and the feel of his hands as they gently drew me close. Damn it, why am I thinking of him right now? Guilty, I wrestle with my thoughts, making them return to Adam.
When we part, Adam smiles at me and throws me a wink. “I’ll call you.”
“Okay.” I nod as he whirls around and swaggers to his car. My eyes shift to Cruz’s window, his blinds shut. Thank god he’s not standing outside. The last thing I need is for him to see me kissing Adam again. Adam waves from his car while pulling away from the curb. As I wave back I think about how cool he was about all of this. He didn’t seem to care if I made a decision or not.
Remembering how desperate Cruz was about it gives me pause. Adam seemed fine with me continuing to date him while I explored my feelings for Cruz. I know Cruz wouldn’t be okay with me stringing him along. He wants me all to himself, and he wants me now. I can tell that sharing me with Adam has been like ripping his heart out one piece at a time. And didn’t I feel the same way about him dating Tara? I couldn’t figure out why she bothered me so much. Could it have been because deep down I have been harboring feelings for him? The truth is that I’ve never really liked when Cruz dates other girls. I mean, I’ve dealt with it. But if I’m being entirely honest, it’s always sort of bothered me.
“Sloane?”
I whip around at the sound of Mom’s voice. She stands in the doorway, her arms crossed. She’s wearing shorts and a t-shirt, her hair down.
“Are you all right? You’re standing out here staring at the street.” Her lips curl in amusement.
“No. I’m not okay,” I say, my stomach souring. “I need to talk with you about something.”
“Okay.” Mom draws the word out, a wary expression on her face.
As I follow her inside I wonder if she knows what I’m going to ask her. By the time we enter the family room, I’m starting to regret saying anything. Maybe I don’t want to know. Perhaps I can just put it all behind me. Facing it might be too hard. Steadying myself on the arm of the couch, I breathe deeply.
“Sloane.” Mom touches my arm, her skin silky and smelling of vanilla. “Sit down.”
Her eyes betray that she knows what I’m about to say. There’s truth and quiet resolve written inside. Nodding, I swallow hard and sit next to Mom. The couch springs squeak like I sat on a mouse.
“What do you need to talk about?” Mom calmly slides her palms over her thighs.
It’s now or never. Sitting up straight, I think about Cruz’s words when he told me there was probably a reasonable explanation. I cling to that like it’s truth as I open my mouth. “Mom, I saw Dad with another woman today at the coffee shop. Actually, I’ve seen him with her twice.”
She bobs her he
ad slowly up and down, her lips pressed into a thin line. Her fingers tremble slightly in her lap. “Kacey.”
“You know her name?” I’m dumbfounded.
“Of course. He told me all about her.”
“And you’re okay with it?” The room spins around me. How can she be okay with this? Have I walked into an alternate universe or something?
“I don’t really have a choice.” She rotates the wedding ring on her finger, fiddling with it nervously.
“What do you mean you don’t have a choice? He’s cheating on you, Mom. You have to do something.” The memory of me almost kissing Cruz sparks in my mind, but I shake it away. That was different. Adam and I aren’t married. We’re not even exclusive. He said so himself.
Mom’s hand flies to her mouth. “Cheating? Is that what you think? Oh, god, no.” Her hand drops from her mouth and touches my arm. “Honey, your father’s not having an affair.”
“He’s not?”
“No. Kacey’s not his mistress. She’s his daughter.”
Daughter? The words slam into me like a freight train, stealing my breath. “But that’s not possible. Regan and I are his daughters.”
Mom’s face softens, her eyes crinkling around the corners. “Sloane, before your dad and I met he had been engaged to another woman. Apparently when your dad broke things off with her she had been pregnant, but she didn’t tell him. He just found out.”
“Why now?”
“Kacey sought him out. They’ve been trying to get to know one another.” Mom smiles. “I know you’re probably upset. I was at first too. But I’ve learned to accept it, and you will too.”